No, she sensed he was as out of sorts as she was with Lucas’s sudden departure. What she didn’t know is if this was a predetermined arrangement or if Cole was just annoyed at how Lucas had handled it. Either way, she now belonged to another man for the next two weeks and deep down she feared that Lucas wouldn’t be back for her. Ever.
CHAPTER 15
Now that Lucas had departed, Ren felt awkwardness descend. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do. How she was supposed to feel. She was a blunt, direct person, but right now, the very last thing she wanted was to discuss her feelings. She’d rather drink acid.
Already she could feel herself unraveling. The boundaries seemed to crumble. She hated this feeling. Hadn’t felt this way sense she’d fled her last relationship and had been so desperate to reestablish her parameters. Her safety net.
Oh God, what if he didn’t come back? What if he, like Cole, chose to just simply walk away?
And then Cole’s voice. Sharp. Lean like a whip. Crisp. Cut into her scattered thoughts and snapped her to awareness.
“Get up.”
She blinked but hastened to do his bidding.
“On your knees.”
She sank to her knees and dropped her gaze to the floor.
“Look at me.”
She lifted her chin enough that she could look into his eyes. He stared back at her. Hard. Determined.
“Who owns you now, Ren?”
“You do,” she said quietly.
“Then let’s establish a few things.”
She was so grateful that tears swam in her eyes. Had he known just how much she’d needed this? She needed this direction. This focus. Needed the discipline. She needed him to be firm, because if he was gentle right now, she’d fall apart.
She wanted the security and the safety of his dominance. She desperately needed to reestablish the boundaries and know her place.
He stood, peeling the condom from his softening erection. He strode across the room, leaving her kneeling in front of the couch. After disposing of the condom, he tucked himself back into his pants and then stood there, his gaze trailing over Ren. It was as if he stroked her with his hand.
“Go to the middle of the room and kneel.”
She rose and walked on unsteady legs to the center and then lowered herself back down onto the plush area rug. It occurred to her that he hadn’t wanted her to kneel on the hardwood floor as she had been. Some of her panic and anxiety eased.
“For the next two weeks, you belong solely to me, Ren,” Cole said in a quiet, firm voice that sent shivers down her spine.
There was steel in that voice. A dark promise that excited and reassured her at the same time.
“You will do as I command with no hesitation. Your body is mine. You are mine. Understood?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“You’ll answer a few questions for me and then we’ll discuss your accommodations here as well as my expectations.”
She nodded her acceptance.
“Do you and Lucas use a safe word?”
“We did in the beginning.”
“And not now?”
She shook her head. “I trust him. He knows me better than I know myself. I could still use it. I mean, it’s not that he’d ignore it. It’s just that I’ve never had to.”
“You should choose one with me.”
Her heart twisted. Her mind rebelled. Logically she understood and even embraced the need for one. Every time she’d started a new relationship, boundaries had always been set. A safe word had been established. Cole and Lucas had been the only two men she’d ever fully trusted, though, and something inside her balked at the idea that even now Cole would somehow hurt her.
She looked deeper, studying the firm set of his mouth and the intense blue of his eyes.
“It was an accident, Cole,” she offered quietly. “I know you’d never hurt me.”
He flinched. Then he recovered and his jaw tightened as if she’d angered him.
“You’re a fool if you trust me so blindly. I’m not the same man, Ren. I’m a hell of a lot harder.”
“Good.”
His brow furrowed. He was taken aback by her response.
She lifted her chin. “I don’t want easy. I’ve never wanted easy.”
For a moment he didn’t say anything. Then he closed the distance between them until he stood a mere foot away, staring down at her from his imposing height.
“Your safe word, Ren. Choose it now.”
“Lucas.”
The word fell between them, and how appropriate the safe word was. It was a name she’d never invoke with Cole unless she was at her very limit. It was also the name of the man with whom she felt the safest with.
She saw his realization that if she did ever use her safe word that it would be the same as walking away—or rather running back to Lucas.
Cole’s eyes gleamed in understanding and she swore she saw approval flash.
“Clever,” he said, confirming her suspicions. “Very well. Lucas will be your safe word.”
He touched her face, ran his thumb over her cheekbone and then let his hand fall away.
“You’re more beautiful than ever. As beautiful as you were as a young girl, you’ve grown even more stunning as a woman.”
Warmth surged through her veins at his sincerity and frank appraisal.
“You will spend every minute of the next two weeks with me. The only exception will be the times you work. In the morning, I’ll show you to the space I’ve appropriated for your use. Lucas has said he’ll arrange for the delivery of your things.”
Instead of being happy at Lucas’s forethought, she was only more convinced that he intended this to be their good-bye. Sadness crept into her chest until each breath ached.
“You won’t use work to avoid me, however,” Cole added softly. “You sleep with me. You eat with me. You go where I go. Understood?”
She nodded her compliance.
“Most important, Ren. You’ll be honest with me in all things.”
“I have no reason to lie.”
“You may rise. It’s late and you look tired and upset.”
It appalled her that he could so clearly see through her after only a few moments of being with her. They hadn’t been together in years. Back then, absolutely. Cole had always been adept at reading her moods, at knowing the moment something was wrong or if she simply wasn’t feeling like herself.
Much like Lucas could now.
It had all started with Cole.
She rose to her feet but didn’t move toward him. She stood, naked and vulnerable, her emotions and sense of loyalty divided and scattered like pieces to a puzzle.
