I stirred under slick, satiny sheets. In my mind, I wasn't in a luxurious bed, though. No, in my semi-conscious state I was floating in a pool of light red liquid. The sun was bright in the cloudless sky and as I experimentally moved, the water, while warm directly around me, became cooler farther away from my body. And unlike any liquid in real life, it supported my weight, cradled me like a waterbed - a tropical fruit punch waterbed. Somewhere in the distance, I heard birds calling and waves lapping, and as I basked under the glorious rays of the sun, I trailed my fingers through the oddly supportive red water, beads of it splashing over my bare skin, turning portions of me a speckled pink.
I laughed at the oddness of it all and a deep laugh answered me. Turning my head, I saw Teren lying next to me, supported in the strange liquid as well. He turned his head to gaze at me, his blue eyes and dark hair in sharp contrast to the red water. He smiled, his fangs pure white and casually long, then rolled over the springy water to lie over the top of me. With a soft sigh, he dropped his head to the crook of my neck. His scratchy stubble against the sensitive skin of my collarbone started bringing me to awareness.
He was real. The red lake was not, but he was real.
The haze of my dream lifted as my legs stirred in the sheets again, this time recognizing the fabric as our bed, and not a fruit punch pool. My eyes still closed, I also recognized the weight on top of me, and the smell - that light cologne scent that Teren had been wearing yesterday, the day we got married. Inhaling, still more asleep than awake, I let out some sort of mumbled greeting to my husband. His head still buried in my neck, I felt the rumble through his chest in response.
Neither one of us being more than slightly conscious, I wrapped my arms around him. His body, while not nearly the temperature he'd been last night, was still on the sort-of lukewarm side, and I sleepily indulged in the feeling of him over every bare inch of me. His hands wrapped under my body in response and we held each other as we drifted through phases of light sleep.
As I fluttered in and out, my legs instinctively opened to him. As he fluttered in and out, he instinctively pressed himself against me. Neither of us speaking, one of my hands trailed down his broad back to rest at his hip, while one of his slid down my spine, curving around my pelvis to rest on my knee. He gently brought my leg around him as he settled himself more perfectly over me.
I exhaled slow as his ready body gently pushed into mine. He let out a deep sigh, sounding more like a man relaxing back into his favorite recliner, than a man making morning love to his wife. Perfectly content. With our eyes still closed, his head still buried in my neck, we began to move together. It was slow and languid, neither one of us really striving towards anything, just enjoying the feeling of being so intimately connected.
We stayed that way, silently and slowly rocking together, between the cool satin sheets and the warm, down filled quilt, for a long, blissful eternity. Just when I could feel a deep, slow buildup starting, another part of my body decided to speak up first.
One hundred percent wide awake now, I stiffened board-straight underneath him. Confused, he stopped moving and raised his head, blinking sleepily at me. "Emma?"
His tired eyes tried to focus on mine, but he was still groggy and slow moving, and my body needed him to move much quicker. One hand flew to cover my mouth and the other shoved back his shoulder, pushing him off of me. He instantly retreated, understanding that I was about to lose it on him if he didn't. Without looking back, I shot up off the bed and stumbled my way to the bathroom. I just barely made it into the private room with the toilet.
I was so ready for this part of pregnancy to be over with.
Almost immediately, his now cool hands were running up and down my back. I looked at him over my shoulder as I panted into the bowl, sort of hating him for putting me in this position. He smirked at my expression and pointed at the swirling water I'd just flushed down. "Sorry, did I do that?" His voice was sweet and innocent, but the twinkle in his eye was not.
Glaring at him as I sat back on my heels, I put a hand on my stomach and raised an eyebrow. "You know you did."
"Sorry." He grinned, not looking sorry at all.
I wanted to complain a bit, but then he swept me into his arms and treated me to a nice, relaxing, soapy shower. As he washed my hair and massaged my back, I just couldn't find the words to complain anymore. When I was clean and feeling human again, he wrapped me in a huge, fluffy robe and put me back in bed. Then he blurred away and left me alone. I wanted to complain about that too, until ten minutes later he came back with bacon, eggs and a plate of waffles. I love my husband.
He seemed to love me too. As I scarfed down my food in our bed, he played with my wedding band, a loving, peaceful look on his face the entire time he twisted my ring in never-ending circles. When I was full and finished, and positive it would stay down, I set my plate on the nightstand and proceeded to finish what I'd so rudely halted this morning.
