Late that night,Taylorsat at her vanity, her back toJackson. He was stretched out on the bed, dressed only in his boxers, watching her prepare for bed. Arms folded behind his head, he looked every inch the proprietary male. Though she was wearing an ankle-length silk nightgown, his hot gaze made her feel as if she were in the sheerest slip.
"What are you thinking so hard?" she asked, meeting his intense gaze in the mirror.
"Lance has completely withdrawn his proceedings. It was confirmed at5:00 p.m.I've also managed to convince him of the wisdom of consenting to Nick's adoption." He lifted a cynical brow. "Money talks very loudly to LanceHegerty ."
Joy made her giddy. "Oh,Jackson! Thank you!"
She put her brush down and turned to face him, intending to run into his arms. But, when she looked at him, she was startled to see that his expression had become even more intense. "What is it?" For something to do, she started plaiting her hair, uncertain how to handle her husband when he looked so unapproachable.
"There aren't any more worries." His eyes went darker than she would've believed possible. "I don't want you going on birth control."
She froze. "I ... why can't we wait?" Just today, she'd put a note in her diary to contact the doctor.
"I'm not going to force you into it. What would be the point?" He sounded calm but she could almost see his tension in the taut muscles of his upper arms. "But, tell me one thing - do you ever want to have my child?"
"I ... I haven't really had a chance to think about it," she lied, panicked.
If she hadJackson's baby, she would become ultimately vulnerable to him, connected in a way that would make escape impossible. Her powerful, possessive husband would never give up the right to watch his child grow day by day, and neither would she. Even worse, the experience of creating a life would bind their emotions together with such strength that she wouldn't be able to fight falling in love with him. And loving a man terrified her.
"When do you want to have a child?"
"Soon."Jackson's Italian-dark eyes met hers. "The child will have a trust fund, too. Have a think about it."
"I ... I will." Stomach in knots, she walked out of the bedroom and into theensuite bathroom, where she began washing her face. She should have picked something harder. The simple act gave her too much time to think.
A baby.
It had been part of their bargain. He had a right to expect it after he'd delivered his side of their agreement, yet he wasn't pressuring her. Of course, there was a time limit on his patience. And if he saw that she had no intention of trying to get pregnant, would he dissolve their marriage before the year was up? She clenched her fists on the edge of the sink, unable to bear the thought.
But, a baby?
Years ago, she hadn't even allowed herself to dream of it when she'd realized what it meant. Reliance.
Complete and utter trust in a man. Desolation and anguish if that trust was betrayed. Her hands shook as she dried her face. She'd never trusted any man enough to chance that kind of pain. Could she trust Jackson? He understood her need for a safety net - he'd offered their child a trust fund.
A bribe.
It hit her with the force of a roundhouse punch to the jaw. She sat down on the small stool by the handbasin , face white. Her husband was trying to bribe her for a baby. Just like he'd bribed her to be his wife. That time, the bribe had been Nick's safety. This time, it was security for the child they would create between them.
He'd bribed her into going to that party inFiji, and though the gift of seductive lingerie had come after the lovemaking, he'd bribed her for sex, too. Maybe that's not how he'd consciously thought of it, but the pattern of behavior was becoming clear. Today, an exquisite diamond necklace had been delivered to her from an exclusive jeweler - a present for the dinner party.
Suddenly, she understood the depth of hurts her silent husband carried.Jacksondidn't expect anyone to give him a gift without a price attached, or care for him without being paid, without compensation. She'd been so selfish and he'd let her, not expecting anything more. His childhood had been spent with people who demanded recompense for the slightest expression of care - baby-sitters, nannies and boarding schools. Tears pricked at her eyes. Stupid man. How dare he do this to her?
Taking deep breaths, she began to think, remembering her earlier thoughts of courage and cowardice.
Yes, she would be incredibly vulnerable if she hadJackson's baby, but he was the only man with whom she could even consider such an act of trust. What was the alternative? Never to know the joy of nurturing a child in her womb, never to hold a little human being who was part of her, never to give Nick the happiness of playing the role of a big brother, and more importantly, never to give her husband the baby he needed to erase the pain ofBonnie's selfish choice.
