“Oh, hey. I forgot to get batteries for the flashlights and lamps. I think we’re low.” He thrusts the bag of food into my arms. “I’ll be right back.”
I turn, admire his lean form as he jogs back to the mega-complex.
“Jacinda?”
I start at the sound of my name. Cassian stands behind me. I’m not surprised I didn’t hear his approach … but I am surprised I didn’t feel him there. Annoyance flickers in his gaze as he looks beyond me to Will. Looking back at me, he quickly cools the emotion from his eyes, but I still feel its lingering touch inside.
“Yes?” I ask, hating the awkwardness of the moment.
“I just wanted to thank you.”
“For what?”
“For everything you’ve done for my sister. I know you two haven’t always gotten along.”
I smile. “How about never?”
He smiles back, angling his head in agreement. And in that killer smile, the flash of his straight, white teeth in his swarthy face, I’m reminded just how many girls covet this boy. And not just for his power and position in the pride. “Yeah. She hasn’t made it easy for you to like her. Afraid my father had a lot to do with that.” His smile fades. “But you still wanted to rescue her … and stood by her when you thought I was dead.”
“I did it for you.”
Quiet falls between us and I fidget nervously beneath his intent stare. I think about his words … how we risked so much to rescue her … and swallow tightly. She is still in peril. She isn’t out of the woods yet. Was he trying to guilt me into staying and helping? But looking into his liquid dark eyes, I see only sincerity in the lines of his face. There is no ulterior motive in this conversation.
“Here.” He takes the bag from my arms and together we walk toward the van, our steps silent on the asphalt.
I send him a measuring glance. There’s a slight limp in his tread. “How are you doing?”
“I’ll live. Should be my old self soon. We heal quickly, after all.” True. Which makes me think that he must have been hurt very bad to still suffer the effects. Something curls up and withers inside me to think of Cassian in pain.
He shoots me a look, his lips twisting into a smile that I imagine is supposed to encourage me and convince me of his well-being. “Don’t beat yourself up, Jacinda.” Of course he would feel my feelings—that the idea of him hurt nauseates me. “It’s over and done. I’ll be okay,” he says, gently stroking a finger down my cheek. He frowns, stepping back and dropping his hand. Regret over the touch swiftly slides through him. We reach the van and he conveniently moves away, carrying the bag to the front seat.
I stand beside the back doors, the rumble of his words replaying through my head. It’s over. Is it? Is it really? Can I let go of him and the others with that question, that fear winding through me like a virus?
I rest my head against the hard wall of the van and blow out a great gust of breath. A dull headache throbs behind my eyes. Cassian wanted to ride up front. I thought the request strange but didn’t think a little alone time between Will and Cassian was a bad thing.
I rub my eyelids with my thumb and forefinger, pressing upward into the bridge of my nose. I do this several times, trying to ease my headache.
Deghan sits across from me, just staring with his pewter eyes … eyes so cold I shiver. Finally, I can’t stand it anymore. I drop my hand from my eyes and demand, “What are you looking at?”
“You.”
I snort. “Clearly. Why do you keep staring at me?”
Tamra looks up, evidently interested in his response.
He makes a small motion with his hand. “You remind me of someone.”
Shaking my head, I glance away, down at the van floor, feeling its rumble through the soles of my shoes. I’m not interested in some draki that I remind him of, some draki who he—
My gaze snaps back to him. Every nerve in my body pulls taut, suddenly alert.
“Who?” I demand.
He shrugs. “Just another captive. He was there when I was brought in. He was an onyx but you remind me of him. The way you rub at your eyes and nose. He did that. Also the way you hold yourself … angle your head to the side when someone is talking. You get this intent look on your face. Like you’re almost angry.”
Was? It’s the word that ricochets through my head.
He continues, “You have the same … way about you.”
I’m shaking now. A sick feeling churns in my stomach. “What happened to him?”
“They took him out of his cell one day for more experimenting.” A dullness enters his eyes. “He never came back. But you know the worst thing about it?”
Worse than his dying?
“What?” Tamra asks, holding herself as still as stone, and I know the same thoughts whir through her mind.
“His own kind betrayed him. He said someone in his pride tricked him into getting captured. Led him right into the path of hunters.”
My skin flashes hot and cold at this. I fight to swallow around the lump in my throat. “What was his name?” I say tightly, my lips numb, barely moving.
Don’t say my father’s name. Not Magnus. Not Magnus.
“Magnus.”
I vault to my feet, arms wide, stretching out at my sides as if seeking a handhold, something to cling to. My world spins. Red fills my vision. Tamra lowers her head into her hands and surrenders to body-shaking tears.
I pound on the van wall until my palms sting, and even then I don’t quit. “Stop,” I shout. “Stop!”
The van slows. Once it stops, I fling open the doors and run—take off through the trees running as fast and hard as I can. Not caring where I’m going. Just trying to get away, escape the pain, the throbbing, unrelenting ache in my chest.
In the distance, I hear my name being shouted, but I don’t turn back. I don’t stop.
I run, flying through the trees. But the pain doesn’t fade. I can’t leave it behind. It follows me still. And in a fresh surge of anguish I realize it always will.
