I couldn't sit still through the rest of my classes. Not through algebra, history, geography, or English, which I spent underneath the football bleachers composing love poems to Alexander. I raced home and danced around my bedroom. I tried on every piece of clothing I owned in a million combinations until I had the perfect ensemble. "Are you okay?" Billy Boy asked, peeking his head into my room.
"Just jumping around and dancing, my most precious little brother," I glowed, giving him a big squeeze and a kiss on the head.
"Are you insane?"
I sighed deeply. "You'll understand someday. You'll meet someone who is connected with you in your soul. And then everything will be exciting and peaceful at the same time."
"You mean like Pamela Anderson?"
"No, like a computer-math girl."
Billy Boy gazed off into the distance. "I guess that won't be so bad, as long as she looks like Pamela!"
"She'll look even better!" I said, messing up his hair. "Now get out. I have a ball to attend."
"You're going to a dance?"
"Yes." "Well..." I could see he was revving up for a big sister major put-down. "Well...you'll be the prettiest one there."
"Are you sure you're not on drugs?"
"You'll be the prettiest one there...with black lipstick."
"Now that sounds more like your style."
I finally paraded into the kitchen, wearing high-heeled knee- high vinyl boots, black fishnet stockings, a black miniskirt, a lacy black tank top, and metallic black bracelets. A black cashmere scarf hid my love bite, and black leather fingerless gloves revealed my black nail polish--glittering like black ice, in keeping with the theme of the Snow Ball.
"Where do you think you're going dressed like that?" my mom asked.
"I'm going to a dance."
"With Becky?"
"No, with Alexander."
"Who's Alexander?"
"The love of my life!"
"What's this I hear about love?" my dad asked, entering the kitchen. "Raven, where are you going dressed like that?"
"She says she's going to a dance with the love of her life," my mom said.
"You're going nowhere in that! And who's the love of your life? A boy from school?"
"Alexander Sterling," I proclaimed.
"As in, the Sterlings that live in the Mansion?" my dad asked. "The one and only!"
"Not the Sterling boy!" my mom said, shocked. "I've heard horror stories about him! He hangs out at cemeteries and is never seen in the light of day, like a vampire."
"Do you think I'd be going to a dance with a vampire?"
They both stared at me strangely and said nothing.
"Don't be like everyone else in this town!" I shouted.
"Honey, I've heard the stories all over town!" my mom gossiped. "Just yesterday, Natalie Mitchell was saying--"
"Mom, who are you going to believe, me or Natalie Mitchell? This night is very important. It's Alexander's first dance, too. He's so dreamy and intelligent! He knows about art and culture and--"
"Cemeteries?" my dad asked.
"He's not like what people say! He's the most fantabulous guy in our solar system--besides you, Dad."
"Well, in that case, have fun."
"Paul!"
"But not in that outfit," my dad quickly demanded. "Sarah, I'm glad she's going to a dance. Raven's actually going to school without being forced. This is the most normal thing she's done lately."
My mom glared at him.
"But not in that outfit," he repeated.
"Dad, this is all the rage in Europe!"
"But we're not in Europe. We're in a quiet little town where turtlenecks are the rage. Buttoned-up collars, long sleeves, and long skirts." "No way!" I declared.
"This boy hasn't been out of his room in years, and you're going to let him escort your daughter looking like that?" my mom asked. "Paul, do something."
My father went to the closet. "Here, wear this," he said, handing me one of his sports coats. "It's black."
I stared at him in disbelief.
"It's this or my black bathrobe," he said.
I reluctantly grabbed the coat.
"And we'll be meeting the most fantabulous guy in the solar system when he comes to pick you up?" my mother chimed in.
"Are you kidding?" I was stunned. "Of course not!"
"It's only right, we didn't even know you were seeing him. We had no idea you were going to a dance."
"You want to interrogate and embarrass him. Not to mention me."
