Carolyn slowly let her breath out, her eyes wide_ as she watched Christian disappear into the men's bathroom.
Then she just sat there, her mind so awash with a confusion of emotions she could hardly think. The only thing that was going through her head was one refrain.
What the hell had just happened?
She wasn't really sure; she remembered leaning forward, and finding herself staring at his lips and thinking of his kisses. She didn't recall deciding to kiss him but Christian's horrified expression as he'd dumped her off his lap was fresh in her mind, and she thought she might have attacked poor, gay, too-young-for-her Christian.
Attacked and nearly devoured him alive. At least that's how it had felt. She'd never been exposed to such raw need and hunger in her life as what had exploded over her as they'd kissed. She'd wanted to crawl inside his skin and merge with him completely.
Cripes, if he hadn't stopped her when he had, she might have tugged her shorts off, pulled him out of his pants and mounted him right there on the bus. Carolyn didn't think she'd have had the presence of mind to remember they were in public. Let alone care that he was much too young for her or even that he was gay and not the least bit interested. And those dreams she'd thought were so hot and passionate? Well, they were nothing next to the reality, or at least the small taste of reality she'd had. And she wanted more, she acknowledged. And shouldn't.
What the hell was the matter with her? She sank shakily back on the bench, and glanced down with a frown as she heard a rustle. Spotting the chocolate bar beside her hip, she stared at it blankly, then instinctively reached for it, pausing when she saw how her hand was trembling.
Right, according to Jack it was low blood sugar, she recalled slowly. She'd never had problems like this before this trip, but the chocolate bars and juice had seemed to help before. Carolyn picked up the bar, managing to open it despite her shakes and clumsiness. She began to eat it automatically, her mind still struggling with what she'd done.
By the time she'd finished the chocolate, she'd pushed her guilt and humiliation aside and had moved on to what she should do now. Several possibilities came to mind.
All of them had to do with avoiding Christian.
She owed him an apology, but she was just too ashamed of herself to face him right now. In fact, the idea stirred an anxiety close to panic, and she began searching her mind for ways to avoid him.
Jumping off the bus and finding a ride back to the resort was her favorite solution, but the buses were the only way out. However, she definitely couldn't handle spending the rest of the journey as Christian's seat mate.
If he was even willing to, she thought on a sigh.
Crumbling the chocolate wrapper in her hand, she slid out of the seat and hurried off the bus.
Christian finished wiping the driver's mind, sent him on his way, and then moved to the sinks to turn on the taps.
He splashed cold water on his face several times, and then straightened to peer at himself.
He had a little more color now, but he hadn't had enough blood. He hadn't been willing to risk weakening the driver in charge of a minibus of tourists. But he'd had enough that he was at least thinking a bit more clearly, and what Christian was thinking was that he'd made a hell of a mess of things.
Sighing, he braced his hands on the counter and briefly closed his eyes as he tried to sort out what the hell he was supposed to say to Carolyn when he went back to the bus. But his mind kept returning to how she'd rocked his world.
Christian had experienced more passion in those few minutes on the bus than he had in his entire five hundred plus years. The woman was a flame to his dynamite, or maybe she was the dynamite. He couldn't say, but she was something. He still had a damned erection. Even having to stand close to the sweaty little driver with his teeth sunk in his neck hadn't driven that off, which was pretty amazing when you considered that as low as he'd been on blood, he probably shouldn't even have been able to get an erection.
Grimacing, Christian turned off the taps and headed out of the bathroom.
Their party had returned and was boarding the minibuses.
Christian joined the back of the line of passengers at the third bus, his hand tapping nervously against his leg. He was standing in direct sunlight again, but hardly noticed, his mind taken up with worry over how Carolyn would greet him.
His cover was now blown, and she definitely wouldn't believe him gay anymore, but maybe those few kisses and caresses had been enough to tempt her into ignoring what she thought was their age difference and letting him get close to her after all.
Christian held on to that hope right up until he finally got on the bus and saw that the seat he'd shared with Carolyn was empty. Pausing abruptly, he turned toward the driver, but before he'd even spoken the man smiled and said, "Your lady friend moved to the front bus."
