You have no idea.
“But you’re here, we’re here, and it’s time, little bro,” Brandt said in that don’t argue tone.
“Order another round. We’re gonna need it.” Dalton headed for the bathroom, but ended up pacing in the hallway. He had a bout of motherfucking nerves that just about had him bolting out the door.
He pressed his shoulders against the wall and closed his eyes, his last conversation with Casper three years ago pushed front and center just like it’d happened yesterday.
He’d been sitting outside his trailer, nursing a whiskey when Casper had shown up. As soon as the man had climbed out of his pickup, and Dalton had seen the mean set to his mouth, he slammed the booze, knowing he’d need it.
“I’m surprised you’re out of hiding. You always have run away instead of bein’ a man and facing up to your mistakes.”
Dalton said nothing. His dad was on a tear and he’d stay on it until he’d had his full say.
“You’re a fool for leaving that sweet Addie at the altar. Don’t know how you ever convinced that nice Christian girl to marry you anyway with your reputation for drinkin’, gamblin’, whorin’ and brawlin’.”
He shoved his ball cap back and looked right into those cruel blue eyes. “How’s a church-going, recovering alcoholic, who don’t even live in this town anymore, who don’t have nothin’ to do with his sons, know so much about my supposed reputation?”
“Such a smart mouth,” Casper sneered. “Don’t think this scandal is gonna go away anytime soon. You really screwed the pooch on this one.”
Dalton laughed. “Thought you cut out all vulgar language.”
“What I said ain’t as vulgar as what you done.” His gaze scrutinized Dalton’s every facial injury. “See some of it’s already caught up with you.”
“Nothin’ I can’t handle.”
“I’d love to be around the next time someone knocks that smug look off your face.”
Dalton flashed his teeth. “Or you’re welcome to try and do it yourself, right now, old man.”
Casper snorted. “Says a lot about your character that you’d get off on beating me up.”
“You only have yourself to blame since that’s a trait I inherited from you.”
“You inherited nothin’ from me,” he spat. “’Bout time you knew the truth. So after this last stunt you pulled, I prayed for divine assistance, needing His direction. He gave me the sign I needed.”
“And what did God tell you to do? Ride out here and berate your son until he begged for forgiveness for adding another black mark to the McKay name?” Dalton demanded.
That malicious glint in his face showed again. “Your mama oughta be asking for forgiveness for the lies she told. Lies everyone has always believed. But I knew. The sign is as plain as the nose on your face.”
Was Casper going senile? “You ain’t makin’ a lick of sense. What’s my nose and a sign got to do with anything?”
“What’s your nose got to do with it? Look at that nose. That face of yours. Have you ever taken a good long look at yourself in the mirror, boy? When you ain’t been preening yourself like a peacock? If you ever had, you’d realize that you don’t look nothin’ like your brothers and you sure don’t look nothin’ like me.”
He had dark hair and blue eyes, just like the rest of the McKays. He was bigger than his brothers—bigger than all the McKays except for Cam. “Cam and Carter favor the West side so that don’t mean nothin’.”
“It sure does mean something. It means you ain’t my kid.”
Dalton laughed.
“I’m not joking. Your mom screwed around on me and I had to look at and deal with the ugly result of that since the day you were born.”
“Wow. So I get a two-fer? You’re showing that nasty-ass mean streak you’re so goddamned proud of while you’re telling a bald-faced lie?”
“Watch your words. God is lookin’ down on you.”
No, you’re the one who’s always looked down on me.
“This ain’t a lie. Because blood types don’t lie. And you don’t have the same blood type as Luke, Brandt and Tell.”
That didn’t prove anything…did it? Fuck, he’d slept through that part of biology. How was he supposed to remember his brothers’ blood types? When he couldn’t remember his own?
“And if you want real proof that you ain’t mine? I’d even take a paternity test.”
A niggling feeling of unease started at the back of his neck. What if he was telling the truth?
“Why do you think your mom coddled you? Protected you? She knew I knew that you weren’t my flesh and blood.”
“She didn’t coddle me and she sure as fuck didn’t protect me from you or else I wouldn’t have been on the receiving end of your strap so many times.” Or maybe…that’s why he’d been singled out.
