You can’t believe it’s daylight
We stayed up again all night
Just ta Talking just cause you like the way I make the words sound
You can’t believe it’s daylight
We stayed up again all night
Talking just cause you like the way I make the words sound
I triple-double dare you
Fess up and make the first move
You need me like I need you
That’s why you come around here
Cause you know I’ve always been the one
Who listens to your sad songs
The shoulder that you cry on
Out on that ledge you walk on
When you’re sinking
Who keeps your secrets locked up
When there’s no one you can trust
I know it’s much more than just wishful thinking
Just say the words and you know I’ll be there
I read the new lines over and over again before saving the picture and swiping it away so I was back in the messages. She’d sent nothing else, just the song. It wasn’t like her.
I glanced at her writing again in the smaller version of the picture on the text, then tapped on my screen as the weight of my conversation with the guys fell off my shoulders.
The one?
Words . . .
I thought her response would never come. My amused smirk slowly fell as the minutes passed, and I’d nearly gotten to the point where I started messaging her again when the dots suddenly popped up on the screen.
Words: It’s just a song.
Words: No need to let a couple words in it freak you out.
A crease formed on my brow, and I hurried to respond.
They didn’t.
Words: I’ll change it.
Words: I wrote the new part this weekend because of our conversation, I just hadn’t sent it to you yet.
Hey, stop. What’s going on . . . are you okay?
I was messing with you when I sent those first texts. I wouldn’t have done it if I would’ve known that this would happen.
Five minutes passed without a response.
And then another five.
Words, talk to me. I’m here listening to you. Remember?
With each minute that passed, I got closer and closer to doing something I swore I would never do—calling her. I wasn’t ready to lose her. I knew I couldn’t keep her, but I couldn’t let her go yet, either.
Words: I think tonight might not be a good night to talk, Stranger.
Words: I’m sorry.
What the fuck. Words, what’s wrong? Fucking talk to me.
If it was how I responded, then I’m sorry. I was teasing you about it. You and I both already know how the other feels about it, that hasn’t been a secret.
Words: It’s not what you said.
Words: I’m sorry, but I have nothing that I can say to you.
That hurt more than it should have. It was the smallest glimpse of what it would feel like when she disappeared from my life, and it fucking hurt. I stared at her response for long seconds before typing back.
Tell me what I did so next time I can avoid it. Tell me what to do so I can try to make it up to you. Tell me something, anything, so I can stop thinking that you’re about to walk away from this.
Watching those three dots, waiting for her response, was agony.
Words: Nothing, Stranger. Nothing. And walk from you? Like you said, I don’t know if I’d be able to.
Then talk to me.
What could have happened between when you sent the song and when you next texted me?
Words: A lot . . .
Words: I don’t know how to talk to you tonight. I don’t know what to say to you. Everything that is running through my mind right now is too personal, and we don’t do personal.
You know me better than anyone. I know you, Words.
Words: Not like this. This would change things.
Try.
Long minutes passed, but this time I gave her the time she needed and tried to stay patient as I waited.
Words: To put it as simply and vaguely as I can . . .
Words: I was asked something, and it made me want to tear myself away from every happiness that I’ve recently found, and any I could possibly find in the future.
Words: It was innocent, really. The person had no clue what kind of devastation they would inflict on me by asking, but it feels like even my soul is crying now. Everything hurts. It hasn’t hurt like this in so long.
I felt helpless. I needed to reach through the phone and grab her, pull her into my arms and not let her go. But she wasn’t real.
You’re not going to tell me what the question was, are you?
Words: I can’t.
Words: And that’s why tonight isn’t a good idea. I don’t have anything I can say to you.
I think that’s why tonight is a perfect idea. I can’t leave you when you hurt.
Words: I won’t be any fun.
I doubt that.
Words: I’m crying.
You have no idea how much I wish I could be there to dry your tears.
Words: My heart . . .
Words: Stranger, don’t. Don’t. Didn’t you just hear me? I already want to tear myself away from the happiness that I’ve found. Don’t make me wish that you would hurry up and find me just so I could rip myself away from you, too.
Fuck if you think I’d let you rip yourself away from me, Words. If I find you, I’m not letting you go.
Words: There you go sweeping me off my feet again, Stranger . . .
Words: How is it possible that I’m unreasonably jealous of the girl you’ll one day leave me for, when you can’t leave what you never found?
I dropped my phone on my chest and let my eyes shut. I wanted to swear that I wouldn’t leave. I wanted to tell her that I would find her.
But I couldn’t.
Words was my outlet. She was the only person who had allowed me to be me without judging me for my past. In the last weeks she had unknowingly forced me to see what I really wanted out of life, when I’d spent years thinking I was happy in my repetitive life. Letting her go, closing that connection, scared the hell out of me. But I knew one day I would.
Because when I thought of Words, I only ever pictured one thing. A thousand faces blurred into one. Always one.
One I could reach out and touch.
One who was real.
One I would give up everything for.
Charlie.
Chapter Fourteen
Charlie
June 18, 2016
DEACON SIGHED AS he unfurled his large frame from under the hood of my car. “It’ll run for a day or two . . . maybe.” He turned his light eyes on me, and looked at me guardedly. “Charlie Girl, I’m serious. You—”