Raine’s scent lingered here, driving him mad. He could still feel her in this room. Hear her. Taste her. But it was a mirage. His eyes blurred.
Liam wasn’t going to call suddenly and cough up their fucking location. But even if he could talk to her, Hammer wondered what he could really say except that he was sorry. Anything more would only hurt her.
Numb and empty, he unscrewed the top from the bottle and guzzled the clear liquid, relishing the burn down his throat.
As the tequila tore past his control, he allowed himself to drown in memories of Raine. The party he’d thrown for her eighteenth birthday, the night she’d cried to him after losing her virginity, the triumphant day she’d received her college degree—he’d been there for her. Her constant. And Hammer hadn’t realized until now how much he needed her to need him.
Would Liam be taking his place?
Hammer had no idea how long he’d been sitting in the middle of his bed, clutching the pillow she’d slept on, but by the looks of the nearly empty bottle of Patrón, he figured it had been a while. How many more bottles would it take before he passed out? He’d drink an entire case if it would ease this ache.
Lowering his head to the pillow again, he caught a whiff of her waning scent. But he wanted more. The fresh reminders of her would make him continue bleeding, and he welcomed it.
Crawling out of bed, he stumbled down the hall to Raine’s room. Yanking open her closet door, he pawed several shirts suspended on hangers and hugged them to his chest. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply. Ahh, there she is. Her scent filled him, made his mouth water, and a stunning visual of her swirled in his head. Much better.
He nearly tripped over his own feet as he turned and wandered back to his room. Sinking to the bed, he clutched her clothing against his face, breathing in her sweet floral and feminine musk, wishing he could hear her tender voice. Look into her big blue eyes sparkling with undeniable love.
God, he’d taken so much of her for granted. An agonizing scream tore from his throat.
“Christ, Macen. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Beck’s dark eyes narrowed with pity as he stood in the doorway, eyeing the near-empty bottle of tequila. “Patrón didn’t help you before. What makes you think it’s going to change anything now? Pull yourself together. Seriously, dude, you’re scaring the natives more than I do.”
Yanking Raine’s shirt away, he tried to stand, but just fell back to the bed. “You think I give a fuck what anyone else thinks? You’re not a shrink. Go find someone else’s spurting artery to repair and get the hell out.”
He laughed. “Jesus christ, you’re pathetic. You didn’t want Raine enough to fight for her, despite fucking her all night. Loudly, I might add. You two lovebirds made it impossible for me to get any damn sleep.” A smirk tugged on his lips. “And now you’re going to cry in your beer? I thought the Irish lug was your bosom buddy. You just stood there while he swept her out the front door. It’s over, man. She’s gone. Stop weeping and start taking care of your business.”
“I didn’t have a fucking choice. How can I love her when she can’t be what I need—when fuck, I can’t be what she needs, either? This shit is…” his voice trailed off. “Yeah, Liam is my best friend. Hell, he’s like my goddamn brother. So why did he do this to me? He knew… The bastard reads me like a fucking book. And he still stabbed me in the back.” Hammer shook his head, staring into the bottom of his bottle. “He’s going to fuck with her head. It’s his MO.”
With a sigh, Beck strolled into the room and picked up the bottle between Hammer’s feet. He drained the last gulp in one healthy swallow. As he set it on the nightstand, he pulled up a chair, flipped it around, and straddled it. “Let me ask you something. Besides last night, when did you ever treat Raine as anything other than a kid?”
“Probably never. I wanted to protect her, and it just fucking took over everything else.”
“Then you can’t possibly know if Raine is incapable of being what you want. One night with her isn’t going to tell you shit! You didn’t try before. You’re still not.”
“You don’t understand.” Hammer scrubbed a hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t want a submissive. I need a slave. You know she never will be.”
“You love her,” Beck said quietly.
Hopelessness plowed through him like a freight train, and tears closed up his throat. “Yeah,” he choked out. “And I have no fucking clue where to find her or how to save her before Liam turns her inside out.”
“I think he cares about her, too.”
“But he’ll never love her like I do. No one will.” He hung his head.
“You didn’t show her that.”
“The hell I didn’t! Maybe not in the way you mean, but I’ve always taken care of Raine. The night I found her in the alley, I didn’t dare look at the terrified girl as she tried to hide by the dumpster. I didn’t know anything about her, but one look, and I had to protect her. I was frantic that she’d take off down the alley and be raped. Or shot full of drugs or bullets. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and lock her away to keep her safe. She was so tiny and falling apart. Then fuck, I looked into her eyes… She seemed so damn lost. Hell, the first few weeks she was here, Raine jumped every time I raised my voice. But I refused to give up on her. I still can’t.”
“She’s not that waif from the alley anymore, man, and if you think that…you’ve got the whole river of denial running in your veins. I have no doubt that you had your cock in every one of her openings last night. It’s no big secret that she wanted you just as badly. As far as being a slave, it’s not like a submissive can blink her eyes and presto, she’s grown to that level. If you were giving yourself advice, you’d tell yourself that it takes time to train her. You’ll teach her to drive, but not to be what you need? You won’t even give her a taste. Why?”
“I told her this morning,” he slurred. “I explained what to expect as my slave. She ran screaming.”
“Do you seriously not know how to compromise? Ease her into it? Maybe it’s time to wise up. Your so-called friend has collared Raine now. You’re going to have to get at least as clever as Liam and figure out your shit to even think about winning her back.”
