I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his jaw, his chin, his lips. Slowly he begins to move, hot and heavy deep inside me, my inner walls grasping greedily around his length with every slip and slide. He’s lost all finesse, all sense of control, as he increases his pace and pounds inside of me. I take it. I revel in it. The sound of our skin slapping together, the wet sounds of my pussy as he dives in again and again, the moans and the creak of the bedsprings and his harsh breath, his words sharp as he declares he’s going to come.
I love that he’s lost all control. I hold his head to mine and whisper in his ear, encouraging him. Before Caden I would never have said any of these words, but he’s taught me well.
“You feel so fucking good,” I whisper. “Fuck me harder, Caden. Make me come all over your cock. I want to feel you come inside me. Please.”
“Ah, shit,” he chokes out, lifting himself so he’s propped on his hands, which are braced on either side of my head. His hips work, his cock slides deep inside of me, and then he stills. That telltale indication that he’s about to come and there’s no going back.
“Fuuuck.” He draws the word out and slams into me one more time, just as I feel the first spurt of semen inside of me. He grunts and thrusts, coming again and again, filling me completely before he collapses on top of my body with a shuddery sigh.
No condom again. How could we be so stupid? It’s as if we come together and I can’t even think. I hadn’t lied when I said I was about to start my period. Any day now it would make its monthly visit, though I really should consider going on the pill …
Why? Not like you and Caden are a permanent thing.
Ugh.
I wrap my arms around his back, slide my hands down to his butt, and hold him there, savoring the throb of his still hard cock deep inside me. I feel full of him, full of his cock. He surrounds me, his come in my body, our skin sweaty and sticky, his mouth at my ear, our legs tangled.
“You’re gonna kill me, Ro,” he whispers long minutes later when he finally pulls himself from my body, the dribble of semen that coats my pussy a foreign sensation.
“You’re going to kill me too,” I murmur, my eyes closed, aftershocks still coursing through my body. I reach for him but he’s not there, and when I crack my eyes open I see he’s standing beside the bed, his expression one of horror as he stares at me.
“I didn’t use a condom.”
I sit up, wincing against the delicious ache between my legs. “I know.”
“I came inside of you.”
Nodding, I stretch my arms above my head, letting them drop when I see the freaked-out expression on his face. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Don’t worry about it? We just took a huge-ass risk,” he says, his voice rising. “What if I got you pregnant?”
I shrug. Why am I so nonchalant? I should be freaking out just like he is. “What if you did? Would that be so terrible?” I can’t believe I just said that. I almost want to snatch the words back and pretend I never said them, but it’s too late.
“What the fuck are you saying, Rose? We’re not prepared to have a baby. You’re too young. I’m too young. We’re not even a … thing. We wouldn’t work in the real world and you know it. I’m not good enough for you.” He waves a finger between the two of us and I can feel my anger rise at his words, at the look on his face.
He’s horrified. And I hate that.
“I’m not pregnant.” I climb off the bed and pad toward the bathroom, feeling his gaze following me the entire way. “Stop worrying. I’m not trying to trap you.”
“Rose, wait a minute! I never said that,” he calls after me.
“You may as well have,” I call back, shutting the door behind me and turning on the water. I bend over the sink and splash the cold water on my heated cheeks, pressing my eyes closed when I feel the sting of tears threaten.
I will not cry. I refuse to cry. He’s not worth my tears.
But they fall anyway, sliding down my cheeks. I keep the water running so he doesn’t hear my sobs and I know, without a doubt, it’s over between us. Done. He’s right. We’re not meant for the long term. This was fun. A self-indulgent adventure I so desperately needed to have. Tomorrow I return to the real world, and someday I will look back on this moment in time with fondness.
As I stare at myself in the mirror, though, it doesn’t seem possible. I’m crying. My heart hurts. I may be thinking all the right things, but I don’t believe them. I think Caden could be the man for me.
Too bad he doesn’t feel the same way.
Chapter Twenty-three
Caden
Dear Rose,
At first, I didn’t understand why you wouldn’t let me tell you the truth last night. Why you didn’t want to yell and scream and cry at me for what I’ve done. Because I’ve done you wrong and you know it. Maybe not personally, though I have to admit, my lack of using a condom not just once but multiple times is incredibly stupid and you should hate me for that alone. I hate me for it.
But for whatever reason you don’t and I’m not sure why. I know I don’t deserve you. I’m not worthy of you. You’ve told me before you hate it when I say that but it’s true. I’m not a good person. You make me want to be good, just for you, but I know that’s not enough. I’ve made too many mistakes in my life and I don’t think you could ever forgive me for them. Ever see me as the man I want you to see. The one who cares about you and would never hurt you.