And then his mind slipped into that place it went when he ran, when he skied, when he hiked. He had never been able to access that part of himself through anything but heavy exertion or laser-like focus on the kinesthetics of life, but here, here he found himself shifting. A subtle and then suddenly dramatic movement from one layer of life to another.
As her hands roamed over his shoulders, felt his back, tightened over his waist and went elsewhere, he filled with a warmth, with an urgency that eighteen months of grief and denial and restraint and constraint had allowed to grow into something so strong, something so big that it was in their kiss, and her touch unleashed it, here and now.
It just was. Endless and timeless and present, exactly as it had been with Jill.
But more.
Oh, my God, what was she doing? She still had Dylan’s taste in the back of her throat, Dylan’s scent on parts of her skin in spite of her thorough shower this morning, Dylan’s essence deep inside her – and here she was in the arms of another man. A godlike, amazing, muscular man. She felt his warmth underneath his clothes and wanted desperately to feel his skin without the layer between them.
How could this be happening? How could two incredible men want her and within twenty-four hours of each other? This was…her mind went blank as Mike probed her mouth, his tongue filled with more questions and answers, his hands thick and strong, grabbing and caressing and owning parts of her. Her own questions faded, melted into the warm wetness of his mouth and she knew, just knew on some deep level, some layer within herself that she didn’t even know she had, that this was so much more than she ever anticipated when that little chat window had popped up this morning.
Thank whatever higher power she was supposed to thank for that little chat window.
His hot breath filled her and then cool air touched her lips as he pulled away. The sound of his deep breath, an intentional, centering breath that she recognized instantly, filled her with uncertainty. Was he having second thoughts? All these extra curves weren’t exactly accessories she figured were standard features on the women Mike normally dated. Those were the weekend yoga babes, the women who competed in mini-triathlons for fun and who went on 100-mile weekend bike rides just because. They were a different kind of woman than Laura. Hell, they might as well have been a different species. What would Mike want with her, with all her soft rolls and overflowing cups and dimples and apple cheeks and –
Had she gone too far in kissing him? Wait a minute, now – he was the one who initiated the kiss. He had kissed her. She had nothing to worry about; she done nothing premature. C’mon, Laura, she thought to herself, just stop this. This is crazy. Her old insecurities flooded her as she tipped her head down, averting his eyes, his hand still on her shoulders, one trailing a lazy path down the side of her rib cage, brushing briefly against her breast.
He let go of her shoulder and reached up to her chin, tipping it, forcing her to meet his eyes. What she saw there told her everything she needed to know. She laughed nervously, “I don’t normally do this, you know?”
“Do what?” His voice was smoky with need. It had changed. The affable, slightly awkward man she’d started this hike with had suddenly evolved into a determined, commanding, dominant man.
“I don’t normally go on long hikes with guys and then kiss them before we reach the summit. Typically, I wait until we get to the top.”
He smiled. “OK, then I have something to look forward to. Come on.” He pointed to the trail head.
She groaned. “All right, if you insist.”
He held his hand out in a gesture of chivalry, “Ladies first.”
“Promise?” she asked, the word popping out of her mouth before she could take it back.
He cocked one eyebrow, a lascivious look, “Oh, you can count on it.”
What was she doing basically promising this guy that she was going to have sex with him when they reached the top of the mountain? Earth to Laura! She had to laugh at herself on the inside, trying to hide the racing thoughts from Mike. The pounding of her inner voice was so strong, so loud and so pervasive that she feared everything going on inside her head was so obvious that he could read her.
As he took her hand, intertwining their fingers, and they walked slowly at Laura’s pace up to the top, she felt herself tip over. This was something new and this was something good and she wasn’t going to let that ridiculous doubting voice inside her ruin it.
With each step she felt her energy rebound, her heart rate steadying and her body finding some sort of equilibrium to keep pumping herself up, to manage the trail and to climb higher. Perhaps it was the excitement of Mike’s kiss, his proximity, of the promise of something more when they reached their goal. Silly though it seemed, that made her live in the moment, and when they finally reached the end, the view really was otherworldly.
So was Mike’s touch.
Just don’t sleep with him, that little voice chided her. Don’t be that kind of woman. Wait one more date. In some ways, she hated that voice, but this time it really was right. Sleeping with Mike this soon after Dylan would seem crass. Over the top. Unfair to Mike.
Unfair to her. She needed a few days off from everyone to just think this through. Of course, she’d never see Dylan again. That was a done deal. However, she still had unresolved feelings for him, and that meant clearing her mind. Couldn’t do that with Mike’s tongue in her mouth.
