Teren stayed where he was, cuddled in bed with me. He pulled me over onto his chest and I wrapped my arms underneath his cool body. He tucked one of his hands under my aching neck, soothing me, then ran the other down my hair, calming me. As we embraced in that plush setting, I tried to forget the many uncertainties in our future and instead focused on my one constant - him.
I closed my eyes and memorized all of the markers that made him unique. Most of the ones from my human senses, I already knew - the dark hair, pale eyes, course stubble, deep voice, cool skin - but I found that my other senses could pinpoint him even more accurately. Besides the odd sensation of feeling someone's location in your head when that person is lying directly beneath you, I could also smell the way the world danced across his skin, the different fragrances mixing, mingling, and retreating from his own masculine scent. The cologne smell I'd always associated with him was more distinct this way as well, and I could almost taste the different notes in it. It made my mouth water.
I could hear his slow, easy breath between the deep words he was telling me - words of love and devotion and encouragement. I ignored the words themselves and listened to the timbre, the feeling he inlaid into every syllable. As odd as it sounded, I could feel love, like it was some physical thing and not an intangible object. His words rumbled deep in his chest as he spoke, and the rise and fall of his lungs were a steady rhythm that I found myself matching.
Peeking my eyes open, I looked up at him. I watched the lamps in the room create a band of reflected light in his dark hair and noticed that the shade was different to me now. I could see the varying degrees of black in it - some so dark, they almost crossed into blue, others so light, they almost looked brown. It was nothing pure human eyes would even notice; to them, his hair looked one solid color. It was fascinating. I drifted over his sculpted face, clearly seeing the bone structure beneath it. He was strong, masculine, profoundly attractive and, I could easily see now, perfectly symmetrical. My eyes drifted over his watching me, as he continually spoke. The gray flecks I noticed before were still there, still clear to me, only now, I could actually see a pattern in the right one; it sort of looked like a small clover. It was beautiful and I smiled at seeing it.
His lips smiled as well as he watched me take him in. My eyes drifted down to those lips - full, perfect, one edge curled up into a small smirk, hinting at the playful attitude inside of him. I watched those lips form words and phrases, watched the tongue enunciate sounds that could have been in Russian, for all the attention I was giving it.
He swallowed naturally during a break, and my eyes flicked down at hearing the sound. I drifted over the slight stubble he kept over his jaw line, dark, but lighter than his hair, making him constantly look as if he'd spent a long weekend wrapped in soft sheets, too preoccupied with other things to worry about shaving. It was hot.
He swallowed again and I continued on down to watch his throat move with the movement. I took in his neck while he talked, the way he turned and adjusted, the way the movement of the air needed for speech crept up from his lungs, making his throat bob. I could hear the light breath on its journey and smiled again.
Then I noticed a vein at the base of his neck move. It startled me and I focused on it. It was a thick artery, full of blood that I had to imagine was as cool as his body. It popped away from his skin, the same as all large veins did on regular humans, and I was a bit dumbfounded by it all. Experimentally, I took a finger and pressed down on it. It gave way and then bounced back. The room silenced as Teren stopped speaking, maybe curious by my curiosity.
He shifted his neck and the vein shifted as well, sinking away to somewhere deeper in his skin, where I couldn't see it. "What are you doing?" he whispered, running a hand down my hair.
I peeked up at his amused face and then back down to find that vein again. "I never noticed before, but your veins are just like mine."
He chucked, his body lightly rumbling under mine. "No, you probably wouldn't have noticed that. You weren't as focused on blood before." I peeked back up at him and he grinned. "Why are you surprised? Of course I still have veins."
I gave him a wry grin and rolled my eyes. "I know that." I looked back down as he shifted again and the vein reappeared. Lightly, I stroked it with my finger. Focusing my senses, I could feel the blood moving under his skin, I even imagined that I could hear it surging through his body. "It's moving," I muttered, mystified.
He laughed again and brought his hand to my back, pulling me into him. "Of course it is. Did you think my blood was stagnant? Just pooling at my feet? Or maybe suspended...like Jell-o?" He laughed again, and I could tell my ignorance on the subject greatly amused him.
I glared when I looked back up at him. "Well, yeah, actually." I furrowed my brows. "You don't have a pumping heart, how does your blood circulate?"
He smiled and ran a finger down my cheek. "I'm a vampire, Emma. Don't try and apply the rules of human anatomy to me." I gave him a blank look and he laughed. "I don't know how. I haven't exactly dissected a vampire to find out. But, something in our blood keeps it moving. We don't need a circulatory system; our blood takes care of its own." He cocked his head, considering. "I think that's one of the problems with being mixed, having that kind of blood along with a heartbeat." He looked at me and shrugged. "The two are constantly battling each other; the vampiric blood wanting to move on its own, at its own fast pace, the rest of the body wanting a slower, more relaxed rhythm."
I grinned at the image that popped into my head. "Like an insolent teenager, battling its parents." I stopped grinning when I realized that my body was fighting with itself now too.
