“You want me to see if Jason’s home?” Carrie asked eagerly.
Charlotte, too, was curious to see what was inside. “Go ahead.” It was almost ten, and under normal circumstances Charlotte would’ve been more concerned about getting to bed so she’d be ready for work in the morning, but her two-weeks’ notice was up and she was officially among the unemployed.
She had the entire week free, or as free as any bride’s time could be five days before her wedding.
Carrie returned a few minutes later with Jason in tow. He smiled when he saw her and kissed her lightly on the lips, then bent to stroke an ecstatic Higgins. “What’s this I hear about Mrs. Bondi sending me a gift?”
“She insisted you open it yourself.”
Jason’s look was skeptical. “Is it a gag gift?”
“I don’t know. Why don’t you find out?” Charlotte leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed her arms. “When you’re finished, I’ll show you all the loot we collected. I had no idea everyone would be so extravagant.”
“Don’t get any ideas about spending our honeymoon writing thank-you notes,” he warned. He was grinning but she caught a serious undertone.
The honeymoon.
She wanted to talk to Jason about that, needed to talk to him about it, but there’d been so little time. They’d each been caught up in a whirlwind of activity. Since the evening he’d taken her to dinner and proposed, she hadn’t spent any uninterrupted time with him. Now wasn’t good, either. He was tired and so was she. Perhaps they could arrange to have lunch one day later this week.
Jason tore at the paper.
“You wouldn’t believe Mom,” Carrie said, her hands on the back of a kitchen chair as she looked on excitedly. “She doesn’t tear a single piece of wrapping paper.”
“It’s all so pretty,” Charlotte defended herself. “And I can use it again.”
“It takes her forever to unwrap anything. I had to help her tonight, or we’d still be there.”
Jason paused when he uncovered a plain white box. He raised his eyes to Charlotte.
“Don’t look at me. I have no idea what Mrs. Bondi sent you.”
Carefully he raised the lid and folded back the white tissue paper, but Charlotte couldn’t see what was inside with Carrie bending over the table.
“All right, Mrs. Bondi,” Jason said, emitting a low whistle.
Carrie covered her mouth and giggled before glancing at her mother.
“What is it?” Charlotte asked.
“Wait until you see this, Mom.”
Using both hands, holding on to the thin straps, Jason lifted the sheerest, slinkiest, blackest nightie Charlotte had ever seen.
Charlotte forced a smile but she felt as though the older woman had slapped her in the face.
Charlotte knew better than to even try to sleep.
The next morning she’d walk down the church aisle and pledge her life to Jason Manning. She would vow to love and honor this man who’d come to mean so much to her.
To love him….
What would happen if she couldn’t love him properly? What would happen when he realized she was incapable of satisfying him sexually? Would he claim he’d been cheated the way Tom had? Would he seek out another woman who’d give him the gratification she couldn’t?
Oh, please, not that, not again—she couldn’t bear it.
Charlotte didn’t know how Jason would react, but she knew she’d find out soon.
She stared at the bright green numbers on her clock radio as one in the morning became two and then three.
The alarm was set for six. Charlotte’s stomach tightened and a cold sweat broke out on her forehead. Her happiness had been supplanted by her fears, her anxieties and the certainty that her heart would be broken once again.
She’d made an effort to talk to Jason several times, she reasoned. It wasn’t like she’d planned it this way. In the past week alone she’d called him three times, but he’d been so busy with his practice, tying up the loose ends so he’d have two uninterrupted weeks for their honeymoon in Hawaii.
The honeymoon terrified her even more than the wedding.
What was she supposed to do? Wait for Jason to say “I do,” before she whispered in his ear that she wasn’t sure she could satisfy him? Or should she say something before he slipped the ring on her finger?
It seemed cruel to wait until they got to their honeymoon suite. How could she possibly tell him something like that wearing the sheer black nightie Mrs. Bondi had sent?
The tightening in her stomach grew worse, until she thought she might actually throw up.
She shouldn’t have left it to the last minute like this, but she’d had no other options.
She’d tried to spend time alone with Jason, to talk to him, but they hadn’t connected all week. Whenever she saw him, there were other people around. She’d decided to demand time with him after the wedding rehearsal. They had to talk.
Only that hadn’t worked, either.
They’d sat next to each other at the rehearsal dinner, but before she could say more than a few words, his brothers had spirited him away for a bachelor party.
Although she hadn’t been in any mood to socialize, Charlotte had pretended to have a good time with Leah, Jamie, Jason’s two sisters from Montana and her future mother-in-law. If any of them noticed how distracted she was, they must have attributed it to nerves.
By now the bachelor party would be over, probably had been for hours.
What was she going to do?
Her dinner, what little she’d eaten, soured in her stomach and she thought she might be sick. Tossing back the sheets, she climbed out of bed, waiting for the nausea to subside, then wandered aimlessly into the living room.
