“Okay,” she said in a shaky voice.
Noah touched his finger to her cheekbone and ran it down to her jaw and then over to trace a line around her mouth.
“I want very much to kiss you,” he said huskily.
“Then kiss me,” she whispered.
He leaned in, slowly, angling his head so their mouths aligned. And then he pressed his lips to hers. Lightly at first. Then he deepened the kiss, tentatively seeking entrance with his tongue.
It was sweet and slow, like the first kiss between lovers. A kiss to be remembered for the way it made her feel when things were all shiny and new and emotions were still running high.
His hand fell to the side of her neck and then, as she’d done to Liam, his hand crept upward, into her hair.
He broke away but rested his forehead against hers, his chest heaving as he rested there a moment, their mouths so very close.
“I want this,” he whispered. “I didn’t think I did, but God, I want this, Lauren. I want you, and I’ll make any sacrifice for this to work.”
His words opened a part of her soul that hadn’t been previously opened. He and Liam had reached a part of her she’d closed off, a protective measure so that Joel couldn’t reach the very core of her and damage it.
It was scary and exhilarating all at the same time to open up and allow herself to trust again. But mostly it terrified her because she knew she hadn’t made good decisions in the past. How was she supposed to know if she was making the right ones now?
Chapter 8
LAUREN sat between Noah and Liam at her small dinette set that accommodated four people. Four normal-sized people. Noah and Liam weren’t exactly normal sized. They made her apartment seem overstuffed and crowded, where before she’d relished the warm, cozy feel of it.
They’d ordered dinner from Dillon Colter’s pub, and Liam had gone out to get it, leaving Lauren and Noah alone for a time in the apartment.
Lauren still wasn’t sure of herself in this strange, new environment she existed in, so she’d excused herself to take a shower and get into more comfortable clothing for lounging. By the time she’d returned, Liam was back with the food, and she’d sighed in relief.
“I meant what I said before,” Noah said around a bite of steak.
Lauren raised her eyebrows. “Oh?”
“About not letting our relationship interfere with our primary objective, which is keeping you safe and finding out any and all information we can uncover on Joel Knight. As discreetly as possible.”
She lowered her head and picked at her food.
“Don’t do that, honey,” Noah said softly. “Stop beating yourself up over him. Put the bastard in the past where he belongs. It’s time to move forward. With me and Liam. And we’re damn sure never going to give you reason to believe that we’re anything like that asshole. Don’t give him that kind of power over you.”
She sighed. “I know. Logically I do. I’m smart enough to know that he can’t control me anymore. But it’s hard to shake that off, you know? When I think of what I allowed him to turn me into, I’m so ashamed, I can barely stand it. I’m supposed to be smarter than that, and I never saw him for what he was until it was nearly too late.”
The phone rang, interrupting the conversation. Lauren walked over to where her cell phone was charging and quickly unplugged it.
“Hey Max,” she greeted.
“How are things with you?” he asked.
“Fine. We’re just enjoying a quiet dinner in the apartment.”
“That’s good. I wanted to make sure you were still comfortable with the arrangements. I can always do something different.”
“You’re too good to me, Max. But I’m fine. I promise. I’m going to be okay this time. I’ve learned from my past mistakes. I don’t want to make them again.”
“You’re too hard on yourself,” he said quietly. “We all make mistakes, Lauren. I fucked up royally with Callie. Not once, but twice.”
She smiled. “You sure did. It’s a wonder she took you back.”
“I was lucky,” he said in a somber tone. “I didn’t deserve the second chances she gave me.”
“She loves you.”
“And I love her. And speaking of Callie and her family. Holly wants you to come to dinner tomorrow and bring Noah and Liam with you. You know Mama C. She gets all nervous about her chicks, and you are definitely one of them now. She wants to eyeball these two men herself before she signs her approval to the whole plan.”
Lauren chuckled. “That sounds exactly like her. I’d love to come. It’s been a few days since I’ve seen her, and right now I could use her company.” And her wisdom and insight. There was nothing more that Lauren wanted to do than run to her with the situation she’d found herself in. Of all people, Holly would understand. She’d been a rock during the time that Lily was finding her way with Holly’s three sons. Always offering wisdom and advice. Maybe she could help Lauren sort out how she was going to make a relationship with two very demanding alpha men work.
After all, she was married to three of the most demanding alpha men on earth. Adam, Ethan and Ryan Colter. It had certainly been passed onto their three sons and to an extent their only daughter, Callie.
Callie was strong-willed, independent and had been raised by a houseful of overprotective men who thought nothing of spoiling the women they loved completely rotten.
Just thinking of the Colters made Lauren wistful.
Hope crowded in as she peeked up at Liam and Noah, who were enjoying the takeout from the Mountain Pass Bar and Grill.
Here was her shot at a relationship that mimicked the ones the Colters had. She had two very protective badass men determined to keep her safe from anything that threatened her. And they wanted a chance to make a relationship work between the three of them.
“Then we’ll see you tomorrow?” Max asked.
“Hang on just a moment. Let me ask Liam and Noah what they think.”
She had pulled the phone away from her ear and had started to ask permission, of all things, when it dawned on her what she was doing. She was acting as though she were with Joel. Always needing his approval for everything she did. She no longer had to do that. She made her own decisions. If she wanted to go visit with the Colters, then Noah and Liam could either come or stay behind. But she wanted to go.
With a quick frown, she pulled the phone up to her ear again, ignoring the raised eyebrows of Noah and Liam.
“We’ll be there. I’ll text Holly to let her know to expect us.”
