“Pity,” I grumbled.
“Dude, why are you even marrying her?” This from Max.
Jason paled and looked down at the ground, shuffling his feet. “It’s complicated, and it’s kind of also why I wanted you guys away from Mom and Dad for a bit.”
“Could have done without the whole prison thing,” I said sourly.
Jason shrugged. “Jayne would have followed us to a bar, plus she has spies everywhere.”
“Shocker.” I grumbled. “So un-complicate things for us.”
“I have to marry her.”
“No you don’t!” Colton shot to his feet. “You really don’t!”
“I do!” Jason yelled. “She’s pregnant, okay?”
After a few seconds of tense silence, Max spoke up. “Why does that matter?”
Okay, so he voiced what everyone was thinking.
“Because,” Jason said through clenched teeth, “It’s a small town and everyone knows everyone’s business and if I jilt her at the altar while she’s pregnant, I’ll never get to run for mayor.”
“You want to be mayor?” I squeaked out.
“Eventually.” He sighed. “Look, I’ve tried to get out of it, but no matter what I do, I look like a bastard. What type of guy gets a girl pregnant and then doesn’t stay with her?”
“Question?” Max raised his hand. “How do you know she’s telling the truth?”
Jason’s eyes narrowed. “Because she told me.”
“Do you have a picture of the love child? Have you gone to the doctor with her? Is she really sick? Gaining weight? Losing weight? Does she pee all the time? Has she started shopping for maternity clothes? These are the things you need to know.”
Squinting, Jason cursed and then looked down at the ground. “No to all of the above, but—”
“Theater camp.” Max shook his head. “I’d bet my nonexistent cat on it. She’s playing you. Girls are careful about who they sleep with, and it’s possible that I have it on good authority she’s on birth control.”
“What the hell?” Jason roared.
“A little bird named Reid told me. Don’t worry about it.” Max waved him off and let out a long sigh. The type of sigh I was beginning to notice meant he was going to do something really stupid.
“A guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do.” Max shook his head. “Man, that bus just keeps driving by and your whole family just keeps pushing me under it. Milo, you get that, right? Like I’m going to need psychological help after doing what I’m about to do.”
“Uh-oh, what are you about to do?”
“Save the day. I’ve always wanted to be a superhero.”
“Max—”
“Nope.” He held up his hand. “I’m going to need a hell of a lot of Gatorade, a camera phone, and a saw.”
“You can’t kill her!”
“The saw is so I can break out of the wooden box she’s going to put me in once she realizes what I’m doing. Geez, Milo, I’m not a psychopath.”
Colton grunted.
“Hilarious,” Max said dryly. “Okay, Jason, punch me.”
“What?” we all yelled in unison.
“I’m fighting for her honor. Trust me, the girls like a guy who fights for them. She’ll see the black eye and hit on me again. ” Max shrugged. “Punch me.”
“I’m not going to punch you!” Jason looked horrified.
“I’ll do it!” Colton shouted.
“Not helping,” I moaned.
“Punch me, you pansy-ass, good-for-nothing, backwoods, doughnut-eating son of a—”
Jason’s fist flew across Max’s face.
He stumbled to his knees and sighed. “Grandmom, is that you? I can feel her, she’s so cold . . .”
“Hell, Jason, you could have killed him.”
“What’s going on in here?” The chief walked in and looked around.
We just pointed to Max.
“Damn bus,” he muttered.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
MILO
“Okay, you have two hours to save his life.” I gripped Max’s shoulders. “Can you do this?”
He rolled his eyes. “Blindfolded.” Max shivered in disgust. “Not that I’m wanting to be blindfolded anywhere near that girl.”
“You’re pretty cool, you know that?” Jason nodded, apparently they were friends now that they weren’t behind jail bars anymore. “Oh, and P.S.: If she finds out it’s a setup, I’m denying all charges and throwing your ass in jail. Again.”
“On what charge?” Max asked.
“Illegal prostitution,” Jason answered.
“Wouldn’t look so good on my job applications . . .” Max tapped his chin, then turned to me. “Okay, spray me.”
“You’re really letting him go through with this?” Colton grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled my body away from Max. “He’s your fiancé.”
Max raised his hand.
“Not now, Max,” I snapped.
“No, I think he should get to talk. After all, he’s going to go whore himself to Jayne and sacrifice his manhood on the altar of skank.”
“Thanks, man.” Jason exhaled. “Good to know I could still be stuck with that altar every freaking day of my life. Anyone have any whis? Anyone?”