This time, I made it through without getting sick.
His family stayed away for the bulk of the day. Well, for Halina and Imogen it wasn't really a choice, they were stuck wherever they were until the sun set, but Jack and Alanna stayed away, giving us our newlywed space. And we needed it. We didn't leave the room much, or the bed for that matter. We lounged, laughed, talked, made love, napped, played card games and made love again, all afternoon long. It was bliss. Pure, romantic, we-just-got-married bliss.
Teren did slip out of our oasis once or twice (dressed only in a pair of loose lounge pants, which was a delightfully yummy sight) to get a bite to eat. I let him leave by himself, taking the time he was gone to call my mom and sister. I sort of wanted to call Tracey, just to talk to Ben, to make sure he was okay, but I suppose that could wait. I mean, Teren and I had already kind of had our honeymoon, and today would be all I was going to get, so I was going to enjoy every darn minute.
When Teren came back, full and satisfied, he immediately stripped off his lounge pants, and I thoroughly enjoyed every single second of our time together.
Eventually the sun did set though, and Teren and I got dressed, and stayed dressed. He let me know they were coming back and we headed downstairs to greet everybody. As I was hugging Alanna and thanking her for the beautiful weekend, Halina immediately grabbed Teren's arm and pulled him into the library. And let me tell you, when Halina wanted someone to follow her, vampire or not, that person followed. Teren stumbled a bit as she drug him away.
I eyed where they went nervously as I saw both Alanna and Imogen cringe a bit. At one point, even I could hear the heated voices. At that point, Imogen slung her hand over my arm and gently patted me, pulling me towards the kitchen. I let them drag me away, knowing they were trying to spare me the showdown going on a few rooms away. Alanna set me at the table and made a quick meal for Jack and me. Jack studied his plate, but occasionally looked at his wife and then down the hallway where Teren and Halina were still "talking".
When he did it again as Imogen and Alanna started sipping their drinks, also throwing glances at the hall, I dropped my fork and said, "Shouldn't someone go in there?"
The trio looked at each other and then to where Teren was. Imogen finally broke the silence, sipping her blood. "He's fine."
I sighed, giving Alanna hopeful eyes. She sighed as she met my gaze. "He really is fine. He's just...explaining the situation to her."
I looked at the three of them and shrugged. "What situation? Ben?"
They looked at each other again and then back at me. Imogen answered, her youthful face looking concerned as she glanced at the door. "Yes. " She brought her eyes back to mine. "We really don't like people to know about us. Teren knows that. Ben should have been wiped immediately."
I blinked at each of them. "I knew."
Alanna and Imogen shared a glance that spoke volumes. I suddenly realized that if Teren and I hadn't ended up together, I most definitely would not have been allowed to remember what he was. I suspected that, but knowing that for sure was a bit startling. Tears stung my eyes at the thought; I couldn't imagine not knowing. Alanna's eyes sympathized as she watched the emotion on my face. "It's just a precaution, Emma. The fewer who know, the fewer who can find out."
I swallowed as I looked over her beautiful but sad, pale eyes. "My sister knows," I whispered, suddenly worried that my confidant was going to be snatched away from me.
Imogen looked down while Alanna glanced at Jack. With my heart in my throat, Alanna spoke at me, her eyes never leaving her husband. "Halina spoke with her. She won't wipe her mind," her eyes returned to me, "as long as she stays silent." She smiled softly and shrugged. "Halina is quite attached to the girl, as are we all."
I exhaled softly, relief filling me that my sister's memory would not be tampered with. A thought struck me as I thought about that. No one was allowed to know their secret? Did that mean that no one was allowed to even remember them? "How much does she wipe? When she erases someone, how much do they remember?"
The vampires looked at each other again and it was Imogen who answered me this time. "It depends on the circumstances. She won't touch the people who came to the wedding, that meeting was too trivial, must people will have forgotten our faces in a few weeks. For other relationships, she may take everything. Some people, the acquaintances we're around the most, but can't be let in on the secret, well, when we leave here, they won't even remember our names. They'll only have a vague sense that they knew this person once...but every specific thing about us will elude them. We could meet them again, giving them the exact same names, and they'd never even realize that they already knew us."