Dragging the afghan from the back of the sofa, she wrapped it around her shoulders and huddled in the recliner, the dog at her feet. Carrie and Mandy, Russ Palmer’s half sister, were in the bedroom down the hall sleeping soundly, unaware of her torment.
Jason knew so little about her first marriage. He hadn’t asked for information, and she’d volunteered even less. Instead, he’d cautiously tried to learn the details, but she’d put off explaining, afraid she’d lose him.
Soon, within less than twenty-four hours, Jason would know for himself why Tom had gone to another woman. Charlotte would have to face her inadequacies all over again.
As she sat in the dark, the shadows from the street danced against the walls, taunting her, jeering, shouting that she was a fool to believe she could ever satisfy a man.
Another hour passed and still the trapped, restless feeling refused to leave her; if anything, it became more intense. If only she could sleep. If only she could disappear. Vanish. Go someplace where no one would find her.
Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to force her body to relax, but closing her eyes was just one more mistake. In her mind, Tom rose, scorn engraved on his handsome features. A cocky smile lifted the edges of his mouth, as if to tell her this was exactly what he’d been waiting for. As soon as she tried to make love with another man, she’d know everything he’d told her was true. He wasn’t the one to blame for the failure of their marriage; she was. Charlotte—a woman too cold, too stiff, too lacking in sensuality.
Her eyes shot open and hot tears dripped down her face. A series of sobs racked her shoulders and took control of her body until she was trembling from head to foot.
She couldn’t bear it, couldn’t deal with it. Tom was right, he’d always been right. She was a fool to believe that a sexual relationship between her and Jason would be any different, any better. They could kiss without a problem, but after the wedding, he was going to expect a lot more than a few kisses.
Panic filled her lungs, and it was all she could do not to scream in sheer terror.
Jason was wrapped in a warm cocoon of blankets, but the irritating noise refused to go away. He reached out his hand to turn off the alarm, fumbling with the dials before he realized it wasn’t his alarm.
Opening one eye, he read the digital readout and discovered it was only four. He was entitled to another couple of hours’ sleep. His head throbbed. Who’d come up with the bright idea of a morning wedding, anyway? No one had asked him about it.
The noise increased. It was now a steady pounding.
Someone was at his door. If this was one of his brothers’ idea of a joke, he wasn’t amused. He’d only gotten a few hours’ sleep so far. If anyone in his family was involved in this, he’d make his displeasure clear in no uncertain terms.
Apparently whoever was at his door wasn’t leaving. Jason struggled out of bed, pulled on a pair of pants and walked blindly through his apartment.
“Who is it?” he demanded irritably, wiping a hand down his face.
“Carrie.”
“And Mandy.”
The two vaulted into the room as he opened the door.
“You’ve got to do something!” Carrie cried.
Although his vision was a bit fuzzy, he could tell that she’d been crying.
“We didn’t know what to do,” Mandy wailed.
“About what?”
“This.” Carrie handed him an envelope with his name written across the front. He recognized the handwriting as Charlotte’s, but her usually smooth script was jerky and uneven.
Puzzled that she’d resort to writing a letter and having it delivered in the wee hours of the morning by two worried teenagers, he removed the single piece of paper.
He read it quickly.
Jason,I’m sorry seems so inadequate, but I can’t go through with the wedding. Please, if you can, find it in your heart to forgive me. She’d signed it with her name.
It was a joke. Not a very good one, but he’d laugh over it in a few minutes.
“Who put you two up to this?” he asked, using his sternest voice.
“No one!” Carrie sobbed. “It’s true. I got up to go to the bathroom and Mom’s bedroom light was on, so I went in to see what was wrong and she wasn’t there. She wasn’t anywhere.”
“The car’s gone, too,” Mandy added.
The words galvanized Jason into action. He shook the hair out of his face.
“What are we going to do?” Carrie asked, still crying softly.
“We aren’t doing anything,” Jason answered firmly.
“But someone has to do something!”
“I’ll take care of it,” he assured them. “Don’t breathe a word of this to anyone, understand?”
“But…”
“Just do as I say. There isn’t time to argue. If I’m not back with Charlotte before the car comes to take her to the church, tell everyone she’s with me.”
“What are you going to do?” Mandy asked, her eyes following him as he trotted back to his bedroom. He turned back and grinned. “Do?” he repeated. “Find her, of course. She’s got a wedding to attend.”
Twelve
Jason couldn’t even guess where Charlotte was. He finished dressing, grabbed his car keys and took off, determined to find her.
He drove around for an hour, considering various possibilities. He tried to think like she would. If he were a bride running away from a wedding, where would he go? But that didn’t work; he’d never run away from anything in his life, certainly not a wedding.