“Hello, Alex,” she said, smiling stiffly.
“Carol.”
He looked gorgeous in a three-piece suit. Her eyes took him in, and she felt some of the tension leave her muscles. It was when she met his eyes that she realized he was chuckling.
“We’re going to dinner,” he said, nodding at her dress, “not a baptism.”
She blinked, not sure she understood.
“If that collar went any higher up your neck, it’d reach your nose.”
“I…I was removing temptation,” she said, embarrassed by the blush that heated her face.
“Honey, at this rate, the only thing we’ll be removing is that dress.”
Carol decided the best thing to do was ignore his remark. “Did you say where we’re going for dinner?”
“No,” he answered cryptically, and his warm eyes caressed her with maddening purposefulness. “I didn’t. It’s a surprise.”
“Oh.” After all the time they’d been together, after all the moments she’d spent in his arms, after all the dreams she’d had about Alex, she shouldn’t feel this uncomfortable. But her heart was galloping, her hands felt damp, her breath was coming in soft gasps—and they hadn’t even left her house yet.
“Are you ready?”
It was a question he shouldn’t have asked. No, her mind screamed. Yes, her heart insisted. “I guess so,” her lips answered.
Alex led her outside and held open his car door.
“It was thoughtful of you to drop the boys at the theater. Personally I don’t think they were that keen on seeing a Disney movie,” she said, slipping inside his car.
“Too bad. I gave them a choice of things to do this evening.”
“Attending a kids’ movie on the other side of town or being set adrift in the Columbia River without paddles probably isn’t their idea of a choice.”
Alex chuckled. “I don’t want anyone disturbing us tonight.”
Their eyes met. Alex’s were hot and hazy and so suggestive, Carol’s heart skipped a beat. For sanity’s sake, she looked away.
“I hope you like steak.”
“I love it.”
“The champagne’s cooling.”
“You must’ve ordered in advance,” she murmured, having difficulty finding something to do with her hands. Her fingers itched to touch him…needed to touch him. A need that only confused her more.
“I…hope you explained to Barney—your friend—that I…that I don’t normally look the way I did the evening we met. When I got home and saw myself in the mirror…well, I could just imagine what he must’ve thought.” Carol cursed the madness that had sent her rushing out of her house that evening to confront Alex.
“Barney understood.”
“Oh, good.”
A couple of minutes later, Alex turned into his own driveway. Carol looked at him, somewhat surprised. “Did you forget something?”
“No,” he said.
A moment later, he let her into the house. She paused in the doorway, and her heart gave a sudden, sharp lurch. They weren’t going to any restaurant. Alex had always planned to bring her back to his house.
The drapes were drawn, and the lights had been lowered. Carol saw that the dining room table was set with crystal and china. Two tapered candles stood in the middle of the table, waiting to be lit.
Alex went over to the stereo and pushed a single button. Immediately the room was drenched with the plaintive sound of violins.
Carol was still trying to assimilate what was happening when he walked over to the table and lit the candles. Tiny flames sent a golden glow shimmering across the pristine white cloth.
“Shall we?” Alex said, holding out his hands.
Carol was too numb to reply. He took the lacy shawl from her shoulders and draped it over the back of the sofa. Then he pulled her purse from her unresisting fingers and set it next to the shawl. When he’d finished, he turned and eased her into his arms.
Their bodies came gently together, and a shudder went through her. She wasn’t a complete fool—she knew what Alex was planning. She lowered her eyelids. Despite her doubts and fears, she wanted this, too.
For a moment, she battled the feeling, then with a deep sigh, she surrendered.
Alex wrapped his arms around her. “Oh, baby,” he whispered in her ear. “You feel so good.”
She emptied her lungs of air as his hands slid down her back, to her waist.
There was music, such beautiful music, and then Carol realized they were supposed to be dancing. She rested her fingertips on his shoulders as his mouth moved toward hers. Carol sighed. Alex’s breath was moist and warm, his hands gentle as they pressed her closer and closer.
When he kissed her, the moment of anticipation ended, and Carol felt a tremendous surge of relief. He groaned. She groaned. He leaned back and began to unfasten the buttons at her throat.
That all too brief pause helped Carol collect her scattered senses. “Alex,” she whispered, “what are you doing?”
“Undressing you.”
“Why?” she asked breathlessly, knowing what a stupid question it was.
“Why?” he repeated with amusement. “Because we’re going to make love.”
Her pulse went wild.
“I love you,” he said. “You love me. Right?”
“Oh…yes.”
“Good.” He kissed her again, so passionately she could hardly resist—and yet she had to. She broke away from him with what little strength she still possessed.
“Alex…please don’t.”
