I nodded. “It’s been a little rough.”
“Try and sleep. I’ll be in the living room if you need me.” She leaned down to give me a half hug before leaving my room.
I crawled under the comforter and snuggled into my bed, wrapping my covers into a safe, warm cocoon around myself as I begged my body to shut down. Implored my mind to turn itself off. I knew I’d only be able to find non-vomit-inducing peace in sleep.
Later, I opened my eyes to the sound of the alarm buzzing. I hit the snooze button before the reality of my situation crashed down all around me. That split second before I remembered was so peaceful, then it was gone. There would be no more peace for me today.
I looked at my cell phone, half tempted to turn it on and throw it against the wall. I ignored it as I shoved out of bed to get dressed.
“Cass, you up?” Melissa hollered from the other room.
“I’m up.” My voice was so hoarse from crying, I had to try twice to get the words out.
“I can’t believe you just woke up.” Melissa walked into my room, her concern for me apparent in her expression.
“Me either.” I cleared my throat, longing for some warm tea with honey to ease the burning there.
“Have you heard from him at all?”
I shook my head. “I haven’t turned my phone on.”
“You don’t have to. And you don’t have to go to class either, you know?”
“I can’t sit here and cry all day,” I whispered through my pain. “I need a distraction.”
“Okay.” She gave me a quick squeeze before leaving me alone.
The next few days were a blur as I found it difficult to concentrate on anything other than my failed relationship. Classes were a great distraction…in theory. But the reality was that everything reminded me of Jack, and no matter how many lectures I heard on Visual Reporting or Comm Law, nothing held my attention with greater force than my own destructive mind.
My phone stayed off until my mom called Melissa’s cell phone, frantic that I was either kidnapped or dead since my phone kept going straight to voice mail. When I finally did turn it on, seven new voice mail notifications appeared. All seven were from my mom, each one increasing in overdramatized panic.
The blue text message envelope lingered at the top of my screen, begging for me to press it. Eight new text messages from Jack. Eight.
I am so sorry, Cass. Please tell me you know how sorry I am.
How did I screw us up this badly?
I love you. I love you so fucking much.
I feel like someone ripped out my heart and smashed it with bricks. It hurts. I hurt. And I’d gladly take your hurt too if it meant that you’d be okay. I’d do anything for you.
Cassie, please respond to me. Tell me to fuck off. Anything! Your silence is more hurtful than your anger.
I deserve this. I deserve anything you want to do to me. I sure as hell don’t deserve you.
I’m losing my fucking mind. I’ve already lost my heart so I guess in a way that makes sense. I’m so fucking lost without you.
I love you. I’ll never stop loving you. And I’m so sorry for everything. I’ll never stop telling you how sorry I am.
But eventually he did stop.
It had been over two weeks since his last attempt to contact me. And as hard as it was to not respond to his texts, it was even harder to stop getting them. I wanted him to want me. I needed him to still need me. Because I was still so desperately in love with him, my heart ached with each beat it pumped.
Of course, Melissa knew. “Jesus, Cassie, you look like hell. When’s the last time you’ve eaten something other than toast? Or brushed your hair?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.” My voice was hollow, void of emotion.
“You need to eat, okay?” Melissa cocked her head to the side, her expression soft.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Which is exactly why you need to eat something,” she responded, which made no sense to me at all.
Jack’s name suddenly appeared on my cell phone. My body started to shake as my gaze swung around to meet Melissa’s.
“Jack?” she asked, her tone surprised. I nodded. “Don’t answer. Unless you want to. No, you shouldn’t.” Melissa fought with herself as I pressed Decline, sending his call to voice mail.
He’d stopped leaving voice mail messages around the same time he stopped texting. So I jerked my head back in surprise when the One new voice mail notification appeared on my screen.
I hesitated before pressing Send, tears already filling in my eyes.
His voice mail was short and to the point. “I know you hate me and never want to talk to me again, but I really need to tell you something.” He exhaled before whispering, “Kitten, please. I wouldn’t call if it wasn’t important.” Then he hung up.
I still loved him no matter how hard I tried to pretend like I didn’t.
“What did he say?” Melissa asked.
“He asked me to call him. Said he had something he needs to tell me. As if I can take any more of Jack’s news.” I shook my head, the tears no longer hesitating to fall.
“Well, shit. I wonder if Dean knows. Want to call him for the heads-up first?” she suggested.
“That’s actually brilliant, but I don’t think so. I’ll just call him and I’ll be right back.” I gave her a half smile before heading into my bedroom and closing the door behind me.
