Her eyes drifted shut, and she seemed to be gathering her courage. When she spoke, her voice was low and trembling. “Don’t be angry with James…”
“He had no right to involve himself in our business.”
“It worked, Alex. It…worked. When I believed I was losing you, when I thought of you with another woman in your arms, I…I wanted to die. I think maybe I did, just a little, because I realized how much I love you and what a fool I’ve been to think I could go on without you. I needed time, I demanded time, and you wouldn’t give it to me…”
“I was wrong—I understood that later.”
“No,” she countered, “you were right. I would never have made up my mind because…because of what happened in my marriage. With Bruce.”
The whole world seemed to go still as comprehension flooded Alex’s soul. “Are you saying…does this mean you’re willing to marry me?” he asked, barely able to believe what she was saying. Barely able to trust himself to stay where he was a second longer.
Alex didn’t know who moved first, not that it mattered. All that did matter was Carol in his arms, kissing him with a hunger that seemed to consume them both.
“Yes…yes, I’ll marry you,” she cried between kisses. “When? Oh, Alex, I’m so anxious to be your wife.”
Alex stifled the sudden urge to laugh, and the equally powerful urge to weep. He buried his face in the soft curve of her neck and swallowed hard before dragging several deep breaths through his lungs. He slid his hands into her hair as he brought his mouth to hers, exploring her lips in all the ways he’d dreamed of doing for so many sleepless nights.
Her purse fell to the floor, and she wound her arms around him, moved against him, whispering over and over how much she loved him.
“I missed you so much,” he told her as he lifted her from the carpet and carried her across the room. He was so famished for her love that he doubted he’d ever be satisfied.
“I thought I’d never kiss you again,” she moaned. “I couldn’t bear the thought of not having you in my life.”
Alex made his way to the sofa, throwing himself on the cushions, keeping her in his lap. He stroked her hair as he gazed into her beautiful dark eyes. Unable to resist, he kissed her again.
When they drew apart, Alex rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, luxuriating in the warm sensations inside him. He didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to do anything but hold her and love her.
“Alex,” she whispered. “You asked me about Bruce, and I didn’t tell you. I was wrong to hold back, wrong not to explain before.”
“It’s all right, my…”
She gently stroked his face. “For both our sakes, I need to tell you.”
“You’re sure?”
She didn’t look sure, but she nodded, and when she started speaking, her voice trembled with pain. “I was incredibly young and naive when I met Bruce. He was the most fun-loving, daring boy I’d ever dated. The crazy things he did excited me, but deep in my heart I know I’d never have married him if I hadn’t gotten pregnant with Peter.”
Alex kissed her brow and continued to stroke her hair.
“Although Bruce seemed willing enough to marry me,” she began, “I don’t know how much pressure my father applied.” Her voice was gaining strength as she spoke. “It was a bad situation that grew worse after Peter was born. That was when Bruce started drinking heavily and drifted from one job to another. Each month he seemed to be more depressed and more angry. He claimed I’d trapped him and he was going to make sure I paid for what I did.” She closed her eyes and he heard her sigh. “I did pay, and so did Peter. My life became a nightmare.”
Alex had suspected things were bad for her, but he’d no idea how ugly. “Did he beat you, Carol?”
Her eyes remained closed, and she nodded. “When Bruce drank, the demon inside him would give rise to fits of jealousy, fear, depression and hatred. The more he drank, the more the anger came out in violent episodes. There were times I thought that if I didn’t escape, he’d kill me.”
“Didn’t your family know? Surely they guessed?”
“I hardly ever got to see them. Bruce didn’t approve of me visiting my family. In retrospect, I realize he was afraid of my father. Had Dad or Tony known what was happening, they would’ve taken matters into their own hands. I must have realized it, too, because I never told them, never said a word for fear of involving them. It was more than that…. I was too humiliated. I didn’t want anyone to know about the terrible problems we were having, so I didn’t say anything—not even to my mother.”
“But surely there was someone?”
“Once…once Bruce punched me so hard he dislocated my jaw, and I had to see a doctor. She refused to believe all my bruises were due to a fall. She tried to help me, tried to get me to press charges against him, but I didn’t dare. I was terrified of what Bruce would do to Peter.”
“Oh, Carol.” The anger Alex was experiencing was so profound that he clenched his fists. The idea of someone beating this warm, vibrant woman filled him with impotent rage.
“I’d lost any respect I ever had for Bruce shortly after we were married. Over the next three years I lost respect for myself. What kind of woman allows a man to abuse her mentally and physically, day after day, week after week, year after year? There must’ve been something terribly wrong with me. In ways I can’t even begin to understand, all the hurtful, hateful things Bruce accused me of began to seem valid.”
