The point was, the eighteen months had been good. I’d done some casual dating and I’d stopped comparing every guy to him. Well, sort of. Okay, let’s just say I was doing better, loads better. I was actually looking forward to the future, to graduation, to starting my life, and I couldn’t do that if I was still stuck in the past. And Colton needed to stay in the past. I refused to keep hoping that he saw me as anything other than what I was . . . a friend.
“Sure,” I heard myself croak. “No problem.”
“I didn’t think it would be.” Jason gave me a lazy smile. “Besides, didn’t you and that one guy break up like a few weeks ago?”
“Max?” I squeaked in full-on panic mode.
“Yeah.”
“Who’s Max?” asked Colton.
“Her boyfriend, they were pretty serious for a while.” Jason elbowed me and waggled his eyebrows. “Right?”
“Uhh.” Great. I was officially without words. Max was a friend—my best friend. He’d been a friend since my freshman year of college. He’d hit on me, my insecure self had thought he was gay, and, well, it was a match made in heaven. Max was gorgeous, and I was pretty sure the guy had a revolving door into his bedroom, not that I paid much attention. Guys like Max were never friends with girls—ever. But somehow it worked for us even though people always assumed there was more going on.
Until now.
“Why haven’t I heard of Max?” Colton’s gaze narrowed. “Is he a good guy? Does he still call you? Say the word and I’ll kill him if he touches you, Milo.”
“Whoa, dude.” Jason put his hands on Colton’s shoulders and massaged. “Back off, she has a brother.”
“Yeah,” I repeated. “I have a brother. Last time I checked you weren’t family.” I hadn’t meant for it to sound like a barb, but it was still hard not to feel upset over his rejection from four years ago. Even now I still felt rejected, and he hadn’t even done anything except remind me that I was the little sister. It was like a bad movie on replay.
“Believe me . . .” Colton’s green eyes held mine. “I know.”
“You’re here!” my mom shouted from the door, waving the spatula in her hand. Her black hair was piled high on her head in a bun. Pearls adorned her ears and she wore a trendy apron that had a picture of a red stiletto heel.
“That I am.” I smiled and walked into her embrace. She smelled of Oscar de La Renta perfume, my favorite scent next to Colton’s. Which was just sad when I thought about it.
“How was the drive?” She draped her arm around my shoulder. “Boys, get Milo’s stuff, will ya?”
“Sure, Mom!” Jason and Colton disappeared as Mom led me into the house.
“The drive was good.” The smell of turkey dinner filled the room, and my stomach growled in anticipation. “I made it in record time.”
Mom released me and walked over to the stove. “I still don’t know why you don’t just take the train, it’s so much easier.”
Shrugging, I answered, “I like to drive.” And I did, but I also liked to have my own car and freedom whenever I came back to New Haven. Especially this time. Being stuck with Colton all weekend was sure to make me crazy. I couldn’t even speak complete sentences around the guy, let alone be his date for the weekend wedding.
“Everything ready?” Dad bounded into the room and kissed my mom on the cheek before smacking her butt. “Oh, Milo, didn’t see ya.” He winked.
“Rogue, yes you did.” I jumped into his arms and kissed his cheek. “I missed you.”
“Missed you too, squirt.”
My eyes narrowed into slits.
“Oh, come on,” Jason said from the door. “You still think if you eat enough spinach you’ll gain another few inches.”
I ignored him and grabbed a stick of celery. “Couldn’t hurt.”
“You’re not short.” Colton snagged the celery out of my hand and stuck it between his teeth and wiggled it up and down like a fat green stick.
I reached across and snatched it back, taking a huge bite. So attractive, I know.
“You’re just . . .” He tilted his head and eyed me up and down. The celery went dry in my mouth. “Perfect.”
“Suck-up,” Jason cough-spoke. “You’re just saying that because you don’t want her to stab you in your sleep this weekend.”
Colton chuckled. “Got me there. No way am I going to escape this wedding unscathed, not with that one on the loose.” He pointed at me, and my stomach sank.
I liked being one of them. Loved being included, which I always was. But I was grown. I was finally twenty-one and graduating college. I didn’t want to be the kid sister who played basketball with the boys and refused to wear dresses.
I wanted to be a girl, and Colton had never seen me that way.
I swear he cried the day I hit puberty.
It was like he was more affected than I was that I was turning into a girl instead of a boy.
So started the first day of the rest of my life. Colton and Jason were two years older than me. In high school the girls wanted to date either Jason or Colton, which meant everyone wanted to be my friend.
My locker had more love notes in it than homework and books. I was always a good sport, passing on the notes and laughing when the guys read them.
I would have never lived it down had they known that every night in my diary I wrote my own love note to Colton. Though mine didn’t suck; mine were awesome. Not that he would ever see them. Ever. Crap. I need to go burn that book. In the unlikely case that I died this weekend, the last thing I wanted was for them to read it at my funeral.