“No. This gun is allergic to bitchiness.”
“Are you calling me a bitch?”
“No, I said you’re being bitchy. There is a difference.”
“Not really.” I took the gun from him and held it in front of me. I shot once, missed, and then hit the next three.
“Not bad,” Joey said.
“I’ve been practicing with Bryce.”
“I know. I’ve seen you.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, you’re getting pretty good.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. You’re still being bitchy.”
I frowned. “You’re still being a dumbass.”
Joey frowned, too. His tan T-shirt was already soaked with sweat. His arm muscles strained and glided every time he moved them, and I couldn’t help but wonder what the rest of him looked like.
“Why are you so mean all the time?” he asked, spitting on the ground next to him. “Is it because you’re trying to hide that you want me?”
Ick. He was so arrogant. “I wouldn’t want you if you were the last man on earth.”
“That’s just hateful.” He was a little hurt. I could see it in his eyes, and to my surprise, that softened me up a little.
I sighed. “I just don’t want you to know that I . . . I like you. A little. Not a lot.”
“You like me,” Joey said, more of a statement than a question.
“Not a lot,” I qualified.
“Haven’t you and Bryce been together since birth?”
“Close.”
“He doesn’t like me.”
“Not really, no,” I said, shaking my head.
“Is that why? Because he knows how you feel about me?”
“I don’t know. I don’t even know how I feel.”
“You just said you like me.”
I shrugged. “I like everyone.”
“No you don’t.”
“That’s true.”
Joey put the gun on safety, showed me, and then took a step closer. He was so close that I could feel his breath on my face, and see the sweat glisten between the thick, dark whiskers of his five o’clock shadow. He was so unlike anyone I would normally be attracted to, but then again, I didn’t know whom I would be attracted to because I’d been with Bryce for so long.
“I like you, too,” he said. And then he walked away, leaving me in a puddle of holy shit and inappropriate thoughts.
After several moments, I walked to the porch and sat on the top step. The storm door opened and closed, but it wasn’t until I saw two perfect legs that I knew who it was.
“Hey,” Ashley said.
“Hey.”
“You know what I miss?”
“Your flat iron?”
“Date night. You and me getting all dressed up and meeting Bryce and Coop somewhere fun. Just hanging out and talking about all the stupid stuff we used to do when we were kids.”
I smiled. “Yeah, that was fun.”
“You know what else I miss? Music.”
“Cheeseburgers.”
“Facebook.”
“Movies On Demand.”
Ashley laughed and shook her head. “I miss the mall.”
“In about a week, we’re going to miss toothpaste.”
Ashley looked at me in horror. “Are you serious?”
I shrugged. “Dad had a few boxes, but between nine people . . . it’s almost gone.”
“You know what else I miss?” she asked. I waited. “You being in love with Bryce.”
I craned my neck in her direction. She met my glare. “You don’t know anything about anything, Ashley.”
“I know what I saw in the field a minute ago. You better be careful. That guy in there loves you more than life itself. You don’t want to mess that up.”
“I’m not trying to.”
“Then stop.”
“You stop.”
Ashley narrowed her eyes at me, and then shook her head. “We’re all stuck here. No sense in everyone being miserable.”
I picked at my nail. “No, just me, right?”
“Are you miserable with Bryce?”
“No.”
“Okay, then.” With that she stood up and went inside.
Movement just over the hill in the field caught my eye, and before I could yell to the others, Scarlet blew past me, a hatchet in her hand. She took care of the ted, and returned to the porch like she’d just picked a flower or something. She stood next to me, staring at the road. Since she was outside, anyway, she probably thought it was as good a time as any to wait for her girls.
“You still think they’re coming?” I asked, feeling awful as soon as the words fell out of my mouth.
“Yes,” she said without pause.
Nathan came out and stood beside her. Right at my eye level, I could see their fingers touch, and then intertwine.
“I guess I’ll go in,” I said to no one in particular.
I passed Joey and joined Bryce in the kitchen. He and Cooper were cooking with Zoe. That consisted of her sitting on the counter being entertained by Cooper while Bryce cooked.
I sat at the table and sighed.
“Bryce said you’re feeling bitchy,” Zoe said, matter-of-fact.
Bryce froze and looked back at me for a reaction. I peeked over at Joey, who chuckled to himself.
“I guess I am,” I said, sighing again.
“Why?” Zoe asked.
“I don’t know. My dad died. The world is over. We’re stuck in this house together waiting for Scarlet to have a meltdown when she figures out her girls aren’t coming . . .”
“You mean we’re safe and we have each other?” Zoe said.
I looked up at her, feeling instantly guilty and yet cheered up by her sweet smile. “Yes. That’s what I meant.”
Scarlet
Nathan waited for Zoe to fall asleep, and then he came to the laundry room with a smile and a wink. Elleny had just fallen asleep downstairs as well, and I was sitting on the dryer, waiting for him. He leaned in between my legs, kissing my lips.
“What is the plan?” I asked.
“I want to fall asleep with you.”
“Is that all?” I smiled, and let him lead me to the front bedroom. He was so incredibly sweet. Knowing that made me wonder what kind of clueless moron he was married to. Zoe was snoring lightly through her nose as she lay on the far side of the king-size bed. Nathan crawled to the middle, and I lay next to him on my left side. His arms were wrapped around me, and his face was buried in my hair.
He took a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking about this all day.”
I smiled. “Oh yeah? I’ve been thinking about yesterday all day.”
“Don’t remind me. I can’t kidnap you to the backyard in the dark.” He squeezed me, bringing our bodies closer together.