The tears stung my eyes again as the implications of that hit me. Aside from each other, hardly anyone they met really remembered who they were. I suppose, when it was time to move to another region, all traces of them were erased. That must take Halina weeks to scour through all the people. Although, most of the family stayed secluded at the ranch. The only vampire really out there forming attachments, was Teren. He was creating a lot of work for her by leaving coworkers and friends and others that would need memories dimmed, if not eradicated. No wonder they didn't like him being away from the ranch. How lonely to not have anyone remember the bond they had with you.
And, I suppose, if things had worked out differently for Teren and I...I wouldn't even know him. With how close we'd gotten, they would have taken everything. Every cherished memory I had. While I wouldn't know the difference, Teren would. He'd still be in love, but to me, he'd be a complete stranger, just someone I'd spilt coffee on one day. I desperately wanted to hug him, all of them. "That's so...sad," I whispered, a tear finally dropping to my cheek.
Alanna reached out and wiped it away, a small smile on her fanged face as she sipped her blood. "We have each other."
I shook my head. "But Teren wants more."
Imogen sighed and reached out for Alanna's hand. As one, they turned to Jack when he finally spoke. "He does. He wants a normal life, normal job...normal friends." Jack sighed and shook his head. "The fact that the side effects are so mild on him, that he can pass as human so easily, makes living a life in secret...more difficult." Jack shrugged, his aged eyes looking sad. "He's always wanted to leave his mark on the world...and that just can't happen. It's impossible to not leave some sort of trail, not with how connected the world is now, but we do what we can. It's one of the reasons Teren writes under an alias."
Jack sighed while that fact sank in. Teren wrote articles for Gate Magazine under the name John Jones. Very generic. I had always assumed he did that for privacy. I guess in a way, I was right. Alanna met eyes with Jack and they gave each other sympathetic smiles. I wondered if someday, Teren and I would share sympathetic smiles over the table, while our children's spouses dealt with the realities of their lives.
"It hurts him, I think, having to hide," Alanna said quietly.
I looked down, hating this conversation, but understanding it too. The constant charade, the self imposed isolation, the endless lies - all of it to hide the truth from everyone. People who, either way, wouldn't be allowed to remember much, if anything, about him. It was heartbreaking for someone who ached for normalcy.
The vampires simultaneously looked up at the door, and a moment later Jack and I did as well. Halina huffed through first, heading to the table and pouring a thick glass of blood from the carafe, immediately downing it. Teren came in a few steps later, looking tired, but happy. He smiled softly at me as he sat down. When Halina slammed the carafe down in front of him, probably denting the table, he didn't react, only grabbed it and calmly poured himself a glass. I guess he'd won.
After the silent dinner, where Halina pouted and both Imogen and Alanna whispered foreign words to her, I tried to help Alanna clean up the wedding decorations still strewn all throughout the entryway and backyard. I should have known better. She shooed me off, loaded Teren down with our presents and as much of the leftovers for me that he could carry, and practically swept us out the door.
As Teren packed up our car, I said my final goodbyes and thanked all of them. Ending up in front of Halina last, I gave her a hug, her cold body giving me a slight shiver in the December air. Her pale eyes were worried when I pulled back, but she wasn't looking at me, her eyes were attached to Teren's back, watching him fill the trunk of his Prius. Feeling sympathetic, and hormonal, and full of I-just-got-married good feelings, I cupped her cheek.
Shocked, her eyes shifted over to mine. A little shocked myself, I dropped my hand and stole a glance at Teren. "He'll be okay, Halina." Bringing my eyes back to hers, I held them intently. The wind picked up some, billowing out Halina's tresses like a pure black cloud. "I won't let anything happen to him."
Even I knew my promise was an impossible one. I guess I said it so that she would know she wasn't alone in worrying over him. I was right there with her. She seemed to understand that and smiled at me, nodding lightly. We hugged again and were still hugging when Teren walked up to us.
He smiled at the two of us, at me seemingly bonding with the one vampire that had nearly had me running for the hills a few months ago, and then his eyes settled on his great-grandmother. He spoke a long, flowery Russian sentence to her. She sighed and nodded before reaching up and hugging him, repeating the only line that I'd actually understood - Ya Tebya Lyublyu - I love you.
My eyes watered as Teren grabbed my hand and led me to the car. Darn emotional vampires.