"I thought there weren't any seats in the other buses?" he said quietly.
"Only one on each, with the tour guide," the driver said.
"Right," he muttered, turning away to continue to his seat. It appeared the kisses hadn't been enough to tempt her. She was running.
"Caro! Finally you're back."
Carolyn laughed at Captain Jack's greeting as he took her hand to help her onboard. Riding in the front of the first bus with the guide, she'd been the first one off and so was the first onboard the boat.
"Where's band boy?" Jack asked.
"He's back there somewhere," she said vaguely as he led her toward the helm, leaving his crew to help the others aboard.
"Ah. You were so eager to see me you ran ahead," he said with a grin.
Carolyn just chuckled and shook her head as he urged her onto the seat beside his again.
"Your flowers, wench," he announced, grabbing the necklace of blooms off the wheel and placing it around her neck. He didn't step away then, but caught her face in his hands and lifted it for inspection. After a moment, he nodded with satisfaction. "Your color's good and your eyes are clear. Let me see your hands."
Carolyn wrinkled her nose and held out her hands.
"Steady as a rock. I had the second chocolate bar at Sulphur Springs, but haven't had a problem since. And I had second helpings of the meal at the plantation. I'm good.
No more worries," she assured him.
"Good. But do me a favor and have some blood tests when you get back home," he said seriously.
Carolyn nodded. Today's experience had scared her enough that she already intended on getting a full physical when she got home. It was only after eating at the plantation that she'd really started to feel like herself again. It was also when she'd begun to realize just how weak and disoriented she'd been before that. She was blaming that for the whole episode on the bus. She just wasn't the sort to run around attacking men.
The whole horrible scene had replayed through her head repeatedly that afternoon. The kiss, somehow winding up on his lap-she wasn't too sure how that had happened. It was all kind of a fuzzy whirl of want and need and suddenly she'd been in his lap and his hands had been on her breasts and-That part had kind of left her confused too. At least until she'd recalled that Christian hadn't been at all well either by then. He'd been pale, with sweat beading his forehead, and for all she knew had been feverish and hallucinating that she was George Michael.
He'd certainly come to his senses quickly enough.
The horror on his face as he'd dumped her on the seat and fled had haunted her ever since.
Carolyn had been worried that he'd approach her as soon as they arrived at the plantation and either demand an explanation or explain politely that he was gay. And what could she say, So sorry. I've been having these wet dreams about you and for a minute there I think I just confused them with reality?
She snorted at the very idea.
Christian had kept his distance. He'd also watched her with a wariness that made her wonder if he was afraid she'd jump him again.
Well, he was safe. She was feeling more herself and had every intention of letting him know that he was safe.
Carolyn didn't have the balls to walk over and simply say, You're safe, sonny. I won't attack you again though, so she was going to have to show him. Somehow.
"Here you are."
Carolyn glanced to Jack as he appeared before her with a full glass.
"Firewater?" she asked, accepting it.
"Nothing less for the mascot," he said with a grin.
Smiling faintly, she took a sip, and then raised her eyebrows when he held out a chocolate bar. Swallowing, she shook her head. "I told you, I'm good."
"This is precautionary," he said, and then grinned.
"Besides, I promised you flowers, drinks, and chocolate on your return."
"Hmm," Carolyn accepted the bar and teased, "I'm not sure if I'm ready to go steady yet."
"I'm willing to go slow," he assured her. This time there was no teasing in either his voice or face.
Carolyn's eyes widened. It was the first time she hadn't been sure his flirting was just for fun, and suddenly she began to wonder if he was interested. If so, he might be the answer to all her problems. She liked and felt comfortable with him. He could be her first fling! Which she obviously needed if only to protect those around her. Her body seemed to be crying out for sex. Giving it some might fix everything. Of course, there was the small matter of Christian liking Jack, she thought and sighed.
However, if the man was straight, Christian didn't have a chance anyway, and she really needed to take care of this problem of hers before she did something even worse than today's little episode.
