“Is that what you want?” He never talks about football much with me. It’s like he compartmentalizes all these different parts of his life and only reveals what he thinks I should see.
“Yeah.” He hangs his head. “I don’t know what else I would do. I’m a business major with a minor in finance. I did that to please my dad.”
“Hey.” I rest my hand on his knee and give him a little shake. “It’s going to be okay. Really.”
Drew settles his hand over mine and gives it a squeeze. We look at each other as he laces our fingers together and then he’s leaning in, kissing me, so softly, so sweetly I almost want to cry. Touching my cheek with his other hand, he breathes words against my lips that make my heart ache for him.
“I love you so damn much. I know this has happened fast and we’re having to deal with a lot of shit, but if we can make it through this, we can make it through anything.”
He’s right. He has to be right. If I could, I’d beg him to take me to bed right now. So we could lose ourselves in each other, if only for a little bit.
But now’s not the time. There’re other things to consider first. And Owen…
“Where’s Owen?” I ask after I break our kiss.
As if he’s lurking behind his bedroom door just waiting to bust out, he enters the living area, stopping short when he sees the two of us sitting so closely together. We haven’t been very affectionate or grabby in front of my brother. It makes me uncomfortable, which is so stupid, but I know Owen doesn’t approve one hundred percent of me being with Drew.
Crazy. I shouldn’t care. I love this man sitting beside me. And I love the boy standing in front of us.
“That chick was creepy.” Owen shakes his head, looking at Drew. “She said she was your mom?”
Drew stiffens beside me. “She’s not. She’s married to my dad. My mom died when I was little.”
“Wait a minute.” I disentangle myself from Drew and stand, going to Owen. “You met her? You talked to her?”
“She was in the apartment when I got home,” Drew adds.
“With Owen? Alone?” I’m stunned. What. The. Hell. “Who let her in?”
“I did,” Owen admits sheepishly. “She was waiting outside when I got here. She said she was Drew’s mom and that she needed to see him so I let her in.”
“Oh my God.” I’m reeling. “How long were you with her alone?”
“I don’t know. Ten minutes?” Owen shrugs. “What’s the big deal? She’s weird, I’ll give her that. But it’s not like she did anything to me. You act like she’d want to feel me up or something.”
I look at Drew. No way am I going to say anything to Owen about…that. “She’s a little mentally unstable at the moment. Everyone’s worried about her.” Ick. I can’t believe I just said that. I’m not worried about her. I wish she’d fall off the face of the earth and rot in hell forever.
“I thought I heard you two fighting,” Owen said, shifting on his feet. He looks uncomfortable.
“We don’t really like each other.” I circle my arm around Owen’s shoulders and lead him into the kitchen. I need to change the subject and quick. “I have good news. I found an apartment for us.”
“Really?”
He’s so excited as I tell him all the details, hyperaware of Drew sitting in the living room. Alone with his thoughts. I’m torn. Excited to find my own place for Owen and me. Sad to leave Drew. I need this independence. But I need Drew as well.
He needs me—now more than ever. I hope I can be enough for him.
I hope we can be enough for each other.
Chapter Nineteen
The truth is rarely pure and never simple. – Oscar Wilde
Adele
I’m sick and tired of feeling guilty for the things I’ve done. I can’t help who I fall in love with. Why is it such a crime, falling in love? My husband neglected me for years. His son reminds me so much of him…only better. Younger. More vibrant. Sweet and eager to please.
At first it was all for fun. When your husband loses interest in her sexually, a woman starts to feel less than. Ignored. Alone. I started flirting with Drew and he responded. Oh, maybe he was a little uncomfortable at first but the more we talked, the more time we spent together, the more he liked it.
The more he liked me.
Now he hates me. I don’t know where it all went wrong. I don’t understand his total disgust for me. I wish I could change it. I wish I could make him see I only want the very best for him. He has so much potential. He’ll be a star someday. A shiny bright star for a brief moment, I held in my hands.