A wounded growl erupted from his chest. “Even if she wasn’t wearing his collar, I’d still be too much for her to handle. I almost broke her last night.” His shoulders sagged as he sighed. “Where the hell did he take her? Do you know? I need her back. I’ve got to know she’s okay.” Tears blurred his vision, and Beck just shook his head. “Help me. Please?”
“God, you’re a pussy when you get drunk.” Beck rolled his eyes. “I don’t know where she is. You think I’ve got a crystal ball? Did you try to call her? Call Liam?”
“Her cell phone’s still here, and the son of a bitch won’t answer his. I’ve sent messages, a shitload of them,” Hammer mumbled, trying to quell the panic swirling inside him.
“I’ll bet, but have you tried leaving a sober message he might understand?”
Hammer just glared. “Some fucking help you are.”
“You need to sleep it off. Booze won’t help, trust me. I’ve been there. But if she’s still what you really want, then I’ll help you figure out a way to fight for her.”
“I can’t.” His voice cracked. “What if I won, then what? I’d just end up killing her. Then I’d have the guilt of two deaths to live with. Living with one is hard enough.”
“Raine isn’t Juliet. You’ve been so focused on what you think she can’t do that you’ve never stopped to consider what she can. Or what you want now. You aren’t the same person. Your wife died years ago. Try a little. It’s time.”
Launching toward Beck, Hammer grabbed him by the shirt. “Help me find her, Ken. I can’t live without knowing she’s all right. What if she needs me?”
“Fuck, you whine more pitifully than a damn dog. Rest. I’ll see if I can find her.”
“Thank you, man.” He slumped to his side on the bed. His eyes felt like weights as they slid shut. Every minute Raine was gone chafed his soul. “Make it soon.”
Chapter 12
Raine stared at the darkened wall. Liam’s body warmth kept her cozy in the big bed, despite the chilly night. He’d grabbed her in his sleep and cradled her head on his shoulder. She’d gone to him wordlessly, gratefully.
But her head was still spinning. After her long nap, sleep wouldn’t come.
It had been confusing enough to love Hammer and want Liam with that rush of undeniable passion. But now to wonder how or if she could stop herself from falling in love with Liam, too... Devoid of answers, she closed her eyes and nuzzled her cheek against him.
Hammer’s passion for her had been a flickering flame, probably snuffed out by the time morning had rolled around. Curiosity satisfied, he’d likely moved on.
But Liam’s devotion to her... He’d taken her from a painful place and showered her with care. He’d demanded to see inside her past and her soul, not because he wanted to decide if he’d be arrested for harboring a minor, like Hammer. Liam had done it purely because he wanted to know. He’d given her ecstasy with no expectation of anything in return. He’d taken the news that she could, even now, be pregnant by Hammer with a steadfastness that blew her away.
He just cared. It wasn’t an act. It wasn’t a trick. Raine had no idea what she’d done to deserve him, but she wasn’t going to continue second-guessing when it only made her crazy.
She’d always assumed love was a grand blaze, an all-consuming conflagration that would burn her soul...like she felt with Hammer. As she’d worked through college Lit, she’d read Shakespeare’s sonnets, never quite understanding one hundred sixteen.
“Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds,” she whispered in the dark. “Or bends with the remover to remove.” O no! It is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken…
Suddenly, that made sense. Because of Liam.
“But bears it out, even to the edge of doom...”
Raine held him tighter. She had no idea how she’d begun falling so hard and so quickly. Her heart had been seemingly set, then fate had thrown her a curveball. And she understood now that love wasn’t just wanting, but a steady devotion, no matter what.
As much as Liam had given her, she wanted to give back. But she had nothing to give him except herself.
She brushed her palm down his chest, his ridged abdomen, then traced her fingers back up.
Liam caught her wrist in his grip. “I hear you awake. Are you talking to yourself? You’re thinking too hard.”
Moonlight flooded the room as he gazed down on her, brushed her hair aside, and stroked the tender bud of her nipple so softly that she sighed and pressed herself into his palm.
Liam smiled as he rose over her and covered her with his big body. She clung to his shoulders and trailed her hands down his arms as he leaned in and devoured her mouth.
“I want to make love to you, Raine, not as a Dom, just as a man. But I’ve no wish to hurt you. Are you too sore?”
Everything in her body said yes. She opened her lips to him, sliding her hand between them to grip his shaft and squeeze. “Please…”
He moaned at her acceptance, and she writhed beneath him impatiently. Yes, she was still sore, but the need to be closer to him, drown in their connection, drove her.
Liam didn’t let her rush him. Instead, he buried his face in her neck and nipped at her skin, palming and stroking her body until she mewled and clawed at him like a kitten. His thighs spread her wide as his cock slid through her wetness, teasing along the length of her slit.
“Am I crushing you? Sure you’re not too tender?”
Now he was just toying with her. “You could only hurt me if you stopped.”
He bent and captured her nipple, drawing it into his mouth and sucking as he cupped her breast. Liam seemed to know every sensitive note of her body and he played her well. She felt surrounded, cherished, desired… Nearly every fantasy she’d ever held dear when lying alone in her cold bed had come to life.
Same fantasy…different man.
Some things simply weren’t meant to be, and she had to accept that. Besides, it wasn’t as if she didn’t want Liam, didn’t like everything about him. Just the opposite. Because of that, they’d quickly moved beyond teacher and pupil in the blink of an eye.
“I want to be inside you, lass. You will tell me if I hurt you.” It wasn’t a question, but a gentle command.
“I will...” she promised. “But you won’t.”
Liam grabbed her against his body and took her mouth as if he owned it, as if it was his right to devour every part of her. “Bloody christ, woman, you make me hungry.”