She ended the call, angry with herself for being such a damn wuss.
“Any particular reason you look mad at the world?” Noah asked mildly when she returned to the table.
“I’m disgusted with myself,” she muttered.
“Why?” Liam demanded.
“Because I told my brother I was going to ask you if I could go, like I need your permission or something. It’s absolutely what I would have done when I was with Joel. I did nothing without his say so. I didn’t even go to the bathroom without telling him what I was doing.”
“I see,” Noah said carefully. “But Lauren, you do see the difference here, don’t you? We care about what happens to you. We care that there’s a threat out there that’s as of yet unresolved. We’d never stop you from doing something you wanted to do. Unless it was determined that the risk was too great. I need you to understand that now so that if the time ever comes that we shut you down, it won’t be because we’re controlling dickheads. It’ll be because your safety comes first, and we’d much rather have you alive and pissed off than dead and appeased.”
“I understand. I do. Just give me time, Noah. This is all very new to me. I wish I could just let go of the past and resolve to not let it affect me so much now. But it’s not that easy. God, I wish it were. I’d give anything to be able to wipe him from my memory and go on like he never existed. But it’s like he’s there, a shadow in my mind, and he pops out at the most inopportune times. He makes me doubt myself, and I hate that most of all.”
Liam’s eyes softened and he reached over to squeeze her hand. “I get it, baby. I do. Cut yourself some slack. You’ll get there, and Noah and I will be helping you every step of the way.”
She smiled tremulously. “Thank you.”
“So I take it we’re going out tomorrow?” Noah said. “I just need to know details so I can plan accordingly.”
She nodded. “Yes, up the mountain to where the older Colters live. Seth’s parents. Callie and Max live just across the meadow from them. Seth and his brothers and their wife, Lily, live closer to town, but their home is still out of the way and secluded. It’s very beautiful.”
“You’re very beautiful,” Liam said, his voice gruff and husky.
Befuddled by the abrupt change in direction, she went silent, not knowing how to respond.
“You’re not used to compliments, are you?” Noah asked. “Did the bastard never tell you that you were beautiful? Wait. Don’t answer that. I’m sorry I brought him up.”
Lauren slowly shook her head. “In the beginning he did. I mean he said and did all the right things when we first met. But they were just . . . words. He didn’t mean them. It was all very perfunctory. The way he kissed me. The way he touched me. Looking back, I have no idea why he even bothered. It was obvious he wasn’t attracted to me. Physically I mean. Or emotionally for that matter. It was like I was a thing to him.”
A low growl emanated from Liam’s throat.
“For men like him it’s about control. Not how attracted he is to you. It’s about having someone he can control. It’s a high. It makes him feel powerful,” Noah said grimly.
“And I was such an easy mark,” Lauren said sadly.
Liam ran his hand over her face, brushing his thumb in a gentle caress over her cheekbone. “He played you, Lauren. He sold you something you wanted by pretending he cared. It’s not a crime to want someone to love you or to be in love or to want a relationship. Isn’t it what we all want at the end of the day?”
She reached for his hand and leaned her head further into his hold. For a moment she closed her eyes, savoring the contact. There was nothing threatening in Liam’s touch. He was so very careful with her.
She brushed her cheek along his palm as she raised her gaze to meet his. “And why do you want me?” she whispered.
He frowned, his eyes darkening. He looked . . . angry.
She withdrew immediately, wary of his body language. It was automatic for her to stiffen her posture and put her hands down in her lap, averting her gaze.
Beside her she heard Noah curse, and she flinched, closing her eyes as she waited for the impending outburst.
When she felt the hand on her skin, it was instinctive to shrink away and make herself a smaller target. It shocked her. Logically, she was denying that either of these men would hurt her, but it was as if her mind was paying no heed to what she knew. It only knew that she had to protect herself.
But the hand slid soothingly over her shoulder, up and down, the touch so light it could only be his fingertips.
“Lauren, look at me please,” Liam said hoarsely.
Slowly she raised her head until she met his tortured gaze. There was pain in his eyes and so much regret.
Noah scooted his chair over and carefully reached into her lap where her fingers were tightly laced. He gently pried them apart and lifted her hand, pulling it to his mouth. She was visibly shaking, and she hated having such weakness so evident.
“Baby,” Liam said softly. “Listen to me, okay? I have so much to say right now and I’m fighting a hell of a lot of conflicting emotions, so be patient with me. The first thing you need to know is that I will never hurt you. Do you understand that? I don’t expect you to believe it right away, but I want you to file it away in your mind and I want you to pull it out every time you get afraid. I will never, ever, hurt you physically. I can’t promise that I won’t fuck up and hurt you emotionally. Believe me when I say it’s the very last thing I want to do, but I’m a guy, and we do stupid shit. We say stupid shit. I don’t always think before I speak. That’s going to happen, okay? But you have nothing to fear from me physically.” She gave a jerky nod.
“The second thing you need to know is that I don’t have a grand explanation for why you do it for me. But I knew from the moment I met you that I was gone in a pretty serious way. You were different from the other women I’ve been involved with. Not different in a bad way, but in a very, very good way. You filled the void that was left by my other relationships. I can only explain it by saying that it was like finding a missing piece to a puzzle. You fit. I hope to hell we fit. I hope this isn’t one-sided, and I’m willing to play a little dirty and try my best to convince you that I’m someone you need. I want you to depend on me, and not in a fucked-up way like Joel wanted you to depend on him. This isn’t about control. I just want you to know that you can count on me. For anything. And that good or bad, I’m in it for the long haul. I can’t be any more blunt than that.”