I tried to bring up the conversation he'd had with Halina on the car ride home, but he didn't really want to talk about it, only saying that she was worrying too much about it, and that he was positive Ben wasn't going to say anything to anyone. I could see the tension in his jaw when he said that though and thought Teren was simply wishing out loud. He wanted to believe Ben would choose their friendship over fear, or even over fame. I wasn't sure, but I'd imagine that one of Halina's concerns was that once he was outside of their influence, he'd gather his courage and speak out. Most reputable news sources would scoff at his tale, but if he looked hard enough, he could probably find one that wouldn't. If he wanted to sell a story and make a little money, Teren's was a good one to sell.
I just didn't see that with Ben though. Neither did Teren apparently, that's why he let him leave. He had faith. I guess tomorrow would answer the question for both of us. If he was going to spill, Tracey would be the first one he spilled to.
I put it out of my mind when we arrived at home; there was nothing I could do about it tonight anyway. Teren walked around the car to help me exit, as he liked to do, but paused an inordinately long amount of time at my door. He looked at me blankly through the glass and I knew he wasn't really seeing me. I knew he was listening. Without opening my door, he straightened and looked across the street. I looked with him, but saw nothing out of the ordinary.
It was the same large, two-story dwelling that we'd left behind Friday morning. Painted in a sort of salmon color that I found atrocious, it had high hedges that formed a natural fence around the perimeter. A balcony on the front of the home, highlighting what I'd always assumed was the master bedroom upstairs, was just as empty as it usually was. And In the darkness, I could just make out Goldie, Spike's favorite cat to chase, jump down off the vacant front porch to dash underneath the shrubbery before running off down the street. All pretty standard stuff.
Teren had an eerie look on his face though and a growl rumbled from his chest. I could hear him all the way through the thin metal of the car. I could almost feel it vibrating my skin as I sat safe and sound on the inside. Panic sliced through me at hearing that noise coming from him, but when he looked about ready to stride over to our neighbor's garish spread to personally investigate whatever was bothering his senses, I cracked open my door. He startled and looked back at me, pointing at the door in a clear command to stay put.
Ignoring my natural instincts to not be commanded, I opted for caution and stayed standing in the open door frame. He looked back at the street when it seemed I was obeying, and then took a step forward. I caught his hand at the last moment and he looked back at me, the desire to stay warring with the desire to leave, clear on his face. I shook my head at him, commanding him to stay. If I was going to be cautious, then so was he.
"I'm tired. I want us to go to bed." I stressed the "us" in that sentence, just in case he'd missed it. I didn't know what he was hearing, but I knew it was something I didn't want him leaving me to go check out. Besides, hadn't I just promised Halina that I wouldn't let anything happen to him? We were stronger together than apart, he needed to learn that.
He finally sighed and with one last look, and I swear a sniff, scooped me up dramatically to carry me across the threshold, like we were back in the fifties or something. I giggled, letting relief push worry from me, and an exuberant Spike met us at the door, having run into the house from a newly installed doggy door just off the laundry room. He barked and ran circles around the two of us, running in-between Teren's legs whenever he could, while Teren attempted to keep moving forward without stepping on him.
Teren set me down in the entryway, Spike jumping up so he could try and lick my face, while Teren walked back outside to get our bags. I watched him through the open door as he grabbed our belongings from the trunk. He occasionally glanced over at the house, shaking his head a little, but made no move to go near it. I exhaled in relief when he was finally done, setting our stuff down just inside the door and softly closing it, shutting the world out. Then with a wicked grin, he blurringly fast swept me back into his arms. I squeaked and held him tight as my body adjusted from being upright, to being carried. Laughing at my reaction, Teren held me tighter and gave me a quick kiss. Then our little trio headed upstairs and Teren laid me down on our bed while he went to bring our stuff up from downstairs.
I gave him a look that clearly said, 'you better only be going downstairs, and not outside to investigate whatever you heard, while I'm out of eyeshot'. He stared at me for a second and then nodded in silent acquiescence, understanding. Trusting that he'd listen to me, I comfortably settled myself on the bed, letting the busy weekend overwhelm my body. Spike hopped up with me, his long tongue lolling out the side of his mouth as his whole body vibrated with happy energy. He nuzzled into my back and, snuggling into his furry warmth, I was asleep long before Teren came back.
I was so tired that I didn't wake up until Teren kissed me goodbye for work the next morning. Smiling that he was fine, I kissed him back eagerly. My fingers ran over the metal of his wedding band as our hands slid together; the metal was as cool as his skin. As he straightened to leave, he handed me a calla lily. I smiled and took it, inhaling deep, amazed at his never-ending romantic side. So far, married life was going swimmingly.