Only he slipped away and has no plans on ever coming back. The disappointment that floods me every time I think of him is so overwhelming, I can’t dwell on it for long.
So I don’t.
I’ve had affairs. Brief, meaningless dalliances with beautiful young men who make me feel good for a little while. Jonah the golf pro is my latest indulgence, and while he’s magnificent in bed and eagerly attentive, he’s also young and foolish and enjoys bragging to his friends that he’s banging an older woman. They call me a cougar.
So crude, these boys are. Not my Drew. Scratch that—my Andrew. I’m the only one who calls him that. The only one who’s allowed.
I drive around the backwater little town he lives in while he goes to college, getting lost on all the one-way streets while I try to find a nice hotel. The campus is nice, the downtown area eclectic, with lots of cute shops and restaurants. Other than that, the town is an absolute shit hole. If he remains here with that stupid, useless girl, he will go nowhere.
Thinking of her makes me want to vomit. I can’t believe she attacked me. My head still hurts where she literally ripped the hair out of my scalp. The way she looked at me, the words she said. She hates me.
That’s fine. I hate her too. She’s turned my beautiful boy completely against me, and the idea of her ha**g s*x with him makes me want to tear her apart.
Andrew is mine. He belongs to me.
I finally find a hotel and check in, handing over my husband’s credit card. The price doesn’t matter. Price never matters. Andy hasn’t cut off my credit cards or my access to our bank account, none of it. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, he wants me back. I’m his favorite prized possession and the idea that I might belong to someone else fills him with worry.
He won’t let me go. That’s both reassuring and cloying. I need Andy for financial security. I want others for excitement and passion. My husband can no longer give me that sort of excitement, which is a shame.
I go to my hotel room, bringing with me the small travel bag I packed just for this special occasion. I’d hoped Andrew would let me stay with him, but he has that bitch girlfriend living at his apartment for the moment, along with her younger brother.
Who was a most interesting specimen, if I’m being truthful. He’s handsome and young and full of attitude, I could sense it the moment I set eyes on him. Not necessarily my usual type, with his blond hair and green eyes, his slender build and wannabe bad boy personality.
He has potential, though. Tremendous potential.
Setting my bag on top of the bed, I unzip it and reach inside, pulling out the small handgun I took from my husband’s dresser. He keeps it there for protection. I brought it with me for the same reason. I’m about to do something that will change our lives forever and I’m not sure how others might react. I’m especially grateful I brought it, considering that stupid bitch is still in Andrew’s life.
It might be a mistake making my confession, but I need to get this information off my chest. Andy deserves the truth. Andrew must face his truth.
I may have told Andrew Vanessa belonged to him, but I don’t know if it’s true. I want it to be true. I’d much prefer believing Andrew was her father. Unfortunately, I never had it confirmed. There is no absolute for me regarding her paternity. But now she’s gone, and though it’s wishful thinking on my part that Andrew would ever gift me with another child, I still hope for it.
Despite his hatred for me. Despite his fear and disgust for me, I still wish for him to be mine.
Forever.
Chapter Twenty
Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them. – Bruce Lee
Drew
When your phone rings at two in the morning and wakes you from a deep sleep, you know it’s never good.
The ringing startles me and I reach for my cell where it rests on my bedside table, my heart thumping wildly. Fable moves away from me in her sleep, rolling over on her side, her na**d back to me. I’m immediately cold without having her close and I glance at the phone, see that it’s my dad calling. Again.
Reluctantly I answer, keeping my voice a whisper. “Hello.”
“Drew. My God.” He’s breathing heavily and I restrain myself from blowing out an exasperated breath. I’m so over his drama I can hardly take another anguished phone call, another crying plea. “Is it true?”
It’s like all the blood drains from my body. You tell yourself you’re prepared for a particular moment, a certain revelation, but when it happens, you’re still knocked on your ass. “Is what true?”