He sighed as he looked over my changed expression. "Yeah, something like that." He raised my jaw and made me look at him. "But in answer to your implied question, yes, it moves." A thought occurred to him, and he gave me a devilish smile. "How else did you think I could still...perform?"
I blushed and laughed, smacking his chest and settling down to stare at that fascinating artery again. He laughed underneath me and held me tight.
I pictured that blood, just under the surface and thought of the blood I'd downed earlier. I wondered if Alanna would bring more with the dinner I could hear her finishing up in the kitchen. It marveled me a little that I actually wanted her to. Of course, what happened next marveled me even more.
As I watched that flowing vein under his skin, I found my lips moving towards it. Teren resumed talking, explaining other theories of vampirism that he had, but that vein commanded all of my attention. I brought my lips to his cool skin and felt the flow against my flesh. It didn't pulse like my blood, it was just a constant stream, a river, surging under the surface. A never-ending loop of fresh, cool, refreshing blood. My tongue came out to lightly stroke his skin and he instantly stopped talking again. I think he stopped breathing too. I was too fascinated to pay close enough attention though.
I pressed down on the vein with my tongue, his skin still slightly salty to me, even dead, and the vein popped back up when I released it. I groaned a little bit at the pleasing sensation and my teeth instantly snapped back down into place. My tongue had been in the way and I poked right into it. I pulled back from his skin, wincing in pain. "Ow, damn it."
Teren rubbed my back, but didn't laugh at me injuring myself again. Instead he looked at me with an eyebrow raised. His eyes took in my extended fangs and he furrowed his brows.
What?" I asked cautiously, feeling a little stupid that I'd basically been thinking about snacking on him. Hadn't I just sworn I'd never do that?
He seemed to know what I'd been about to do too. "Were you going to bite me?" His voice came out amused and a little concerned.
I looked down, embarrassed. "No, I don't know...maybe." I looked back up at him quickly. "I wouldn't have, not without asking you." Not that I wanted to, not really anyway.
He shook his head, brushing aside my concern. "I heal fast, Emma, you wouldn't have hurt me. I'm just..." He tilted his head and rubbed my back, looking worried.
"What?" I asked again, thinking I'd just about done something really wrong. "Do vampires not feed on each other? Not that I want to," I quickly added.
He shook his head again. "Sometimes they do, Great-Gran sometimes likes a little... But that's not what I'm..." He stopped again and bit his lip.
I sighed and felt tears sting my eyes. I was doing something wrong, I just didn't know what. I wish he'd just tell me what faux-pas I was making. It wasn't really my fault anyway. I'd only had a day to really get used to these cravings. He was born this way, used to it from day one.
His finger lifted my jaw when he noticed the emotion in my eyes. "Hey, you're okay, Emma." He smiled warmly and shook his head. "I'm not angry at you. It's okay if you want to bite me." He raised an eyebrow and grinned devilishly again. "I think I'd even like that."
I ignored his expression and felt myself pouting. "But you're concerned...why?"
He looked down for a second and then met my eyes again. "Your cravings." He shook his head again. "They just seem more advanced, like when I was close to..." He stopped talking, his eyes moistening.
I exhaled, understanding. "You think I'm close to a changeover, because of how much blood interests me?" He nodded, swallowing heavily. I looked down, absorbing that. One of the twins jostled me while I was thinking and I grinned and looked back up at him. "It's them, Teren."
He scrunched his brows and was about to ask who when he stopped and looked at my stomach. Understanding, he smiled and removing his ice pack hand from my neck, snaked it down to my stomach. My hand trailed down to meet his. "All of my cravings have ramped up because of them - ice cream, pasta, hot chocolate..."
"Sex," he interrupted, that grin on his face again.
I rolled my eyes and hit his chest again. "And now, blood," I finished, ignoring him. His smile relaxed into an easy one. "It's not because I'm close to dying, it's just because of them." I said it matter-of-factly, like somehow saying it firmly enough, would make it true. But the truth was, we had no idea. All of this was new territory for the whole family. He nodded and looked reassured, but my new vision could tell that he wasn't. But he only returned his hand to my neck, encouraged me to rest against his chest, and continued stroking my hair while he talked to me about things I could do around the ranch so I didn't get too bored.
This was just something we'd both pretend to believe. It was better than the alternative.
I felt Alanna approaching awhile later. Felt her, heard her, and smelled her, and the dinner she carried. No more sneaking up on this girl. Out of courtesy, she knocked before entering our room. She smiled warmly at the image of Teren and me, snuggling together in bed, and then set a tray of food - soup and a grilled cheese sandwich, sick person food - on the night stand. The tray also held a glass of milk and right beside it, two steaming cups. My fangs were still out and they extended a little more as I watched her pick up that tall thermos. She handed one to me as Teren helped me sit upright. I started drinking it immediately, still a little grossed out, but wanting it too much to care anymore. Teren and Alanna both chuckled at me and I paused and watched them watch me; Alanna hadn't even gotten around to handing Teren his yet. She smiled warmly at me and urged me to continue. "It's alright, Emma," she encouraged.
