The night sky washes an unnatural shade of lavender in what I'll always remember as the color of this spectacular heartbreak. The stars spray out their glory in number as if all the starry hosts were marshaled right over Alpha Sigma Phi. The evergreens shimmer a luminescent sage as if vying for my attention. It seems all of nature is peacocking - showing off its prowess, its inherent beauty that surrounds us like a song set to the tune of eternity. How anything could go so disastrously wrong in a world so beautiful astounds me. But it had. And now, I'm experiencing the horrific impact from the death plunge I unknowingly took. Cruise pushed our love off the sheer cliff of ecstasy, and left me crashing through the flames, cracking my skull open on the rocky shore each time I thought of him.
I don't know why I expected anything different. I slid my heart across the table like it were a loaded gun, and Cruise blew a hole right through me with my own weapon. I've only my sheer stupidity to blame. I was so naive to think it could have ever worked - that we conquered something so spectacular - that it existed at all.
I run my fingers over my neck. It's still sore from picking at the collar that I latched onto it like a vice. I finally managed to take it off by repeatedly stabbing the keyhole with a bobby pin.
"There's a beer inside with your name on it." Ally links an arm with mine as we enter the frat party that essentially started it all. I suppose it's fitting it'll be my last here at Garrison. I missed classes all week and hung out at Ally's dorm in Russell Hall. Not a soul there was a "loser." According to Mom, Aunt Jackie is the loser for cheating on her poor husband. It turns out they've been in splitsville for almost a year.
Mom wanted to know why Cruise was at the bed and breakfast and I was at Ally's. I guess he told her, his windows were in desperate need of repair, and that I was staying with friends, but she knew. Mom is an expert when it comes to crash landing a relationship. And when she boards that plane for California, I plan on being right there with her. This entire semester was a waste. I got an education I never bargained for - never wanted.
Bodies cram into the boxy fraternity, overwrought with blaring music and bimbos. Alpha Sigma Phi holds the slight scent of used socks and beer much like Pennington himself, and speak of the devil...
His hair glints in the light, shorn a little too close to his head, but he's still safely tucked in his polo with the collar upturned, a white sweater lies tied over his shoulders, ensuring no one mistakes him for a gangbanger anytime soon.
"I hear my dad has this thing for your mom." He nods as if it were everyday people left, cheated - staggered into new relationships like drunken toddlers.
"I wouldn't know. How's your mom?"
"Busy" - he looks as though he could puke on demand - "with the pool boy."
"Ouch. Sorry."
"It's all right. I'm sure it'll be the box boy next week. She likes 'em young. Divorce is final in less than a month. So I guess there'll be a celebration. You down for that?"
"Celebrating the end of a relationship? Sounds horrible."
"You're right." Pen bows his head for a moment, and I reach over and hug him. I hold Pen a lot longer than anticipated until his chest heave beneath me. "I better take off. I see a skirt with my name on it," he whispers, drifting into the crowd.
It's only then I notice Ally's gone, too.
I glance up, and a familiar-looking Adonis lights up the room from across the way.
He's here. He's coming in this direction, and everything in me wants to run but my body solidifies. The room warps, the music drags, and I feel-lightheaded as if I might pass out, right on the spot.
I spin around and look for someone to talk to, anybody...and there she is - Blair. I'd like to "talk" to her all right, with the working end of a sawed off shotgun. On second thought, she wasn't too far off the mark. In fact, she was dead-on the bull's-eye - Cruise was never that into me.
I take off into the crowd.
A swarm of girls coo as he fast approaches, and an entire demonic chant breaks out offering homage to Professor Elton.
"He's got a rash on his balls the size of Wyoming," I say, moving swiftly past their circle.
"Kenny," he shouts over the music, but I pretend not to hear. Stupidly, I land myself in a corner near the refreshment table laden with an emphasis on booze and hard liquor. Something tells me I'll need all the liquor I can get my hands on to wash this entire night - semester out of my memory, at least temporarily.
Ally was wrong. This stupid party is the last place I "need" to be.
I spin toward the door and bump into a brick wall of a chest.
He's wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, my all-time favorite combo. He's got a baseball cap pulled low over his head, and his dimples invert into twin black pools.
"Coke or Pepsi?" Cruise gives a playful smile, but there's sorrow layered just beneath.
"I believe what you really want to ask is, in or out." I peg him with a hard look because he's never getting "in" again. "We both know damn well your only goal in life is getting laid. I'm sure you'll have no problem finding an entire herd of girls willing to give it up for you." And most of those at the same time.
Cruise softens. A marked sadness takes over his features as his chest pumps with an increased volume.
"I don't want a herd of girls." He swallows hard. "I only want you, Kenny."
"Bullshit." I race to get past him, but he catches me by the wrist. "Let go."
"Not until we talk." His eyes glow in this dim light and afford him an animalistic quality, too divinely exotic to ever be human. Just bearing witness to his flawless brand of beauty hurts me even deeper. I was just a joke to him, nothing but a notch on his bedpost.
"I'm not above biting, so kindly let the fuck go." I belt the words out so loud, ten different heads turn in our direction.
Cruise holds his hands in the air like it's a stickup.
"I'm done talking and listening." I meant to scream it, but in truth, I'm losing steam. I see how handsome he is, that sweetness buried beneath the surface percolating, and I can't believe we were nothing but a lie.
From over his shoulder I catch Blair gleam a wicked smile. She wraps herself in my misery like a fur-lined coat, a lush experience at my expense, supple to the touch.
"Kenny, we can work through this." He says it so calm and solid it almost makes me believe him.
"There's nothing to work through because I happen to know for a fact you think I'm repulsive and have 'daddy issues.' Oh wait - and that you wish you never asked me to marry you."
