Chapter 6
I woke up to find my mother sitting on the edge of my bed. Even though my vision was still blurry from sleep, it was hard to miss her bloodshot eyes and the dark circles underneath them.
“Mom,” I asked, wanting to reach for her and comfort her. The little girl inside me was terrified to see my mom so obviously upset.
“Good morning, sweetheart. I’m sorry if I woke you but I wanted to talk to you before Dad got back home.”
Immediately my stomach dropped.
“Ashton honey, Grana has passed away.”
All other thoughts left my mind.
“What?”
Mom let out a small sob and reached for one of my hands. Her gentle squeeze didn’t comfort me. Instead it terrified me. It felt real. She was real. Oh, God, no.
“Last night Grana went to sleep. When Dad got there this morning to fix her water heater, before he went to the church, he found her in bed. It was a heart attack.”
I shook my head, not believing what my mother was saying. I had to still be dreaming. This couldn’t be happening. We had plans, Grana and I. There were so many things we still had to do.
“Sweetie, I know you were close to your Grana. This is hard on all of us but I know it’s hardest on you. It’s okay to cry. I’m here and I’ll hold you.”
I’d never thought about my Grana dying. She was a fixture in my life. My escape from the world I lived in daily. She understood me in a way my parents never had. Grana never expected me to be perfect like my parents and Sawyer did. Being with her was freeing. It was like, like when I was with Beau. I could be myself and I knew she loved me. An emptiness settled inside me as tears rolled down my face. I still needed her. How could she be gone? I’d just been to see her. She’d just told me how no one could be as perfect with Beau without his shirt on. We’d laughed together. She’d just had a pedicure. How could she be dead? She wasn’t ready to die. Her toes had been hot pink. She was ready for some fun. We had arranged to go to shopping together.
“We have plans,” I choked out. I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Nothing made sense.
My mother’s arms came around me, pulling me into her embrace. All my life I’d found comfort in her arms but now I only felt numb. My Grana wouldn’t be there for my wedding day. We’d never take that cruise together or go scuba diving in the Bahamas. She wouldn’t be there to make sugar cookies for my kids one day. Where would I find an escape from the pressure of my life? How could I live without her?
Ashton,
Again sorry for the long delays in emails. After a full day of hiking I crash when we get back to the cabin. I’m fighting off exhaustion so I can write you. Today Cade and I took a special trail that my mom and sister didn’t want to try. So Dad stayed with them. It was pretty steep in areas. It was great. The view we finally came to was amazing and Cade got to see his first black bear. I think he took a dozen pictures of it.
Hang in there. Your boredom is almost half way over. I’ll be home in twenty days. Love ya,
Sawyer
Sawyer, hey . . .
I didn’t want to tell a computer screen that my Grana had died. I couldn’t tell him about washing the car with Beau and playing pool in a bar. My vision was blurred from crying and talking to a computer was the last thing I wanted to do. I erased my response and grabbed my purse then headed for my car. I could lie to myself and say I didn’t know where I was going, that I just needed to get away and drive. But I knew deep down exactly where I was headed.
I parked my Jetta out by Mr. Jackson’s barn. Beau hadn’t been home but his mother had taken one look at my stricken face and told me where I could find him.
I heard the tractor before I saw it. My feet started walking toward the sound. I needed someone to help me forget the awful truth. I didn’t need a stupid email telling me about waterfalls and bears. I needed someone here and the first person that came to mind was Beau. He wouldn’t tell me everything would be okay. He wouldn’t try to appease me like a child. I needed him.
The minute he saw me walking across the field, the tractor stopped. His eyes locked on me and I started to run. I could feel the wetness on my face from my tears as I ran toward him. He jumped down just before I reached him.
Beau caught me as I flung myself into his arms. The silent tears turned into loud sobs for the first time since my mother had told me Grana was gone. He didn’t ask. I’d known he wouldn’t. He would wait until I was ready.
Beau
I pulled Ashton into my lap as I sat down under an old oak tree. Her arms tightened around my neck as she sobbed pitifully against my chest. I was scared to ask what was wrong. Instead, I held her and waited. My chest ached so bad with each sob it was difficult to take deep breaths. Sitting here and waiting on her to calm down enough to tell me who I needed to go beat the shit out of for making her cry wasn’t easy. A sob shook her body and I cradled her tighter against me. My heart spasmed with each tremble of her body. Even when we were kids I didn’t like to see her upset. The one time a kid had hurt her feelings on the playground I’d reacted by shoving the kid’s face in the dirt. It had got me two days’ suspension but it’d been worth it. No one bothered her again. They knew better.