Blushing, I continued drinking, more slowly, and Teren smiled before taking a sip of his. He thanked his mother, his fangs out as well now, and she rumpled his hair before wishing us both a good night. Teren turned back to me and smiled widely around his mug. I didn't know what pleased him more, us drinking together, or downing what I now understood to be the best damn stuff on earth.
I grinned as I paused. "I can't believe we're drinking blood together." I laughed once and shook my head, noting that my neck felt even better as the blood acted as a natural pain reliever.
He grinned and tilted back his cup. "Think of the possibilities now. When your neck is healed, we could even paint each other's bodies with it and then lick it off." He laughed, so I knew he was joking, but I stopped and stared at him at the thought. His eyes took in mine and he stopped laughing, he stopped breathing again too. That made me giggle, as I tilted back my drink.
I sighed as I finished my cup. "I can't believe I enjoy this. I can't believe I'm a vampire...sort of."
He tilted his head as he finished his. "You've never thought about it? Really?"
I sighed again as I handed the cup to him. He put them both on the nightstand and put an arm around me. I leaned into his side and looked up at him. "Well, of course I've thought about it. I mean, you can't exactly date a vampire and not think about it." He smiled at that, a little sadly, and I continued. "But, after the way you reacted when I asked for Ashley, I just sort of took it off the table and stopped thinking about it. Plus...I didn't want to be tempted to kill my friends and family. That's not cool."
He laughed genuinely at that and hugged me. Kissing my hair, he muttered, "I think you can handle it."
I heard Alanna laugh at that too and Jack ask her what was funny. While I heard her repeat my comment, I pulled away from Teren to give him a serious look. "I'm sorry about asking you to change my sister. That I begged you to bite her, to drain her blood when you didn't want to. That was wrong of me to try and make you do that. It was wrong of me to even ask."
He sighed and shook his head, his hand going to cup my cheek. "You had a right to ask. I'm sorry I overacted. We just...we don't do that...normally."
He sighed again and looked down. I put my hand under his chin, bringing his gaze back to mine. "I know. I get that now. I love you." He nodded and kissed me. I looked over his face as I pulled back. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
He understood my vague question about the night he gave me his blood and looked at the sheets, shaking his head. "No, not really."
I sighed and ran a finger down his cheek. "Will you anyway?" I whispered that, and it was quite loud and clear, even to my own ears. He looked over at the tray of food Alanna had brought in, and sighing softly, he reached over and grabbed a plate piled high with grilled cheese sandwich halves. Handing it to me, he started telling me about what was probably the worst night of his life.
"I was by your side before you even made it to the ground." He shook his head, staring at the sheets again. "But I still wasn't fast enough." I paused in picking up a still warm sandwich, to put my hand on his chest encouragingly. He glanced over at me and sort of smiled. Sighing again, he laid his head back and shifted his gaze to the ceiling. I noted the silence in the house, as Alanna listened to her son speak his pain. "Ben had already gotten him. Great-Gran pulled him off of you, and all I saw was blood. So much blood. His, yours. It was awful. Everyone was talking to me at the same time and everything seemed so loud."
He shook his head, his pale eyes replaying the event as a shudder passed through me. "Great-Gran was telling me that we had to get rid of the body." He looked over at me. "At first, I didn't know which body she meant. But then I heard your heart - it was so faint. She picked up the vampire and blurred away, telling me to get you out of sight. Ben was yelling for me to get you to a hospital. He kept pulling at me, trying to get me off of you." He shook his head as his eyes watered. "But I was holding in your blood. My hands were on your neck, and I was holding in what little blood was left."
He ran a hand down his face and I set my plate on my lap, food momentarily forgotten. I kissed his shoulder and whispered that I loved him. He peeked over at me, seemingly comforted by that. "You started to shake, so I picked you up and we got in the back of my car. I yelled at Ben to drive and then..."
He paused, like he really didn't want to confess this part. Since I already knew it, already pictured it in my head, I nodded at him and urged him to continue. He swallowed before he did. "While he drove, your heartbeat started stuttering. All I could think was that my blood heals fast now, maybe it would heal you." He shook his head. "I wasn't thinking that it would change you. I just...I wasn't thinking." He swallowed again while a tear ran down my cheek.
"It's okay, Teren." I rested my head on his shoulder. "Tell me."
He exhaled shakily, like he was trying not to break down. "I tore my wrist open, put the wound over your lips. You wouldn't drink it at first. It just kept collecting in your mouth. I didn't know what to do. I begged you...and eventually, you swallowed it." He smiled softly and then frowned, looking down at my untouched plate of food. "Ben went nuts when he saw what I was doing. Nearly stopped the car, but I...growled at him, told him to drive to the ranch." He sighed softly and shook his head. "I may have told him I'd kill him if he didn't." He looked up at me. "But I knew I couldn't take you to a hospital, not with my blood inside of you." I nodded and he looked away.