Don’t fall for this.
“Ask her,” Casper challenged. “Look her in the eye and demand to know what man she was with when she left me for a week. Oh, roundabout nine months before your birth.”
“I won’t because you’re a fucking liar.”
“You won’t ask her because you know it’s the truth. Part of you has always known you don’t belong.”
There’s no way that bastard could’ve known that Dalton had always felt that way. “Why are you doin’ this?”
“It’s past time you knew the truth.”
“Just me? Or everyone? You’re gonna make an announcement to the world that your ex-wife fucked around on you? That’ll be seen for exactly what it is: an old man’s bitterness.”
“I don’t give a hoot about sharing that info with the world at large. I just thought you oughta know.”
“Why? So you can hang this over my head? Threatening to spew this supposed secret to my brothers, thinking it’ll keep me in line?”
“Brandt and Tell won’t hear the truth from me. They’ll hate the messenger and ignore the message, as usual.” His lips twisted in a parody of a smile. “Besides, you’re still their brother even if you ain’t my kid.”
Dalton couldn’t think straight. So much of who he was, was about being a McKay—and all it meant to be part of that family.
Who was he if he didn’t have that?
And was it really a surprise that Casper had held onto this crucial, critical information until the lowest point in Dalton’s life?
No.
Casper could kick a man who was down and smile while doing it.
Dalton tried to make his voice hard and cold. “What exactly am I supposed to do with this information, Casper?”
“Use it to find some direction,” Casper snapped. “You’ve been content floating through life, letting your brothers do all the ranch work while you’re spreading your sins across the five state area.”
“You have nothin’ to do with the ranch so how would you know what Brandt and Tell are doin’?”
“Don’t think your brothers haven’t mentioned it to me a time or two, how little you’re involved. It’s obvious Brandt and Tell don’t need your help running the ranch. And you’ve got no claim on it anyway.”
“Beings that I’m not a McKay,” Dalton said dully.
Casper kept his arms crossed over his chest and gave him a patronizing look. “Yep. Don’t you be putting your burdens on folks that don’t need them. When you’re the real burden.”
That’s when Dalton had known he had to leave Sundance right away.
He opened his eyes, surprised to find himself in the hallway of a bar and not sitting on the steps in front of his trailer watching Casper’s taillights disappear.
Dalton still didn’t want to tell his brothers what had gone down. But he’d given this secret way too much power to wreck the brother bond he had with Brandt and Tell. He headed back to the table, his heart pounding like he’d run the mile.
Brandt and Tell weren’t talking. They looked up at his approach.
He knocked back his beer to wet his suddenly dry mouth. “Tell was partially right. I wasn’t honest with you guys about why I left so fast. I made the decision after Casper showed up at my place.”
Tell said, “Fuck, that must’ve been fun.”
“I’ll put it this way: it left its mark.”
“What’d he say?” Brandt asked.
Now that the moment was here, Dalton couldn’t even look his brothers in the eye. He focused on his beer bottle, his fingernail edging the soggy label as he tried to peel it off in one piece.
No one uttered a word for an excruciatingly long time.
Finally Tell said, “Shit. This is gonna be bad, isn’t it?”
Dalton nodded.
Brandt gently pried the bottle out of Dalton’s hand. When Dalton looked up at him, Brandt said, “No more stalling.”
“Casper said I’m not his son.”
Tell and Brandt exchanged a look. The why’d you let him get under your skin and make you believe bullshit like that that’s obviously not true look.
Then Brandt nudged another beer at him. “You’re gonna have to walk us through it, so we can understand why you—”
“Believed him?” His embarrassment turned into anger. “Fuck you both if you don’t remember what a master manipulator Casper is. I know you’ve forgiven him or something. Fine, that’s your choice. I won’t judge you for what you’ve decided works for you and what you can live with when it comes to him.”
Both his brothers squirmed—as he’d meant them to. Dalton didn’t judge them. He deserved the same courtesy.
“Take it down a notch,” Tell said evenly. “We don’t have some touchy-feely, all-is-forgiven attitude when it comes to Dad.”