Chapter 374: I Want to ‘Cook Rice’ with You, Jun Mo Xie
Translator: Novel Saga Editor: Novel Saga
[What’s the reason behind a man carrying an aphrodisiac on him? What could be the possible reason behind that? We have our wives and concubines. So, that should be enough to get the thing in our pocket working. Then, there are famous brothels everywhere. And, one could easily settle their physiological problems there. So, why would a man require an aphrodisiac? It can only be regarded as a tool of the vilest men!]
[Wouldn’t a man who’d pull out an aphrodisiac at this time be telling everyone that ‘I am an extremely rogue character?’]
[Wouldn’t things become crystal clear? How would that man save his honor after that?]
The ten huge warriors stood with their mouths open and shoulders slumped. And, they had a confused expression on their face. They didn’t know how to respond to her. In fact, they looked like wooden figures…
"I only wish to study this so I can prepare an antidote; that’s all. This act stems from benevolence. There’s nothing wrong with it. Why do you have such an expression of your faces?" Dugu Xiao Yi stiffened her mouth as she tried to convince them in a patient manner, "Besides, I will study the aphrodisiac, and form an antidote if you give me a sample of it. Then, all the women around the world wouldn’t need to worry anymore. You don’t know how many sisters will be grateful to you. You men will have provided a great service to the world!"
Everyone remained quiet as their faces turned dark.
[You obviously won’t do anything bad. Because… you don’t have the skills required to do anything bad even if you wanted to. Besides, you won’t gain anything from this… apart from making us look bad…]
"C’mon, hand it over, hand it over. Hand it over at once!" Dugu Xiao Yi had a fervent expression on her face as she stretched her hand.
"No, Young Lady!" the leader of the troops replied.
"You give it to me, and I won’t tell anyone that it came from you. That should make things easier for you," Dugu Xiao Yi became even more amiable.
"I don’t have it! I genuinely don’t, ah!" The leader of the troops broke out in a cold sweat. [I will be relived of my duty the moment I return home if I give her the aphrodisiac. Moreover, there’s no guarantee that someone won’t torture me for it. So, I won’t relent from my stance even if I’m beaten to death today. Besides, I don’t even have it with me at this time…]
"We don’t have it!" the ten guards stood perfectly straight, and replied in a cold and loud manner. They were very clear on this point.
Moreover, they were all men of the military. So, they could suppress their desires for these rubbish things. There were still a few who couldn’t. But, wouldn’t the heads of such individuals be considered rotten?
"Fu*k!" Dugu Xiao Yi cursed sharply. She cursed ten more times, twisted her mouth, and slanted her eyes. Those men could’ve never imagined that this little girl could’ve cussed like that. "So, none amongst you powerful men has it…?"
The ten men nodded like ‘chicken pecking on rice grain’.
"All of you will be punished since none of you have it. Someone, come here!" Dugu Xiao Yi had a murderous look on her face as she said, "I want you to drag these men out, and give each of them a hundred heavy strikes with a military rod!"
Everyone was left dumbstruck by this.
[We don’t have the aphrodisiac on us. So, does that mean that honest and good individuals have committed a sin? We’re good men! In fact, we’re soldiers! We’re soldiers of the battlefield! Aren’t we being wronged here? What kind of logic is this?]
[Oh God, what reasoning is this?]
Special bodyguards entered like a pack of wolves after Dugu Xiao Yi gave that command. These men had been selected from the special team of Jun Mo Xie’s. The ten stupidest warriors from his platoon of two-hundred-and-fifty had been assigned to look after Dugu Xiao Yi. However, they were all toughened warriors. None of them cared whether the Young Lady’s orders were reasonable or not. And, they simply followed her order, and dragged her guards out in order to implement their punishment as per military law.
"Wait!" the leader of the troops was covered in cold sweat. [The others and I will be done for if these guys use those rods to give us a hundred strikes for military punishment. We just need to satisfy the Young Lady's conditions, right? We can report this to Young Lady Guan Qing Han later on, and we can request her to keep a close watch over our Young Lady. And, there won't be any accidents in that case. However, it would too unjust if we were to die over this matter…]
"Oh? You have it now?" Dugu Xiao Yi waved her hands, and signaled the special guards to leave as she asked in excitement.
"Skinny Monkey, you have some, right? I remember that you delightedly stashed some of it away when we left the Tian Xiang City. Get it out!" the leader of the troops gave a sharp stare to the skinniest of the ten guards, and spoke-up in an unquestionable tone.
"I... I... " that guy called 'skinny monkey’ blinked in a pitiful manner. The man didn't know how to respond to this situation. And, he couldn't believe that his own leader would betray him in the face of a threat of this punishment by a hundred military-rod beatings.
"What are you doing? Hurry up, and take it out!" the leader urged in an angry tone. He even scold ‘skinny monkey’ hatefully, "You’re a useless guy!"
"Uh… I got this to consume for myself. I thought that this ‘Tian Fa matter’ wouldn’t be a genuine military expedition. So, I had prepared for a relaxing return trip…" Then, he looked at his leader resentfully. His face reddened as he choked with rage and embarrassment.
Some people couldn’t help but make a grumbling noise as they smiled.
Explanations are given when one needs to conceal. And, one only needs to conceal the truth. What kind of a man would keep aphrodisiac on his person? One needn’t think too much to answer this question…
"Is this what men eat?" Dugu Xiao Yi’s eyes gleamed. "That’s excellent! Ah… that amount is barely enough. Hurry up, and hand it over! I’m anxious to research it!"
