She nods, "I needed to hold you and make sure you were okay."
I smile and kiss her hand, "I have you. I'll always be okay."
"I need you to know I was wrong. You don't need to live here and be grateful because it was so cushy and easy for you growing up. My life was easier than yours. There is no doubt. Those nuns loved me way more than those people loved you."
I lick my lips and shake my head, "It doesn’t matter. I am grateful. I see what we have, I found you, and I trust that you're going to be okay. Coming here made me see that."
"I love you, Eli."
I kiss her once more, "I am grateful for you." I need her to leave with me before the whole area erupts in plague and war. I nod, "Let's go home."
She smiles.
Epilogue
December 24th 2013
My apartment has never looked so strange to me before. There are bells, ribbons, garland, mini trees and a big one, and it's like Christmas threw up in here.
Stuart passes me a glass of wine and sits next to me, "Wow."
I nod, "Yes. Wow, if you mean to say ‘holy shit, it's like the mall in here’ then wow is perfect."
He sips his beer, "Yeah, that’s about what I was gonna say."
The lights everywhere make it sparkle, no matter where you are in the whole apartment.
He nudges me, "You got something special under that tree?"
I shrug, "I hope so. I gave her five thousand dollars and told her to do her shopping; she better have gotten me at least a tie."
He laughs, "You know what I mean."
I smile, "I do. I got her two things."
He gives me a look. I get up and nod, "Come on." He gets up and follows me. I lead him down the hall, it's an act I have never done before. I open the new, white door that looks like the others in the hallway. I see his face turn a little rigid. It makes me smile. I open the door; he backs away and winces as I let him see. He's expecting the dirty room, but instead there is an office and a day bed. He frowns, "What… what happened?"
I shrug, "I want her parents to come and stay, I want mine to come for dinner, and I want her to do homework here and be at home." I don’t tell him that it was mostly the shame that came with the room. She wanted to keep it but her memories of it were not the only ones that existed. It made me think and want things I didn’t want to do to her. I learned to silence that side of myself.
She kept the paddle she liked and the blindfold. That was her only concession to it.
"When did you do this?"
I smile, "Yesterday. I had someone come and buy the bed; I tossed the stuff in the room. The bureau stayed, it's nice. I had the furniture people come yesterday though and put it all together."
He nods, "It's nice."
I sip my wine, "It's nice not having a room that no one can go in or not be worried they will."
He gives me a look, "What's the other present?"
I shake my head, "I have to ask her dad for permission before it becomes a real present."
His eyes fill with joy, "Richard and Helen love you."
We turn and walk back to the kitchen. Sarah and Michelle walk from the elevator with bags of things.
She sees my face and sticks her tongue out, "It's not more decorations." She puts the bags down and fixes the things we've touched and moved. She still has that sometimes. I think she is testing herself with the decorations, forcing herself to change.
She starts prepping food with Michelle, "My parents arrive in half an hour. Can you pick them up?"
I put my wine on the counter and nod. Stuart gives me a look, "I'll stay here and make sure those cooking classes they've been taking are paying off."
I laugh, earning a fierce look from them both. She still wants to be a journalist, she wants to cook perfectly, decorate perfectly, and be perfectly normal. Then she wants me to tie her up and spank her. It's like winning the lottery, except the first three weeks of cooking classes were bad. Stuart got food poisoning and I had a headache for a day.
She wants normal and then fights it tooth and nail. Just getting her to move in with me was brutal.
I have no idea how I will get her to agree to marrying me. I walk through the lobby, practicing my speech.
The guy in the lobby gives me a look.
I snap, "Do you ever take a day off?"
He shakes his head, "No, Mr. Adams." I scowl and head for the SUV. I drive to the airport and wait. I practice my speech several times more and wait.
My stomach is a ball of nerves. When they walk out of the airport, I jump out of my seat and open the hatch. "How was the flight?"
They give me an odd look, "Good."
I'm being weird. Shit.
I put a hand up, "I'm sorry to do this here, but I can't do it at the house and I wanted to ask to your face."
Helen smiles brightly and Richard frowns. I gulp, "I would like your permission to marry your daughter, if she'll even say yes."
Helen leaps at me and Richard laughs, "You scared the devil out of me, son. I thought something bad had happened."