Despite his own concerns, she knew that he wouldn't cheat on her. He'd been faithful to Bonnie and he'd had all the reason in the world to take a lover. He would never abuse her, having too much self-control.
And, if the worst happened and they separated, he had too much honor to leave her to survive on her own.
She frowned. If their marriage didn't last, they'd both be to blame. But, she had no intention of ever giving up the hope she'd found in his arms. A small light flared inside her heart.Jackson, too, wanted a lifetime commitment, unlike the rest of his family. He would stick by her, unless she gave him a reason to leave. And she would never give him such a reason.
JacksonSantorini belonged to her.
Chapter 11
Jacksonlay there in the semidarkness of the bedroom, having dimmed the light afterTaylorslipped away.
The woman he'd shown such tenderness and care was hiding from him ... as if he was the monster Bonnie had accused him of being. Pain threatened to rip apart his heart.
Their bargain had been clear. A child within a year or they would separate. But he would never let her go. Even if it meant accepting that he would never father a child, because the awful truth was, his wife didn't want to give him that gift. He had no right to berate her but damn it, he wanted to. He adored her, would cherish their child as he cherished Nick, but it was apparent that she didn't feel the hunger he did to create another soul out of their feelings for each other.
In the dark, he knew his smile was cynical. As far asTaylorwas concerned, they had nothing more than a bargain. Unfortunately for her, he was too much like his grandfather Josef. He'd made his choice, and his heart was too passionate to accept anything less than everything from his wife. He would fight forTaylor until she had no choice but to trust him.Santorini men could be adoring husbands but they could also be merciless hunters.
The door to the bathroom opened. He blinked and pushed his pain and resolve to the background. It did no good to let anyone see your vulnerabilities. He'd made that mistake with Bonnie and she'd used the knowledge to rip him to tiny pieces, before he'd stopped letting her matter.
Taylorcame to sit beside him on the bed, placing one hand on his bare chest. "I have to tell you something."
"I know," he began, wanting the pain over with as quickly as possible.
"Please listen." In the soft light, her face looked so young that his heart clenched.
He lifted a hand and touched her cheek, unable to stop the action. This small woman could hurt him far more than Bonnie ever had."Tell me, piccola ."
She held his hand when it dropped, clasping it between both of hers. "I'm afraid to have a child. Not physically afraid. Afraid of the vulnerability it creates."
"Because of your mother." He understood at once.
She nodded. "I've been afraid for so long - I can't forget what her life ended up like, all because she trusted a man with her body and her heart. I can't forget. I just can't and the fear is so strong, sometimes it chokes me."
He was pulled in two directions. ProtectingTaylorand protecting his dreams. There was only one real choice and he made it with brutal swiftness. "It is all right, cara . We have Nick." She'd already given him a son to teach and love. It would have to be enough.
She shook her head, tears glimmering in her eyes. "No, it's not all right! I don't like being afraid,Jackson.
I hate that feeling of being strangled. I am not Helenaand you're not Lance. We're stronger than them."
"Yes." He was astonished by her ability to see the truth through her pain. Her strength of will had never been clearer, so her next question humbled him.
"You taught me to make love without fear. Will you teach me to have a child without fear?"
He was so stunned that he couldn't speak for a long time. "How do I do that, little one?"
"By holding me, by being there whenever I need you, by never leaving me to flounder, by being there, just being there." Her hand was clenched around his.
Opening his arms,Jacksoninvited her in. When she came, he snuggled her face-to-face. His heart was painfully tight in his chest. "I'll always be there, cara . Always."
"Don't ever leave me or our children, Jackson." A single tear trailed down her face. She dashed it away.
For the first time he understood the depth of pain that she'd suffered at being abandoned, not only by her biological father, but also by the man who'd married her mother. His little wife had experienced as much loneliness as the rich boy sent to boarding school at age five.
"On my family's name, I promise you, TaylorSantorini , that as long as I draw breath, I will never leave you or our children. Remember who I am, piccola - an incredibly possessive tyrant where you are concerned."
She gave him a shaky smile. "I believe that."
He wiped away her tears, awed by the evidence of her trust in him. When he'd believed that she was rejecting having his child, he hadn't understood the courage it would take for his wife to fight the lessons of the past and take that step. And yet she was, for him. For him .