“Luke… of course I understand,” I say, trying to keep the exhilaration out of my voice. “If you want to pull out, then I’m happy to go along.”
I can’t believe it. I’m saved. I’m saved!
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” He stares at me incredulously.
“Of course I’m serious! If you want to cancel the wedding, then I’m not going to put up a fight. In fact… let’s call it off straight away!”
“You are a girl in a million, Becky Bloomwood.” Luke’s voice is suddenly thick. “To agree without even hesitating…”
“It’s what you want, Luke,” I say simply. “That’s all that matters to me.”
It’s a miracle!
There’s no other explanation.
For once in my life, God was actually listening. Either him or Ganesh.
“You cannot do this.” For the first time there’s a tremor of emotion in Elinor’s voice. “You cannot simply abandon the wedding I have organized for you. Funded for you.”
“I can.”
“It’s a highly significant event! We have four hundred people coming! Important people. Friends of mine, of the charity—”
“Well, you’ll just have to make my excuses.”
Elinor takes a few steps toward him, and I see to my astonishment that she’s shaking with rage. “If you do this, Luke, I can promise you. We will never speak again.”
“That’s fine by me. Come on, Becky.” He tugs at my hand and I follow him, stumbling slightly on the rug.
I can see Elinor’s face twitching again, and to my extreme astonishment, I feel a bit sorry for her. But then, as we turn and stride together out of the apartment, I squash it. Elinor’s been mean enough to me and my parents. She deserves all she gets.
We walk downstairs in silence. I think we’re both completely shell-shocked. Luke lifts his hand for a cab, gives our address to the driver, and we both get in.
After about three blocks we look at each other. Luke is pale and shaking slightly.
“I don’t know what to say,” he says. “I can’t believe I just did that.”
“You were brilliant,” I say firmly. “She had it coming.”
He swivels in his seat and looks at me earnestly. “Becky, I’m so sorry about the wedding. I know how much you’ve been looking forward to it. I’ll make it up to you. I promise. Just tell me how.”
I stare at him, my mind working fast. OK. I have to play this one very carefully. If I make the wrong move, everything could still fall about my ears.
“So… you do still want to get married? You know, in principle.”
“Of course I do!” Luke looks shocked. “Becky, I love you. Even more than I did before. In fact, I’ve never loved you as much as I did in that room. When you made that incredible sacrifice for me, without even a moment’s hesitation.”
“What? Oh, the wedding! Yes.” I compose my features hastily. “Yes, well. It was quite a lot to ask of me. And um… speaking of… weddings…”
I almost can’t bring myself to say it. I feel as though I’m trying to balance the last card on top of the pyramid. I have to get it exactly right.
“How would you feel about getting married in… Oxshott?”
“Oxshott. Perfect.” Luke closes his eyes and leans back on his seat, looking exhausted.
I’m numb with disbelief. It’s all fallen into place. The miracle is complete.
As we drive down Fifth Avenue I look out of the window of the cab, suddenly taking in the world outside. Noticing for the first time that it’s summer. That it’s a beautiful sunshiny day. That Saks has a new window display of swimwear. Little things I haven’t been able to see, let alone appreciate, because I’ve been so preoccupied, so stressed.
I feel as though I’ve been walking around with a heavy weight on my back for such a long time, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to walk upright. But at last the burden is lifted, and I can cautiously stand up and stretch, and start to enjoy myself. The months of nightmaresville are over. Finally, I can sleep easy.
Nineteen
EXCEPT I DON’T.
In fact, I don’t sleep at all.
Long after Luke’s crashed out, I’m staring at the ceiling, feeling uncomfortable. There’s something wrong here. I’m just not quite sure what.
On the surface, everything’s perfect. Elinor is out of Luke’s life for good. We can get married at home. I don’t have to worry about Robyn. I don’t have to worry about anything. It’s like a great big bowling ball has arrived in my life and knocked down all the bad ninepins in one fell swoop, leaving only good ones behind.