Her sobs slowly began to ease to soft little whimpers. I gazed down at her as she lifted her head from my sweaty chest. Her big green eyes stared up at me and the tightness in my chest throbbed. If someone had hurt her I would kill them. If Sawyer was the cause of this I would take him down. Cousin or not, no one was allowed to make Ashton cry.
“My Grana had a heart attack last night,” she whispered.
I hadn’t expected that.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
“Just hold me, please,” she replied.
I’d hold her forever if I could.
I gently moved the hair stuck to her tear-soaked face and tucked it behind her ears. She glanced down and tensed as she finally noticed my lack of a shirt. My chest was now soaked not only with sweat but her tears. I started to say something but the words stuck in my throat when her hand moved up to my chest and she began softly wiping the droplets of moisture off of me. I stopped breathing. I knew it was wrong to let her do this but I couldn’t bring myself to care. She shifted in my lap until she was straddling me. I let my hands fall to her waist as she continued touching my chest. My heart started slamming against my ribs so hard I knew she had to feel it. I needed to stop this.
“Beau,” she said.
I tore my eyes away from her hands on my chest and gazed up at her face. There was a question in her eyes. I could see it. Was this what she needed right now? Was it wrong to let her deal with her pain by doing something that would only cause us more pain later? The tears in her eyes had dried up. Her mouth was slightly open as she took deep, heavy breaths. Ah, hell.
“Yes,” I managed as a strangled reply.
Her hands left me and I started to take a deep breath to ease my burning oxygen-deprived lungs when I realized why she’d stopped driving me crazy with her innocent caresses. The deep breath lodged in my throat as her top came off. Without taking her eyes off me she dropped the little tank top onto the grass beside her. I had thought nothing could be sexier than Ashton in a bikini and I’d been so wrong. Ashton in a lacy white bra was by far the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.
“Ash, baby, what’re you doing?” I asked in a hoarse whisper. I tried forcing myself to look up at her face to gauge what she was thinking but I couldn’t take my eyes off the soft tanned flesh pushed up over the top of her bra. I wanted to pull that lace down so bad and get my first look at her nipples.
“Touch me,” she whispered. The fact she was Sawyer’s girl no longer seemed to matter. I couldn’t tell her no. Hell, I couldn’t tell myself no.
I traced a line from her collar bone to the top of her cleavage. She gasped loudly and sank down in my lap applying pressure to my cock. She was going to send me into a crazed frenzy if she kept it up. As if she could read my thoughts and wanted to test me she wiggled her ass in my lap.
“Ah, damn,” I moaned before grabbing her face and pulling her mouth to mine.
The moment my mouth touched hers my world started spinning beneath me. I couldn’t get enough. I had her bra off and my hands full within moments. The loud moan of pleasure that escaped from her mouth almost sent me over the edge. Both hard nipples pressed against my palms and I wanted to taste them. I’d wanted to taste them for so very long.
I’d lost my virginity at the age of thirteen and there had been many girls since then, but nothing had prepared me for this feeling. Ashton wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her bare chest up against mine, causing me to shudder for the first time in my life. I kissed a trail from her mouth to her ear then down her neck. I’d crossed the line kissing her and touching her. I needed to stop this.
“Please, Beau,” she pleaded and sat up on her knees, presenting her tight pink nipples to my incredibly eager mouth.
I was weak and more turned on than I’d been in my entire life. Pulling one of her nipples into my mouth I groaned and bucked my hips up against her warmth.
“OHGOD,” she cried out as her hands grabbed my arms tightly and squeezed.
I was trembling. I needed more. I needed to stop this. We shouldn’t be doing this. She was upset. She was Sawyer’s.
I released her nipple from my mouth and closed my eyes tightly so I couldn’t see the other tight little puckered nipple I’d yet to get a taste of. Dammit all to hell. How was I supposed to control myself?
Ashton shifted in my lap and I thought she was getting up but her warm breath tickled the skin just below my navel. Before I could respond her pink tongue darted out and licked at the tattoo over my left side dangerously close to my hipbone. I opened my mouth to stop her when her hand ran up my leg and cupped my hard-on and gently squeezed.
“Holyshit,” I moaned, unable to keep from pressing my throbbing dick against her hand. I couldn’t seem to control my body any longer. She’d somehow taken over its responses.
When her finger traced the top of my jeans, then began unfastening them, I managed to regain some form of willpower. I covered her hand with mine and held it firmly in place. I couldn’t let her do that. She was trying to forget her pain with pleasure and as much as I’d like to help her out I couldn’t. I had a fucking conscience after all. Dammit.
“Ash, baby, we can’t do this. You’re upset,” I managed to get out in a hoarse whisper. My heart was still hammering against my chest and my damn erection was incredibly painful against my jeans.
