And what about me?Taylorwanted to ask, despite the selfishness of such a question.Jackson's proposal seemed so cold and calculated, disregarding the emotional links already tying them together.
Before she could answer, he said, "You'd have the security and stability you want for Nick. I promise you that whatever it takes, Lance won't touch him. I can tie this up legally for years, if that's what it takes." The hardness in his tone underlined each word.
"But dragging Nick through that type of case..."
He put down his coffee cup before answering. "That's a worst-case scenario. My gut says it won't happen. Lance's reputation is built on professionalism and discretion. He won't want his dirty laundry aired in public."
"But he's already filed a lawsuit against me." She squeezed her cup, trying to warm suddenly cold hands.
"He saw you as powerless. Family court operates a lot behind closed doors and he was probably counting on that. But once I get involved, he'll know that the media will sniff out every single detail, including the way he left Nick." His conviction made her want to believe.
"What happens if we marry?" Being married to JacksonSantorini was almost impossible for her mind to comprehend. She'd barely been able to handle a kiss and now this?
"No judge is going to pickHegerty's side over mine, no matter how deep they are in each other's pockets." There was a harsh edge to his voice that reminded her of some old-world mobster, at once terrifying and magnificent. "At worst, we'd get a fair hearing. I'm not going to lie to you, if that's what happens, it's likely Lance will be granted partial custody at least."
She respected him for not sugarcoating the truth. The worst-case scenario was still better than the certain failure that she'd been facing until now. "And at best?"
"At best,Hegerty will withdraw. In fact, I'm betting on it. He doesn't sound like a man who picks on those strong enough to fight back." His lip curled in disgust.
"I'd do anything for Nick." She found her way with those words. "Are you sure it'll work?" For Nick, she'd even chance marrying the one man who threatened to batter down the painstakingly wrought walls around her heart.
"Yes. I protect those who belong to me." The statement was without compromise. "Nick would have every advantage."
"So long as we're together," she blurted out. "Your family's track record isn't so good." She wouldnot put Nick through the pain of gaining a father, only to have that father walk away. Her own experience at Lance's hands had taught her that sometimes it was better to never have a father at all. "And what if we divorce before he's eighteen? Lance might try again."
He nodded, those dark eyes going even more opaque. "I'm willing to make a commitment to a certain number of years together. I was with Bonnie for six."
"But not happy."
"No." A bald truth.
"Why chance that again?" Despite her concern for Nick, she remembered the deep sorrow she'd sometimes glimpsed inJackson's eyes. That hidden pain had only deepened since their last meeting.
Something terrible had happened. Something worse thanBonnie's affair, her suicide and the ensuing media frenzy. Whatever it was, it had wounded him terribly. She couldn't bear to cause him more pain.
Worry for Nick andJacksoncollided. How could she buy one's joy with the other's unhappiness? She couldn't. Both her men deserved better.
And so didshe .
"I hardly think you'll take up drugs and spiral into depression. You care too much for Nick." He spoke of their marriage as if it were only a business arrangement. As if the tender kiss last night had never happened. Perhaps that powerful moment of trust had meant nothing to him, used as he must be to far wilder displays of passion.
"As for Nick having every advantage, I'll set up a trust fund for him, to be his whether we're together or not." He walked over to stand at the foot of the stairs, looking down at her from his considerable height.
She narrowed her eyes, worry about his reasons for the proposal, and confusion over her own feelings, momentarily overridden by irritation. He'd better not offer her money as well or she'd scratch out his eyes. She had no pride where Nick was concerned but for herself, she had plenty.
"I'd make sure you were taken care of," he began, his hand on the banister.
"Stop right there." Putting down her cup, she stood up on the second step, level with his face. "The only reason I'm considering this crazy idea is because it will help me keep my brother. I don't want your money!" In her anger, she didn't stop to consider why he'd offer to sweeten the deal, when she was the one without options.
"I'd be asking you not to work while you were my wife, even though I'd lose the best secretary I ever had."
"Why not?" She put her hands on her hips. This reasonable man was not the passionate, wild creature she knew. Where was herJackson?