"That's what dating is all about. If your date can stand the questions and the parental embarrassment, then he's all yours," my dad teased.
"It's not fair! Do you want to come with us, too?"
"Yes," they both replied.
"This is hideous! It's the biggest night of my life, and you're going to ruin it!"
I heard a car pulling into the driveway. "He's here!" I screamed, peering out the window. "You guys have to be cool!" I said, running around frantically. "Channel those hippie days for me, please! Think about love beads and Joni Mitchell. Think bell-bottoms and incense, not golf pants and china," I begged. "And nothing about cemeteries!"
I wanted this night to be perfect, like it was my wedding day. But I felt like a bride who suddenly wished she had eloped.
Now that my parents were going to meet my date, my hands began to shake. I was hoping he wouldn't freak out sitting on their perky pastel furniture.
When the doorbell rang, I dashed to greet him. Alexander looked amazing. He was wearing a glossy, chic black three-piece suit and a red silk tie. He looked like one of the billion-dollar basketball players that I see on television interviews. He held a box wrapped in flowered paper.
"Wow!" he said, looking me over. My father nodded to me to put on the sports coat with a scolding eye. Instead I draped it over a chair.
"I should have worn a knit hat or snow boots," he said awkwardly. "I didn't really keep with the theme."
"Forget it! You'll be the best-looking guy there," I complimented, pulling him into the living room. "These are my parents, Sarah and Paul Madison."
"It's wonderful to meet both of you," Alexander said nervously, extending his hand.
"We've heard so much about you." My mother glowed, taking his hand.
I gave her a cold stare.
"Please sit down," she went on. "Would you like something to drink?"
"No, thank you." "Make yourself comfortable," my dad said, motioning to the sofa, and settled into his beige recliner.
Uh-oh. I'd never had a guy over before. I could feel my dad taking full advantage. The "goals" inquisition. I prayed it went quickly.
"So, Alexander, how are you finding our town?"
"It's been great since I met Raven," he answered politely and smiled at me.
"So how did you two meet since you don't attend school? Raven neglected to tell us that part."
Oh, no! I started to squirm in my chair.
"Well, I guess we just ran into each other. I mean, it was just one of those things, the right place at the right time. Like they say, everything is about timing and luck. And I'd have to say that I have been very lucky since I met your daughter."
My dad glared at him.
"Oh, no, that's not what I meant," Alexander added.
He turned to me, his ghostlike face bright red. I tried not to laugh.
"What do your parents do exactly? They aren't in town much, are they?"
"My father is an art dealer. He has galleries in Romania, London, and New York."
"That sounds very exciting."
"It's great, but he's never home," Alexander said. "He's always flying around somewhere."
My mom and dad looked at each other. "Time to go or we'll be late!" I quickly interjected.
"I almost forgot," Alexander said, awkwardly standing up. "Raven, this is for you."
He handed me the flowered box.
"Thank you!" I smiled anxiously and tore it open, revealing a gorgeous red rose corsage. "It's beautiful!" I gave my mom and dad a look of "See? I told you so."
"How lovely!" my mom gushed.
I held the corsage over my heart as Alexander tried to pin it on. He fumbled out of nervousness.
"Ouch!"
"Did I stick you?" he asked.
"My finger got pricked, but it's okay."
He stared intensely at the drop of blood on the tip of my finger.
My mom stepped between us with a tissue she grabbed from the coffee table.
"It's nothing, Mom, just a little blood. I'm okay." I quickly stuck the pricked finger in my mouth.
"We better go," I said.
"Paul!" my mom pleaded.
But my dad knew better. There was nothing he could do. "Don't forget the coat" was all he said.
I grabbed the coat and Alexander's hand and dragged him out the door, afraid my mom would try to ward him off by making the sign of the cross. We could hear dance music from the parking lot. No red Camaro anywhere. We were safe--for now.
"Don't forget your jacket," Alexander reminded me as I stepped out of the car.