I scrolled through the missed calls list on my phone and pressed on his name before touching the Send button.
“You called,” he said as he answered.
“You said it was important.”
“I’m really sorry, but I wanted you to hear this from me.” Jack’s voice was so flat it sounded robotic.
I couldn’t take much more of this. My heart was so fractured already. “What is it now, Jack?”
“I asked Chrystle to marry me.” He choked on the words and I almost swallowed my tongue.
“You what? You’re kidding, right?” I instinctively looked at the calendar on my wall to make sure it wasn’t April first.
“It’s the right thing to do.”
I let out the biggest, loudest, most sarcastic ha! I could manage. “The right thing to do? How is marrying someone you don’t even know the right thing to do?” My head spun as a dizzy feeling overwhelmed me.
“I won’t be like my parents.” His voice faltered. “I have to be there for my kid.”
My voice softened when I heard his pain. “Jack, you’ll never be like your parents. But you don’t have to marry some stranger to prove that.” My lungs felt like they stopped functioning, and I forced myself to suck in a breath.
“It’s the right thing to do,” he repeated.
“You already said that.” I started wondering who he was trying to convince. “Jack, no kid should grow up with two parents who don’t love each other, let alone even know each other. This isn’t right!”
“I’m sorry, Cass. I’m sorry I’m such a fuck-up.” He sniffed.
“You’re not a fuck-up, Jack. But please, don’t do this.” I begged for him to see reason. “It’s one thing to have a kid with someone, but it’s another thing to marry them.”
“I already asked her,” he admitted reluctantly.
“What? Jack, no,” I said as the tears spilled. Breaking up was hard enough to deal with, but marrying someone else was truly putting the final nail in the coffin of us. “Have you talked to Marc and Ryan?” I asked through my desperation, assuming his agents would have the ability to talk logic into his clearly illogical mind.
“I have.”
“And?” I practically shouted. “What did they say? I’m sure they told you not to do this.”
“They pretty much said exactly that.”
“Jack. If everyone is telling you the same thing,” my breath hitched, “we can’t all be wrong.”
“It doesn’t matter. I refuse to continue the fucked-up cycle my parents started. We’re getting married in two weeks.”
“Two weeks?” I could barely say the words aloud.
“Chrystle doesn’t want to be showing in the wedding pictures.”
I hated her. Right when he made that statement, I felt pure hatred toward this strange girl. How was some random chick getting to marry the one guy I’d loved in my entire life?
“Kitten?”
“Don’t…call me that,” I said, my breath shaking.
“Cassie.” His voice wavered. “I never meant for this to happen. I never imagined marrying someone who wasn’t you.”
Resentment replaced the sadness coursing throughout my body. “How is that supposed to make me feel? Huh? You can’t say that to me! It’s not fair, Jack. I can barely get through the day without breaking down.”
“I’m sorry, Cassie, but you’re not the only one hurting here. You’re not the only one who has to try to make it through each day. I lost us too, ya know?”
I felt the breath I was holding escape with a whoosh as I struggled for air. “I don’t know how to get over you.”
“I’ll never get over you.”
“Then don’t do this. Jack, please don’t marry her,” I pleaded, my voice breaking.
“I have to.”
“You don’t have to!” I screamed into the phone and he didn’t respond.
Melissa barged into my room after hearing my raised voice, her face contorted in confusion and sympathy. I waved her over, not wanting her to leave, so she positioned herself next to me on the bed with her back leaning up against the wall.
“Do you still love me?” I asked him, squeezing my eyes shut.
“I’ll love you until the day I stop breathing,” he answered, his voice cracking.
“This isn’t how our story was supposed to go, Jack. We weren’t supposed to end like this.”
“You think I don’t know that? Our story wasn’t supposed to end at all.”
“I guess we’re really over.” I tried to accept the finality of it all.
“If I had the power to take it all back, I would. I’d give anything to undo this.”
I broke down. I bawled uncontrollably into the phone, my misfortune spilling out in teardrop form.
“Please don’t cry, Kitten.” His voice shook.
“Don’t call me that any more. You don’t get to call me that any more.” I could barely speak for sobbing.
“You’re right. I should probably go.”
“Good…bye, Jack,” I moaned before pressing End, not waiting to hear another word. I dropped my head into my hands, my tears soaking the comforter.
“What was that? What’s happening, Cassie?”
“He’s getting married.” I could barely choke the words out.
“He’s doing what?” she shouted, her face angry. “Why?!!”
“He says it’s the right thing to do.”
“I’m calling Dean.” Melissa shot up from my bed.
“What? No! Why?”