Travis smiled. “A little jumpy?”
Val snarled. “Fu...” She clenched her jaw, frustrated.
Travis led me into the waiting room, stepping to the side so I could walk in. Everyone stood, tired but smiling. The kids’ hair was all smashed or sticking up, frizzy and ratted from a long night on uncomfortable sofas and pallets on the floor. The adults were in worse shape, all staring at me, waiting for news. The look on my face must have confirmed their fears, because Falyn covered her mouth, and Ellie hugged Tyler.
“Hey there, sis,” Jim said, trying and failing a few times to rock himself up off the sofa to stand. Camille finally helped him to his feet. He was trying his best to smile, to stay positive despite the fact that I’d arrived without Thomas. He hugged me tight.
“I came as soon as I could. I wanted to tell you in person,” I said. Already the lie was scratching at my throat, making it feel raw. “Thomas …” I looked around the room. They knew, but they were still waiting, still holding out hope.
Travis held me to his side.
“Thomas has passed away.”
Jim’s bottom lip trembled, and then he took a step back. Camille helped him to his seat and threw her arms around him. Trenton did the same.
“How?” Trenton said. “Why?”
Jim fished a handkerchief from his shirt pocket. He wiped both eyes and then mashed the embroidered white cloth back where it belonged. “Sit down, sis,” he said, scooting away from Camille to make room.
Stella began to wail, and Travis set the carrier on the floor, unbuckled her, and quickly put her in my arms. It was obvious that he was a veteran dad, already searching her bag for something to help me calm Stella down.
I rocked her for a moment, turning toward Jim so he could get a look. He leaned in, smiling with unbridled pain behind his wet eyes. He looked up at me. “She looks like you and a little like Tommy, doesn’t she?”
I nodded, feeling my bottom lip tremble. “A lot. She looks a lot like him.”
“She’s beautiful,” Jim said, using his index finger to pet Stella’s fist. “She favors my Diane.”
I nodded and then watched as Jim’s expression crumpled. Trenton curled his arm around his dad’s shoulders and pulled him against his side. Camille reached over to squeeze Jim’s knee. It was hell. I was supposed to be celebrating the birth of my daughter, and instead, I was mourning the loss of her father.
Taylor’s bottom lip trembled. “Can we see him?”
“They’re shipping him home tomorrow,” I said, wiping away an escaped tear. “He wanted to be buried here.”
I inwardly cursed the Bureau and this fucking plan. The director had called me himself the day before to apologize, but success would be the only thing that would convince me the risks we’d taken were worth it. Success meant keeping anyone else in our family from being targeted. Their safety relied on Benny’s men believing they’d retaliated, but just as important, they had to believe that if they continued, they’d suffer more casualties of their own. Travis had already taken care of the second part. He’d been consulted and had agreed. The intel told us faking Thomas’s death had worked. The Carlisis had returned to Vegas, and for now, at least, no hit had been put on Stella or me. The moment they realized it wasn’t real, it would start all over again. We had to make Thomas’s death look real. It was a huge risk. We were lucky they didn’t aim for the head. Thomas’s vest took the hit, but the mafia was watching us all.
“I’m so sorry,” I said to Jim, and I meant it.
“I just can’t believe he got shot. I mean … what the fuck?” Trenton said, his bottom lip trembling.
Everyone looked in my direction for the answer.
I looked around and took a breath before spewing the poison that would slowly kill Thomas’s family. Travis handed me Stella’s pacifier, and I sat back, rocking her back and forth until her cries were reduced to whimpers.
“We, um … we’d just gotten home from the hospital. It happened in the front lawn as he was walking out to get the rest of Stella’s things. Travis told me you know that Thomas is an agent with the FBI. What you don’t know … is that I’m an agent, too.”
Falyn and Ellie gasped, and Trenton’s mouth gaped open.
“That’s how we met.” I accidentally met Camille’s eyes then looked away. “When Thomas learned of the fire and the charges Travis was likely facing—”
“He wasn’t at the fire,” Jim said.
“Yeah, I was, Dad,” Travis said, ashamed. “I was. I was there.”
Jim’s brows pulled together as the truth set in.
“… he went to the director and asked for a deal. Thomas knew by then that Travis had crossed paths with Benny Carlisi, the head of an organized crime family in Vegas.”
“When?” Jim asked Travis.
Travis swallowed. “Abby’s father got into some trouble. Owed Benny money. He came to Abby for help. We went to Vegas, and she won most of the money. I won the rest.”
“How?” Tyler asked. “Not poker.”
“Fighting,” Travis said simply.
I continued. “Thomas knew that Travis had an unbelievable in with Benny that he could use in exchange for immunity. Thomas had a limited amount of time to get Travis to agree, and he wanted to do it in person, so we told him the day after the vow renewal.”
“In St. Thomas?” Falyn asked.
I nodded, feeling my eyes tear up at the memory. It wasn’t a good one. I had never been able to forget the shame in Thomas’s eyes. “So we brought Travis into the fold, and he’s been working undercover, giving us information.”
“I don’t understand. Why keep it from us?” Trenton asked.
“It was the way Thomas wanted it. He was afraid it would upset Jim.” I glanced at Thomas’s father. He was hunched over with wet eyes, looking broken. “And,” I looked at Travis, who gave me permission with a nod, “he didn’t want you all to know what he’d done.”
Tyler’s brows pulled in. “What did he do?”
I sighed. “In the spirit of full disclosure … Thomas knew if he brought Travis into the Bureau as an asset, he could keep him out of prison. He also knew he’d get a promotion.”
“But I had a choice,” Travis added.
Trenton frowned. “Strawberry or chocolate is a choice. Going to prison or being a pawn for the FBI isn’t a fucking choice. Now, your family is in danger, Trav. How could you do that?”
“Trenton,” Jim said.
“You think I wanted this?” Travis said, instantly enraged. “You think I wanted any of this?”
“Boys,” Jim said.
“I think Mom didn’t want any of us going into Dad’s line of work for a reason, and you two pissed all over it,” Trenton said.
“That’s enough,” Jim boomed. “We have had enough heartache in this family today without making it worse. Don’t dishonor your brother by arguing over his choices. What’s done is done.” His breath was labored. “We’ve got a funeral to plan.”
“What do you mean a funeral?” Hollis asked. “Uncle Tommy is going to be okay, right?”
Ezra and James were looking around too, suddenly worried.
My stomach sank. “No,” I said, despondent. I was a horrible human being.