And then he managed to catch her off guard again.
“Kiss me, Ren.”
There was an odd catch in his voice. A thread of tenderness that underscored the command. It was the slight ache in his tone that cut to the very heart of her.
She moved to him, pressed close to his body and then she rose up on tiptoe to wind her arms around his neck. She could absolutely kiss him without touching him or holding him, but such a kiss would be impersonal. Cold. Without heart.
No matter that it had been so many years. Or that he’d hurt her unbearably by walking out of her life. She couldn’t pretend he hadn’t meant the world to her or that she still didn’t battle her feelings for him.
Seeing him again had unsettled her. It had called to the front so much that she’d thought was buried for good. Lucas had known it. He’d seen it and acknowledged it even when Ren wouldn’t.
He’d known what Cole had meant to her and what he might mean now and so he’d given her to a man she’d once loved—maybe still loved.
She pressed her lips to the firm line of Cole’s mouth and sighed as the familiarity of the gesture brought old memories roaring back.
At first she worried that she’d done something wrong because he stood so still. She couldn’t even feel him breathe. As she started to pull away to get his reaction, his arms came around her, and he hauled her against him.
One hand slid down over the curve of her behind to cup her cheek. The other hand tangled in her hair and cupped the back of her head, holding her in place as he plunged his tongue into her mouth.
“Ren.”
Her name slipped from his lips, swallowed up by her, but she heard it, she felt it, all the way to her soul. It was the most tender of endearments. That one simple word, torn from his throat, told her more than a hundred others that he’d missed her. That he had ached for her, that he still ached for her.
“Hold me.”
This time the request came from her. It wasn’t an order. It was a soft plea, one she had no right to ask. He hadn’t fully outlined his expectations of her, but it spilled out of her. Until she said it, she’d had no idea just how much she wanted it and needed it.
He issued no reprimand. No reminder of his authority or his control over her. Instead he simply swung her into his arms, holding her as if she were precious and fragile.
As he stared down into her eyes, he turned and walked from the living room. He mounted the stairs and she buried her face against his neck, inhaling his scent, allowing his warmth and strength to envelope her.
They entered a sprawling room that had to be the master suite. He flipped a switch with his elbow as he came through the door and the lamp in the corner flashed on, casting a dim glow over the room. Perfect. Not too bright but enough that they weren’t shrouded in darkness.
When he got to the huge bed in the center of the room, he gently set her down on the plush mattress.
“Get comfortable,” he said in a low voice. “As soon as I undress, I’ll come to bed. And hold you as you’ve asked.”
CHAPTER 16
Ren watched Cole disappear into the bathroom and then she slid down onto the bed, burrowing her head into one of the pillows.
She stared sightlessly across the room as she tried to process all that had happened tonight. Now that the initial hurt and confusion had passed, she was angry.
How could Lucas have done this to her? With no warning? Oh sure, he’d told her that she would be having sex with Cole minutes before they’d arrived at Cole’s house, but he’d said nothing about leaving her with Cole.
She felt betrayed and that betrayal hurt more than she could have imagined. It briefly crossed her mind that she owed Lucas nothing, that his defection gave her no reason to obey his dictate that she remain with Cole for two weeks at which time Lucas may or may not return.
But at the same time, she couldn’t make herself believe that Lucas had done this to hurt her. Whether he’d meant to or not, the result had been the same. But she couldn’t help but think that he had only her best interests at heart.
She sighed and closed her eyes. After a year of feeling so …strong. Rebuilt. Secure and comfortable in her skin again. Now she felt adrift and she hated not knowing her path. She was a person who took great comfort in routine and ritual.
Her sense of self and her confidence had taken a beating in her last relationship. She’d left before irreparable damage was done, but it had still taken time for her to shake off the effects.
She didn’t want to go back there. Ever. She was stronger than who that woman had been. But now, Lucas would test the strength she’d worked so hard to build.
The bed dipped and her eyes flew open. She’d been lost in her thoughts and hadn’t even realized Cole had returned. Such inattention would only gain his censure.
But he didn’t call her on it. Her merely slid his arms around her body and pulled her until her back was flush against his chest.
“You can talk to me, Ren.”
She went still for a moment as his words washed over her. It was as if the last years melted away and they were young again. Inseparable. Set to conquer the world, hand in hand. Ren and Cole.
Oh God, she couldn’t handle this without breaking down.
She turned in his arms and clutched at him as she buried her face in his chest. Hot tears spilled down her cheeks and onto his bare skin.
He locked her to him, holding her tightly, one leg thrown possessively over her as if shielding her from the world. It was a clear statement. Nothing can hurt you here. It was such a familiar gesture that it sent a fresh wave of pain through her heart.
“How could he do it?” she whispered.
Cole kissed her forehead as he trailed fingers through her hair.
“How could he just walk away? Especially when he knows how badly it hurt when you did the same?”
Cole tensed. His hand went still against her head and his chin that had rested against her forehead moved as he pulled away.
Then he sighed. “Ren, you can’t expect me to defend the bastard. I’ve made it no secret that I want you.”
She rose up on one elbow and stared into Cole’s eyes. She wiped irritably at her tears, impatient and angry that she’d allowed him to see how devastated she was.
“Tell me this, Cole. Would you have ever given me to another man? Would you have ever brought me to another man’s house and said here, she’s yours, I’ll be back in two weeks?”