Chapter 288: You’re Very Lucky!
Translator: Novel Saga Editor: Novel Saga
The sounds of two coughs were heard. Then, the old and decrepit teacher of the Wenxing Heavenly literature Institute —Mei Gao Jie— stood up. His body seemed to be trembling under the effect of those coughs. He faced the Emperor, and cupped his hands in salute. Then, he turned around and greeted the rest of the crowd in the same manner, “Your Majesty; respected seniors… this Golden Scholarly Talent Feast is the finest arrangement this humble man had ever seen. This old man sincerely wishes His Majesty and his lineage the best of fortunes on behalf of the Wenxing Heavenly Literature Institute. May the heavens watch over His Majesty and my Tian Xiang. May the people of the nation always prosper! May the military sweep over the entire continent and unify the land under Tian Xiang’s banners. May the entire land prosper under His Majesty’s grace! We thank His Majesty’s vast and unbounded benevolence to rise above the norms of Imperial Examination and allow scholars like myself to prosper…”
He had drawn a long breath to speak this entire passage in one shot. However, it sounded like it was only the beginning of his speech. He was about to get to the main topic of his speech… when a grumbling voice was heard, “How can you eat so much at such a majestic Imperial Feast… Fatty! I understand that you have a big belly. But you have to realize that there are more people around. You’ve finished an entire table worth of food on your own in such a short period of time…”
The sound of this voice was very low. In fact, it had seemed as if the speaker had deliberately lowered his volume. However, the entire hall had solemnly silenced to listen to Mei Gao Jie’s speech; there was pin-drop silence in the hall. Therefore, everyone heard these remarks rather clearly, and their faces started to reveal a queer complexion…
The speaker was none other than Jun Mo Xie. The Young Master Jun had his heart set on disrupting matters. He obviously wouldn’t have allowed this opportunity to pass-by. As far as the accused was concerned — Tang Yuan merely gazed back at him with a stupefied yet innocent expression on his face. He held half-a-crab in his hand. [Who eats more amongst the two of us Elder Brother? That’s obviously me. I do eat a lot, but did I touch your half of the dish? So… why would you accuse me?]
Mei Gao Jie was in the middle of delivering a very moving speech. However, he was suddenly interrupted. He obviously couldn’t help but become angry. Moreover, the disturbance had been caused by an utterly shameless person, and for an utterly shameless reason. His lips started to tremble in anger as he turned. However, another gong-like voice sounded; it had a disdainful tone to it, “I’ve seen shameless people, but I’ve never seen someone this shameless. The person who tries to devour the best dishes by himself has the nerve to falsely accuse the others… what’s happened to people…”
This voice belonged to Dugu Ying. Dugu Ying had been fighting over the bear paw from the beginning. Hence, he was obviously very angry. Therefore, he deliberately raised his voice to express his dissatisfaction. However, he was far more robust that the Young Master Jun. This was merely his normal speech-volume, but it was akin to an average person’s shouting-volume-level. The Young Master Jun had successfully managed to cause more mischief since everyone in the crowd had heard this ruckus. The event’s proceedings were getting disrupted, but Jun Mo Xie’s plan was only finding more success.
Jun Mo Xie’s spirits were lifted to see that someone had unknowingly lent him a hand. He twitched his mouth, “And now I can’t eat fast, huh? Nonsense! Your family has brought more people than any other family. Your family must suffer to feed those hungry mouths of yours. They must’ve gone bankrupt. And now you sit your plump butts on this table. I reckon I wouldn’t even be able to taste the soup if I didn’t eat quickly enough…”
Tang Yuan stood-up to resolve the dispute, “Third Young Master… his reaction is understandable. You see… he knows he doesn’t have to pay for this food.”
Even the Emperor was unable to restrain his laughter as he heard these words. He issued a strange “Pfff” sound as he muffled the sound of his laughter. The faces of the other old men in the hall revealed strange smiling expressions as they attempted to restrain their laughter. However, Dugu Ying stared at the Fatty; it seemed as if he’d eat Tang Yuan whole.
