Chapter 24
One simple honest reply felt like someone had shoved a fist in my stomach.
“I know you hate me. I don’t blame you. But Beau. Beau needs you. Please don’t hate him too.”
I finally lifted my eyes to meet his gaze. A frown creased his forehead and he slowly shook his head.
“I don’t hate you, Ash. And I don’t hate Beau. I wish he’d come back. When I left the bar Sunday I didn’t realize he’d make a run for it. I should have guessed but there was you and I knew he wouldn’t want to leave you.”
“He loves you. He hurt you and he can’t face it.”
A sad smile lifted the corner of his lips. “No, Ash. That isn’t why he left.” Sawyer glanced back at the now-empty hallway. We were late for class but I didn’t care. I intended to go home anyway.
“Come on. There’s something I need to tell you,” Sawyer said as he turned his attention back toward me.
I followed him outside to his truck. It was odd climbing up inside without him opening the door for me and lifting me up onto the seat. But somehow it felt right. This was how it should have been all along.
Sawyer pulled out of the parking lot and turned his truck south. Apparently we were headed out of town for this talk.
“I went after Beau Sunday. I knew I’d find him at the bar shooting pool. It’s where he always goes to unwind. When I got there we said a few things and threw a few punches.” Sawyer glanced over at me and smirked. “I’d like to say Beau looked worse but we both know I’d be lying. I might have the throwing arm when it comes to football but he has me beat when it comes to throwing punches. Fact is, he could have really put a hurting on me. He spent most of the time blocking my punches.” Sawyer stopped and let out a frustrated sigh.
I hadn’t seen them fight since we were ten and Sawyer accused Beau of being a trouble maker, then saying he was dragging me down with him. Beau had gone to slinging punches that afternoon too. Sawyer had ended up with a loose tooth. Luckily it was a baby tooth and needed coming out.
“My Aunt Honey was there. It was just the three of us. She tried to break up the fight but we weren’t listening to her. Or I should say, I wasn’t listening to her. I wanted to see Beau’s blood. You both had denied it but I knew he’d kissed you. Heck, it’s Beau, I knew y’all had probably done a lot more. I hated knowing I’d finally lost you to him. It was something that always scared me. Even when you two didn’t speak much he’d watch you and when you thought no one was looking, you’d watch him. I’m not a complete idiot.”
“I never thought you were, Sawyer. I lied about Beau, hoping to save your relationship with him. I fully intended to walk away from both of you.”
Sawyer laughed but the humor didn’t reach his eyes. “You really think Beau was going to just let you go? Not in this lifetime.”
“He loves you,” I argued.
“I know. The thing is, he loves you more.”
I started to shake my head.
“Ash, Beau wouldn’t have betrayed me if he wasn’t head over heels in love with you. No use in denying it.”
“Okay,” I agreed. Maybe he was right. I wanted him to be. “What did you bring me out here to tell me, Sawyer?”
Sawyer pulled over into a deserted parking lot and cut the engine. I waited patiently as he gathered his thoughts together. An empty plastic bag danced in the wind across the parking lot and I watched it thinking I knew exactly how it felt. It was on a path it couldn’t control. So was I.
“Ash, Beau isn’t my cousin. He’s my . . . he’s my brother.”
I sat there as I let his words sink in. Did he mean in the metaphorical sense? I mean, I already knew he thought of Beau as his brother.
“I don’t understand,” I finally managed to reply.
“I’m still trying to understand it myself, to be honest.” Sawyer shifted in his seat and turned his body to face me. “When we were yelling at each other Sunday and saying things we really didn’t mean, or at least we would take back later, Honey informed us that my dad wasn’t just my dad. But Beau’s dad too.”
“What?”
“Honey was my dad’s high school flame. Then my dad went off to college and met my mom his first year in law school. She was the daughter of one of his professors. He fell in love with her and married her. Once he graduated and passed the bar he moved back to Grove to open a practice. Honey was here still raising hell and breaking hearts apparently. She and my uncle Mack used to hang out and stir up trouble together. So when she got pregnant with Beau, and married Mack everyone thought it was Mack’s. My mom got pregnant with me the same year. She had no idea about Beau and didn’t until I confronted Dad right in front of her Sunday evening. Dad and Honey hooked up one night in a bar after he and Mom had gotten in a fight over her spending too much money on furniture. They were drinking tequila shots and Dad says all he remembers is waking up the next morning in Honey’s bed. Six weeks later she was knocking on his door claiming she was pregnant. He didn’t believe her, or at least he didn’t believe it was his. So my uncle Mack married her. He believed her. Once Beau was born, Uncle Mack threatened Dad with revealing his night with Honey to my mom if he didn’t agree to a paternity test. Dad took one. Beau was his. Uncle Mack said he’d raise him as his own. He was in love with my Aunt Honey. Had been since high school. Then you know the story. He died. Honey was the lousiest mother on earth and Beau was left to fend for himself.”
I sat there staring out the window, unable to look at Sawyer. How could his father do something like this? He’d known how much Beau had suffered. I rested my forehead against the cool glass window and closed my eyes. Tears squeezed out and trickled down my cheeks. No wonder Beau left town. It was bad enough he felt unwanted by his mother. Now he had to deal with being unwanted by his father. Mack Vincent had only been his uncle. The only memory Beau had of a stable life had been with Mack.
“Beau didn’t abandon you, Ash. He just needed time to deal.”
“Where is he?” I asked as a sob tore from my chest.
“I wish I knew.”
Sawyer didn’t say anymore. The truck cranked up and we headed back to town in silence. I knew I should say something but there were no words. Not for this.
Sawyer pulled up beside my Jetta and I finally looked at him.
“I’m sorry. I know this has been hard for you too. I understand now why you didn’t say anything all week about what was happening to me. You have bigger issues to deal with than a little school harassment.” I reached over and squeezed his hand. “Thank you, Sawyer. For telling me. For being a friend. For everything.”
A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “There’s no excuse for how I treated you this week but thanks for trying to let me out of it.”
“I understand now. That’s enough.”
He nodded and I released his hand and jumped down out of his truck. This had been our closure. The ache in my chest for the pain Beau was going through overrode the peace I knew was there somewhere. Sawyer was now officially behind me. He was my past. If only I could find my future.