Once he was gone, I crawled out of bed and made myself get ready for work. I couldn't help the small grin at the fact that I was in my pajamas. I was so out of it last night, that I hadn't even noticed him changing me.
Forcing my still tired body to go through the motions of showering, dressing and doing makeup, I suddenly thought Tracey had a good point when she'd asked why I was still working. Teren's family had money, seemingly a lot of money. Did I really need to keep trudging to a job every day? I did like it though. It occupied my mind and made me feel like I was contributing to something bigger than myself, even if it was an already well-off corporation. Sometimes it was just the process of getting there that sucked.
And once I finally dragged myself there, I was met with multiple little surprises. First, Clarice congratulated me. I think my eyes were as wide as they could go when she said that. Of course, she handed me a stack of papers at the same time, so really, I suppose, she could have been congratulating me for that. Second, someone, and I'm going to assume Tracey, had decorated my "office". My tiny cubicle was swarming with balloons and roses and cards stuffed with well wishes. It made my eyes water, looking at the thoughtfulness.
And my last surprise was the one that filled me with relief. Tracey hugged me and exclaimed over and over about what a great weekend she and Hot Ben had, and what a perfect wedding it had been. She was startled that I'd pulled it off, but not startled that my husband was a member of the undead. She was none the wiser. Ben had apparently been worthy of Teren's trust, and not said a single word. Yet again, I could have kissed him.
After a day of warm hugs, endless flashes of my gorgeous ring and thank yous to anyone who would listen, even the FexEx guy, who was only dropping off a package to Mr. Peterson and looked a little confused at my gratitude, I was worn out. By the time five came around, I was ready for a long bath and maybe a backrub by my extraordinarily strong husband.
But the surprises weren't quite done for the day. Late in the evening, an anxious looking Ben arrived on our doorstep. Shuffling his weight from side to side, he nervously glanced over my shoulder at Teren, standing a few yards back in the entryway. Then he exhaled a long, slow breath. Seemingly more confident, he asked if he could come in.
Running through all the things he could potentially say that would break Teren's heart, I told him of course he could, and led him into the entryway. He looked around our home, his blue eyes taking in all the little luxuries Teren surrounded himself with, and then followed Teren and me into the living room.
He took a seat on the leather sofa, only cursorily glancing at the wall of windows that showed a magnificent view of the water, the expanse of water dark, as the sun had set. Teren and I exchanged soft sighs and a long look before joining him. Sitting in-between us on the long, softer-than-your-bed couch, Ben stared at his hands clasped over his knees. His fingers traced the tiny scars and marks a person gets on their hands over the course of their life, but he didn't speak. Knowing that his mind was probably running a mile a minute, Teren and I gave him all the prep time he needed.
Finally he spoke, although he still stared at his hands. "I know, I wasn't supposed to see what I did the other night," he began quietly. "But I did." He finally looked up at Teren. "And I can't stop thinking about it."
Teren swallowed and nodded, his face calm, almost resigned. Ben slowly shook his head. "What you are...blows my mind." Looking over at me, Ben shook his head again. "I don't know how you handle it so well, Emma."
Looking between the two of us, he sighed and leaned back onto the couch; we followed suit. "Watching you two at the wedding though...all I saw was a couple in love." He looked at Teren again. "I didn't see a fictional monster." He looked at me. "And I didn't see a woman who willingly gives her blood to a fictional monster." He looked down at his hands again. "I only saw love. A love that makes me believe the world is a better place, because the two of you are in it."
I smiled and looked over at Teren who smiled with me, although his was tight. Reaching out for Ben, I put a hand on his knee. "Thank you, Ben. You don't know what your acceptance means to us, to Teren."
Ben stopped studying his hands to look up at me. I swallowed when I saw the tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Emma." He shook his head. "But that's not what this is."
I felt my own eyes water and shook my head. "But...you said..."
He swallowed, flicking a glance at Teren and then me. "I know, and I do feel that way about you," he looked at Teren, "about both of you." He shook his head, a tear finally falling. "But I can't deal with what I saw anymore."
He looked over at Teren, his face deeply apologetic. "I'm sorry. I know you're not a bad person, or whatever, but I can't handle being in a world where things like you exist."