Cruise dips in. "What are you talking about?"
"I heard you!" It roars from the deepest part of me. Cruise opened the Pandora's box of grief I sealed off all my pain in, and now I've unleashed it like a missile right at the person I thought I loved - that I thought loved me.
"I would never say those things, let alone think them." His features blink back with surprise, and his mouth rounds out as if he were reliving a memory. I caught him red-handed, and he knew it. "Are you talking about a conversation I had with my dad?" His head ticks back a notch.
"Yes. I was going to surprise you. I was coming to collect my morning kiss." My voice breaks. "I heard you say - you said, you never loved me." And there it is, the wound reopened, the acid poured in because the admission came from my own lips this time.
"Kenny..." His face contorts in pain. "I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about my ex-girlfriend, Blair." His dimples blink like sirens trying to alert me to the severity of the situation. "Her mom called and wanted me to give it another try. I was just venting to my dad about it."
I glance past him and pick up on the hurt on her face - the incredible heartbreak we were passing like a baton. But she relished in my misery. She wanted Cruise back and tried to drive herself between us. She pitted me against him, and I was too quick to jump to conclusions.
"Blair and I were together for years." He steps into me, and I want to surrender to him. The sweet scent of his cologne begs for me to do it. "We dated. She never wanted to touch me. She said she wanted to save herself for marriage, and I respected that. I held out," he says it low almost reluctant to admit it. "She cheated on me, apparently with a number of guys, and last summer I found out about it. Kenny - when I asked Blair to marry me, she never said yes. And I only asked because I thought that was the next logical step in our relationship. After that, I ended up hitting on everything that moved. It wasn't until I met you that I realized two things." He steps into me and picks up my hands. "One - that breaking it off with Blair was a very good thing. I never really loved her. And two, I wish could have held out a little longer and saved it all for you. I love you, Kendall. I'll love you forever."
My heart thumps wild in my chest at the prospect of Cruise wishing he had waited for me - loving me forever.
"I have a confession. There is one thing I was keeping from you." I take a step in until we're a breath away. "When my stepfather told me those lies about myself all those years ago, I wasn't necessarily shutting out guys because I was afraid of turning into some prophesied slut." I glance down at the floor then sweep over him slowly until our eyes lock. "Deep inside I knew there would be someone special out there, and I only wanted him to have me. When I met you, Cruise - I knew you were that person. I knew it that first night. Remember when you asked if I believed in love at first sight? Deep down, I loved you right then. So, I guess I do believe in love at first sight after all."
"That makes two of us." He warms me with a smile that widens without end. "As soon as I laid eyes on you, my thesis went out the window."
"What exactly is your thesis?"
"The fallacy of love at first sight. Turns out, the only fallacy was my thesis itself. But I won't be needing it anymore." Cruise wraps his arms around my waist and pierces me with those eyes that shower me with affection in so many special ways. "Kendall Jordan, will you marry me?"
I can feel the words vibrate through his chest, the deep register of his voice sirens through me like a tuning fork.
"It's Kenny to you." I give the curve of a smile. "And yes, I would be honored to spend my life by your side." I jump up on his hips, and he catches me beneath my knees as our lips crash into one another. Cruise lays his kisses over me with a soulful intensity. This is holy and right and something destined to happen right from the beginning. His tongue sweeps over mine, soft and aching. Cruise cleanses me with the fire from his mouth. This kiss begs forgiveness and thanks me for the start of something new, all at the same time. I can feel his desire growing for me, impeding my right thigh through his jeans, and a moan escapes my throat.
Cruise pulls back and cinches a forlorn smile. "I have something else to tell you." A sigh depresses from him. It brushes over my neck with a hint of heartache. "I was expelled from Garrison."
"What?" I let go and nearly fall to the floor but Cruise catches me, dots a kiss over my forehead, easy as breathing.
"A certain journalism major" - he nods in Blair's direction - "made sure what I chose to do in private was well documented."
My hand flies over my mouth at the horror of it. "It was with me, wasn't it?"
His brows rise. "She had a copy of the revised syllabus. How did she get it?" He sounds honestly perplexed.
"The syllabus?" I take in a sharp breath. "That day in class." I blink into the epiphany. "I dropped my book bag, then ran out the door with you. It was the day your mom broke her leg. She gave me the papers the next time I saw her, and I bet that was one of them. Sorry."
"Don't apologize." He sinks a kiss over my lips. "I don't mind running the bed and breakfast for now. I'll happily accept it as my destiny but only if it includes you."
"For sure it includes me." I tip into him and bite down on a smile. "I can warm the beds at night with my body."
"Just mine." A naughty grin blooms across his gorgeous face. "You do realize that I'm going to have to arrest you for taking off with my heart again."
"Sounds like an incarceration is in the works." I gravel it out low and full of wanting. "Rumor has it you have the capability to induce a triple play of pleasure, all in the same night. True or not true?"
He ticks back his head, withholding a laugh. "I think you'd better find out for yourself. Why don't we get out of here and put some rumors to rest." He takes me in, and his smile softens. "Engagement - long or short?"
"Very, very short."
Cruise secures me over his waist and walks us out of Alpha Sigma Phi while kissing me with a tender affection. Bodies part like the Red Sea as we land outside under a bed of crystalline stars.
"Move back into the house with me, Kenny" - he closes his eyes a brief moment as if to stave off pain - "and please don't ever leave."
I brush my fingers over his cheek.
When you get right down to it, Cruise Elton was never a player. He has the face and heart of an angel, and he's all mine, forever.
I wrap my arms around his neck and whisper, "Take me home."
We press in a kiss under the magical lavender sky.
Forever begins tonight.
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