“I just need to touch you, Beau. Please,” she whispered, crawling back into my lap and tracing kisses up my neck. Sawyer. I needed to remember Sawyer.
“Just touch me a little more,” she pleaded, pulling back and looking up at me with sad, needy eyes.
I couldn’t tell her no. Not now. I’d let it go too far. I was hooked. I slid my hands back up her waist, teasing the undersides of her breasts before covering them with my hands. Damn they were fucking perfect. She was perfect. “Tell me where you want me to touch you,” I said, needing her to guide this.
She arched her back, pressing her tits further into my hands. “That’s a nice start,” she replied in a soft moan. Seeing her head thrown back and her eyes closed like she was in the middle of an orgasm made everything else fade away. I needed more of that. I needed to see it again. I slipped one of my hands back down her stomach to her thigh and ran it up the inside of the shorts she had on until I felt the warm, wet fabric of her panties. She shuttered against me and cried out.
“What about this? You want me to touch here?” I asked, leaning toward her ear and whispering as I slid one finger inside her heat.
“Oh god, Beau,” she gasped, shaking in my arms. I knew what she needed. It might physically put me in a world of pain but I’d give it to her. If this is what she needed right now, I’d make sure she got it.
“You feel like heaven, Ash.” I bent my head and pulled the nipple I hadn’t gotten a taste of yet into my mouth before moving my finger in and out of her tight hole. I wanted in so bad. But she wasn’t ready for that. This was about helping her, not me.
“Beau . . . please . . . ohgod . . . Ah . . . Beau . . . please . . . more . . . please . . .” she panted as she began rocking her hips against my hand. She was close. I could feel it. And fuck if I wasn’t close too. Just watching her and tasting her and feeling her wetness was about to push me over the edge.
“I got you, baby. Come for me,” I encouraged her before I gently bit down on her nipple.
“BEAU!” she cried out in a load moan and shattered against my hand. To my surprise, I went off with her.
Over an hour later, I held her as she sat curled up in my lap. I was waiting on the horror of what I’d done to wash over me. However, having Ashton in my arms wasn’t helping me work up the remorse I should be feeling. Instead, I finally felt alive.
Ashton
I opened my car door and turned back to peek at Beau. My heart fluttered wildly at the sight of him. I’d wanted to go all the way but he’d stopped us. A smile tugged at my lips because I knew he hadn’t stopped me because it was wrong or because he didn’t want to. It just hadn’t been the right time. Beau had been as deliriously turned on as I’d been. He’d looked at me with those beautiful hazel eyes no longer hiding his feelings.
“Can you get out tonight?” he asked as he stepped toward me just close enough to touch my waist. The skin where his hand grazed tingled with anticipation.
“Yes, it’ll be late though. I’ve got to go to Grana’s. People will be bringing food and all that stuff. I’ll need to see you to cheer me up. Make me forget.” I’d crawl out my window for him if I had to.
He stepped closer and I watched as he lowered his mouth to mine. Just like before, the earth fell out from under me with the touch of his lips. I clung to his shoulders, afraid I’d collapse if he let me go. He broke the kiss and moved his mouth to my ear. I shivered and pressed closer to him.
“Text me when you’re ready and I’ll meet you at the park behind your house,” he whispered then stepped back.
I grabbed the door for support before nodding and getting into my car.
Beau stood there watching me as I backed up and turned the car around to drive away. I didn’t want him to regret anything. Right now I didn’t want to think about what was wrong with us. It felt too good to be wrong.
My phone rang and I reached for it without looking down to see who it was.
“Hello.”
“Stop looking back at me and watch the road.” Beau’s deep, smooth drawl came through the phone.
Smiling, I realized he had his phone up to his ear. He was almost too far away to see him clearly now. “Well, stop standing there all shirtless and sexy and causing a distraction,” I replied.
Beau sighed. “What are we doing, Ash?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that and right now I didn’t want to. “Let’s just enjoy it,” I begged.
“I’ll do whatever you want me to. I always have,” was his reply.
“Where did you run off to last night?” Leann whispered as she plopped down on the step beside me. I’d decided to hide out on the stairs once Grana’s house filled to capacity with people. They were suffocating me. Leann was here with her mother and I appreciated it but I wasn’t in the mood to talk. I studied her expression to see if she had any idea Beau had taken me to play pool before taking me home. I’d texted her to let her know he was driving me home because I had a headache and I’d left it at that.
“Beau offered to take me home so I went. I wasn’t in the mood to hang out after Ryan.”
She leaned over closer to me, bumping her shoulder against mine. “Girl, you should’ve seen the bloody mess Beau made of Ryan’s face. He beat the crap out of him. It was hot.”
I rolled my eyes at her words, hiding the secret thrill I felt over having Beau take up for me.