Skinny Monkey’s face looked gloomy and ashamed. He trembled as he put his hand in his bosom and fished out a small item wrapped in paper. The soldier was handing it over, but he had some misgivings. He could clearly feel his companions looking at him with a strange expression on their faces. Skinny Monkey felt like digging a hole, jumping into it, and burying himself therein.
He was indeed as good as dead!
He didn’t know how much money he would have to spend to shut the mouths of his companions. It would’ve been fine if only these guys knew about this. After all, they were all brothers. But, he would have no choice but to take out a knife and slit his throat with it if they talked about it to the others…
Dugu Xiao Yi realized that the man was still somewhat shy. She became impatient, jumped forward, and snatched the item away. She seemed very happy as she smiled mischievously. Then, she remembered that she had to maintain her appearance. So, she asked solemnly, "This thing… how does one use it?"
Skinny Monkey’s face became red. Even his neck turned a deep shade of red as he struggled to respond to that question, "You’ll have to pick it with your nails. Then, you’ll have to dissolve its contents in wine and drink it…"
"Pfft…" the group of men who stood behind him couldn’t help but burst out laughing. They quickly put their hands over their mouth, and started to cough as they chocked their laughs. However, their bodies continued to jerk. And, their facial muscles soon started to twist with the effort them were making…
"Oh?" Dugu Xiao Yi nodded in a graceful manner, and inquired further in a professional tone, "And, what will be the reaction? Will it have any harmful side effects on the body?"
"There won’t be… but the reaction… uh… the reaction…" Skinny Monkey’s forehead was covered in dripping beads of sweat. He genuinely didn’t know how to explain the specifics. And, his face had become the color of melted wax as a result…
The men who stood behind him acted in the same manner — they covered their mouths tightly with their hands, and clutched their stomachs as their bodies trembled...
"Oh! Got it, got it. You don’t have to explain further. All of you can leave now!" Dugu Xiao Yi’s face became red. She seemingly understood that her question wasn’t appropriate, and waved her hands. She had anyway made a wild guess. Everyone had started to leave in haste when Dugu Xiao Yi said, "Wait!" Everyone immediately stopped as they heard her.
"This matter is a secret. Do you understand? This is related to the happiness of millions of women. You can’t tell this to anyone!" Dugu Xiao Yi continued in a very dignified manner, "Especially my elder brothers. They particularly can’t come to know about this, alright? Ahem… I’m worried if they consume it… yes, that’s right… if they consume it… and given how much they eat… what might happen?"
[Huh? You’re afraid they’ll consume this? The sons of the Dugu Family don’t need to consume this.] Everyone’s complexion became strange. Dugu Xiao Yi’s brothers would’ve fainted after crazily spraying blood from their mouths if they had heard those words. They would’ve screamed… [We’re normally functioning men…]
However, these men saw Dugu Xiao Yi’s eyes go wide, "So, they mustn’t come to know about this! I’ll get mad if anyone tells them, and I’ll… I’ll swallow all of it! Did you hear or not?"
"We heard you!" Those men exited the tent as fast as they could. And then, they all threw themselves to the ground. After that, they burst out laughing, and started to roll on the ground. In fact, those men were laughing so hard that it seemed as if they’d die before they’d come to a stop.
"You… you…" Skinny Monkey was extremely angry and embarrassed. He stared wide-eyed at his leader. The skin of his cheeks trembled, but he couldn’t speak any further…
"Ha ha ha! This is so funny… I’ll die! Skinny Monkey has been that kind of a man all along! So that’s why you used to go missing whenever we would go to those brothels! Ha ha! Many Young Masters also consume such things! You should be proud of yourself brother!" Many clutched their bellies as they rolled on the ground. They suddenly broke into an even louder laughter as the bunch of them continued to roll on the ground.
Skinny Monkey’s face had turned swollen-purple by now. He shuddered slightly. Then, he grabbed onto a tree trunk, and started to hit his head against it ferociously…
He wanted to cry, but no tears came out…
They all laughed for a long while. Then, the leader of the troops coughed and spoke in a solemn tone, "We have laughed as much as we wanted to. Now, I request that no one leaks out today's matter to anyone else. We all know the consequences if this matter gets out. All of us would be done for! None of us would’ve been able to endure those hundred lashes today. So, you can imagine your fate if we receive the martial punishment for this matter. Do you understand?"
Everyone nodded to express that they’d keep this matter a secret.
"I must go and look for Young Lady Qing Han. I'll request her to keep a careful watch over our Young Lady. We mustn’t have a mishap on our hands because of this!" The leader of the family troops hurried away.
Dugu Xiao Yi took the item, covered the item in her handkerchief, and kept it in her chest pocket. She then looked around with a guilty look before she broke into a proud smile.
"Humph!" Dugu Xiao Yi felt very happy. In fact, she almost wanted to sing. She exposed her white teeth as she laughed, and bounced to the front of the mirror. The little girl then carefully inspected her teeth and muttered to herself, "I have my eyes on you. Where can you run off to? Jun Mo Xie, this Young Lady will force herself upon you. And, we will then ‘cook the rice’. And, it'll be too late to change anything after that happens. Can you still run from me? Humph! Elder Sister, don't begrudge this little sister for not being straightforward. He he he... how will you snatch him away this time?"
She seemed very pleased with herself. She smiled with delight as she pulled a face.
Dugu Xiao Yi had grown up in a big family, and didn’t understand such matters properly. Witnessing Jun Wu Yi speaking to Guan Qing Han in that regard had made her panic. So, she had come up with this strange plan…