Helen cries, she always does.
I shake my head, "Please, I want her to be surprised when I ask. No tears."
Richard shakes my hand, "You have always had our permission."
I nod, "Thank you."
Helen hugs me again and wipes her face, "What a wonderful Christmas surprise."
I sigh, "Only if she says yes."
Helen rolls her eyes, "She loves you, honey. She just has that orphan survival mode she goes into sometimes."
I laugh and get the door for Helen. Richard sits up front with me. I am a worse ball of nerves now that I have their permission.
We get to the house, they hug and look at the view and laugh and smile. I feel like a hallmark commercial. My house is filled with love and people and fucking Christmas decorations enough for a whole hotel.
Stuart brings me my wine, "Well."
I drink the whole glass and nod my head. He hits me in the arm, "Told you."
I can't seem to get a full breath. I don’t doubt her love for me. I don’t doubt my love for her. I know there are no two people on this earth as meant to be, as we are. I am just terrified that she will shut down when she feels the pressure of the question. I wish I could wait longer and not ask for a few years, but every time I see her, catch her eyes, or watch her smile, the words nearly slip from my lips. If I don’t do it now, it'll be in the boxing ring or the store or the car, and it won't be special.
I have had it in my pocket forever. I pat it and bite my lip. She makes a wonderful dinner but I can't eat it. She opens my favorite wine, even though she still doesn't drink and I don’t want any. Her mother drinks too much and her father watches me all night long.
It's intense and stressful, but finally they turn in for the night and Stuart and Michelle leave. I can tell Michelle knows, damned Stuart.
Sarah puts the last of the glasses into the dishwasher as I wipe down the table. We have to do it before bed or she can't sleep.
She finishes and I smirk, desperate to hide my nerves, "Come with me."
I offer her my hand. She frowns and takes it. I pull her to the stairs in the hallway and we go up for the first time ever. I open the rooftop door and we walk out into the snow.
The night is perfect; there is just enough snow that it looks magical and Christmassy.
I walk her to the far side of the roof, overlooking the harbor and hotels. I turn and face her, praying to God she will agree.
"When I was a boy, I met a girl and the worst things imaginable happened to us. We survived, but it was hard and there were a thousand reasons we shouldn’t have." She frowns but I continue, "Now I don’t know what got you through but you are the sole reason I survived everything. You have always been the sun and moon in my world. I was lost until I met you."
She smiles and I drop to my knee, in the snow, and pull the ring from my pocket, "I know I'm not good enough, not even close. I know you probably feel like we have hardly known each other a year. But I have waited for what feels like an eternity, because I have loved you since I found you. It has been years and I have hoped and prayed that one day we would be here, and you would love me too."
She doesn’t look excited or scared. She looks frozen.
I hold the ring up a little more, "I would be honored if you would marry me, Sarah Mastermen, and let me try with all my heart to make you happy every day."
She is stuck on the shock of it all. If we were normal people, I would be excited that I'd shocked her. Being us, it's not so exciting. She stares at the ring and then holds her hand out to me. I take it and place the ring on. She doesn't speak. We do the awkward silence thing for a minute.
She takes my hands and pulls me to my feet. Her eyes start to water. Her lip trembles and she nods, "Yes." She cries into our kiss.
I wrap around her, sheltering her from the snow, "Thank you."
She shakes her head and looks up at me, "I have never truly thanked you for everything."
I shake my head, "I never did it so you would. I did it because I love you."
She kisses my cheek and then the other, "Then thank you for loving me so much." She starts to laugh like she does sometimes, and I don't get the joke. She looks at me, "Is this why you got rid of the naughty room?"
I shake my head, "No. I got rid of that because I bought a house, well, I bought three. I was thinking you could check out which one you like best, then give one to Michelle and Stuart, and the other to your brothers. I want to sell this place so I don’t want the realtors coming in and seeing that."
She shakes her head, "Who buys three houses?"
I shrug, "It seemed like a good idea at the time. I didn’t want to commit to one, in case you hated it and then that’s the shit Christmas present I gave you. This way, you pick."
She sighs, "You are so weird." She links her arm into mine and leads us back to the door, "I'm cold and I want to go to bed, and I want to try very hard not to make any noise while we do all those things normal people don’t do."