“My father was a married man with a family when he became involved with my mother. He seduced her, used her like a whore, and abandoned her.
It grieves me that you could think I’m treating you the same way. Of course, given my track record, your reaction is not surprising but — ”
“Gabriel, I don’t think that. It’s just that I don’t like feeling as if I need to be looked after.”
He stared at her closely. “I want to look after you but not because you need it. Of course you can look after yourself. You’ve been doing a damn good job of it since you were a little girl. But you don’t have to be alone anymore. You have me now.
“I want to spoil you and make extravagant gestures because I care for you.” He moved uncomfortably. “I can’t say everything I feel. All I can do is show you. So when you won’t let me…” He shrugged, a pained look on his face.
“I never thought of it like that,” she said quietly.
“Every time I do something for you, I’m trying to demonstrate the words I cannot say.” He traced his thumbs across the curve of her cheekbones.
“Don’t deprive me of this. Please.”
Julia answered him by raising herself up on tiptoe and pressing herself tightly against his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck and plundering his mouth with her own. It was al hunger and promise and giving and need.
Gabriel gave to her, the tension of his jaw fully palpable as he concentrated his entire being on this one, perfect mouth. When they broke apart, they were both panting.
He rested his chin on her shoulder. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“It’s hard for me to depend on someone else.”
“I know.”
“It would be easier if you included me in your plans, rather than making decisions for me. I’d feel more like your — partner. Not that that’s what we are.” Her cheeks pinked up.
He kissed her again. “I want us to be partners, Julianne. What you ask for is fair. I just get carried away sometimes, especially with you.”
She nodded against his chest, and when he cleared his throat, she pulled back so that she could see his eyes.
“About a year before he died, my father had an attack of conscience and added me to his will. He must have thought that by giving me the same share in his estate as his legitimate children, he could expiate his sins.
You’re looking at a living, breathing indulgence.”
“I’m so sorry, Gabriel.”
“I didn’t want the money. But because of the investments he left me, I have more money now than I had when he died. No matter how fast I spend it, I will never be rid of it. I will never be rid of him. So you mustn’t think about how much things cost. The cost is inconsequential.”
“Why did you accept the inheritance?”
He released her so that he could rub his eyes behind his glasses. “Richard and Grace mortgaged their house to pay for my mistakes. I owed money for drugs, which meant that I was in danger, and there were other things…”
“I didn’t know.”
“Your father knew.”
“Dad? How?”
“Richard was determined to save me. When I confessed how much trouble I was in, he decided to go to all of the people I owed money to and pay them off. Fortunately, he called your father first.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Because your father knew a private investigator who had connections in Boston.”
Julia’s eyes widened in recognition. “My uncle Jack.”
Gabriel frowned. “I didn’t know he was your uncle. Richard was so naïve. He didn’t realize that I owed money to some very shady characters who could have taken the money and killed him. Tom arranged for your uncle and some of his friends to pay my debts, safely, with Richard’s money.
When I got out of rehab, I called my father’s lawyer in New York and said I’d take my inheritance. I paid off the mortgage, but I never lost the shame.
Richard could have been killed because of me.”
Julia pressed her cheek to his chest. “You are his son. Of course he wanted to save you. He loves you.”
“The prodigal son,” Gabriel muttered.
He slid his hands to her hips and changed the subject. “I want you to feel comfortable here. I emptied one of my dresser drawers and made room in the closet for your clothes. I’d like you to leave some things with me so you can come and go as you please. And I’ll give you my spare key.”
“You want me to leave my clothes here?”
“Well, I’d rather you left yourself here, but I’ll settle for your clothes,”
he grumbled, half-smiling.
Julia reached up to plant a penitent kiss on his pouting lips. “I’ll leave some of your gifts here and the next time I’m over, they’ll be waiting for me.”
He smiled, and his smile morphed into a smirk. “Since we’re talking about leaving things here, perhaps you’ll leave some pictures.”
“You want to take my picture…like this?”
“Why not? You’re beautiful, Julianne.”
Her skin flamed.”I don’t think I’m ready to have you take erotic pictures of me.”
His eyebrows furrowed. “I was thinking more along the lines of some black-and-white photos of your profile, your neck, your face…” He began tracing curved patterns on her back, a gentle gesture designed to reassure her of his affection.
“Why?”
“Because I would like to be able to look at you when you aren’t here.
