When I got to the end of the book, I was completely overwhelmed, mentally and emotionally, and I broke down. I cried and I cried and I cried some more.
I cried in sadness, and I cried with joy. I cried for unwanted goodbyes, and I cried for unexpected hellos. I cried for all the things that could’ve been, and I cried for the beauty of what actually was. I cried for Harper and Brandon and Chase, and I cried for me.
At some point in my melt down, Evie had joined me on my small bed and held me while I sobbed. This cry was not about Ash and Dylan; the events of the previous night were just the proverbial straw, and break me it did. This cry was eighteen years in the making, a release long overdue. I cried until exhaustion took over and I fell asleep.
When I woke up a couple of hours later, I felt much better. My body had desperately needed the rest. I found Evie lounging on the couch watching Magic Mike again.
“This movie really makes everything better,” she said as I sat down next to her. “At least for a couple of hours.”
“Thank you for everything, Evie.” I whispered. I curled up against her and she put her arm around my shoulders. “I couldn’t do this without you; I would’ve given up long ago if it wasn’t for you.”
“I know, sweet Sam girl,” she said. “But you are worth fighting for, I’ll never let you give up. I love you too much.”
“I love you too, Evie.”
Chapter 8
The next morning was the first day of classes and I woke up with my stomach knotted with nerves. Thankfully, Evie would also be in two of my three classes that day, so we could figure most everything out together. After dressing in a black cotton maxi dress and matching flip flops, I looked at my phone to check the time. I had two text messages waiting for me.
Ash (2:32 AM): Can’t stop thinking of you butterfly.
Dylan (8:27 AM): Have a great first day of classes! Hope to see you again soon beautiful
Well, shit. That wasn’t what I expected to start the day. First, it was strike one against Dylan with the use of “beautiful.” I needed to let him know that I wasn’t a fan of the pet name thing, but it was very thoughtful of him to text this morning. I honestly wasn’t sure if I would hear from him again, but when I read the message I realized the sense of relief and delight that I felt that he wanted to see me again.
Reading Ash’s text, sent a completely different set of emotions through me - confusion, anxiety, hope, and pure lust. How did his number get in my phone? Why did he text me when he clearly told me that we could not have a relationship of any kind - neither friendly nor romantically? Why did a person that I knew practically nothing about make me lose control of my brain and body at the mere thought of him?
I only responded to Dylan’s text.
Me (9:35 AM): Thanks, you too. Sounds good
Then I grabbed my backpack and went to meet Evie for breakfast.
Evie was ready and waiting for me in the kitchen. She had set us out some fresh pineapple and yogurt. As we ate, I told her about both text messages and she told me not to think too much about either of them. She was right. I needed to spend much less time thinking about boys and more time on my studies. My scholarships had strict GPA requirements, so I could not allow anything or anyone to interfere with my grades.
“I was thinking about our book whore competition last night and I agree to acknowledge your win from Saturday,” Evie said as we walked to our first class.
“You agree to acknowledge my win?” I asked.
“Yeah, like I said, I didn’t allow myself to really meet anyone this time so that I could stay close to you, so it wasn’t really fair. But next time, you may need to find your own way home,” she teased waggling her eyebrows.
“I didn’t ask you to do that. I don’t need a babysitter,” I tried to be serious with her but couldn’t help the laughter that escaped at her ridiculous faces.
“Okay, whatever, it’s over and you won,” she conceded. “But anyways, I was thinking about it and I thought about our teacher/ professor group… There’s no better place to find a professor than in the classroom, so for these BB’s we need to be on the lookout at all times. They don’t have specific nights dedicated to them. Sound good?”
My brain had been so full of Ash and Dylan that I hadn’t even thought about trying to meet anyone else and I couldn’t imagine throwing another guy in the mix. However, I also knew that the point of the contest was for us to meet new people from diverse backgrounds and lifestyles. It was hard for me to say what I liked and or didn’t like unless I tried it out. So I nodded at Evie’s suggestion in agreement. I highly doubted I’d have a professor that would be seduction-worthy anyways.
Before I knew it, it was early afternoon and Evie and I were walking back to our dorm having completed our first day of college. We were both giddy with a feeling of accomplishment, which was ridiculous, but our good moods were evident nonetheless. Since neither of us were procrastinators when it came to school work, we finished our homework right when we got back. We spent the rest of the evening gossiping about people we had met during the day and discussing the next day’s schedule. After our early dinner of grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, we each went into our rooms to have some alone time. This was yet another thing that made Evie and I so compatible, she and I both understood the importance of personal time and space.
I could hear Evie in her room skyping with someone, it sounded like her friend Corinne but I wasn’t sure. She stayed in touch with several of her friends from high school through the multiple social networking sites. I knew so much about all of them through Evie’s stories throughout the years that I felt like I knew them personally, but I had only met a few of them a handful of times at her house. They were an important part of her life and I knew she was worried about losing contact with them when they all went their separate ways to college. I, on the other hand, had no contact with anyone I went to school with. I was friendly enough with several girls I met during my time at St. Helen’s, but since I wasn’t able to do anything outside of school, it was hard for me to develop the strong friendships that others did.
