I did. No matter what Trey's other faults were, he was good-hearted and honest. If anyone was at fault for bad behavior here, it was Angeline.
"I'm actually more surprised that you'd get involved with someone like her, period." I didn't need to elaborate that "someone like her" referred to her being a dhampir.
Trey put his head on his desk. "I know, I know. It all just happened so fast. One day she's throwing a book at me. The next, we're making out behind the library."
"Ugh. That's a little more information than I needed." Glancing up, I saw that our chemistry teacher was still getting organized, giving Trey and me a little more time. "What are you going to do now?"
"What do you think? I have to end it. I shouldn't have let it get this far."
The Sydney from three months ago would have said of course he needed to end it. This one said, "Do you like her?"
"Yes, I - " He paused and then lowered his voice. "I think I love her. Is that nuts? After only a few weeks?"
"No - I don't know. I'm not really good at understanding that stuff." And by not really good, I actually meant terrible. "But if you feel like that . . . maybe . . . maybe you shouldn't throw it away."
Trey's eyes widened, and surprise completely replaced his blue mood. "Are you serious? How can you say that? Especially you of all people. You know how it is. You've got the same rules as us."
I could hardly believe what I was saying. "Her people don't, and they seem to be fine."
For a moment, I thought I saw a flicker of hope in his eyes, but then he shook his head again. "I can't, Sydney. You know I can't. It would eventually end in disaster. There's a reason our kinds don't mix. And if my family ever found out . . . God. I can't even imagine. There'd be no way I'd ever get back in."
"Do you really want to?"
He didn't answer that. Instead, he just told me, "It can't work. It's over." I'd never seen him look so miserable.
Class started, and that ended the discussion.
Eddie wasn't in our cafeteria at lunch. Jill sat with Angeline at a corner table and looked as though she was delivering a stern lecture. Maybe Jill hadn't felt comfortable consoling Eddie, but she certainly had no problem speaking out on his behalf. I didn't really want to hear Angeline's excuses or meet Jill's eyes, so I grabbed a sandwich and ate outside. I didn't have enough time to check Eddie's cafeteria, so I sent him a text.
Want to go out for coffee later?
Don't feel sorry for me, he responded. I hadn't known if he'd answer at all, so that was something.
I just want to talk. Please.
His next text wasn't nearly so fast, and I could almost imagine his mental battle. Okay, but after dinner. I have a study group. A moment later, he added, Not Spencer's. Trey worked at Spencer's.
Now that the Angeline drama was on hold, I was able to return to my own messed-up love life. I couldn't shake that image of Jill's expression. I couldn't forgive myself for losing control. And now, I had Trey's words bouncing around my head. It would eventually end in disaster. There's a reason our kinds don't mix.
As though summoned by my thoughts, Adrian texted me. You want to get the dragon today?
I'd forgotten all about the callistana. He'd stayed with Adrian during my St. Louis trip, and now it was my turn. Since Adrian couldn't transform him back into quartz, the dragon had been in his true form all weekend.
Sure, I wrote back.
My stomach was in knots when I drove to Adrian's place later. I'd had the rest of the day to think about my options, and I'd finally reached an extreme one.
When he opened the door, his face was aglow - until he saw mine. His expression transformed to equal parts exasperation and sadness. "Oh no. Here it comes," he said.
I stepped inside. "Here what comes?"
"The part where you tell me last night was a mistake and that we can't ever do it again."
I looked away. That was exactly what I'd been going to say. "Adrian, you know this can't work."
"Because Moroi and humans can't be together? Because you don't feel the same way about me?"
"No," I said. "Well, not entirely. Adrian . . . Jill saw it all."
For a moment, he didn't seem to understand. "What do you - oh. Shit."
"Exactly."
"I never even think of that anymore." He sat down on the couch and stared off into space. The callistana came scurrying into the room and perched on the arm of the couch. "I mean, I know it happens. We even talked about it with other girls. She understands."
"Understands?" I exclaimed. "She's fifteen! You can't subject her to that."
"Maybe you were an innocent at fifteen, but Jill's not. She knows how the world works."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Well, I'm not one of your other girls! I see her every day. Do you know how hard it was to face her? Do you know what it feels like to know she saw me doing that? And, God, what if there'd been more?"
"So, what's this mean exactly?" he asked. "You finally come around, and now you're going to just end things because of her?"
"Kissing you isn't exactly 'coming around.'"
He gave me a long, level look. "There was a lot more than kissing, Miss 'I'm a Quick Study'"
I tried not to show how embarrassed I was about that now. "And that's exactly why this is all over. I'm not going to let Jill see that again."
"So you admit it could happen again?"
"Theoretically, yes. But I'm not going to give us the chance."
"You're going to avoid ever being alone with me again?"
"I'm going to avoid you, period." I took a deep breath. "I'm going to go with Marcus to Mexico."
"What?" Adrian jumped up and strode over to me. I immediately backed up. "What happened to you working undercover?"
"That only works if I can stay undercover! You think I can pull that off if I'm sneaking around with you?"
"You're with me half the time already!" I couldn't tell if he was angry or not, but he was clearly upset. "Nobody notices. We'll be careful."
"All it takes is one slipup," I said. "And I don't know if I can trust myself anymore. I can't risk the Alchemists finding out about you and me. I can't risk exposing Jill to what we'd do together. They'll send another Alchemist to look after her, and hopefully Stanton will take precautions against the Warriors."
"Jill knows I can't put my life on hold."
"You should," I snapped.
Now he was angry. "Well, you'd know all about that since you're an expert in denying yourself the things you want. And now you're going to leave the country to make sure you can deprive yourself even more."