"I didn't know how much you needed, or if it was even doing anything. I wasn't thinking about anything other than 'more', you needed more." He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I had to keep reopening my wrist, it kept healing. I was making myself really weak, but I couldn't stop, your neck hadn't healed." I grabbed his hand, his wrist. He watched me as I examined the skin. It was perfect, flawless. I grabbed the other one, but it was the same. He was perfectly healed. "I've never been so scared, Emma. Not even when I died. I've never been that scared in my life."
He didn't continue talking, and I thought that was the end of the story. Then he looked up from where his wrist was still in my hands. His eyes were wet again. "I fed you the entire way back to the ranch. I only stopped when Mom pried me off of you." He shook his head and swallowed. "I think if she hadn't, I would have given you every drop I had." Another tear dropped to my cheek at that admission. I wanted to say something, but he smiled at me. "It was only when she picked you up, that I realized your heart was beating steadily again. And when we looked, your neck wasn't healed, but it wasn't bleeding very much anymore." A long, languid smile broke over his face. "My blood didn't do what I'd ever have expected it to do, but it kept you alive. It kept you all alive."
His eyes drifted to my stomach, to the twins resting under my plate of cooling food. I smiled and brought a hand to his cheek.
"Have I ever told you, how amazing you are?" He grinned and I leaned forward to kiss him for a few long moments, glad I was unconscious for that, and didn't have the memory, and wishing someone could take the memory from Teren. I couldn't imagine how scared he'd been. Then again, I'd watched him die, almost twice. Maybe I could imagine his terror all too easily.
After a few moments of collection, I dug into my human food. My comparatively bland human food. Not that it was bad, it wasn't, Alanna was amazing in the kitchen, but it wasn't what my body was really wanting. The human part of me still needed it though, so I ate everything in front of me. Teren sat behind me while I ate, playing with my hair or massaging my shoulders. He didn't seem to want to leave me alone. I understood that, I didn't want him to leave me alone either.
But eventually, he had to. Eventually it was Monday morning and he, at least, had to go back to work. He knelt by my side of the bed, concern clear in his face. "Hey, I have to go. It's going to take me longer to get to work and back now, but I'll be here, just as soon as I can." I nodded and he leaned over to kiss me. "I'm going to swing by the house and get some stuff for us." He looked down, a little worried again. "I need you to talk to your mom today, if you don't mind." I scrunched my brow and he explained, "I don't know how long we're going to be here, so I thought I'd leave Spike with her," he grinned wryly, "since she loves him so much."
I nodded. Mom would need to know why she was watching the dog for so long too. I sighed, not looking forward to that conversation. She'd want to move out here to the ranch when I told her I was on bed rest. That would put a strain on the vampires, me too. I'd have to convince her that there were plenty of people waiting on me, and she needed to stay in town for work, and now, the dog. That would brighten the experience for her. I smiled and told him I'd call her this afternoon and let him know what she said. He grinned and kissed me goodbye, lingering for a much longer kiss than we generally said goodbye with. I tried to block out the feeling that he was saying "goodbye" with his goodbye...just in case.
After he left, I stretched out on the bed. My body was still a little stiff, and still felt really odd, but overall, I felt better. The ache on my neck was a manageable level, as the human and vampire sides within me worked together on fixing the damaged skin. My fingers went to the wound, the rustling on the bandage loud in my ear, and I had the sudden desire to shower and dress and try to appear normal, since I didn't feel normal.
Bracing myself, I slowly sat up, the bed compressing a bit under my weight. My head swam for a fraction of a second and then cleared. I heard Jack and Alanna talking quietly downstairs as Alanna made him something to eat. In the side building, I could hear Hot Ben still snoring away. No other noises intruded on me, but I could sense where Halina was tucked away for the day and where Imogen was being deathly silent. I remembered that Teren didn't breathe or move much when he slept, and figured that was what she was probably doing.
Wanting that shower, I slowly stood up. Well, that was my intention anyway, but my desire to be clean was so strong, as my sensitive skin could fell the layer of grime on it, that I blurred to my feet. I'd never moved at vampiric speed before, and really, hadn't been expecting that side effect. It completely took me off guard, and not even having time to curse, I overshot my balance and crashed harshly to the ground.
"Emma? Are you alright?" I heard instantly from Alanna in the dining room.
Blushing, and grateful that at least no one saw that, I muttered, "Yeah, I'm fine...just clumsy."
I carefully sat up on my knees and then stood up. Alanna's concerned voice filtered up to me. "Oh, okay. Be careful. You need to concentrate on how quickly you move now. Everything for you will take a concentrated effort for awhile, then it will be natural."
I nodded, then remembering that she couldn't actually see me, thanked her. Great, just what a pregnant woman with a major case of space-brain needed - to have to super concentrate on everything. I had a feeling I'd be falling over a lot for a while. With my mind focused on every muscle contraction in my body, I slowly walked into the bathroom.
Alanna's voice followed me. "Are you hungry? I can bring you up some breakfast."