“Don’t roll your eyes. You have no idea how hot he was beating Ryan’s face in. He kept warning him he’d kill him if he even looked in your direction again.”
I opened my mouth to respond when the smell of intense old lady perfume wafted over me.
“Ashton, sweetie, I’m so sorry.” Mrs. Murphy, one of the ladies in the church who Grana always said needed to wear more make-up to cover up her bags and less perfume because she was polluting the atmosphere, stopped in front of me and held out her hands.
Everyone wanted to hug me as if a hug was going to make me feel better. Mrs. Murphy’s habit of bathing in cheap perfume caused a headache with up-close contact. So I patted her hand awkwardly, hoping she didn’t grab it and jerk me up into her arms. I could see the white used tissue in her grasp and I wasn’t thrilled about having to touch it or have it touch me.
“Thanks, Mrs. Murphy,” I replied.
She sniffed and dotted at her eyes with the tissue. “It’s just so hard to believe. I mean, she was just at the ladies’ auxiliary meeting on Monday. It’s awful, just awful.”
I didn’t need this. Why people thought I wanted to hear about the last time they saw my Grana was beyond me. I was trying to forget. I wanted to pretend she and I were going to curl up on the swing together when everyone was gone and talk about funny things we saw or someone said. I didn’t need to get a play by play from everyone here on the last time they saw my Grana alive.
“Thanks, Mrs. Murphy. Ashton is dealing with things the best she can. She appreciates your words but she isn’t up to talking about it just yet.” Leann’s words were perfect. Mrs. Murphy gave me one last sad smile and nodded before making her way over to someone who would talk to her.
“Thanks,” I said, glancing over at Leann.
She wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “That’s what friends are for.”
I nodded and laid my head over on her shoulder. I was going to miss her this year at school. I never had many girlfriends. I’d grown up with the Vincent boys as my two best friends. I wasn’t good with girl friendships. Leann had been my first girlfriend my freshman year. She’d been a sophomore, and taken me under her wing.
“What am I going to do without you this year?”
“You have Prince Charming. You’ll do fine. Besides, I’ll only be a phone call away.” Tears stung my eyes. I’d lost my Grana and I was losing Leann. My world was changing so quickly. I really needed Beau right now. He would make sense of everything. He’d listen to me complain and feel sorry for myself and not try to make me look on the bright side. Wrapped up in his arms was where I wanted to be. Not here with a bunch of people in my Grana’s house and a kitchen full of casseroles and pies.
“You want to get out of here? I’ll take you out and get you drunk,” Leann whispered.
I couldn’t leave my parents to deal with all of this alone. “Thanks, but I can’t. I need to be here. Grana would want me here.” My heart ached painfully and I fought back the tears. I would get through this. Grana would want me to be strong. If she knew I’d messed around with Beau Vincent today she’d be thrilled. A smile tugged at my lips although my eyes were blurry with unshed tears. The one person that mattered would wholeheartedly support my spending time with Beau. Somehow, that made it all better.
“I’m going to a movie with Leann,” I said as soon as we walked into the house.
The last of the visitors at Grana’s had finally gone, leaving us with more food than we could eat in a year. I sat a sweet potato casserole on the bar and turned to look at my parents.
“You’re going to a movie this late?” Dad asked, frowning as he sat down several pies he’d carried inside.
“It’s a midnight viewing for some vampire movie or something. She doesn’t want to go alone and I need to get my mind off things.”
My mom, who appeared better this evening than she had this morning, smiled. She seemed pleased I wasn’t planning on crawling into bed to cry. Wonder how she’d feel if she knew I was planning on crawling into the arms of the town’s bad boy to cry instead? I couldn’t worry about what she or Dad thought. Staying here looking into my dad’s sad eyes and my mother’s tentative smile would only cause me more pain. When I was with Beau I could forget for a little while.
“Good. Go out and have some fun. You’ve been spending too much time alone since Sawyer left. It isn’t good to be alone all the time,” Mom encouraged. Dad hadn’t seemed to be able to say much today. Looking at him caused the pain in my chest to open up again. I glanced back at Mom.
“I know. I just needed to adjust to Sawyer being gone. I hadn’t realized how much time I spent with him until he wasn’t here.”
Mom liked my response. She loved Sawyer but she always reminded me how getting too serious this young wasn’t a good idea. I still had college ahead of me. The guilt of what I was doing with Beau eased even more when I looked at my mom’s smile. I was lying to her about who I was with and what I was doing, but in a roundabout way I was doing what she wanted.
Normally this was when my dad would tell me to be careful and be home by eleven. Tonight he remained silent. Lost in his own world of pain. I gave them one last smile and headed for the door.