After my public humiliation, I was doubly glad that I had something else to focus on. Making plans and dreaming about how to make it happen has given me a new goal and my sanity back.
I signed a lease on a commercial space in the center of town earlier this week so it's finally happening. And I can't wait to share the good news with my family.
I look up when my sister Brenna enters the kitchen with a covered casserole dish. She's only a year older than I am and we've always been close. Even though Audra's only four years older than me, growing up it felt like light years. Her tendency to be a know-it-all doesn't help.
Brenna puts her casserole dish down on the stove and then shucks off her coat. "I brought that smothered chicken casserole you like so much."
The rest of the house is suspiciously quiet. Usually my brother-in-law Evan comes to the kitchen to say hi before plopping down in front of the television. Brenna also usually has my nephew, Carter, on her hip.
"Where is everyone?"
Brenna glances over at Audra before turning to the refrigerator. “Evan stayed at home with the baby. We thought it'd be nice to have it be just us tonight. Like old times."
Something about that doesn't seem right. Audra's husband stayed home tonight with their two daughters, too. She'd claimed they were feeling under the weather. I know how overprotective Audra can be so I didn't think it was anything serious but maybe Brenna didn't want to expose Carter to any germs she thought the girls might be carrying.
"Well, I'd hoped everyone would be here because I have good news."
Opening a small jazz lounge for enthusiasts like my father is a dream come true. There were a few times I almost gave up this past week, especially when I got to the business office and found out that I'd done my paperwork incorrectly. I had to stand in line all over again this afternoon but I've finally got it all sorted. And the feeling when my landlord gave me the keys to my new space was magical. This has been the culmination of years of saving and planning. I'm doubly excited to tell my family about it since they've all promised to invest in the club with me. It'll be a true family endeavor.
Mom enters the kitchen then and we all scurry to finish getting things ready. Once we're all seated at the table, we all clasp hands while she says grace. Brenna's casserole smells amazing. But when I pick up a serving spoon and stick it in the dish, I realize what's missing from the table.
"Where's Daddy?"
My mom doesn't meet my eyes as she answers. "He went out. Which is for the best because we need to talk to you."
"About what?" I hold out my plate to accept a serving of vegetables. Then Brenna puts a heaping serving of the casserole next it.
"The club. About our investment," Mom states.
"What is there to talk about? The grand opening should be in a few months if all goes to plan. I've already signed a lease for the space."
"Sasha, don't you think it's time to consider some alternatives? You were counting on getting publicity from being on television. But now … "
She doesn't say anything else but I can imagine what she's leaving unsaid. Now that I'm not on the show, how will the club get exposure? Now that I'm a failure and a laughingstock, who will come?
I pause with my fork halfway to my mouth. Across from me Audra chews her food slowly. When I look over at Brenna she won't look at me either.
"So you're all pulling out? How am I supposed to have my grand opening? I won't be able to afford to build out the space let alone pay for furniture or fixtures. Thank God I got Kay and Eli to invest."
Audra doesn't look impressed. "Eli owns that big security company. He can afford to lose money. I can't. Keith's hours just got cut and I've had to start working part-time to make up the difference. We can't afford to take chances."
"On me. That's what you mean. You can't afford to take a chance on me. The girl who fails at everything."
Brenna looks distraught. We've always been close and I know she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. But it hurts that she doesn't think I can pull this off. That she thinks I'm a failure just like everyone else. She puts her arms around me.
"That's not what we're saying. We just think you should reevaluate. You were counting on a lot of press and attention from being on the show. Now that you aren't, it's going to be really hard to get people in there." Brenna speaks softly, as if the cadence of her voice can soften the blow of what she’s saying.
Shame boils through my blood as I'm confronted by the evidence that no one in my family believes in me. Even worse, the fact that my father isn't here just twists the knife. My father is the one who got me into jazz in the first place. I wanted to own a jazz lounge so badly because of all the stories he told about the club his best friend owned back in the seventies.
"I shouldn't be surprised that you guys don't get it. You never really have."
Mom suddenly looks hurt. "We have always tried to support you Sasha. But what kind of family would we be if we weren't honest with you? By the time you finish fooling around, you'll have spent the best years of your life chasing foolish dreams. I don't want you to look back with regret later when you have nothing to show for it."
Her words cut me through and through. "How long have you guys been planning this little intervention?"
Brenna looks guilty, probably that she didn't warn me about what I was walking into tonight. "We just want you to find happiness. You've spent so much time working on this. You never go out anymore. How are you supposed to meet anyone if you're working all the time? I worry about you living alone. I don't know what I'd do without Evan."