'Excused shaving, sir,' Vimes lied. 'Doctor's orders. Been sewn up onna face, sir. Could shave one half, sir.' He remained at eye front while Rust grudgingly stared at him. The cut was still pretty livid, and Vimes hadn't dared look under the patch yet. 'Hit yourself in the face with your own bell, did you?' grunted the captain. Vimes's fingers twitched. 'Very funny, sir,' he said. 'Now go and get the men fell in, Keel. Look sharp. I shall inspect them in a moment. And tell that idiot with the flat nose to clear the stable.'
'Sir?'
'My horse will be arriving shortly. I don't want to see that disgusting screw in there.'
'What, turn out Marilyn, sir?' said Vimes, genuinely shocked.
'That was an order. Tell him to jump to it.'
'What do you want us to do with her, sir?'
'I don't care! You are a sergeant, you've had an order. Presumably there are knackermen? People around here must eat something, no doubt?' Vimes hesitated for a moment. Then he saluted. 'Right you are, sir,' he said. 'Do you know what I saw on the way here, sergeant?'
'Couldn't say, sir,' said Vimes, staring straight ahead. 'People were building barricades, sergeant.'
'Sir?'
'I know you heard me, man!'
'Well, it's to be expected, sir. It's happened before. People get jumpy. They hear rumours of mobs and out-of-control soldiers. They try to protect their street-'
'It is a flagrant challenge to government authority! People can't take the law into their own hands!'
'Well, yes. But these things generally run their course-'
'My gods, man, how did you manage to get promoted?' Vimes knew he should leave it at that. Rust was a fool. But at the moment he was a young fool, which is more easily excused. Maybe it was just possible, if caught early enough, that he could be upgraded to idiot. 'Sometimes it pays to-' he began. 'Last night every Watch House in the city was mobbed,' said Rust, ignoring him. 'Except this one. How do you account for that?' His moustache bristled. Not being attacked was definite proof of Vimes's lack of moral fibre. 'It was just a case of-'
'Apparently a man attempted an assault on you. Where is he now?'
'I don't know, sir. We bandaged him up and took him home.'
'You let him go?'
'Yessir. He was-' But Rust was always a man to interrupt an answer with a demand for the answer he was in fact interrupting. 'Why?'
'Sir, because at that time I thought it prudent to-'
Three watchmen were killed last night, did you know that? There were gangs roaming the streets! Well, martial law has been declared! Today we're going to show them a firm hand! Get your men together! Now!' Vimes saluted, turned about, and walked slowly down the stairs. He wouldn't have run for a big clock. A firm hand. Right. Gangs roaming the streets. Well, we sure as hell never did anything when they were criminal gangs. And when you've got madmen and idiots on either side, and everything hangs in the balance . . . well, trouble is always easy to find, when you have enough people looking for it. One of the hardest lessons of young Sam's life had been finding out that the people in charge weren't in charge. It had been finding out that governments were not, on the whole, staffed by people who had a grip, and that plans were what people made instead of thinking. Most of the watchmen were clustered around the stairs. Snouty was quite good at internal communications of the worrying kind. 'Tidy yourselves, lads,' said Vimes. 'Captain'll be down in a few minutes. Apparently it's time for a show of strength.'
'What strength?' said Billy Wiglet. 'Ah, Billy, what happens is, the vicious revolutionaries take one look at us and scuttle off back to their holes,' said Vimes. He was immediately sorry he'd said that. Billy hadn't learned irony. 'I mean we just give the uniforms an airing,' he translated. 'We'll get cheesed,' said Fred Colon. 'Not if we stick together,' said Sam. 'Right,' said Vimes. 'After all we're heavily armed men going on patrol among civilians who are, by law, unarmed. If we're careful, we shouldn't get too badly hurt.' Another bad move. Dark sarcasm ought to be taught in schools, he thought. Besides, armed men could get into trouble if the unarmed civilians were angry enough, especially if there were cobblestones on the streets. He heard the distant clocks strike three. Tonight, the streets would explode. According to the history books it would be one shot that did it, round about sunset. One of the foot regiments would be assembled in Hen and Chickens Field, awaiting orders. And there would be people watching them. Troops always drew an audience: impressionable kids, the inevitable Ankh- Morpork floating street crowd and, of course, the ladies whose affection was extremely negotiable. The crowd shouldn't have been there, people said afterwards. But where should they have been? The field was a popular spot. It was the only vaguely green space in that part of the city. People played games
there and, of course, there was always the progress of the corpse on the gibbet to inspect. And the men were troops, ordinary foot soldiers, people's sons and husbands, taking a bit of a rest and having a drink. Oh, that was right - afterwards, it was said that the troops were drunk. And that they shouldn't have been there. Yep, that was the reason, Vimes reflected. No one should have been there. But they were, and when that captain got an arrow in his stomach and was groaning on the ground, some of the crossbow-men fired in the direction of the shot. That's what the history books said. They fired at the house windows, where people had been watching. Perhaps the shot had come from one of them. Some arrows fell short, some did not. And there were people who fired back. And then, one after another, horrible things would happen. By then it was too late for them not to. The tension would unwind like a huge spring, scything through the city. There were plotters, there was no doubt about it. Some had been ordinary people who'd had enough. Some were young people with no money who objected to the fact that the world was run by old people who were rich. Some were in it to get girls. And some had been idiots as mad as Swing, with a view of the world just as rigid and unreal, who were on the side of what they called 'the people'. Vimes had spent his life on the streets, and had met decent men and fools and people who'd steal a penny from a blind beggar and people who performed silent miracles or desperate crimes every day behind the grubby windows of little houses, but he'd never met The People. People on the side of The People always ended up disappointed, in any case. They found that The People tended not to be grateful or appreciative or forward-thinking or obedient. The People tended to be small-minded and conservative and not very clever and were even distrustful of cleverness. And so the children of the revolution were faced with the age-old problem: it wasn't that you had the wrong kind of government, which was obvious, but that you had the wrong kind of people. As soon as you saw people as things to be measured, they didn't measure up. What would run through the streets soon enough wouldn't be a revolution or a riot. It'd be people who were frightened and panicking. It was what happened when the machinery of city life faltered, the wheels stopped turning and all the little rules broke down. And when that happened, humans were worse than sheep. Sheep just ran; they didn't try to bite the sheep next to them. By sunset a uniform would automatically be a target. Then it wouldn't matter where a watchman's sympathies lay. He'd be just another man in armour- 'What?' he said, snapping back to the present. 'You all right, sarge?' said Corporal Colon. 'Hmm?' said Vimes, as the real world returned.
