“But at least something good came out of all of this. Your sons are speaking to you now. I saw them all here at the hospital that day. That’s good news, right?” I clasp his hand gently.
His hand tightens around mine. “Yes, they were here. Except for one. All except for one.”
Now this is interesting news. “Oh, you have another son?”
“Yes. Lucas.”
He says the name with reverence. I’ve noticed that his whole demeanor changes when he talks about his children. Even though he wasn’t there when they were growing up and basically was the worst father ever, he really does seem to love them. It makes no sense to me but the evidence is undeniable.
He loves his kids. Despite his strange way of contacting them, he actually wants to spend time with them and have them in his life.
“I know your secret now, Mr. Marshall.”
His eyes shoot to mine and for the first time, he looks afraid. “What do you mean?”
I pat his hand gently. “That you’re a big old softie. Under that stern exterior that everyone else sees, you love your sons.”
“That I do.” He takes a deep breath and then struggles to sit up a little higher against the pillows. “But wait, what about your schooling? Your dreams to become a veterinarian and help animals? How will you do it now?”
“I’ve got some scholarship offers to schools in North Carolina. It’ll be a chance for me to make a fresh start. I can forget about all the bad things in my past and just move on with my life. That’s why I’m here. I wanted to say goodbye.”
The idea that I’ll be gone soon brings an unexpected well of emotion to the fore. I cough a little to keep myself from tearing up. For a little while, visiting Mr. Marshall made me feel like I had a family again. But I have to deal with reality or I’ll never be able to be a part of it.
It’s time to move forward.
There’s a chorus of voices out in the hallway. The two guards stand but then immediately move back. Tank steps in the room, followed by Finn and his other two brothers. Then someone else steps in behind them. When Finn moves to the side I can see who it is.
Claire.
Shame brings a blush to my cheeks. “I should go. Your family is here to see you. I just wanted to say goodbye.”
“Goodbye?” Tank interrupts. “Where are you going?”
He stares at me until I meet his gaze. It’s so hard to look at him, knowing how much pain I’ve caused him. Even though it was the last thing I wanted to do, I hurt him. Now I’m here, making his time with his father uncomfortable.
I shake my head and look back to Mr. Marshall. His eyes are kind, like he understands that I need to get away. “I have to go.”
He squeezes my hand. “Go on. I’m going to miss you, Miss Shaw.”
I don’t look at Tank as I walk out. I have to pass Claire to get to the door. Facing her is even harder than facing the others. They all know what I did but with her, it’s worse. It feels like I betrayed her, too.
Right before I reach the door, I pause and look at her. “I’m so sorry. You have no idea how much.”
To my surprise, she pulls me into a hug. The tears I’ve been holding back so far finally overflow. When I pull back, she wipes my cheeks. “You have no idea how much I understand.” Then she looks over at Mr. Marshall.
I nod at Finn as I pass and then I’m finally in the hall. After the small confines of the room, it feels freeing.
“Wait, Emma.” Tank appears in the doorway. It’s pathetic but after a week of no contact at all, my eyes eat up the sight of him like visual candy. He’s as beautiful as always, even with bags under his eyes and a good bit of stubble on his cheeks. I take my time memorizing his face.
It’ll have to last me for the rest of my life.
“Where are you going? Back there, you said …” He places an arm against the doorjamb. “What was all that about saying goodbye?”
“It’s okay, Tank. We don’t really have to do this part. This thing with us has been backward from the beginning. Do we really need to break up when we never really got together in the first place?”
He takes my hand and leads me to the waiting room. It’s filled with people already. He lets out a disgusted sound and then pulls me to the same stairwell where we argued before.
“I was coming to see you after this.”
“You were?” He doesn’t look angry but I’m too numb from the past week to know whether that’s reality or if I’m just spaced out.
“Yeah, I was. I’ve spent the past week in and out of this hospital visiting my father and spending time with my brothers. But it always felt like something was missing. Someone was missing. You.”
My heart starts beating so hard that I need to take a breath to steady myself. “I wanted to be here. But I didn’t think you’d want to see me.”
Tank grabs my hands. “Here’s the thing. I know how I feel about you. Ever since the beginning, being around you has been one of the only times I feel calm. Happy. You center me, Emma. But I’ll always wonder which memories between us are tainted. Were you only with me for the money while cooking dinner for my family? Or were you thinking about the money that night when you cleaned the cut on my arm and I held you all night? Which memories are real and which are manufactured?”
I shake my head. “None of them. From the very beginning, I couldn’t do what I was supposed to do. I couldn’t see you as a job. You wouldn’t let me. You kept surprising me with how smart and funny and sweet you are.”