“Everything is fine,” I said out loud. “It’s going to be a good day. You’re going to get a shit ton accomplished.” I closed my eyes and did a few jumps in place then started walking out of my room.
Naked.
By now, the guys were just used to it and the girls well, they just assumed I liked people staring at me—which was so wrong it was almost laughable.
I could do without the stares.
But I was comfortable without clothes the same way people found comfort in wearing sweats.
I just refused to explain why, God save me. I could just hear the girl’s sighs if I told them the real reason behind most of my behavior. There would be tears, pity sighs, and lots of hugging.
It would be horrible.
Like an actual nightmare coming to life.
I wasn’t the type of guy who wanted a hug and a good cry—I would much rather have a dude punch me in the face and tell me to stop being a pussy.
“Yo!” I wandered into the kitchen just in time for Jay to toss a newspaper.
“Cover your nuts,” he said calmly, “and I’ll allow you a cup of coffee.”
“Oh, you’ll allow me?”
He didn’t look, just poured a cup of coffee and held it out to me. “Are they covered?”
“Yup.” I placed the newspaper over my dick with one hand. “Now hand it over.”
“Have you thought about it?”
“I know you’re a morning person, but I need more coffee, less words, it’s six a.m., Jay.”
“And if I know you, which I’d like to think I do since I’ve known you for around five years now, you’ve been up since three-thirty staring at your ceiling followed by that little voodoo self-talk thing you do as you look out the window, telling yourself, ‘hey I’m going to go try to walk out in public today.’ And if my hearing is accurate, which I think it is, you jumped three times in the air, clapped, and walked out here. So don’t bullshit me about how it’s early.”
“Hell, sometimes I hate you.” I rolled my eyes. “And there’s a difference between being awake and awake.”
“You literally just said the same word twice,” Jay pointed out in a condescending tone. “I have to be on set in five minutes. You should stop by.”
“So you can convince me to act?”
“Yes.” Jay ran a hand through his long brown hair, shoving it to the side before grabbing his Ray Bans. “Look, you need a distraction, I’m a shit friend if I let you just sit in here with the curtains pulled.”
“I’m not.”
“The hell you’re not!” he yelled. “You won’t even go to the beach by yourself anymore!”
It was getting worse. Did he think I was stupid? Of course, I saw all the signs, felt them, they choked me every freaking day. I didn’t need a reminder. Especially not from him.
“I met someone.”
“Oh hell, I don’t have time for this.” Jay shoved his sunglasses onto his face and dumped his remaining coffee into the sink, bracing his hands against the granite, his muscles tense.
“We made a trade. I’m going to help her, she’s going to help me. I told her I couldn’t write my album alone, and she’s agreed to be like… a tour guide.”
“A bloody tour guide?” Jay roared slamming his hands against the counter. “You need a therapist! Not a tour guide!”
“Go to hell!” I roared. “What are you, my dad?”
“No.” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “I’m not your dad, but if I was, I’d tell you to get your head out of your ass and get some help. I know you know it’s getting worse, you need to talk to someone, someone who knows how to help.”
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Are you taking your meds?”
I flipped him off and shoved past him.
“Zane.”
“Yes.” I grit my teeth. “But clearly, they aren’t helping if I can’t go for a run on the beach by myself.”
“This girl…” Jay sighed. “Are you going to tell her?”
“What’s there to tell?” I challenged, crossing my arms. “I told her I can’t do it alone, and she offered to help. I get Cinderella to the ball, and she makes it so I can finish my album on time. Everyone wins.”
“Does she, though?” Jay just had to ask. “Some local girl with stars in her eyes?”
“Trust me,” I grumbled. “There’s zero interest on both ends. She’s cute, but not my type, and I get the distinct impression that if it was between a science nerd and me, she’d do him in a heartbeat all the while wondering if I even know how to spell.”
“You have a master’s degree in—”
I burst out laughing. “What? Should I flash my degrees?”
“You worked hard for them.” Jay shrugged. “Not everyone can do school full time and tour.”
“Yeah well, I’m also a marshmallow-addicted hermit.”
“There is that,” Jay agreed with a flick of his hand.
“Gee, thanks.”
“Hey, you said it, not me. I was just thinking it, only in more crass terms, lots more swearing.”
“You done?”
“Ten minutes a day.” Jay pointed his finger at me. “Even dogs get walks.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Did you just compare me to a bitch?”