"You'll have to keep me warm." I winked, leaving it on the backseat.
Two cheerleaders dressed for arctic temperatures stared at us with looks of horror.
I led Alexander away and we paused outside the main entrance. Alexander was like a child, inquisitive and nervous. He looked at the building with interest, like he'd never seen a school before.
"We don't have to go inside," I offered.
"No, that's okay," he said, squeezing my fingers.
Two jocks in the hallway stopped talking the instant they saw us and stared.
"You can pick up your eyeballs off the floor now," I said as I led Alexander past the gawkers.
Alexander examined everything: the Snow Ball signs, the bulletin board announcements, the trophy case. He ran his hand against the lockers, touching the cold metal. "It's just like on TV!"
"Haven't you ever been in a school?" I wondered.
"No."
"Gosh! You're the luckiest guy in the world. You never had to eat a school lunch. Your intestines must be in great shape!" "But if I went here we would have met sooner."
I hugged him close underneath the same Snow Ball banner that Trevor and I had argued beneath the day before.
Monica Havers and Jodie Carter passed us and did a double take. I thought their eyes were going to bulge right out of their pom- pom heads.
I was ready to fight if they said anything. But I could tell by the pressure on my wrist that Alexander wanted me to remain calm. The girls whispered and giggled to themselves and went on their gossipy way toward the gym.
"Here's where I don't learn chemistry," I said, opening the unlocked door to my chemistry lab. "I usually have to sneak into places. This is a breeze."
"By the way, I've always wanted to know why you snuck in--"
"Look at these!" I interrupted, pointing out the beakers on the lab table. "Lots of mysterious potions and explosions, but that wouldn't bother you, right?"
"I love it!" He was holding a beaker like it was a fine wine.
I pushed him into a desk, then wrote his name on the blackboard.
"Does anybody know the symbol for potassium? Raise your hand."
He raised his hand to the ceiling. "I do!"
"Yes, Alexander?"
"K."
"Correct, you pass the whole year!"
"Miss Madison?" he said, raising his hand again. "Yes?"
"Can you come here for a moment? I think I need some tutoring. Do you think you can help me?"
"But I just gave you an A!"
"It's more along the lines of anatomy."
I stepped over. He pulled me onto his lap and kissed me softly on the mouth.
We heard some giggling girls run past the open door. "We better go," he suggested.
"No, it's okay."
"I don't want you to get expelled. Besides, we have a dance to attend," he said, making us both stand up.
I walked out hand-in-hand with the guy I had the most chemistry with, his name still etched on the blackboard.
As we approached the gym, I could already feel the cold stares. Everyone was looking at Alexander like he had come from another planet and at me like they always looked at me.
Miss Fay, my nosy algebra teacher, was collecting tickets by the door. "I see you arrived at the dance on time, Raven. Too bad you can't do the same for algebra. I've never seen this gentleman at school," she added, scrutinizing Alexander.
"That's because he doesn't go here." Just take the tickets, lady! I skipped the introductions and pulled Alexander inside.
We walked into the Snow Ball. I didn't know if it was because I was with Alexander, or because it was my first dance, but white had never looked so wonderful. Plastic icicles and snowflakes hung from the ceiling, and the floor was covered with powdery snow. Artificial snow softly sprinkled down from the ceiling. Everyone was dressed in shimmering winter dresses or corduroys with sweaters, mittens, scarves, and hats. The blasting air conditioning sent chills through me.
Even the rock band, The Push-ups, fit the theme with their stocking caps and winter boots. Refreshments were set up underneath the scoreboard--snow cones, cider, and hot chocolate.
I could hear whispers, laughs, and gasps as we walked past the bundled-up students. The band, too, was looking at us.
"You want to get some hot chocolate before some senior spikes it?" I asked, trying to distract Alexander from all the attention.
"I'm not thirsty," he replied, watching the dancers.
"I thought you said you were always thirsty?"
