“I didn’t!” I said too loudly, my hand pressed firmly to my chest. “I cannot let you go into something that puts you at any kind of risk. Or that would be as uncomfortable as that was.” I pointed to the house. “I won’t do that to you.” He started to speak, and I talked over him. “And I can’t let you promise something to me that I can’t even promise you. Two and a half years? You’re eighteen and about to start college. You shouldn’t have to promise me anything. I know I don’t always act my age, but I am still fifteen. And as shitty as the truth sounds, I don’t see boys in terms of years and futures together. I see them in the now, what they make me feel right this second. I can’t even promise you the summer—let alone two and a half years.”
“And yet, you’re crying,” he said gently.
“Because right now what I want is you, and I can’t have you!”
One hand wrapped around my waist; the other moved to fist in my long, wet hair. Before I could think of what was happening, his lips fell onto mine, and a shocked whimper moved up my throat. I clung to his arms as our lips moved in sync for a few short, blissful seconds. When he pulled back, I pressed my forehead to his chest so I wouldn’t have to look at his dark eyes. I would take back everything I’d just said if I looked at them now.
“One day, Harlow Evans, you will be mine. I will wait for you.”
“You’ll be wasting your time,” I choked out. My hands tightened on his arms as I tried to hold back more tears.
A soft, amused laugh sounded close to my ear. “Never.”
Present Day—Richland
TWO DAYS LATER my purse and keys were returned to me, as promised, along with one of Collin’s credit cards. This time he wanted me to buy myself new earrings since I hadn’t screwed anything up in the last couple of days.
I wanted to cut the card in half.
But I hadn’t. I’d gone to a jewelry store downtown and picked a pair of diamond solitaire studs. I think the associate was confused by my lack of enthusiasm with the gift for myself, but it wasn’t his job to know why I was buying them—only that he was getting paid for helping me.
That night I had my earrings on, Collin’s credit card in hand, and dinner on the table when he got home. After inspecting the house as he did every night, he walked up to me with a smile on his face before pressing his lips to mine. Taking the card from my fingers, he glanced at my ears for less than a second before turning toward the table to throw another bouquet of pink roses on top. He’d never once handed me the flowers he brought home for me, always just tossed them somewhere for me to gather later.
“Do you like them?”
“I do,” I answered automatically. “Thank you, Collin.”
“Anything for my girl.”
We ate dinner and he told me about work, spending only a few minutes to voice his annoyance that Alfred McKenzie—the Benton County treasurer, and the man Collin was waiting to replace—still didn’t have plans to retire, then telling me the rest of the new government gossip. My mind drifted as he droned on; it was the same conversation as always. Everything from some of the men’s sexual affairs, cases his dad had handled, to the new chief of police they were all in an uproar about. Collin’s dad, Flynn Doherty, was the prosecuting attorney in our county, and a great man.
Unfortunately, he loved his son and was blind to any bad that could come from him, and had pulled some strings to get Collin a well-respected job in the treasury just after Collin had graduated from college. Alfred wasn’t around much due to his old age, leaving Collin to deal with most of the duties, and I worried about how much worse everything could get once Collin became treasurer—because everyone knew that when Collin ran, it would be unopposed. Even though Collin had been a trust fund baby and had more money than he knew what to do with, I knew he was already using the county’s money to keep police officers’ mouths shut, and I had no doubt it had been used in the incident with the arson in California.
“Did you hear me?” he asked suddenly, and I glanced up.
I had my fork in the air, and wondered how long it had been there. I shook my head once to clear my mind, and cleared my throat. “Um, the new chief of police,” I mumbled, and froze when Collin’s eyebrows slammed down over his eyes. The only relief I felt was that his blue eyes were still his—they weren’t lifeless, they weren’t my monsters.
Collin’s free hand clenched into a fist over and over as he watched me, and after a moment he started eating again. “As I was saying, we have a fund-raiser we’re expected to be at in two weeks.”
I swallowed thickly at the mention of it, and was only able to push around my food for the rest of dinner as I fought to keep down what I’d already eaten.
Fund-raisers and dinner parties meant we needed to impress people Collin or his dad worked with. They meant Collin expected me to be perfect, even though he had no problem showing me how imperfect I was while we were there, and again once we got home.
We’d been at a dinner party the first time I’d caught a glimpse of my monster—and it also should have been the last night I ever saw Collin. But I was in love, we’d just gotten engaged, and I kept making excuses for him in my head.
Spring 2012—Richland
“I DON’T KNOW if I should wear my ring tonight,” I said, and bit down on my bottom lip as I tried to figure out what to do. I held my left hand in front of me, and my heart raced as my lips spread into a wide grin.
This is right. This is what I want, I thought to myself, and forced my smile to remain on my face as I wondered why I’d pictured Knox Alexander when I’d accepted Collin’s marriage proposal three hours before.
Collin turned from where he was fixing his tie in the mirror and raised a dirty-blond brow. “You don’t want to wear your ring?” he asked quietly; calmly.
My eyes widened, and I stumbled over my words as I tried to explain. “No, of course I do! I just didn’t know if I should when we’re going to your parents’ dinner party. I mean, it’s for the governor, and I didn’t know when or how you wanted to announce to them that we were engaged. And now I’m worried that we’ll steal the focus if someone sees the ring, because it’s really hard to miss . . . so I just don’t know what to do.”
Collin smiled before pressing his lips to mine. “My parents already know. I promise it will be fine.”