I walked over to the mirror and sighed at my reflection - my thick, wavy locks were the worst case of bed head I'd ever seen, dark circles under my eyes made me seem like I hadn't slept in days, my lip had swollen from where I'd pierced myself yesterday, and the bandage on my neck was comically huge. My enhanced sight could also see the slight red tinge seeping through it. My stomach growled and my fangs dropped down, luckily not piercing anything this time. Staring at them, I focused on pulling them back. It was more difficult than you'd think. They resisted slipping back up, but like purposely contracting a muscle, I eventually made them hide again.
I sighed again and answered Alanna. "I'm going to attempt a shower, then I'll come down and join you. Wish me luck," I muttered softly.
I heard her faint laughter. "Good luck."
I turned on the shower, adjusting the knob until the temperature was how I liked it. Walking back to the mirror, I wondered if sunlight would be an issue for me. Teren had told me once that his family had the same reaction to light after their conversion as before. I'd been sequestered in our room here at the ranch for days. I hadn't been in direct sun yet. But I took it as a good sign that I wasn't suddenly Halina's roommate in her lightproof dungeon. Our room had heavy, beaded curtains that were closed when I'd woken up, but it was nowhere near as light resistant as Halina's pad. Or Imogen's dark room for that matter. Plus, neither Teren nor Alanna had mentioned anything about it. I took that as a good sign. I don't know if I could handle never seeing daylight again.
Looking at myself in the mirror again, I slowly began tearing off the bandage over my wound. It stung where it pulled away from my skin and I paused. Taking a deep breath, I let my control over my muscles relax and ripped the material off lightning quick. I hissed in a sharp breath and clasped my hand over the surge of pain. Finger by finger I removed my hand. The wound was as horrific as I'd imagined, and it was days old now. Red, raw, blood-encrusted skin, with a distinct oval shape that was obviously from a mouth. Twin deep holes were at the top, right over my jugular, and the remaining teeth gouged deep into my flesh, the top and bottom edges ripping the skin ragged where he'd dug in. He'd practically torn a chunk out of my skin to get to the blood beneath. It was horrid and I could see a couple places where someone had sewn me up with a stitch or too, the stitches themselves pulled out, but the skin puckered back into place. I knew I'd have a scar there permanently.
Anger surged through me as I ran a finger along the bumpy scar. Prick vampire. In my irritation, I lost control on my teeth and they came back down. Too irritated to do anything about it, I left them down and angrily jerked off my clothes, hopping into the shower.
The warm water calmed me back down and I was able to tuck them away again while I was dressing. With the wounds cleaner, they weren't quite as horrific, although they were still not pleasant to look at. I left them uncovered and fluffed my hair to partially cover it. As I took in my clean appearance, I felt a little better, and was starving. I moved to the door, but let myself do it a little too fast and stumbled as I ran into the knob. Really grateful that Teren wasn't witnessing my awkwardness, I opened the door and carefully walked down the elaborate staircase that led into the entryway. Not wanting to fall down the stairs, I had to focus hard on every single step.
I hit the bottom step right as Hot Ben walked into the room. I smelled him before I saw him; he did not smell good. I wrinkled my nose at the scent of scotch and vomit wafting from him. He didn't look much better. His eyes were bloodshot, his highlighted hair sticking up on one side and flat on the other. His clothes were rumpled, obviously still the ones he'd fallen asleep in (or passed out in) yesterday. His face, although still sculpted and gorgeous, was pale and slightly green.
He looked up at me when I stepped off the last stair, a small smile on my face that I hadn't tumbled down them. "Hey," he whispered.
I wanted to hold my breath at the smell on his. "Hi, Ben. How are you doing?"
He gave me an ironic smile and brought his hand up to point at my neck. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"
I shrugged and hid my wound a little better, not wanting to freak him out even more. His eyes locked onto my scar though and something in his visage changed. Suddenly he straightened taller as he stared at where I'd nearly been killed. His blue eyes shifted back to mine and his entire demeanor seemed more focused than I'd seen in awhile.
"I'm really glad you're okay, Emma. I can't imagine if you'd..." He shook his head and swallowed. "I've been sort of...handling things...poorly," he looked down and then back up at me, "but that changes, starting now." He tilted his head at me. "I've caught bits and pieces of what's going on. I don't really understand it, but I understand that you're still in danger, and so are your kids." His eyes flashed to my stomach as I automatically put a hand on them. He looked back up at me, his face solemn. "I want to help. Whatever you guys need."
My jaw dropped at that. I sort of figured that he'd be wiped by now, it had been a little shocking to me yesterday that he still hadn't been, and now, he was offering to remember for even longer. I swallowed and walked over to him, carefully putting my arms around his neck, my high emotions threatening to bubble over. "Thank you, Ben."
He held me back, wrapping his arms around me in a friendly way. "You're welcome. I only wish I could have stopped..."
He sighed and I pulled back, looking at his grieved face staring at my neck again. "Hey, even Teren hadn't been fast enough." I bent down to look him in the eye. "Don't beat yourself up." He nodded and grinned, his whole face lightening. As we separated, I clapped his shoulder, using him to slow my footsteps as we walked to the kitchen. "I can't believe you got him," I told him, slightly shaking my head. "You staked a vamp."