Instead, I emailed my brother and sister-in-law to let them know that I was settled in and had made it through the first day. I knew that they were worried about how I was going to adapt after moving out of my parent’s house. I think they were secretly scared I was going to go lose my mind partying and either screw up my scholarships or end up pregnant or both. I had hoped that I had more self-control than that, but judging by the way I had reacted during my first weekend, I wasn’t so sure anymore.
I then spent some time tuning my guitar and looking up new music on iTunes. It never ceased to amaze me how quickly time flew by when I was searching and sampling music. The buzzing of my cell phone broke my spell. I quickly snatched it off of my desk, nervous to see who the message was from.
Dylan (7:55 PM): How was your day? Good I hope(.)
I breathed a sigh of relief. As much as my heart yearned for it to be Ash, I knew it was best if he didn’t contact me again. I didn’t respond to his text this morning hoping it would discourage him from any future messages or calls. I didn’t understand why he sent the message in the first place, it seemed quite contradictory to what he had said he wanted.
Me (8:01 PM): It was good-nothing too crazy. A day of syllabi and introductions… and a lot of walking! How about you?
Dylan (8:08 PM): Pretty much the same. I had to work this afternoon, just getting home.
Me (8:12 PM): Work?
Dylan(8:12PM): Yeah, you know that thing that most people have to do to make money to pay their bills?
Me (8:13 PM): Ha, ha funny guy. I’m familiar with the concept. Where do you work?
Dylan (8:15 PM): I work at a publishing outfit a few afternoons a week, trying to get my foot in the door for after graduation.
Me (8:16 PM): So with school and work when are you going to have time to spend with me?
I wondered if the text was too bold but before I had time to regret it, my phone vibrated again.
Dylan (8:17 PM): I will always make sure there’s time for you.
Me (8:18 PM): Good answer
Dylan (8:20 PM): It’s the truth. You gonna be at J&N’s this Saturday?”
Me (8:21 PM): ? not sure?
Dylan (8:23 PM): They have ppl over almost every Sat, would love to see you there again
Me (8:26 PM): I’ll let you know, will talk to Evie. Going to shower now and do some reading before bed, have a good night
Dylan (8:30 PM): Cool, you too. No more texts about you showering though, sweet dreams
Unable to withhold my excitement over mine and Dylan’s back and forth texts, I squealed as I ran across the living area to Evie’s bedroom. “Evie,” I yelled. “Guess who I just talked to, or texted with, or whatever you call it.”
“Who?” she asked, looking up from her e-reader. She had already showered, as was evident by her wet black hair pulled into a tight bun, and she was propped up in her bed by the extra twenty pillows she had brought from home. Okay, maybe it wasn’t twenty, but it was at least like eight or nine king-sized pillows. When we were younger, I had always thought she looked like a porcelain Asian doll sitting in a cloud when she would surround herself with the white downy-soft pillows on her bed, but now she looked more like the angel that she truly was. Evie had always been my guardian angel. I couldn’t help but smile brightly when I saw her.
I let her read the conversation on the phone and then she handed it back to me with a silly grin on her face. In her sing-song, little girl’s voice she started, “Scarlett and Dylan sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love…” She was unable to finish the song because I began to pummel her across the head with one of her pillows.
“Okay, I surrender, I surrender! No more songs, I promise.” Evie could hardly contain her laughter enough to get the words out.
“So do you want to go back there this Saturday?” I asked trying to figure out when I was going to see Dylan again.
“Sure, and this time I plan to have much more fun, especially now that I know you’ll be there with Dylan to watch over you. I’ll text Jess tomorrow to make sure it’s cool if we stay at her place again.”
For a brief moment, I allowed myself to think about staying at Jess’ house last Saturday and the memory of sleeping in Ash’s bed ~ of how his hands felt on my skin and how his lips melted against mine, but I quickly replaced it with the anticipation of seeing Dylan again. As difficult as it was, I could not torture myself with false hopes and mixed signals; I needed to focus my energy on actual possibilities. And Dylan Stephens had definitely become an actual possibility.
Evie and I hugged each other goodnight and I took a quick shower before hopping into bed. I opted for a hot, smutty book with as little angst as possible to join me and B.O.B. for a much-needed therapy session before going to sleep. Dylan had been right, my dreams were sweet indeed.
Chapter 9
Evie and my daily schedules kept the same blueprint as the first day for the rest of the school week. We attended class in the morning and did our homework and studied in the early afternoons. After a light dinner of either a salad or a sandwich (we were desperately trying not to gain the freshman fifteen everyone had warned us about), we spent the evenings either reading or playing around online. I loved that we had quickly established a routine; Evie knew I was a little OCD about schedules, calendars, and time tables and I was much less stressed as long as I knew what to expect each day. My obsession with scheduling and planning was a direct result of my parents scheduling every waking hour of my life. Living a life that was basically pre-planned was all I had ever known and it was going to take a little while before I felt comfortable enough to deviate from that.