The solemnly silence hall was suddenly overcome with ‘pfff’ sounds as everyone clutched their mouths to muffle their laughter.
Old Man Mei Gao Jie had started to tremble with anger. He was about to speak-up when a peculiar voice mocked, “The Jun Family is genuinely very arrogant, ah. Its reputation is fully justified!” Everyone turned their gazes to follow the source of the sound. The speaker was a white clothed youngster seated around the table that was reserved for the feast’s guests of honor — the Silver Blizzard City’s Xiao Feng Wu.
Xiao Feng Wu was aware of the matter between his Uncle Xiao Han and Jun Family’s Jun Wu Yi. Moreover, the Little Princess Han Yan Meng hadn’t stopped gloating about having a nephew ever since she had returned from the Jun Family’s residence. This had obviously made Young Master Xiao very uncomfortable. Therefore, he had taken the initiative and spoken such ironic words.
“And who are you?” Jun Mo Xie pretended as if he didn’t recognize the man he had beaten-up.
“I’m surnamed Xiao; I’m Xiao Feng Wu from the Xiao Family of Silver Blizzard City!” Xiao Feng Wu eyebrows shot-up. He pulled out a folding fan from his bosom, and started to sway it in a confident and easy manner.
“That’s a good name!” Li You Ran was quick to speak-up, “Elder Brother Xiao has a very refined name! It feels like a breath of fresh air!” The enemy’s enemy is a friend. The Jun and the Xiao Family hated each other. How on earth could Li You Ran not exploit this?
“He he… now that you’ve mentioned it… there’s a short story behind the origin of my name.” Xiao Feng Wu was feeling awfully pleased with himself. Li You Ran had scratched his itch. Therefore, he started to explain, “My mother had a dream one evening before I was to be born… in the dream she saw a beautiful phoenix in the sky. The phoenix landed on a Parasol tree. Therefore, she named me Feng Wu.”[1]
“Your name is indeed bestowed by the heavens,” Li You Ran applauded. There was a look of admiration on his face.
“Ha ha…” Jun Mo Xie burst into laughter.
“Why are you laughing?” Xiao Feng Wu seemed angry. He was enjoying a moment of pride. How could he allow interruptions?
“Nothing. I was just wondering… you mother must be very talented. She dreamt of a phoenix land on a parasol tree, and then named you so beautifully… Feng Wu…”
It seemed as if the Young Master Jun couldn’t restrain his laughter. He swayed back and forth for a moment, and then continued, “Your mother dreamt of a phoenix land on a Parasol tree… but what would you’ve been named if she had instead dreamt of a chicken land on a Banana tree? Imagine that! She dreamt a good dream at the appropriate time. You’re very lucky!”
His Majesty chocked on his wine. His face turned red as he coughed for a while; he was literally between laughter and tears.
[A dream of a chicken landing on a Banana Tree…?] Then, everyone attached these words to Xiao Feng Wu’s surname. Suddenly, everyone came to see the truth… [2]
Everyone wanted to burst into laughter. However, they were terrified of the Silver Blizzard City’s might. Therefore, everyone restrained their laughter. Some people almost chocked in the process.
“What are you trying to say?” Xiao Feng Wu didn’t get it at first. He then subconsciously pondered over that line for a moment. Suddenly, his face froze, “Jun Mo Xie! How dare you abuse me?”
“Abuse you? When did I abuse you?” Jun Mo Xie exposed an innocent face, “You think you can say whatever you want because you’re from the Silver Blizzard City? You need to catch a couple in the act if you wish to accuse them of adultery. You must find the stolen items before you accuse a thief. It’s necessary to have evidence!”
“You abused my name!” Xiao Feng Wu couldn’t control his anger. He bellowed out of humiliation, “Jun Mo Xie, I will kill you!”
“The Silver Blizzard City is very powerful. It is worthy of being called the most powerful force in the world.” Jun Mo Xie shook his head in admiration, “But you are in our country at the moment… as the Emperor’s guests. You were invited to this feast in the Imperial Palace as the guest of honor. However, you threaten to murder the only heir of a powerful family… and that too in front of every official of the Empire… and the Emperor as well? I must admire your courage, ah!”