He looked over at me walking beside him. "I know, me either frankly." A small, confident smile lit his lips. "It actually feels pretty good, knowing I can defend myself."
I laughed and grabbed his arm, steadying myself. "Good." I gave him a meaningful glance. "Are you done with the drinking then?" He looked down sheepishly and nodded. I laughed again, feeling lighter than I had all morning. "Good, cuz you smell really bad."
He looked up at me, embarrassed. "Sorry."
I bumped his shoulder as we entered the dining room. A bright ray of light flashed upon my hand and I cringed...but felt nothing. Relaxing, I laughed again. "Don't worry about it." He helped me sit in a chair, taking one beside it. I watched him sit down, a small smile on his lips as he nodded over the table at Jack. "You know how you could help me the most, Ben?"
He looked back at me, his brow furrowed, but his jaw set. I had the feeling he'd agree to whatever I asked of him. I smiled at my upcoming statement. "You can call Tracey," I said softly.
He looked down, looking sheepish again. He peeked up at me from the corner of his eye. "Yeah, I know. I owe her...so many explanations." I opened my mouth to warn him, but he quickly shook his head. "I won't tell her about Teren, or you, but I need to explain myself somehow." He shrugged. "I'll come up with something. I'll call her today."
I grinned and rubbed his back. "Good, because she loves you, you know?"
He smiled and looked at the table. "I know." He looked up as Alanna flitted into the room with a plate of food for Jack. "I love her too." Hot Ben tore his eyes away from Alanna kissing her husband and looked back at me. "And now I know I can protect her." His jaw set again as his tone intensified. "I won't let anything touch her."
I smiled and nodded. Somehow, scaredy-cat Ben now sounded exactly like Teren. Through our bond, I couldn't sense exactly where he was, just the general location. He was somewhere to my left. Miles and miles away to my left. It was a surprisingly lonely feeling and I was a little amazed that I wanted to sense him closer. I almost ached with the need of it, like I wouldn't feel whole again until our bond was more closely connected. I wondered if he felt that way too.
Hot Ben left a little after breakfast, saying he wanted to clean up and surprise Tracey at work by taking her out to lunch. I sighed that I wouldn't be there to see the surprised look on her face when he showed up. I could picture her struggling between tears and anger - things had been tense between them for awhile now, but I was pretty sure Tracey would melt like butter for Ben. It would just take a little effort (and some fanciful tales) and their relationship would be back on course. Hot Ben was the only guy she'd let herself fall in love with, the only guy she hadn't pushed away with superficial excuses. Regardless of the strain lately, she'd take him back simply because she couldn't not be with him. I was immensely grateful that Ben was a good guy, and that his secrets were nothing near what Tracey had been afraid of.
I found myself passing the time by being on the phone. I had a surprising number of calls to make. Settling into a comfortable chair in one of the libraries in the main house, I called my doctor's office first, to cancel every appointment I had. I hated to do it, I wanted to go to them, but Teren was right, I couldn't let them test me anymore. I was just going to have to trust that everything was going smoothly. At least I could hear them now; I could keep an ear out for any odd changes. Not that I'd be able to do anything about it, if something did go wrong.
Pushing aside my fears, and my abhorrence at the thought of giving birth, literally, the old fashioned way, I told the receptionist that I was having a home birth at my in-laws place and had found a clinic closer to their location. They urged me to still come see them before the births, but I reassured them that there were a couple of midwifes here and I'd be just fine. Alanna told me I would be when I hung up the phone. I glanced through the wall to where I could sense her in the living room and thanked her, not really any more excited over the prospect.
After the doctor, I called my sister. She interrogated me for fifteen minutes on the details of what had really happened. Apparently, Teren had been really vague when he'd explained things to her. She'd used all of her will power to not rush out and see me; Teren's warning that I needed time to adjust giving her pause. With a heavy sigh and tears evident in my voice, I proceeded to tell her exactly how I'd nearly died and exactly how Teren had saved my life.
Only silence answered me. "Ash?"
More silence, but I could hear shifting in the background and thought she was pacing. I could even hear her heart pounding, through the phone. Finally she said, "He made you a vampire?"
I really wasn't sure how to answer that. "Um...well..."
She didn't let me finish. "How could he do that to you, to the kids? How could he condemn you to that life?"
I sighed, momentarily thankful that I'd never mentioned my crazy plan to condemn her to that life. "What choice did he have, Ash? Watch us die? You know Teren. He's not capable of just sitting there and watching that, not without trying to help me. Not after everything we've been through." I said that last part quietly and heard my sister sniffle at the memory.
She was silent a moment more and then sighed. "I know. I'm not angry...at him. I guess, I just wish that hadn't happened. I mean, what happens to you now?"
Even though she couldn't see it, I shrugged. "We don't know. I'm still mostly human right now, like Teren used to be." I paused, considering that. "Actually, I seem to be exactly like Teren was, back when he was alive."
She brightened and I could hear her smile through the phone. "Oh, well that's not so bad. You'll just have to hide the fangs and not suck on any cows around people." She laughed and I heard the rustle of her sitting, her heart started calming too.