'You were well away,' said Fred. 'Staring at nothing. You ought to have had a proper sleep last night, sarge.'
'There's plenty of time to sleep in the grave,' said Vimes, looking at the ranks of the Watch. 'Yeah, I heard that, sarge, but no one wakes you up with a cup of tea. I got 'em lined up, sarge.' Fred had made an effort, Vimes could see. So had the men themselves. He'd never seen them looking quite so ... formal. Usually they had a helmet and breastplate apiece. Beyond that, equipment was varied and optional. But today, at least, they looked neat. Shame about the heights. No man could easily inspect a row that included Wiglet at one end and Nancyball at the other. Wiglet was so short that he'd once been accused of navelling a sergeant, being far too short to eyeball anyone, while Nancyball was always the first man on duty to know when it was raining. You had to stand well back to get both of them into vision without eyestrain. 'Well done, lads,' he managed, and heard Rust coming down the stairs. It must have been the first time the man had seen his new command in full. In the circumstances, he bore up quite well. He merely sighed. He turned to Vimes and said: 'I require something to stand on.' Vimes looked blank. 'Sir?'
'I wish to address the men in order to inspire them and stiffen their resolve. They must understand the political background to the current crisis.'
'Oh, we know all about Lord Winder being a loony, sir,' said Wiglet cheerfully. Frost nearly formed on Rust's forehead. Vimes drew himself up. 'Squad diiiiismiss!' he shouted, and then leaned towards Rust as the men scuttled away. 'A quiet word, sir?'
'Did that man really say-' Rust began. 'Yes, sir. These are simple men, sir,' said Vimes, thinking quickly. 'Best not to disturb them, if you take my meaning.' Rust inserted this into his range of options. Vimes could see him thinking. It was a way out, and it suited his opinion of the Watch in general. It meant that he hadn't been cheeked by a constable, he'd merely dealt with a simpleton. 'They know their duty, sir,' Vimes added, for reinforcement. 'Their duty, sergeant, is to do what they are told.'
'Exactly, sir.'
Rust stroked his moustache. There is something in what you say, sergeant. And you trust them?'
'As a matter of fact, sir, yes.'
'Hmm. We will make a circuit of the surrounding streets in ten minutes. This is a time for action. Reports are disturbing. We must hold the line, sergeant.' And he believes it, thought Vimes. He really does. The watchmen marched out into the afternoon sunshine, and did so badly. They were not used to marching. Their normal method of progress was the stroll, which is not a recognized military manoeuvre, or the frantic withdrawal, which is. In addition, the convection currents of prudent cowardice were operating in the ranks. There was a definite sideways component to each man's progress as he sought to be in the middle. The watchmen had shields, but they were light wicker-work things intended to turn blows and deflect stones; they wouldn't stand up to anything with an edge. The advance, therefore, was by means of a slowly elongating huddle. Rust didn't notice. He had a gift for not seeing things he did not want to see and not hearing things he did not want to hear. But he could not ignore a barricade. Ankh-Morpork wasn't really a city, not when the chips were down. Places like Dolly Sisters and Nap Hill and Seven Sleepers had been villages once, before they were absorbed by the urban sprawl. On some level, they still held themselves separate. As for the rest . . . well, once you got off the main streets it was all down to neighbourhoods. People didn't move around much. When tension was high, you relied on your mates and your family. Whatever was going down, you tried to make sure wasn't going down your street. It wasn't revolution. It was quite the reverse. It was defending your doorstep. They were building a barricade in Whalebone Lane. It wasn't a particularly good one, being made up mostly of overturned market stalls, a small cart and quite a lot of household furniture, but it was a Symbol. Rust's moustache bristled. 'Right in our faces,' he snapped. 'Absolute defiance of constituted authority, sergeant. Do your duty!'
'And what would that be at this point, sir?' said Vimes. 'Arrest the ringleaders! And your men will pull the barricade down!' Vimes sighed. 'Very well, sir. If you will stand back, I shall seek them out.' He walked up to the domestic clutter, aware of eyes watching him before and behind. When he was a few feet away he cupped his hands. 'All right, all right, what's going on here?' he shouted. He was aware of whispering. And he was ready for what happened next. When the stone flew over the top of the furniture he caught it in both hands.