Carolyn stiffened as the back of her neck began to prickle. She peered over her shoulder, not terribly surprised to see Christian stepping aboard, eyes on her and expression grim. She'd felt that same prickling several times today and each time had glanced around to find Christian staring.
"Band boy's the last one. Time to set sail," Jack said, drawing her attention as he moved up to the helm and started the engine. Glancing her way, he grinned and asked, "You want to steer us out of here?"
She snorted. "You looking to get a new boat or something?"
Jack chuckled and gestured to the crew to do their thing.
They were both silent as he concentrated on steering them out of the busy bay. Carolyn took that opportunity to glance around to see where Christian had settled himself.
She found him standing alone under the canvas shading the center seats, and frowned at how alone he looked. But when he met her gaze, she quickly turned away and took a gulp of her drink.
"I hope you brought your swimsuit," Jack said as they passed out of the harbor into open water. "We stop for a dip at Anse Cochon on the way back."
"Yes. Genie warned me. I'm wearing it under my T-shirt and shorts."
"Really?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows. "Feel free to strip down then. We're always happy to allow ladies to sun themselves onboard. I even have suntan lotion if you need it. And I've been told I'm excellent at applying it."
"Excellent, huh?" she asked with amusement.
Jack nodded. "I am meticulous about ensuring that every inch of naked flesh is slathered with the slippery stuff."
Carolyn smiled and shook her head at his teasing, but she was tempted to take off her T-shirt at least. It was midafternoon and super-hot. Most of the men were already bare-chested, and several of the women were even now stripping off their T-shirts to reveal bathing suits beneath.
"Come on, where's your good old Canadian courage?"
Jack taunted. "Take it off. I know you want to."
Carolyn met his teasing gaze, then quickly swallowed the last of her drink and handed him the empty cup. She then removed the lei and handed him that as well. The moment he took it, she grabbed the hem of her T-shirt and quickly tugged it up and over her head.
"That a girl," he chuckled. "A couple more of these and we'll have you dancing on deck."
Carolyn turned from laying her shirt across the back of her chair to find him holding out a fresh glass of firewater.
"How did you get that so fast?" she asked with amazement, ignoring the prickling along her side that was Christian's gaze sliding over her body.
"Tristan headed over with it the moment he saw you down the first one," he said, gesturing to the big guy who had brought her drinks on the way out.
Carolyn raised her eyebrows. "Trying to get me drunk to ensure I dance on deck?"
Jack chuckled. "The boys have orders to keep the drinks topped up on the way back. It helps everyone relax enough to join in the contests, which in turn makes it more fun, and that's what they're here for."
"What exactly are these contests?" she asked suspiciously.
Grinning, he wagged a finger beneath her nose. "Uh-uh-uh. Can't spoil the surprise."
"Hmm... well, they can't be good if you have to get people drunk to participate."
"Not drunk, relaxed," he corrected and when she looked dubious, chuckled and admitted, "Well, one or two will get drunk, but most people are sensible enough to take it easy. Besides, there's only so much punch. Once it runs out, they're out of luck. It's not enough to get everyone drunk." His gaze drifted over her bare shoulders briefly, and then he stepped back from the helm and released one hand. "Come take the wheel."
Carolyn slid off her seat and moved to take the wheel.
The moment she did, he let go and pointed past her to a compass on the dash. "Keep the needle between those two points."
She nodded. It was an instruction he'd given her on the way out, and she'd been impressed with how well she'd managed it.
Jack leaned around her to dig through his shelf of goodies beside her hip, but soon straightened to stand behind her. When his hands then settled on her shoulders and began to smooth warm lotion across them, Carolyn stiffened and glanced back at him with surprise.
"Your skin's too pale for this sun, you need lotion or you'll be a boiled lobster," he said seriously. When she hesitated, he smiled. "Relax. We're going steady. It's allowed."
Carolyn gave a nervous laugh and turned back to peer at the compass. She was damned uncomfortable though as his hands slid across her skin. He was perfectly professional about it, if you could be professional about applying lotion. His hands moved smartly over her shoulders and up and down her arms, not dallying or drifting. Still she grew tenser by the minute as they then moved to her back, and sides.
