Tactically speaking, Zach was right. And yet I couldn't stop looking at him like he was crazy as he said, "We. Can. Do. This."
I felt his hands and knew they were still warm, blood was still flowing through him, he was still breathing - we both were.
We should have been dead.
Remember what I said about hop? About lies? If Zach had been talking crazy, it would have been easy to discount it, to turn and walk away.
But the truth . . . the truth - even when it comes in tiny kernels - isn't so easy to discard, so I stood with him, staring out at the morning light, trying to decide what pieces I should try to carry.
"I can't leave with you, Zach." I kissed him lightly.
He pulled me gently toward him, held me close and said, "I know."
Chapter Forty-Six
It's finals week now as I write this. Just this morning Bex was looking at me across the table in the Grand Hall as I scribbled these last few words.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"CoveOps report," I answered, and that was all I had to say. My friends know what is riding on these reports these days. They've seen the power of the words my father and Mr. Solomon wrote before we were even born. None of us will skimp on our paperwork ever again.
When we left the Grand Hall, Bex and Macey started toward the front door for P&E. Liz headed to the labs and one last experiment before the semester ends.
"Wait," I called, and the three of them stopped and looked at me.
My bruises are almost gone. My shoulder is well. Physically, I am my old self, but when my friends turned to look at me, they all smiled at me as I might break.
"I love you guys, you know that, right?"
They looked at each other like maybe I banged my head a little harder than they'd thought.
"Cam . . ." Liz started toward me but I waved her away.
"I mean, school's going to be out, and no matter what happens this summer I just have to say it . . . I love you. It's just something I had to say."
Well, needless to say, that was followed by a lot of hugging. And some crying. And I fair amount of "I-love-you-too-ing." But, eventually, they had to let me go. Eventually, everyone does.
I was alone as I turned and started climbing the stairs to the Hall of History. With every step, I saw the last semester flashing by - Mr. Baxter staring at me through the dim lights at the Tower of London, holding my hand; Mr. Solomon pulling me onto the cold bridge ; Zach gripping my shoulders and telling me to flee the tombs. With every memory, I heard one word over and over like a song.
Run.
Run.
Run.
Run. It's what people have been telling me to do all year, and now I think it's time I really listen.
This isn't something I've decided lightly, believe me, I've been thinking about what I've got to do for weeks. I've weighed all the options, the angles, the risks. There's a chance that this won't work, of course, but the only people it can hurt is me, and that's why it must be done.
Zach was right.
They won't hurt me. It's the people around me who are being made to suffer. I won't drag this danger to Nebraska, no matter how many guards might go along. I can't stay here.
This place I love has started to feel like a prison - like a tower. Besides, I'm a Gallagher Girl: I couldn't be a raven if I tried.
Zach was right.
Sometimes all an operative can do is run and not look back. Sometimes, when you're a chameleon, all you can do is hide. And so that's what I'm going to do. Starting now.
I'm going to leave this report in the Hall of History, on top of the case with Gilly's sword, someone will find it there eventually, in the place where this all started.
Please don't look for me. Please don't worry. And, most of all, please don't think of this as me running away, but of me running toward.
Toward answers. Toward hope. Toward wherever I have to go to finish my father's mission and stop this thing, once and for all.
Zach was right.
A year ago he told me that someone knows what happened to my father. Someone knows why the Circle is chasing me.
And now . . . well . . . now I am going to sneak out of this mansion by myself one more time. Now I'm going to leave here, and spend this summer trying to find them.
I'll be back. And when I am, I promise I'll have answers.