“Oh, Carol…” Alex’s chest heaved with the weight of her pain.
“Then Bruce didn’t come home one night. It wasn’t unusual. I knew he’d come back when he was ready, probably in a foul mood. That was what I’d braced myself for when the police officer came to tell me Bruce had been killed in an accident. I remember I stared up at the man and didn’t say anything. I didn’t feel anything.
“I was hanging clothes on the line, and I thanked him for letting me know and returned to the backyard. I didn’t phone anyone, I didn’t even cry.”
“You were in shock.”
“I suppose, but later when I was able to cry and grieve, mingled with all the pain was an overwhelming sense of relief.”
“No one could blame you for that, my love,” Alex said, wanting with everything in him to wipe away the memories of those years with her husband.
“Now…now do you understand why I couldn’t tell you about Bruce?” she asked. “Your marriage to Gloria was so wonderful—it’s what a marriage was meant to be. When she died, your love and James’s love surrounded her. When Bruce died—” she hesitated, and her lips were trembling “—he was with another woman. It was the final rejection, the final humiliation.” She drew in a ragged breath and turned, her eyes burning into his. “I don’t know what kind of wife I’ll be to you, Alex. Over the years I’ve thought about those three nightmarish years and I’ve wondered what would’ve happened had I done things differently. Maybe the fault was my own…maybe Bruce was right all along, and if I’d only been a better woman, he wouldn’t have needed to drink. If I’d done things differently, he might’ve been happy.”
“Carol, you don’t truly believe that, do you?”
“I…I don’t know anymore.”
“Oh, love, my sweet, sweet love. You’ve got to realize that any problems Bruce had were of his own making. The reasons for his misery lay within himself. Nothing you could ever have done would’ve been enough.” He cupped her face in his hands. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I…I can’t make myself fully believe that, and yet I know it’s true. But Alex…this time I want everything to be right.” Her eyes were clouded and uncertain, as if she suspected he’d be angry with her.
“It will be,” he promised her, and there wasn’t a single doubt in his heart.
Carol awoke when dawn silently slipped through the lush drapes of the honeymoon suite. She closed her eyes and sighed, replete, sated, unbelievably happy. Deliriously happy.
From the moment Carol had agreed to become Alex’s wife to this very morning, exactly one month had passed. One month. It hardly seemed possible.
In one month, they’d planned, arranged and staged a large wedding, complete with reception, dinner and dance.
True to her word, Carol’s mother had prepared a reception dinner that couldn’t have been surpassed. Angelina had started dragging out her biggest pots and pans the Sunday afternoon she brought Alex back to the house to introduce him to the family.
Last week, Carol’s sisters and their families had all arrived. The wedding became a celebration of love, a family reunion, a blending of families, all at once.
At the reception, Alex had surprised her with the honeymoon trip to Hawaii. The boys were mildly put out that they hadn’t been included. Hawaii would have been the perfect place to “check out chicks,” as Peter put it. To appease them, Alex promised a family vacation over the Thanksgiving holiday. Peter and James had promptly started talking about a Mexican cruise.
Carol smiled as she savored memories of her wedding day. Peter and James had circulated proudly among the guests, accepting full credit for getting their parents together.
Alex stirred and rolled onto his side, slipping his hand around her waist and tucking his body against hers as naturally as if they’d been married three years instead of three marvelous days.
Carol had been crazy in love with Alex before she married him, but the depth of emotion that filled her after the wedding ceremony made what she’d experienced earlier seem weak by comparison.
Never had she been more in love. Never had she felt so desirable. Just as she’d known it would be, Alex’s lovemaking was gentle and unselfish while at the same time fierce and demanding. Thinking of how often and well he’d loved her in the last few days was enough to increase the tempo of her heart.
“Good morning,” she whispered, as Alex turned to face her.
“Good morning.”
Their eyes met and spoke in silent messages.
He was telling her he loved her. She was saying she loved him back. He was saying he needed her. She echoed that need.
Alex kissed her again, lightly, his lips as weightless as the creeping sunlight.
“Oh, love,” he whispered reverently, spreading moist kisses over her face. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of making love with you.”
“I certainly hope not.” She smiled at him, brushing a stray curl from his brow. She fought back the ready tears that his love brought so easily to the surface. But it would’ve been impossible to restrain them. Alex didn’t understand her tears, and Carol could find no way to explain.
He tenderly wiped the moisture from her face and kissed her eyes. “I can’t bear to see you cry. Please tell me if there’s anything I can do….”