"You haven't dated since your divorce," he said suddenly.
Carolyn started to glance around, but caught herself.
She didn't want to see Christian staring at her again and she could feel his eyes burning holes into the back of her head. She knew he was attracted to Jack, but it was looking more and more like the captain was straight, and she couldn't help that.
"I can tell you haven't had anyone's hands on you for a while," Jack continued conversationally. "You're as tense as a cat over water."
"Sorry," Carolyn muttered, but thought she had had hands on her, and very recently. Those few moments on the bus rose up in her memory, and she felt her nipples harden as her body seemed to swell with remembered passion.
When Jack's hands suddenly slowed, Carolyn forced the memories from her mind and took a deep breath. He couldn't possibly see her breasts from behind, but goose bumps had broken out on her skin and a shiver had run down her back at the flood of memories, and she suspected he'd noticed her physical response and mistaken the source. She was proven correct when he suddenly stepped closer, the heat of his body radiating along her back as his hands moved to clasp her waist.
"Well, that's encouraging," he breathed by her ear. "I was beginning to think you were completely immune to my charms."
Carolyn just bit her lip, not sure what to do or say.
"Dare I hope there's enough interest that you'd join me for dinner tomorrow night?"
Carolyn turned her head to glance back at him, and then gave a squeak of surprise as she found a wide black mass beside her. Christian's chest, she realized and raised her head to see him glowering down at her.
"If you can manage to tear yourself out of the captain's greasy hands for a moment, I'd appreciate a word with you," he said coldly.
Her mouth dropped open and she felt Jack tense behind her, and then she snapped her mouth closed and slid out from in front of Jack, muttering, "I'll be right back."
"I'll be waiting," he assured her, taking the helm again, but his narrowed eyes were locked on Christian's face and his expression wasn't friendly.
Sighing at the testosterone suddenly flying around her, Carolyn caught Christian's arm and dragged him to the rail at the back of the boat. Pausing there, she turned and scowled at him. "First off, that was rude."
Christian snorted. "Rude? He was all over you."
"Yes, but-"
She paused and then shook her head.
"I'm sorry. I know you're interested in him, but I wasn't coming on to him or anything, and I can't help it if he's straight."
He scowled, and she blurted out, "I'm sorry about the bus thing."
"The bus thing?" Christian asked grimly, each word succinct.
Carolyn winced. "My only excuse is that I wasn't feeling well and... well... you're attractive," she said helplessly.
"I just got confused for a minute. I'm sorry I kissed you. But you weren't fighting me off, and I know you were probably out of it and thinking I was Elton John or someone, but it didn't help."
When he just stared at her, his jaw hanging open, she sighed and added, "Frankly, I'm starting to think that I was right and I should... er... well, you know."
His mouth snapped closed and then he said silkily, "No, I don't know. Why don't you tell me?"
Carolyn eyed him warily. "What we talked about in the restaurant."
"We talked about many things," he said grimly. "Be more specific."
Crap, he was going to make her spell it out, she thought with annoyance. "Well, I'm thinking I should start something with Jack." His eyes narrowed, his expression tightening and she rushed on, "You're right, I'm not the type to just pick up some guy at a club, but I've spent a bit of time with Jack, and he's nice. And I wouldn't rush into it. He's invited me to dinner. There's nothing wrong with my accepting and maybe letting him kiss me to see how it goes."
When he stared as if turned to stone, she found herself babbling, "I'm obviously in some serious need of attention.
It was bad enough when I started having erotic dreams all over the place, but if I'm going to run around attacking my poor gay friends-"
She closed her eyes and raised a hand to rub her forehead, muttering with dismay, "God, next I'll be kissing Bethany or something."
She let her hand drop and said, "Obviously, I've been too long without and need to take care of certain biological needs to keep you safe."
"What?" he asked incredulously. "Are you suggesting you plan to sleep with him for me?"