The band started to play an electric version of "Winter Wonderland."
"Can I have this dance?" I asked, offering my hand.
I smiled with delight as we walked through the powdered snow to the dance floor.
I was in heaven. I had the best date at the Snow Ball--there was no one more gorgeous than Alexander, and he danced like a dream. We forgot that we were outsiders and thrashed our bodies around like regulars in a trendy club. We danced one song after another without stopping--"Cold As Ice," "Ice Cream," "Frosty the Snowman."
The band started to sing, "I Melt with You." The gym was spinning as tiny powdered snowflakes gently fell on us. Alexander and I screamed with laughter as we tripped over an inebriated soccer snob who was making a snow angel on the floor. When the music stopped, I squeezed Alexander like mad, like this was our own private dance. But of course, we weren't alone, as a familiar voice reminded me.
"Does the asylum know you've escaped?" Trevor asked, appearing beside Alexander.
I led Alexander to the refreshment table and grabbed two cherry snow cones.
"Does the warden know you're here?" Trevor asked, pursuing us.
"Trevor, go away!" I said, shielding Alexander with my body.
"Oh, is the Bride of Frankenstein having PMS?"
"Trevor, enough!" I couldn't see Alexander's reaction, but I could feel his hands on my shoulders, drawing me back.
"But this is just the beginning, Raven, just the beginning! Don't they have dungeon dancing? You have to actually go to school to come to the dances," he said to Alexander. "But I guess in Hell there are no rules."
"Shut up!" I said. "Don't you have your own date? Or would that be Matt?" I asked sarcastically.
"Very good. She's clever," he said to Alexander. "But not too clever. No, my date is over there," he added, pointing to the entrance.
I looked over and saw Becky nervously standing at the door, dressed in a long pleated skirt, pale pink sweater, and long white socks with loafers.
My heart sank to the floor. I felt sick.
"I've given her a little makeover," Trevor bragged. "And that's not all, baby."
"If you touch her, I'll kill you!" I screamed, lunging for him. "I haven't touched her, yet. But there's time. The dance has just begun."
"Raven, what's going on?" Alexander demanded, turning me toward him.
Trevor signaled for Becky to come over. She didn't even look at me as she approached us. Trevor grabbed her hand and kissed her softly on the cheek. I cringed all over and felt nauseated.
"Get off her!" I grabbed her hand and tried to pull her away.
"Raven, is this the guy who's been hassling you?" Alexander asked.
"You mean he doesn't know me? He doesn't know about us?" Trevor asked proudly.
"There is no 'us'!" I tried to explain. "I pissed him off because I'm the only girl in school who doesn't think he's hot! So now he won't leave me alone. But Trevor, how dare you involve Becky and Alexander!"
Becky stood with her eyes glued to the floor.
"I think it's time to leave Raven alone, dude," Alexander said.
"Dude? Now I'm the freakoid's pal? We can hang out and play soccer? Sorry but there's a dress code. No fangs and capes. Go back to the cemetery."
"Trevor, enough! I'll kick you right now!" I threatened.
"It's okay, Raven," Alexander said. "Let's go dance."
"Becky, get away from him!" I yelled, not moving. "Becky, say something! Say something already!"
"She's already said something," Trevor announced. "She's said a lot. It's funny how the people in this town talk and can't shut up when their daddy's crops might suddenly catch fire from a dropped cigarette," Trevor said, looking straight at me.
He turned to Alexander. "You'll learn who these rumorholics are sooner than you think!"
I looked at Becky, who was staring at her loafers. "I'm sorry, Raven. I tried to warn you not to come here tonight."
"What's he talking about?" Alexander wondered.
"Let's go," I said.
"I'm talking about vampires!" Trevor declared.
"Vampires!" Alexander exclaimed.
"Shut up, Trevor!"
"I'm talking about gossip!"
"What gossip?" Alexander said. "I came here to be with my girlfriend."