The conversation naturally fell silent, neither one of us feeling the need to fill it with nonsense that didn’t matter. Quicker than I expected, Nathan’s breathing evened out, and his arm relaxed. A few times, his hand would tense, and he’d grip my arm, or his whole body would jerk. It had been so long since I’d slept with someone else besides the girls, I’d forgotten adults did that, too.
The girls. It had been months since I’d seen them. Guilt washed over me for lying next to Nathan, happy, when they were probably huddled alone somewhere, scared to death.
Patrolling the road made me at least feel like I was doing something to help get them to Red Hill, but it wasn’t enough. If they didn’t get there, soon, I would have to go look for them.
I stood up, trying not to wake Nathan as I slipped out of the room. Just as I reached the kitchen, the French doors opened.
“Scarlet,” Nathan whispered. He hadn’t been asleep that long, but his eyes were heavy. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just going to bed.”
“You’re not going to stay with me tonight?”
“I don’t know that I should. It might upset Zoe.”
He smiled. “That’s really sweet of you to think of her, but I don’t think that’s it. Talk to me.” He took a few steps into the living room.
“I’m going to take the boys into Shallot tomorrow. I just need a good night’s rest. I’m not used to sleeping with you, yet. I have trouble falling asleep anyw—”
“Into Shallot? As in, you’re going into the town of Shallot?” He shook his head, stepping closer to me. “But it’s overrun.”
“That’s why we have to clear it out. What if Andrew takes the girls there for supplies, or looking for shelter?”
Nathan gently cupped my shoulders. “Scarlet, you haven’t seen that place. The whole town was turned. That’s at least three hundred infected.”
“teds.”
“Whatever. You can’t clear out that town. You’ll get yourself killed.”
I walked back to him, smiled, and kissed his cheek. “Don’t you know by now that I can take care of myself? You’ve heard the boys’ stories at dinner.”
“Yeah, and it scares the hell out of me. I have tried to understand, but I can’t let you do this, Scarlet. It’s reckless.” For the first time, his tone was firm.
My face burned. “You don’t get to tell me what to do just because we fucked in the yard.”
He was surprised by my reaction, but the only thing he did in response was frown. “Don’t do that.”
That caught me off guard. Andrew had always been so quick to come back at me with angry words that I wasn’t prepared to resume a picked fight with someone who stayed calm. “Then don’t tell me what to do.”
He gently grabbed my hand and kissed my palm. I tried to pull away, but he held on to it. “I can’t begin to know what you go through every day waiting for your girls. I’ve never met them, and I’m worried sick about them. You can push me away all day long, but I’m in love with you. I love you, Scarlet, and it would destroy me if anything happened to you.”
For just a moment, I let guilt seep in with his words. In that moment, I thought about staying there, with him, where it was safe. I thought about waiting for the girls, so I could be sure to be at the ranch waiting when they arrived. But then I thought about Jenna and Halle walking past Shallot, and running into a herd. Even a small one would be a death sentence. They were just little girls. I couldn’t be sure that Andrew was with them to protect them or help them make decisions.
“I can’t,” I said, wriggling my hand free of his.
“You can’t what?”
“Do this. It’s breaking my focus.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“I need to worry about them, Nathan. I need to stand outside and think about them and worry about them every second of the day, because I’m afraid if I don’t something will happen to them.”
He shook his head again. He was clearly confused by my babbling.
“I know it’s irrational, okay? I can see it on your face and I can feel it everywhere but in my heart. Thinking about them keeps them alive.”
“Okay. I get that, but worrying about them is one thing. Making dangerous choices is—”
“This is distracting me. You are distracting me. I don’t think about them as much anymore. Sometimes I think about you, or Zoe or . . . I can’t care about you. It makes me forget what I need to do to get Jenna and Halle home. I can’t be responsible for your feelings. My children come first. They will always come first.”
“Of course. They should, but—”
“So you understand that I can’t do this. With you . . . I can’t.”
“Scarlet,” he said, reaching out for me. His voice was tinged with desperation. “Just . . . let’s think of another way. There has to be another way.”
“But there isn’t.”
Nathan stood with his lips parted, breathing uneven, trying to think of something, anything to get me to change my mind, from both decisions. He looked down to the floor, searching the darkness for words. “I can’t go with you. I have to stay with Zoe, I . . .”
“I know.”
His eyes met mine. His desperation was discernible even in the dark. “I’ll think about them with you.”
Damn him. Damn him and his decency. It made me want to admit to loving him back, but I couldn’t. Letting myself care about his feelings got in the way of what I knew I needed to do to get my girls safely to the ranch. “It’s the last shred of sanity I have, Nathan. Don’t take it from me.”
I walked away from him quickly, and then jogged down the basement steps. I didn’t know if he was still standing in the living room, stunned, pissed, confused, or disgusted. I didn’t dare look back.
We left Red Hill at first light. We would spend all day in Shallot and still not make a dent in teds there, so I wanted to leave as soon as it was safe. Nathan jumped out of bed and waved good-bye as soon as he heard the front door open, but he didn’t speak or kiss me good-bye.
We were to the highway within an hour, but getting to Shallot, clearing, and getting back before dark was going to take serious effort. I set the pace at a slow jog. After forty minutes, Cooper seemed to pick up the pace, but mine was more like a fast walk. We were all carrying packs, but Cooper was unfazed, which kind of pissed me off. I was in good shape for my age. I ran . . . sometimes. I walked all over the damn hospital, some days without a lunch or even sitting down. I figured the jaunt to Shallot would be work, but I was forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other, and we weren’t halfway there yet.
“I’ve got to rest,” I said, stopping.
“Whose idea was it to walk?” Joey smiled.
“We all agreed,” I said. “We would only use the vehicles in case of an emergency exit.”
“You look like an emergency to me,” Joey said, still smiling.