Teren nodded and looked down, not saying anything. I found I couldn't be as stoic. "What?" I smacked Ben's shoulder so he'd look at me; he did so reluctantly. "You're his friend! That means accepting him for what he is!" My voice heated, as my hormonal emotions flared.
Ben swallowed and leaned away from me. "I am his friend. It's not him I can't handle." He looked back at Teren while I furrowed my brow, angered and confused. "I can't deal with the fact that all the myths are true. That horror stories are real."
I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Ben..."
He looked back at me, his perfect face pale "No, Emma. I'm sorry, but I'm not as strong as you. I need to go back."
Irritated, I let out, "You not knowing won't make it any less real, Ben."
He shook his highlighted head at me. "I know that. But, in this case, ignorance is better." Teren exhaled softly and Ben ran a hand through his hair and looked back at him, still staring at the ground. "I can't sleep, Teren. Every bump, every dark corner...I just keep wondering what else is out there."
He sighed and put a hand on Teren's shoulder, as Teren finally looked up. "It's not you...it's the possibilities you represent." He pointed outside, to the house Teren had been interested in last night. "I mean, just walking over here, I thought I saw something in the shadows." He brought both hands to his face and leaned over his knees. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I just can't live this way."
He stayed bent over while I fumed silently, more angry over Teren's loss than Ben's choice. Teren only sighed again and put his hand on Ben's back. "Okay, Ben. I'll have Halina fix this. You won't remember a thing."
I straightened in my seat, wondering just how much Teren was planning on taking. If he took everything of Ben's memory, then he'd have to take Tracey's too; we'd spent too much time as a foursome. I suddenly realized that by marrying him, I'd sort of signed away all of my relationships too. Teren noticed my rigidness, but didn't comment. Ben looked up, cringing. "She freaks me out, man." Teren smiled softly and Ben added, "How much will she erase? Will I even remember you?"
Teren sighed and looked at him for achingly long moments. I thought he was debating right now if he should just end the friendship. I felt those tears from earlier slide down my cheeks. Finally, he softly said, "I'll only take the day of the wedding." He left it at that, but I could clearly hear the part he didn't say...for now.
Ben didn't catch it and instantly brightened, relief filling his gorgeous face. "Oh, thank you. I was hoping we'd still be..." He swallowed and looked down, suddenly not able to look at Teren anymore. "You hate me, right? Think I'm weak." He glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.
Teren smiled and patted his back. "No, Ben. I understand. You're not the first who couldn't handle knowing."
Ben nodded and glanced at me sheepishly before turning back to Teren. "I'm really sorry, you guys. I wish I could..." He sighed and shrugged.
Teren stood, extending a hand to Ben, who stood and clasped it in a friendly shake. Friendly, but businesslike. Teren smiled at Ben and told him it was okay again, that he understood and wasn't angry. A part of me wanted to tell him that too, but a bitter part of me just thought Ben should man up and deal with it, and for now, I listened to that part. I stayed on the couch, arms crossed over my chest, not wanting to share in the warm goodbyes. Teren deserved having a friend that loved him for him, and everything that entailed.
After a swift goodbye, Teren told him, "I'll line up a meeting with Halina. It may take a little bit though. Will you be okay until then?"
Ben smiled nervously, but nodded. I frowned, knowing that Halina would come right now if Teren called for her. He was still giving his friend a chance, still holding out hope that Ben might choose to know him, rather than not know him. Ben sputtered apologies again and then sheepishly backed out of the room. I said nothing as he left, barely even acknowledging his hasty exit. I was still too busy being pissed off for Teren, since he didn't appear to be.
After showing him out, Teren came back to the living room and sat down in the same spot on the couch. He was silent, looking composed, and staring straight ahead of himself. I thought to say something, just didn't know what. Then a low sob broke from his lips. After that, it was like he crumbled, his head dropping into his hands as he started lightly crying. I was at his side immediately, holding him, stroking his back and murmuring sympathies.
Mentally I cursed Ben for finding us, for walking into that room. I silently berated him for freaking out and for wanting to forget, for hurting Teren with his rejection. But I couldn't completely hate him, not even when Teren gave up stoicism and sought comfort from me, laying his head in my lap and sniffling back his pain. Even then, I couldn't hate Ben. I couldn't hate him, because I sort of understood him. I understood his fear anyway. Sometimes I even shared it.
I just loved Teren enough to deal with it.