Or his dick in her –
“Hey? That’s an interesting look. What’s going on in that mind of yours?” Talk about a loaded question. Laura struggled to answer. He peered at her, seemed to really study her, and it was as if he knew. Knew what she was thinking, understood the demons she wrestled with, and was being respectful – but still curious. If it weren’t 100 percent impossible for him to have any idea about her date with Dylan last night (this morning) she would have thought he was giving her space to think things through.
That was just crazy, though.
His arm reached for her, pulled her into his embrace, her back to his chest, and he settled in, holding her as if they’d done this a million times. Inhaling deeply, she relaxed into the hold, feeling like they had done this forever. How could this be? Why did she feel so settled with him already – and yet so excited to get to know him, all at the same time? She examined his forearms, bare and wrapped around her ribs and chest. Light, sandy hair dotted the arms, which were deeply freckled, though the spots were light. A few scars, but nothing that spoke of severe trauma. No ring, and no tell-tale white skin where a ring normally resided. He did wear an old-fashioned friendship bracelet, the kind she hadn’t seen since she was a young teen.
“What’s that?” She fingered the thin, braided band, faded from red and blue to a pale pink and blah-ish grey color. Changing the subject might help her escape more scrutiny about her thoughts.
He tensed, his wrist starting to pull back, and then he paused, taking a deep breath that she felt against her back. How rare, she thought. A man who took the handful of seconds to consider his actions, to be deliberate. Whatever response he was about to give her, she knew, would be forthright and honest, coming from a deep center she wanted to touch.
“An old friend gave that to me.” She could feel him swallow, could sense the unspoken. Someone very, very special.
“It’s been beaten up and seems to have gone through a lot, but looks well-loved.”
“So was she.” Laura stopped breathing. His voice had gone quiet, the words a whoosh out of his lungs, like something he couldn’t control but that he could barely stand to say. The mood had shifted abruptly, her innocent questions something she normally would wish she could take back, would normally berate herself for asking, for making everything awkward with one simple piece of chit chat.
Except she wasn’t. Regretful. Asking that question may damn well have been the best choice she’d made all day, because she got a glimpse into a very, intensely private man and his profound nature was revealed, even in a tiny sliver.
This was what she wanted. And Dylan. Go away, Dylan! she chided no one – the voice in her head – as if he himself had invaded her thoughts. Why was she experiencing this strange duality, in Mike’s arms and feeling his pain for someone he’d once loved all while thinking about a man she’d been with last night – one with a hidden significant other?
It was madness.
“I’m sorry,” Mike said, stepping back and turning her around. His eyes were sincere and warm, tinged with nostalgia and troubled. “Mentioning her is the last thing I should do on dates. Talking about a past girlfriend isn’t exactly part of the blueprint for a successful new relationship.”
Relationship? Did he say relationship? Laura’s heart sang.
“It’s fine,” she assured him. “I understand. You loved her. You can’t separate that from who you are and what you feel in any given moment.”
He flinched but kept eye contact, obviously shocked by her words. Had she said the wrong thing? Her usual insecurity was gone, replaced by a steadfast calm. Whatever she said, it had been from the heart, and that is all that really counted.
How could she read him so well? Freakishly well. He felt like a complete idiot for talking about Jill right now, and yet somehow Laura made it seem fine. Natural. Like another extension of himself, just a perfectly typical part of life. Against all hope he had thought there might – just might – be a woman like this out there for him and Dylan. Someone sweet and nice and understanding and accepting. Not quite convinced she was out there, he had basically given up, and now Dylan had found her on a damn online dating site, of all places. The kind of place where men trolled for sex.
Dylan, though, had been seeking something more. And now here “more” was, standing before him, telling him that who he was was totally fine. That talking about his dead girlfriend was OK because it was how he felt.
What had he done to deserve this – and how could he keep it all going?
Pulling her into his arms, he kissed her again, this time with more urgency and a deeper acceptance. Less questioning, more certainty. Was he imagining that she felt it, too? Her lips were less tentative, more confident, as her tongue slipped in and did its own claiming, her hands pressing against his shoulder blades and pushing him into her, her hips lifting up against his. She was shorter than he was used to, a good foot smaller than he, but her curves were addictive, his hands wanting to touch every inch of flesh, especially the expanse from the soft spot where her ass and thigh met up through to her breasts. Handfuls of Laura and her little sighs of pleasure made him harden even more – if that were possible – and by God, if they weren’t heading toward dusk on a mountain where it wasn’t safe to be unprotected at night, he’d have spent the next five hours devouring her, right here, right now.
However, if they stayed, the bears might very well do the devouring, so with great reluctance he pulled back, cradling her face in his hands, smiling down at her lovely, flushed cheeks, those eyes eager and bright. “We need to go down the mountain now before it gets dark.” He pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I wish…” He couldn’t finish his thought, too overwhelmed by the crushing chaos of turbulence inside him.