“Adele told me what happened between you two.” His voice lowers to an almost inaudible whisper. “Tell me, is it true?”
I don’t know what he wants me to say. Yes, it’s true or no, it’s not? Fuck, I’m confused. “What did she tell you?”
“That the two of you had an affair going on for years? Tell me, son. I need to know. Is she lying to me? Please say she’s lying.”
He doesn’t want to deal. Well, that’s just great because neither do I. “Dad…”
“Don’t beat around the bush. Just confirm it. Say yes or say no.”
I exhale heavily, my heart aching, my stomach turning. “I…”
“Say it! Yes or no. It’s as simple as that.”
Right. It’s so simple, admitting my deepest, darkest secret. “Yes,” I say, my voice harsh.
Dad is silent for so long, I wonder if he’s hung up on me. But then a burst of sound fills my ears, so ragged and pitiful, I almost don’t recognize it for what it is.
He’s…crying.
“I hate her,” he sobs, his voice broken. “She’s destroyed everything. My marriage, my son, my daughter. Oh God, I hate her so much.”
“What?” I climb out of bed, never looking in Fable’s direction. She might be awake by now, I don’t know, but I need to concentrate on what Dad is saying.
At the moment he’s sort of blowing my mind.
“I can’t believe that she had an…affair with you. An affair.” He laughs but it’s hollow sounding. “She molested you. God, she’s sick. I never want to see her again.”
“You don’t blame me?” I fall onto the couch, my head spinning. All these years, I believed if he discovered the truth, he would hate my guts.
“Blame you? How could I blame you? She said this started when you were still fifteen. Fucking fifteen!” He’s crying harder. “I’m sorry, Drew. I brought her into our lives and I’m so goddamned sorry. I had no idea. No f**king clue she was doing that to you. How could I be so stupid, so selfish? So blind?”
“It’s not your fault, Dad…”
“Stop right there, just…stop. It’s all my fault. I should’ve paid better attention. I should’ve been there for you but I wasn’t. I hate that. I’ve let you down.” He takes a deep shuddering breath. “It’s over, son. My marriage is over. You don’t have to worry about her being a part of our lives any longer. She’s no longer welcome in my home, in my heart, in my life.”
I’m crying too. The tears are falling and I sniff, trying to gain some control over my emotions. That tight feeling I’ve been carrying in my chest for months—hell, years—is slowly but surely easing. My dad knows the truth.
And he doesn’t hate me for it.
“When did she tell you?”
“She called me hours ago. I have no idea where she is. Did you see her? Did she come there? God, she’s twisted. I swear she’s obsessed with you.”
“I saw her. Fable tried to beat her up when she found out Adele had met her younger brother.”’
“You’re still with Fable? I thought you two broke up.” He pauses for a moment. “Wait a minute, does she know what happened between you and Adele?”
“Yeah.” My voice is a raspy whisper.
He’s silent for a while, as if he needs time to process that bit of information. “Things must be quite serious between you two.”
“She—she figured it out when I brought her home.” Adele had been less than subtle. That my father couldn’t recognize her crazy, possessive behavior showed how oblivious he really was to her.
When Adele always complained about how Dad ignored her, I believed her.
“I’m an idiot. I hope someday you can forgive me.”
His words take my breath away. “I—I feel the same way.”
“There’s nothing for me to forgive. You were innocent in all of this.” A little sob escapes him again. “I’m so sorry, son. For everything.”
We talk a little bit more and I promise to come see him soon. Hopefully going there without Adele present will remove the ghosts that haunt me in my old house. My dad needs me right now. I need to forget all those ghosts once and for all.
I end the call and go back into the bedroom to find Fable sitting up, leaning against the pillows, the bedside table lamp on its lowest setting. She has the sheet tucked around her, her shoulders bare and gleaming in the soft light, and she’s twirling a strand of long blonde hair around her finger, staring at the ends so hard she almost looks cross-eyed.