“Tonight’s a new beginning for us. I’m crazy in love with you. I need you so much I can’t think straight anymore.”
“You brought me here to make love to me, didn’t you?”
“You mean it wasn’t obvious?” he asked as he nibbled kisses along the side of her neck.
“Why now? Why not that night on the Washington coast…? Why tonight?”
“Carol, do we need to go through this evaluation?”
“I have to know,” she cried, pushing herself away from him. Her hands trembled, and it was with some difficulty that she rebuttoned her dress. “The truth, Alex. I want the truth.”
“All right,” he murmured. “I thought…I believed that if we made love, it would help you decide you wanted to marry me.”
Carol felt as though he’d tossed a bucket of ice water in her face. She raised her hand to her pounding heart. “Oh, no…” she whispered. “Not again.”
“Carol? What’s wrong?”
“Bruce did this to me, too…pressured me into giving in to him…then he hated me…punished me….” Blindly she reached for her purse and shawl, then headed for the front door.
Alex caught up with her before she made it outside. His hand clasped her shoulder as he turned her to face him. By then she was sobbing, her whole body trembling with terror. Stark terror—stark memories.
Alex took one look at her and hauled her into his arms. “Carol.” He threaded his fingers through her hair. “It’s all right, it’s all right. I would never have forced you.”
Twelve
All Carol could do was cry, and the pile of used tissues was mounting. Alex tried to comfort her, to help her, but everything he did seemed to make matters worse. One thing he’d immediately recognized—she didn’t want him to touch her.
She’d curled herself up on his sofa and covered her face as she wept. She wouldn’t talk to him. She wouldn’t look at him. The only comprehensible statement she’d made in the last fifteen minutes had been a demand that he take her home.
Fear knotted his stomach. He had the inexplicable feeling that if he did as she asked, he’d never see her again. He had tonight and only tonight to repair the trust he’d unwittingly destroyed.
“Carol, I’m sorry.” He must have told her that twenty times. It was true enough. Everything he tried to do with this woman was wrong. Tonight was the perfect example. For days he’d been searching for a way to prove to Carol how much he loved her and how right they were for each other.
This evening had seemed the perfect place and time. He’d planned it all—the music, champagne, the carefully worded proposal, the diamond ring.
He’d thought that if everything went well, they’d make love, and afterward, they could discuss the details of their wedding and their lives. He wanted her in his bed, and although it was more than a little arrogant of him, he didn’t think he’d have any problem getting her there.
He’d also come to the conclusion that once they made love, she’d be convinced that they belonged together, and their marriage would naturally follow.
At first, his plan had worked flawlessly. Carol had walked into the house, seen that the table was set and the candles ready to light. She’d looked at him with those huge eyes of hers and given him a seductive smile. Then, with barely a pause, she’d waltzed into his arms.
From there everything had gone downhill.
One minute he was kissing her, marveling at the power she had over his body, and the next, she was cold and trembling, demanding answers that should’ve been obvious.
“Would you like some coffee?” he asked her gently for the second—or was it the third?—time. Although his arms ached with the need to hold her, he resisted.
“No,” she whispered. “I want to go home.”
“We need to talk first.”
“Not now. I need to go home.” She rubbed her face and plucked a clean tissue from the nearby box. Apparently she’d regained her resolve because she stood, wrapped her shawl around her, and stumbled to the door. “If you won’t drive me, then I’ll walk.”
Alex heard the desperation in her voice and was helpless to do anything other than what she asked. As he stood, the regret swept through him. If there was anything he could do to ease her pain, he would’ve done it. If there were any words he could have uttered to comfort her, he would’ve said them gladly. But all she wanted him to do was take her back to her own home. Back to her own bed. Her own life.
Who did he think he was? Some Don Juan who could sweep this beautiful, sensitive woman into his bed and make love to her? He felt sick to his stomach at the way he’d plotted, the way he’d planned to use her body against her, to exploit the attraction between them to serve his own ends.
Now he was losing her, and there wasn’t anyone he could blame but himself. He’d known his chances weren’t good the night he’d asked her to marry him. He’d hoped to see joy in her eyes when he suggested it. He’d longed to see happiness on her face. He’d wanted Carol to hurl herself into his arms, excited and overcome with emotion.
He should’ve known he’d been watching too many old movies.
He’d asked Carol to marry him, and none of the things he’d hoped for had happened. Instead, her eyes had reflected fear. And tonight…tonight he’d witnessed stark terror.
Alex was astute enough to realize the problem lay in Carol’s brief marriage. Whatever had gone on had left deep emotional scars. Even when he’d felt the closest to her, Alex had learned very little about her relationship with her late husband. She’d let tidbits of information drop now and then, but every time she did, Alex had the feeling she’d regretted it.