I held my breath, wavering between anger and relief. At least someone was finally saying everything Hades needed to hear, but it should’ve come from me. Not Hermes. I owed Hades that much.
But I couldn’t interact with the present; all I could do was watch, and though it occurred to me that I could end this vision and join them, I was too much of a coward to do so. This way, Hades could make a decision without my interference. Or at least, that’s what I wanted to believe.
“And what would you have me do?” said Hades quietly. “Abandon her? It may be difficult for both of us, but given time—”
“You’ve both had plenty of time,” said Hermes.
“One cannot expect change to happen quickly. It may take centuries, eons—”
“You’d do that to her?” said Hermes. “You’d trap her down here for that long, knowing how miserable she is?”
Hades hesitated. “It is none of your concern.”
“When my best friend feels like she’s being held hostage, it is damn well my concern,” he snapped. I winced, and so did Hades. Wrong choice of words for sure, but in a way, it was the truth. Except now I knew that it wasn’t Hades holding the key.
“Leave,” he said in a low voice that by itself wasn’t much, but combined with the thrum of power that filled the throne room, it was deadly. Hermes opened his mouth as if he was going to protest, but at the last minute, he closed it again and turned on his heel.
When the door slammed shut, Hades closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. Whether to calm himself or work up enough courage to talk himself into something, I couldn’t tell, but after three heartbeats, he disappeared.
Oh, hell. No doubt where he’d gone. I pulled myself back into the observatory just in time to see Hades arrive beside the armchair. So much for privacy.
“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he said, a hint of a break in his voice. Whatever he was thinking, he was struggling with it.
“You didn’t,” I said, straightening. “I was just—you know. Watching.”
“Anyone in particular?” he said, and I shook my head. No need to let him know I’d heard everything.
He stood there awkwardly for a long moment, his hands folded in front of him, and together we stared out the window. At last, when I was certain he wouldn’t say anything at all, he cleared his throat.
“Are you happy?”
I blinked. He really didn’t know? “No. Not because of you,” I added hastily. “But—it’s this place. It’s suffocating.” Whether my hatred for the Underworld had become nothing more than an excuse or if it really was the root of my unyielding bitterness, I didn’t know. And I didn’t particularly care either way. I’d already done everything I could think of to fix it.
“I see,” said Hades, and another moment passed before he said, “What would it take to make you so?”
I hesitated. A thousand thoughts came to mind, each more ridiculous than the last, but there was only one thing I really wanted. “I want a choice,” I said. “I want the chance to choose this life for myself.”
“And how would I be able to give that to you?”
“I—” I paused. If I lied now, I might never have another chance like this. We might never have another chance like this, and lying would only bring more pain in the long run. “Freedom. Let me go. Give me a divorce.”
Agony I hadn’t expected flashed across his face. Whatever I was to him, it was more than I’d realized. Much, much more. That wasn’t the pain of a man losing his pride. That was the pain of a man losing everything he loved.
“I cannot do that,” he said, his words little more than a whisper. “If it were in my power, I would give you everything you desired, including a divorce. But the bonds that tie you to the Underworld as its queen are stronger than even I am.”
Any and all hope drained from me, leaving me hollow and numb. Whether it was true or not, of course he would hide behind my vow to the Underworld. If I’d been capable of shedding more tears, I would have, but as it was, I was completely empty.
So this was it. This was my life from here on out—a slave not only to a husband I didn’t love, but to a realm I hated with every breath in my body. Everyone would have a happy ending except me.
And Hades, I realized, glancing at him out of the corner of my eye. His fate was tied with mine, and he looked almost gray in the low candlelight. This wasn’t just my life we were talking about. It was his, as well.
He’d known what he was getting into when he’d agreed to marry me, though. He knew this was a possibility, that I would never love him. Or maybe it’d never occurred to him. Either way, he’d made his choice; he’d had one to make in the first place. I hadn’t.
I started to stand. I wanted to be anywhere but there—even his bedroom would’ve been better than this, as long as he wasn’t there, too. But as soon as I straightened, he turned to me, his eyes glistening in the firelight.
“What if…” He swallowed. I’d never seen him at a loss like this before, and it broke every good thing inside me. “What if I were to give you a choice?”
I folded my arms over my chest, hugging myself. “You just said you couldn’t.”
“I cannot allow you to leave permanently,” he agreed slowly, his focus fixed on something over my shoulder. “But if you were to return and help me rule on a regular basis…”