"Girlfriend?" Trevor asked, surprised. "Then it's official. Are you going to spend all of eternity together?"
"Be quiet!" I ordered.
"Tell him why you broke into his house! Tell him what you saw."
"We're outta here!" I said, starting to go. But Alexander didn't move.
"Tell him why you threw yourself at him," Trevor continued.
"Don't say another word, Trevor!"
"Tell him why you went to the cemetery!" "I said, 'Shut up!"'
"And why you fainted."
"Shut up!"
"And why you look at yourself in the mirror every hour!"
"What's he talking about?" Alexander demanded.
"And tell him about this," he said, thrusting the Polaroids of my bite mark at Alexander.
Alexander grabbed the picture and examined it. "What's this?"
"She used you," Trevor said. "I started a rumor that snowballed. I had everyone in town believing you were a vampire. The funny thing is, your dear, sweet Raven believed the rumors more than anyone!"
"Shut up!" I screamed and threw my melting snow cone in Trevor's face.
Trevor laughed as the cherry ice dripped down his cheeks. Alexander stared at the picture.
"What's going on?" Mr. Harris asked, running over.
Alexander looked at me in disbelief and confusion. He glanced around helplessly as the gawking crowd waited for his reaction. Then he angrily grabbed my hand and pulled me outside. We left the falling snow and went out into drizzling rain.
"Wait!" Becky shouted, running after us.
"What's going on, Raven?" Alexander demanded, ignoring her. "How does he know you snuck into my house? How does he know about the cemetery? How does he know you fainted? And what's this?" he asked, shoving the Polaroid at me.
"Alexander, you don't understand." "You never told me why you snuck into my house," he said.
I stared at his lonely, deep, soulful eyes. His innocence. His sense of not belonging. What could I say? I couldn't lie. So I said nothing and just hugged him with all my might.
The photo dropped from his hand. And he pushed me away.
"I want to hear it from you," he demanded.
Tears started to well up. "I went there to disprove the rumors. I wanted to put an end to them! So your family could live in peace."
"So I was just a ghost story to you, that you had to check out?"
"No! No! Becky, tell him it wasn't like that!"
"It wasn't!" Becky exclaimed. "She talks about you all the time!"
"I thought you were different, Raven. But you used me. You're just like everyone else."
Alexander turned away and I grabbed his arm.
"Don't go! Alexander!" I begged. "It's true, I was caught up in the rumors, but when I first saw you, I knew. I've never felt this way about anyone. That's why I did everything else!"
"I thought you liked me for just being myself--not for who you think I might be. Or for something you think you wanted to become."
He ran away.
"Don't go!" I cried. "Alexander--"
But he ignored me. He was gone, back to the solitude of his attic room.
I stormed into the gym. The band was on break, and everyone looked at me in silence as I crossed the floor. "The end," Trevor announced and started clapping. "The end! And what a wonderful production it all was, if I do say so myself."
"You!" I yelled. Mr. Harris could see I was going for blood and grabbed me from behind. "You are evil incarnate, Trevor!" I screamed, my arms flailing as I tried unsuccessfully to wriggle out of the soccer coach's grasp. "Trevor Mitchell, you are the monster!" I looked at the faces around me. "Can't you see that? You all pushed away the most giving, lovable, gentle, intelligent person in this town while accepting the wickedest, vilest, most evil monster, just because he dresses like you! Trevor's the one who's destroying lives! And you just watch him play soccer and party with him while you cast out an angel because he wears black and is homeschooled!"
Tears streamed down my face, and I ran outside.
Becky ran after me. "I'm sorry, Raven. I'm sorry!" she shouted.
I ignored her and ran all the way to the Mansion, struggling over the slippery gate. Huge moths fluttered around the porch light as I banged the serpent knocker. "Alexander, open up! Alexander, open up!"
Eventually the light went out and the disappointed moths flew away. I sat on the doorstep crying. For the first time in my life I found no comfort in darkness.