The faces of the ministers and the officials suddenly became unsightly.
[Ah! He threatened to kill the Jun Family’s sole heir in front of the Emperor! Just how arrogant would he become if he were allowed to leave this Imperial Palace?]
Xiao Han quickly stood up, and forced his nephew to sit down. He then cupped his hands and apologized, “Young Feng Wu doesn’t know much about life. He merely acted on impulse. Please forgive him.” Xiao Han didn’t care much for the royalty. However, he didn’t wish to incite trouble against the Royal Family of an entire nation for no reason. After all, they had an ancient treaty of alliance. Moreover, the Emperor had called them in good faith. Therefore, even the Silver Blizzard City’s Lord wouldn’t appreciate it if they were to incite trouble in Tian Xiang under such circumstances.
The Emperor smiled magnanimously to indicate that no harm was done.
Jun Mo Xie was forced to sit down. However, Dugu Xiao Yi had taken the opportunity to gather a lot of food dishes. She opened her black and white eyes wide as she curiously asked, “Chicken landing on the Banana tree… and the name stands for?”
Jun Mo Xie nearly tumbled into the table when he heard her question. He picked his face up after some time, and wiped his nose, “Ask your brothers okay? They know it. I’ve just spoken so many words… I need to save my saliva.”
Dugu Xiao Yi grunted and turned towards Dugu Ying. Dugu Ying’s face flushed with embarrassment in a split second. How could an elder brother explain this matter to his younger sister? He fiercely looked as Jun Mo Xie as he refused to answer her question. Dugu Xiao Yi wasn’t satisfied. So, she pouted her mouth and started to throw tantrums. The seven Dugu Brothers were left perplexed at the awkwardness of the situation.
The atmosphere in the Imperial Hall had become somewhat awkward. Therefore, the other teacher of the Institute — Kong Ling Yang — stood and spoke, “The young masters of the major families battled it out with the disciples of our Wenxing Heavenly literature Institute the last year. Our Wenxing Heavenly literature Institute won… but only by fluke. But Grand Preceptor Li’s grandson, the Young Master Li, remained unbeaten and excessively impressive. There are many disciples today who wish to consult with Young Master Li… would he be interested?”
Everyone’s spirits started to rise. This was the highlight of the event.
The Wenxing Heavenly literature Institute’s disciples had carried a strange gleam in their eyes since the moment they had entered the hall. They didn’t care for the delicious food or the exquisite wine. They had merely been waiting for this moment. If they could somehow prove themselves better than Tian Xiang City’s number-one scholar Li You Ran… their future would have boundless prospects.
Li You Ran smiled elegantly. He gentle rose to his feet, looked around and said, “This humble You Ran isn’t worthy of raising difficult questions for such talented scholars. However, there is one man who has won You Ran’s admiration. Therefore, I would like to challenge that man…”
“Who is that talented young man, Young Master Li?” everyone asked in unison. [Is there someone in the Tian Xiang City who is capable of competing against Li You Ran? Someone even Li You Ran admires? But why haven’t I heard about this man before?] The eyes of everyman present expressed the confusion of their minds.
“The Young Master of the Jun Family — Jun Mo Xie!” Li You Ran solemnly stated and pointed towards Jun Mo Xie in order to point-out his target clearly. Jun Mo Xie couldn’t help but stare at Li You Ran as he continued to nibble on a mouthful of the greasy chicken-leg he held in his hand.
[Sh*t! You publicly trapped me?!]
[This could cause a wild uproar!]
Notes:
Feng means phoenix. Wu is the gene for parasol trees. Xiao means desolate (different from Xiao=little).
This is a tough joke to get. And very explicit. So, we’ll stick to translation… the rest is to your imagination… The word for ‘chicken’ is also a slang for ‘prostit*te’. So ahm... imagine the shape of the banana tree, and read the line again.