I stop, silent tears streaming hot tracks down my cheeks. I sway for a moment before I drop, land on my knees. With a keening sob, I bow at the waist and retch, emptying the contents of my stomach. When there’s nothing left inside me, I curl into a tight ball on the ground. Twigs and pine needles scratch at every exposed inch of me, but I don’t have the energy to care.
Now I know. I finally know. After all this time. Dad is dead. Betrayed by someone from the pride. Someone I’ve lived with for years.
Leaves rustle near me as Tamra steps into view, like a wraith materializing from nothing. Her chest heaves from her race through the woods. Her hair floats in a wild nimbus of silvery white around her. Our gazes lock as we share in the knowledge, the truth of what happened to Dad. Her frosty gaze gleams wet across the few feet separating us.
“Tamra,” I whisper, her name crumbling from me.
Her face is stricken, the perfect reflection of what I’m feeling. She nods jerkily, words unnecessary between us. We’re living the same nightmare right now.
In an instant we’re hugging each other. Weeping like little girls. I wipe at my runny nose.
“I guess I always hoped he might be alive,” I say between sobbing gasps.
“I know. Me too.” She nods doggedly. “Mom. I want Mom.” Her voice breaks and she’s crying again.
I grip her shoulders, determination stealing over me. “We’re going to find her.” She’s the only parent we have left. Now with the truth of Dad’s fate choking me, I feel Mom’s void all the more keenly.
A branch snaps. We both turn to see Will. He stops, holding up a hand as if to apologize for intruding.
“It’s okay.” Tamra sniffs, and wipes at her wet cheeks. “I—I need a moment alone.”
“You don’t have to—” Will starts to say, but she shakes her head and slips past him.
I stare up at Will, feeling raw and exposed, broken. Like I’ll never be whole again.
Then he’s there, pulling me into his arms. I sag against him, let him support me. He sighs my name. “Jacinda.”
I grip his shirt tightly, my fingers bloodless as they squeeze. “He’s really gone,” I say, looking into his ever-changing eyes.
“I know, I know,” he croons.
“I always wanted the truth … but deep down I believed he was alive. I realize that now. All this time—I never thought he was really gone.”
“It’s better you know. No more wondering and uselessly guessing.”
The tears roll down my cheeks. I’m convinced there’s nothing better about this. Before I had hope. Now I have nothing. Nothing but grief in the absolute certainty that Dad is dead. I’ll never see him again.
If possible, I hold on to Will even tighter. As if that can somehow ease this gnawing pain. But the pain only grows. Blossoms in my chest until an emotion even more powerful takes over. Fury swells inside me as new, ugly thoughts push their way into my head. And I let it—I let the fury take over.
I drag a burning breath deep inside where it only grows hotter. Someone betrayed my father, and it doesn’t take long to conclude who that someone probably was. Severin. Corbin had plainly conveyed his uncle’s animosity toward my father—how threatened Severin felt by my father. But Dad hadn’t been trying to take over. He just wanted to take his family elsewhere, away from the pride. Too bad we didn’t escape before he was led into a trap.
I exhale through my nose, flexing my clenched fingers, loosening their grip on Will, not needing to hang on so tightly anymore, as new purpose fills me. I know what I have to do. I’m going back. Back to the pride.
Before I sought truth. Now I seek justice.
Only when I find it, when the traitor is revealed and punished for what he did to Dad, can I heal. Then I’ll be free.
16
Little has been said since my return to the van with Will. We all sit shell-shocked in the back, numb expressions on our faces. My stomach rolls sickly. First the encounter with the hunters, then learning that Miram is a ticking time bomb, and then the news about Dad. What’s next? I feel the van shudder to a stop as if it, too, is exhausted.
We have finally reached the truck stop where we left Will’s Land Rover. This is where Will and Tamra and I are supposed to at last part ways with Cassian and Miram. This is when I finally leave the pride behind me.
Only I can’t do that.
I should know by now that nothing is as simple as I expect. Even if I didn’t know the truth about Dad, there’s still Miram. Something has to be done about her tracking implant. Although she’s Severin’s daughter, and even worked for him, spying on me, I’m not going to take it out on her.
I take a pained blink. Is this ever going to get easy? Ever not be so … hard?
Stepping out, I glance around at our new surroundings. We’re parked behind a deserted gas station, which blocks us from view of the road and the cars that whip past. I shift where I stand. Loose asphalt crumbles beneath my shoes, weeds growing between the uneven cracks. Will’s Land Rover sits close by, right where we left it.
The van doors remain open, but Deghan stays hidden within. Tamra emerges, but hovers close to the doors, her body angled toward the hulking gray draki, whose eyes never leave her. A strange, unspoken bond has formed between them since our encounter with the hunters. It’s like they’re linked by some invisible cord.
I roll my eyes. Now isn’t the time for Tamra to develop some kind of puppy-love infatuation with a draki who can’t even access his human side anymore. This strikes me as especially ironic since not that long ago Tamra was unable to access her draki self.
“What now?” she asks me, even as her gaze drifts toward Deghan.
I look pointedly at him. “He has to go to the pride. Like Cassian said.”