I rub my eyes with my hands and glance over at the clock on the nightstand. It's a little after two in the morning. I climb out of bed and then walk down to the kitchen. I've got a pretty good immune system but I've had enough hangovers to know what helps when you've been vomiting. I fill a glass of water and then open the pantry. There's a box of crackers on the top shelf so I grab that. She won't be able to handle anything heavy right now.
In Sasha's room, the only light is coming from the bathroom. "Sasha? I brought you some water."
She pokes her head around the doorframe. "You're still here?" Despite how exhausted she looks, her eyes light up when she sees me.
"I told you I wasn’t leaving. I’m here until you can kick me out. Are you okay?"
"Fine. I just coughed so hard that it made me throw up. Which was both painful and gross."
"Here, this should help." I hand over the water and she accepts it, wrapping both hands around the glass. "I've also got some crackers if your stomach is upset."
I wait while she takes a sip of water and then walks back to bed. She puts the glass down on her nightstand and then crawls back under the covers. I don't want to leave her alone just yet so I crawl onto the other side of the bed, on top of the comforter, then open the box in my arms and hand her a cracker. She laughs softly.
"You're pretty good at this." She looks up at me curiously before taking a small bite of cracker. "I know you said we're friends and all but I have friends I've known for years who wouldn't have stuck around for this."
The way she's looking at me makes me a little uncomfortable. Like I'm some kind of savior. No way in hell I can live up to that.
"It's not a big deal. Anyone would have done the same."
"They really wouldn't have. Believe me, I know. There's no way I can see my last boyfriend measuring out my medicine and bringing me crackers when I'm nauseated."
Hearing her talk about the bastard she was dating, the one who had the right to slip beneath these blankets and curl up with her, makes me want to hit something.
"He sounds like an ass. I might not be your boyfriend but that doesn't mean I don't care about what happens to you. I like you, Sasha."
She wrinkles her brow. "I don't think I've ever had a guy say he likes me. He might like how I look."
"I'd be a liar if I said I didn't like how you look. You're beautiful. But you're also smart and vibrant and fun."
"Most people would probably say I'm too silly. I've always had my head in the clouds and I know that gets on some people's nerves." She shrugs but her lashes come down to shade her eyes. I can see the characterization bothers her.
It bothers me that the people around her consider her bubbly personality something to be ashamed of. When she looks at me, it's like she sees who I am and not what I've done. Even when she caught me picking the locks at the club, she didn't look at me like a criminal or assume the worst. Remembering her request for me to teach her to do it too makes me smile.
She's one of the few people in my life that can make me laugh and makes me look for the extraordinary in the everyday.
With a gentle finger beneath her chin, I tip her face up so she can’t hide from me. “There's nothing wrong with being a dreamer. You hope for the best and try to find joy wherever you are. You make me look at the world differently. And I like how I feel when I'm around you."
After a few moments, her eyes leave mine and she reaches for another cracker. "I like how I feel around you, too."
Over the next two days, Sasha gets better. When she finds out her parents are coming to check on her, I use the time to pick up some clothes but other than that, we stay holed up in our own little universe. In between her naps, she asks me about growing up with Zack and about my relationship with my father. I ask her about the violin in her closet and then tease her about the vibrator buried in the back drawer of the nightstand. We eat takeout and watch movies, most of which she falls asleep on.
Mostly I watch her. Whether she's sleeping or eating or laughing or crying, everything about her fascinates me. I've never had so much fun doing nothing.
“Wouldn’t it be great if we could just stay in this little bubble, just you and me?” Sasha sighs as the credits roll on the movie we just finished watching.
During the film, she snuggled up closer and closer until she ended up with her head pillowed on my chest and one of her legs twisted around mine. I have no idea how the film ended because fighting an erection for the past hour took all my concentration.
“Maybe if we don’t move, we can just stay like this forever. In our pajamas eating takeout and no one will bother us.”
I know exactly what she means. The past few days have been a dream in a way. Away from my usual routine, my family, my job, I’ve been able to ignore the voice in the back of my head that warns me I’m playing with fire.
“That’s not the way it is, beautiful. The outside always comes crashing in at some point.” I’m saying the words for her benefit and my own. Because when it’s just the two of us, it’s easy to forget why I shouldn’t be here. It’s so easy to fall into the fantasy that I’m the kind of guy that deserves this life.
“But could we pretend? Just for a little while.” Sasha looks up at me, her nose brushing against my cheek. Longing, sharp and sweet, makes me squeeze her a little tighter. Looking down at her I have to face up to an uncomfortable truth. I’m not here because Sasha needs me anymore. The first two days she was ill but she got over her cold once she got some sleep. She’s not sick and hasn’t been for a while. I’m here because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.