I closed my eyes for a moment. Part of me wanted to let her keep her fantasy version of my life, the one where everything about me, pretty much stayed the same, and a part of me didn't want to hold back the awful truth of what I was really facing. Eventually, that part won out. "Ashley, it's not that simple."
She stopped laughing. "What do you mean?"
I sighed, hating that I had to cause another person I loved worry. Imogen upstairs offered kind words of encouragement. Alanna told me she loved me. I closed my eyes and prepared to jolt my sister's world, again. "Do you remember all of what Teren went through, how his human body couldn't handle the strain of being mixed...?" I let my voice trail off, hoping my sister understood what I was getting at. I didn't want to have to say it.
She gasped and I heard her heart miss a beat. "You're going to die?" Her voice hitched as she whispered that. I was about to tell her everything would be fine, when she repeated louder, "You're going to die!"
Tears were on my cheeks now as I listened to my sister start to cry. "Ash...don't cry. It will be fine. I'll come back, just like Teren." I really didn't know if that would happen, but I couldn't leave my sister without any hope. I just couldn't do that. She needed to know the truth, but in the broadest sense of the term. She didn't need to worry about the details. There were enough of us worrying already.
My sister saw right to the problem though. "What about the babies? What if you die before they're ready?"
A sob escaped me at that. "I don't know...we just don't know." I sobbed into the phone as Ash sobbed into her end. Suddenly wishing I could hold my sister as we cried, the library door swished open and Alanna scooped me into her cool embrace. I hugged her back, still clutching the phone to my ear. Alanna whispered that everything would be fine, that none of them would stop looking for an answer, and I relayed the sentiment to my sister.
With sighs and hiccups and a promise to not let Mom know anything was wrong with me, aside from the doctor ordered bed rest, we said our goodbyes. I clicked off the phone and continued to hold Alanna, grateful for the cool woman's comfort. She stroked my back soothingly and kissed my head. Then she confessed that Imogen and Halina had spent all last night, pouring over the madman's journals.
I pulled back and blinked away tears. "They did?" Hope filled me that maybe they'd found an answer already.
Alanna sighed and brushed aside a lock of my hair. "Yes. Grandma has looked through it before, but not with the same...intent." She raised an eyebrow at me and I nodded. No, things were much different now. Things were much more serious. Alanna nodded as she watched me, then she frowned. "They haven't found any leads yet." I frowned as well and Alanna brought a palm to my cheek. "We won't stop looking. We'll find something."
I nodded and looked down as Alanna kissed my forehead again. When she left the room, I continued on with my difficult phone calls.
My mother was next and just as I'd suspected, she wanted to spend every long, boring moment sitting in a chair beside my bed here at the ranch. I told her over and over that Imogen and Alanna had experience being midwifes, having helped their older sisters deliver children (also part of the cover story) and they had the free time to wait on me. My mother had a nine-to-five job and bills to pay. She couldn't just drop everything for me. She protested, vehemently, and then I asked if she could help us out by watching Spike. That gave her pause. I told her the girls here were allergic to dogs (since I couldn't tell her that Halina had a sweet tooth for them. Not that she would do that to Teren, but no need to tease her with him being under foot all of the time) and it would really help if we knew he was being taken care of.
After long pauses and exaggerated sighs, she finally agreed to take him. Honestly, with Ashley moved out, I think my mom was getting lonely. While she was worried about me, I think my news had just made her day. After more details on the accident, which I had to have Alanna fill me in on before I could tell her (and they mainly involved us getting rear ended, nothing too dramatic, but enough to jumpstart labor), and my mom asking if I'd been hurt, (I told her my neck hurt a bit, which was true), we finally said our goodbyes, Mom assuring me that she'd be up often, especially the closer I got to the births.
I didn't say anything to that. I couldn't think that far ahead, not without crying, or panicking, or both.
I took a break after that, having a light, bloody lunch with Alanna in the kitchen while Jack took care of ranch stuff in the fields. She flitted out to help him throughout the day, but had to take breaks from the sun if it was too nice out. Today was sunny and bright, a beautiful 'spring is just around the corner' day, so she'd been spending a lot of time indoors.
We talked about inconsequential stuff while we ate. She seemed to understand that I'd had enough tough conversations already and I really didn't want to have any more. I thanked her for the sandwich, and the glass of fresh blood, and made my way back to the library to make more hard phone calls.
My next two, both happened to be at my work. Opting for the easier of the two, I called Tracey's direct line first. She picked up on the second ring, her voice light and happy. "Neilson, Sampson and Peterson. This is Tracey."
I blinked a moment at her tone, she hadn't sounded like that in awhile. I could hear her light breath coming through the phone, heard her hair swishing in a repeating pattern, like she was twirling a piece in her fingers. "Hello?" she asked.
I coughed, embarrassed. "Hey, Tracey. It's Emma."
Her voice brightened and I could hear her smile through the other line. "Hey! Missed you Friday. Clarice only scowled when I asked about you. What'd you do to piss her off?"