My apartment is very empty without you.”
She pursed her lips thoughtfully.
“Does that trouble you?” He caressed her jaw line slowly.
“No. You can take my picture. But I’d prefer to be fully dressed.”
“I don’t think my heart could take the sight of you undressed.”
She smiled at him, and he laughed.
“Can I ask you something, Gabriel?”
“Of course.”
“When you go home for Thanksgiving, will you stay at Richard’s or at a hotel?”
“I’ll stay at the house with everyone else. Why?”
“Rachel said that you used to stay in a hotel whenever you visited.”
“That’s right.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “Because I was the black sheep of the family and Scott never let me forget it. It was a relief to have the option of leaving if things became uncomfortable.”
“Did you ever bring a girl home?”
“Never.”
“Did you ever want to bring someone home?”
“Not before you.” He leaned forward to kiss her again. “And if I had my way, you’d be the first girl to share my bed in my parents’ house. Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s going to happen unless I sneak you in after dark.”
Julia giggled slightly but was secretly very, very pleased.
“Richard reminded me that I need to book our airline tickets. Why don’t you let me make the arrangements and we can work out the money later?”
“I could book my own ticket.”
“Of course you could. But I want us to be seated together. We’ll have to leave for the airport after my seminar, which means we’ll have to take the last flight out of Toronto, around nine o’clock.”
“That’s late.”
“I was going to reserve a hotel room in Philadelphia for Wednesday night, since we’ll be arriving close to eleven. Unless you want to drive to Selinsgrove right away.”
Julia shook her head. “Why don’t we just fly to Harrisburg?”
“The last flight to Harrisburg leaves in the middle of my seminar. Of course, we could leave the day after, if you’d prefer. Then we wouldn’t have to stay at a hotel.” Gabriel’s eyes fixated on hers, measuring her.
“I don’t want to lose another day. And it would be nice to stay at a hotel with you.” She smiled.
“Good. I’ll make the reservations and rent a car.”
“What about Rachel and Aaron? Shouldn’t we drive with them?”
“They’re driving up Wednesday after work. Rachel instructed me that it was my responsibility to see that you arrived home safely. She expects me to be your chauffeur and your bell boy.” He winked at her and grinned.
“She knows, doesn’t she?”
“Rachel thinks she knows everything.” His grin tightened. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll handle her.”
“It isn’t Rachel I’m worried about.”
“You don’t need to worry about anything. We’re just two family friends who met in a city far from home. It will be harder on me than it will be on you.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I will be in the same room with you without being able to touch you.”
She looked down at her bare feet and smiled shyly.
Gabriel took her hand in his and began to stroke it. “When is your birthday?”
“I don’t celebrate it.”
“Why not?”
“I just don’t.” Now her voice was defensive.
“Well, I’d like to celebrate it with you. Don’t deprive me, Julianne.”
Gabriel’s blue eyes communicated more frustration than annoyance.
Julia thought back to their argument about the clothes and decided that she didn’t want to have another fight with him so soon.
“It was September first. You missed it.”
“No, I haven’t.” He wrapped his arms around her and rubbed his cheek against hers.
“Are you free next Saturday? We can celebrate it then.”
“What will we be doing?”
“I’ll need to make some arrangements, but we’ll be going out.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to go out together — in public.”
He frowned. “Let me worry about that. Now, are you accepting my invitation or not?” He slid his hand down to one of the ticklish spots on her side.
“I am accepting with gratitude. Please don’t tickle me.” She began giggling in anticipation.
Gabriel ignored her plea and began tickling her lightly until she shrieked with laughter. He loved to hear her laugh. And she loved the rare moments when he was playful.
When she finally caught her breath, she began apologizing. “I’m sorry for hurting your feelings earlier. It’s no excuse, but yesterday was a rough day, and on top of that, I’m hormonal.”
Hormonal? thought Gabriel. Ohhh… He looked at her with concern.
“Are you ill?”
“I’m fine. I get this way a few days before. I’m sure you don’t want to hear about it.”
“If it makes you sick or upset, of course I want to hear about it. I care for you.”
“You might want to mark it on your calendar so you know when to avoid me. That is, if things…” she trailed off.
“I’ll do no such thing,” said Gabriel, stiffly. “I want you, all of you — not just the bits and pieces. And of course things are going to continue.” I hope.