"I value your friendship, and I'll do whatever it takes to keep it safe," she said firmly, and then flushed and admitted, "God, I squirm every time I think of the horror on your face as you ran off the bus. I felt like I had raped you or something, and then there are the dreams. I feel like I'm dream-raping you every time I have them and you don't even know about them. Well, you didn't," she added with a frown, and then rushed on, "I need to get this under control. I mean I was looking it up online last night and we aren't designed to be celibate. Sex is natural, and I think I really must be hitting that menopause thing with the added hormones and horniness. I'll be humping the waiters soon if I don't do something. I-"
"Cara," he interrupted firmly, taking her arms. "You are overreacting here. There's no need to resort to-"
"I'm not overreacting," she insisted, her voice rising.
"I never once attacked Brent like that... or anyone else.
But I'm acting crazy, jumping on you and-It's just better if I take care of things." She heaved out a breath and then added, "Besides, unless I want to spend the rest of my life alone, I need to get back into the dating game eventually.
I may as well practice with someone I'm never likely to meet again. At least that way, if I make a complete fool of myself I never have to see him again," she pointed out.
"Cara," he said quietly.
"No." She patted his arm and shook her head. "It's okay, I know you're upset with me, and you have every right to be after my behavior. And I know you'll probably be upset about Jack too since you like him. I mean, friends don't date guys other friends want. But there aren't a lot of options at honeymoon hell, and he's nice, and obviously interested in me. He's also straight. So, whether it upsets you or not, I'm going to go out with him." She patted his arm again. "I know you probably want some time to process everything so I'll leave you alone for a bit. But I'll still be your beard and everything. I'm sure Jack won't mind, he knows you're gay. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone," she added quickly. "And I hope eventually you come to forgive me for attacking you like that. I really can't explain this weird attraction I have for you, but I promise I won't do it again."
Turning before he could respond, she hurried back up to the front of the boat.
"Everything all right?" Jack asked, his voice oddly sober for a change.
Carolyn sighed. "Yes. He's just a little jealous. He likes you and your paying attention to me has his nose out of joint."
Jack blinked and then glanced at her with surprise.
"It's me he-?"
"What? You thought your charm only worked with women?" Carolyn asked with amusement.
"Hoped it only worked with women, more like," Jack muttered, turning his gaze out to sea again, and then he shook his head and grunted. "And here was I thinking that for a gay guy he was acting pretty jealous over you."
Carolyn smiled faintly and shook her head, but couldn't help wishing that was so. Which just made her shake her head again. She obviously still wasn't thinking clearly.
"So, I believe I was inviting you to dinner before we were interrupted," he said his eyes never leaving the horizon.
Carolyn hesitated, her gaze sliding to Christian again.
He was looking grim, a scowl on his face, but still so damned handsome she felt her heart turn over. Mouth tightening, she turned back and a smile. "And I believe I was about to say yes."
His head swiveled, revealing sparkling eyes and a grin.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," she said, and then blurted out, "But I'm kind of still on training wheels when it comes to dating. I-"
Her words died when he removed one hand from the wheel to slide it around her waist and draw her forward.
Carolyn was afraid he was going to kiss her and couldn't keep herself from tensing, but he only pulled her close to whisper in her ear, "It's okay. I meant it when I said I was willing to go slow. Some things are worth waiting for."
"Thanks," she breathed with relief, managing a smile when he pressed a quick kiss to her forehead and released her. She then glanced around with surprise when a drink appeared in front of her: Tristan with another offering of firewater.
She started to refuse, but spotted Christian over the man's shoulder, still scowling fiercely from the back of the boat, and the guilt that suffused her immediately changed her mind. She took the drink. Carolyn suspected she'd need it if she didn't want to freeze up like some ice maiden every time Jack touched or teased her, and she was determined to see this through.
She'd go out with him and let him kiss her and-well, if she had the same reaction to his kisses as she had to Christian's, things should be all right. She just needed to relax and not panic in the meantime. Unfortunately, the very idea of doing any of that had her in a tizzy.
God I'm so pathetic, Carolyn thought with disgust, raising the glass to her lips.