I exhaled a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, happy from her ignorance that no one had told her my story yet; at least she hadn't been worrying about me all weekend. "Well, that's why I'm calling actually..." I went in to all the details of the fake story that I could, Alanna supplying the details I still wasn't sure about, whenever I paused mid-sentence.
Tracey's voice was sympathetic, but unworried. "Oh, Em. God, that sucks. I have no idea what I'd do if I was stuck in a bed for months." She started laughing and I knew exactly what she was picturing herself doing, stuck in a bed for months. A thought struck me as I remembered Hot Ben saying he was going to surprise her for lunch. She seemed pretty chipper, compared to how she'd been lately. Maybe it had gone well.
Grateful to talk about something that didn't directly involve me, I smiled and said, "You seem in a much better mood than you have been lately. Something up?"
She started giggling and I heard her hand come up to the receiver, like she was cupping the phone. "Besides the world's best nooner?" She laughed again while I blushed. From upstairs, I heard Alanna and her mom laugh softly. I shook my head. I guess things had gone exceedingly well.
"Ben?" I asked, already knowing who had met up with her today.
She laughed again, her hand dropping from the receiver. "Yes, of course Ben." She sighed and I heard her relax back in her chair. "He came into work with a bouquet of flowers, looking hot as hell." I bit back a laugh, knowing how awful he'd looked this morning. She sighed again, a small, satisfied sound escaping her throat. "We went to that cafe around the corner and he told me he'd been acting stupid because of some family drama back home, but he'd never meant to push me away and he loved me more than anything." She sighed dreamily. "Em, you should have heard him, he was so sweet, and honest, and...regretful. He was so worried that I didn't love him anymore. It was charming. He was almost desperate to get back together with me, like he wanted to be by my side every second now, to watch over me or something." She laughed huskily. "We didn't even make it through our meal before I was pulling him into the bathroom."
I laughed and mentally made a note to never use the restroom in that particular cafe anymore. "That's great, Tracey. I'm glad you two...worked things out." I laughed again after I said that and she laughed with me. I thought over Hot Ben's cover story to her and smiled that he'd basically called Teren and I family. And him not wanting to leave her alone, I knew exactly what that was about.
Tracey sighed and then a thought that wasn't about Hot Ben seemed to strike her. "Oh, you're on bed rest...you're not coming back, are you?"
I felt the tears sting my eyes as I sighed softly into the phone. "I don't know, Trace." I ran a finger down a canine; my fangs had decided after lunch to not stay up and were snapping down every time I stopped thinking about them. It was annoying, and after awhile, I'd just stopped pulling them back up. Right now, I didn't see how things would ever return to normal.
Tracey sighed and I heard the quiver in her voice. "I'm gonna miss you, Emma."
She swallowed heavily and I heard the tear splash on her cheek; it made my barely contained tears flow too. "I'm gonna miss you too, Trace." She lost it a little more and I struggled to not let my surging hormones run away with me. Barely containing myself, I told her, "Hey, stop that. We'll still see each other. I mean, we're best friends and our guys are best friends, right? We'll still see each other all the time." I didn't mention that we'd all be keeping some major secrets from her now.
She sniffled and I could hear her tone brighten. "You're right. I'm being silly. We'll see each other so much, you'll get sick of me." I laughed at that and she added, "And besides, I love kids, I can't wait to babysit yours."
That line got to me and I slapped my hand over my mouth to not openly sob. I just didn't know if they'd get the chance to be "babysat" by anyone, much less Tracey, who could never know what they really were. I nodded and squeaked out a, "Yep."
Tracey wished me the best of luck breaking in my bed, and I knew when she said that, she meant it literally, and promised to come see me soon. Feeling more put together, but still hanging on by a thread, I told her I'd call her often, and then we said our goodbyes.
That left me a worn out tired mess when I finally called Clarice. I openly sobbed with her, figuring she didn't really care either way and I could at least get the release, while at the same time sounding contrite. She told me that she wasn't holding my spot for me indefinitely, but under company policy, she couldn't fire me. If and when I decided to come back, she'd find a place for me...somewhere. I sighed, knowing wherever I ended up...would suck. Figuring that out of everything in my life, my job was probably the least important, I thanked her for her tutelage over the years and wished her well in finding a replacement for me. She surprisingly said she'd miss me, and then she bluntly hung up the phone, not even waiting for my reply. I blinked into the receiver and then sighed and hung it up.
My last call was to Teren, to let him know that Mom was excited to watch Spike for him. He told me he'd swing by there after going home for a bit, and then he'd rush out to me. I told him I missed him, and hated feeling him so far away. He told me he felt the same, and I could hear the ache in his voice when he said it. I sighed and told him to hurry back to me and then we said our goodbyes.
After all my calls were done, I headed upstairs, only slipping up once on the top step, when I moved faster that I'd intended and tripped over the lip of the stair, and then I stumbled into bed, throwing the blankets over me and wishing that blip on my internal radar that was Teren, would hurry up and get closer already.