She narrows her eyes. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“Doing this to you? All I want to do is talk. I’m not the one who pulled a fuck and run the last time we saw each other. We’re going to be seeing more of each other whether you like it or not. I’m sorry if you regret what happened, but I can’t undo it and, frankly, I don’t really want to.”
Her eyes are wide and she fidgets nervously. I just want to touch her, hold her, make that panicked look disappear.
She touches her lips with shaky fingers and whispers, “I didn’t mean to run.”
“Well then why did you?”
Amie drags her hand down her face. “I was scared. I’m still scared.”
“Scared of what? I told you I’m not going to hurt you and I mean it.”
“You can’t know that, Lex. You can say it, but you can’t make that kind of guarantee. I don’t trust myself around you, okay?”
“I won’t do what I did last time again. I won’t push you like that. You don’t have to worry about me trying to get you naked.”
She throws her hands up in the air, they fall limply to her sides. “It’s not you I’m worried about, it’s me. My complete lack of self-control around you is a problem, Lex. This was supposed to stay in Bora Bora. I can’t keep doing this with you.”
“All we’re doing is talking.”
“In a bedroom. Alone. With a bed!” Her hands are balled into fists, her chest rises and falls, a flush creeping across her neck. “I’m still married, Lex.”
“Because Armstrong won’t sign a piece of paper.”
“It doesn’t change the fact that I’m still married to him.”
“And what if you weren’t?”
“But I am and he’s making this so difficult.”
I’m doing exactly what I said I wouldn’t, pushing. I’m falling for this woman and her heart isn’t mended from the last blow it took. I still want this though, I want her and I don’t think I’m capable of letting her run away again. I take a step forward and brush my fingers across her cheek. Her reaction is visceral, the shock of sensation that makes her skin pebble doing the same to mine. “Tell me you don’t feel this pull, Amie.”
Her gaze stays fixed on my chest. “I can’t.”
“You can’t tell me or you can’t feel it.”
“Lex.”
I lift her chin up, forcing her to meet my gaze. “If Armstrong wasn’t in the way what would you want?”
She tips her cheek into my palm.
“You know what I’d want?” I step in closer, until our bodies are almost touching. “You. Not just for a couple of stolen weeks.”
“I don’t trust my feelings right now, Lex.”
“That’s okay. Just trust mine.” I close the distance and kiss her.
Amie moans, soft and desperate as she fists my tie and presses her body against mine. “I missed you. I miss you. I’m sorry I ran.”
I wrap my arms around her, absorbing the feel of her close to me. I missed this. The connection we have. The electric burst of lust that rules my body every time she puts her hands on me. This is how it is between us. Always intense, out of control. I don’t want to lose it, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep it.
When my hands start to roam she pushes away and stumbles back. “We can’t do this right now. We’re at a dinner party. Your family is out there.”
She has a point. This isn’t the best place for a discussion or getting naked, which I told her I wasn’t going to do. “I’m taking you home tonight. You’re not running away on me again, and we’re going to finish this.”
She nods, fingers sweeping back and forth over her lips. “I won’t run. I don’t even think I can anymore.”
If I’d been smarter I wouldn’t have slept with her in Bora Bora. If I’d been thinking with something other than my dick I would’ve waited it out, until this shit with Armstrong was over, until she was ready for something more than sex. Just because we’ve set the boundaries, doesn’t mean there isn’t a way to readjust them in my favor.
Twenty-One: I Can’t Stop
Amie
Lex leaves the bedroom first, which gives me a few minutes to collect myself before I go back to the party. I’m nervous about how to deal with Ruby. I’m grateful she won’t be able to get me alone before Lex and I can figure out how we’re going to deal with this.
I don’t even know what the hell is going on right now. Despite my actions he still seems invested and I’m unsure what to do with that.
Especially now that I have to deal with him on a regular basis again. I wish it was just about the sex. It would be so much easier if it was limited to physical attraction. As much as it seems that he was designed by my own personal orgasm team to provide the best, most amazing releases in the entire world, it’s far more complex than that. Or at least that’s how it feels.
I take a deep breath and prepare to manage being near Lex and acting normal.
When I return to the party everyone is seated in the living room, drinking coffee and eating petit fours. I might be on the other side of the room, but I can feel Lex’s proximity, and it’s making me anxious for the conversation I know is coming.
Beyond getting into bed with him, what I really want right now is to curl up beside him and have him tell me stories about his childhood like he did in Bora Bora. I want to listen to him talk about Mimi, to hear the reverence in his voice. More than that I want that reverence directed at me. And that scares me, because I don’t know if that desire is real or a projection of another idealized version of him that I created in Bora Bora.
“Everything okay?” Ruby asks as I take the seat beside her. “You were gone awhile.” She glances in Lex’s direction and he quickly refocuses his attention away from me, to his father.
“Everything’s fine. Just messages from Pierce about some legal stuff.”
“Armstrong stuff?”
I nod. It’s not an out and out lie. Pierce did send me a bunch of messages today about the language in the pre-nup. I’m not sure if it means anything yet, but he’s still digging.
Mimi drops into the armchair across from us. “Amie, you’re so good at organizing events, do you think you’d have some time available to help plan the menu for the engagement party?”
“Oh! That’s a great idea!” Ruby says enthusiastically. “Where should we hold it?”
“What about the Concord?” I glance in Lex’s direction, surprised by his participation in the conversation.
“In the Inception ballroom! Where we held the Halloween soirée!” Mimi claps her hands excitedly. “Lex, you’re there later this week, aren’t you? With Bane, yes?”
“I’ll be between the Concord and the Mills Hotel next week,” Bane replies. “With Griffin out of the country, I’m juggling both hotels.”
“Hopefully he won’t miss the engagement party.” Mimi seems worried about that. “He mentioned Lincoln is out there, too.”
“Our cousin Lincoln?” Bane asks.
The mention of Armstrong’s older brother is jarring. I’ve never met him, but, from what I’ve been told, he’s not particularly involved with his family. It’s not hard to understand why.