"More than half my business is done via social events. Bonnie alienated a large number of people we need to woo back. You'd be working, but in a way that the outside world would never appreciate." He continued in that calm and practical way, stoking her simmering temper.
"If we separated, it would be difficult for you to get back into the workforce. It's only fair that I give you something to tide you over. You'd never use Nick's trust fund and it would hurt him if you were without resources."
"You really know how to hit the jugular don't you?" Her tone was sharp.
"It's a skill." His voice was uninflected but she knew that she'd hurt him.
Why had she done that? Was it because she was afraid of what he made her feel? She'd vowed to never love a man as much as her mother had, because she knew that in some ways, she was the same asHelena
. They both loved with a passion that could be destructive if it wasn't returned.
Her mother had loved the man she'd had an affair with, and she'd ended up loving Lance, too. Her suffering when they'd both thrown her aside like used tissues had been fatal.Taylornever intended to be in that position - never would she allow herself to be that vulnerable. Except sometimes,Jacksonmade that ultimate weakness seem tempting.
Unable to bear his hurt, she reached out to touch his cheek, rough with five o'clock shadow. "I'm sorry."
"There's nothing to be sorry for." He didn't move away from her touch, but neither did he show any reaction.
She pushed her hand into his thick hair while he stood there, letting her do whatever she wanted. "Don't you ever get angry,Jackson? Flat-out mad?"
"No." He looked into her eyes, completely cold.
"No, you just go icy," she whispered. He'd yelled at her in the office but that had been over little things.
When it really mattered, he simply shut down. She wondered if he felt too much and had to feel nothing at all to survive. Her heart hurt for him. "Well, guess what?"
He raised a brow at her snappish tone.
"If you marry me, you have to live with a temper."
"I face tantrums all the time in my line of work."
"Tantrums?" Leaning across, she put her other hand in his hair. She trusted him to not let her fall from her precarious position. He didn't let her down. Big, warm male hands clasped her waist tight. "Don't you ever say I have tantrums, JacksonSantorini , or I'll show youangry. "
"You wanted to know if I could handle temper." Despite her deliberate provocation, his tone remained even.
"Okay." Until this moment, she hadn't realized the depth of his pain. Just who was JacksonSantorini behind his guise of powerful producer? "How do you deal with the tempers in the business?"
He gave her a humorless smile. "You know we talk money and if the demands are unreasonable, we get hard-nosed. Or, we send in people to soothe their famous nerves."
She stifled a laugh. "So, how's that going to work for me, Mr. Big Shot Producer-Guy?"
For a second, he looked dumbstruck. Then he said, "Guess I'll have to learn to soothe your nerves."
"Nerves!" she cried, before glimpsing the tiny spark of humor in his eyes. Relief at finally getting through to him made her giddy. "Ooooh. You make me so mad."
The hands on her waist tightened. He lifted her up without visible effort and set her on her feet in front of him. "How mad?"
"Sooooomad." She had to tilt her head back to look up at him. The position made her vividly aware of his size and power. He was so hot and alive. So male that it made the woman in her whimper for things she knew nothing about.
The moment stretched and she saw desire begin to warm those Italian-dark eyes. Involuntarily, fear shivered through her. His tenderness last night hadn't been enough to destroy scars she'd carried since childhood. He removed his hands, his face tensing, all angles and harsh shadows.
"If we marry, I won't force anything on you." He paused, as if making a decision. "But, I do wish for something from this marriage."
"What?" At last, she thought, a reason behind this improbable proposal.
"A baby." His eyes were fathomless. "If we can beat your fear and have sex, I don't want you using protection."
Taylorwas momentarily silenced, stunned by the request. Despite the newly awakened desire between them, why would he ask this of her, a woman who could barely allow him a kiss? Maybe he didn't understand the extent of her fear. She would marry him to keep Nick but she wouldn't trick him. He had to know that her problems ran deep.
"I may never be able to give you what you want. Are you willing to never father a child?" She had to make him understand that this wasn't something that would pass easily. It might never pass. Even if they managed to overcome her fear of intimacy, having children terrified her for a much more painful reason.
After witnessing her mother's despair, she wasn't sure if she could ever make herself that vulnerable to a man. Even a man likeJackson.