I let out a little snort that makes Lily laugh. “He actually told you that?”
“Rose filled me in on that part.” Lily patted my arm. “You did good, dumping that guy. He was never good enough for you.”
I absorb her words, wondering how much I really believe in them. Zachary Lawrence looks fabulous on paper. Any woman would want him, including me at one point. I put up with a ton of his crap, including his chronic cheating. Oh, he hid it well at first and I was clueless. But with confidence comes arrogance and eventually the man became sloppy, leaving clues everywhere. I just turned a blind eye to it all.
Eventually, this made me feel like a doormat and I had no one to blame but myself. I was a pathetic, useless doormat of a woman and I hated it. Still don’t quite understand how I dealt with him for so long.
But there are some things we just can’t question, not while we’re still too close to them.
“I need to focus on work,” I tell Lily firmly. “And me.” I think of Ryder. How he’d brought me to orgasm so easily yesterday afternoon. My skin heats at the memories and I scan the room yet again, searching for him. I know he said he’d be here and I believe him, but I haven’t spotted him yet.
“Yes, you do. But you need to have a little fun, too.” Lily flashes one of those knock-you-out-and-leave-you-flat smiles that she has patented. She really knows how to turn it on and look like the good-time party girl. I wonder if it’s exhausting keeping up that sort of pace. I know my diligent I want to inherit Fleur, so I must work twelve-hour days pace is starting to wear on me, so I can only imagine.
“I know how to have fun,” I say, my mind still filled with images of Ryder. Talk about fun …
“I mean real fun. Not sitting at home eating your favorite takeout after a hard day’s work and watching your saved-up Bravo shows on the DVR.” It’s as if she peeked inside my brain. “That’s not fun. That’s boring. And you, Vi, are anything but boring.”
Lily is the only human on this planet allowed to call me Vi without my getting mad at her. God, I really hate that nickname. “I know how to indulge myself. If I like to eat my favorite takeout and watch Bravo shows, what’s wrong with that?”
“Everything.” Lily glances around as if she’s looking for something. Or someone. Knowing her, it’s probably both. “I’m going to grab another drink from the bar. You want one?”
“No, thank you. I’m fine,” I murmur, vowing to not make a fool of myself again by drinking too much. I need to keep a level head. I’m already edgy enough, knowing that Ryder is around here. Somewhere.
I remember his demand that I not wear any panties and I did just that. It feels strange, wearing nothing underneath my dress when usually the barest I go is a skimpy thong. And I only do that so I won’t have visible panty lines, not because I want to please my man …
The dress is a pale, pale pink and the skirt is short, hitting me above the knee, and flares out. I’m not wearing a bra either, since the dress has a deep V in both the front and the back. I wore my hair up as well, so I’m feeling exposed. Or more like extremely naked.
And the tiniest bit hopeful. Will Ryder like my dress? My hair? The fact that I followed his orders? No man has given me orders before. It felt odd, doing something at his command. Like I’m his little pet and he owns me. Not that Ryder McKay wants to own me …
“You look beautiful tonight.”
At the sound of the man’s voice I turn, breaking into a smile at who I expect to see standing before me. But it’s not who I thought … it’s someone else, and he makes my smile fall and my scowl form in a matter of seconds. “What do you want?”
Zachary takes a step toward me and pauses, most likely because he can see I’m shooting imaginary daggers at him with my eyes. “I just wanted to say hello.”
I tilt my chin up, wishing like crazy Lily were with me. It would be so much easier to face him with someone by my side. And knowing my sister, she’d probably tell him to kiss her ass. “Hello.” My voice is like ice, and hopefully he’ll get the hint. That I want to freeze him out.
“I miss you, Violet.” His admission is quiet and sounds so sincere. I’ve heard him say things like this before, in that same tone of voice. Time and again, and I always fell for it. Above all else, I always believed him.
Not this time, though. Not ever again.
“Where’s Pilar? I know she’s eager to keep you company.” I can’t hide the contempt in my voice. I hate her. And she’s insinuating herself so completely into my life, it makes me uncomfortable.
Not that it matters to her. Or to Zachary.
He makes a face at my words and my tone. As usual, he looks perfect. Wearing one of his elegant suits with not a wrinkle in sight, every single hair in place and that bland expression on his face. No one else in the room would know we’re having a private discussion in such a public place. “She means nothing to me, Violet. You know this.”
“How am I supposed to know, Zachary? It’s not like you told me. At least with this one, you keep seeing her. That says to me she actually might mean something.” My heart cracks a little at my words. I’m over him. I need to be over him. It’s going to take time, though. Losing myself in the rush of a passionate secret affair could help.
But maybe not enough. God, I don’t know.
I’m so confused.
“The only woman I’ve ever loved is you.” His voice is hushed and I swear I hear a faint tremor. I won’t fall for his words. His lies. I can’t. He’s hurt me too much. Violated my trust in him too many times.