The dude was a freaking punching bag.
Once it fell from his eyeball, it landed on the table and popped, sending sticky liquid all over.
Jayne screamed.
The bridesmaids screamed.
Mrs. Caro started to cry.
And Reid was turning blue.
“Let him go!” I was leaning across the table and candles to pry Grandma off him when Max started hitting me across the ass.
“What the hell?”
“You’re on fire!” Cold water followed the beating; my hands were still latched on to Grandma’s shoulders. I lost my grip and grabbed whatever else I could find.
Which just so happened to be her wig.
Good ol’ Grandma was bald.
Screaming, I tossed the wig into the air.
It landed on Max’s head.
“HOLY SHIT, A CAT!” Max froze, like totally froze in place. “Milo, get it off, get it off, Milo, I’m allergic. Milo, get the damn cat off my head!”
“QUIET!” someone shouted.
Grandma finally released her grip, and fell backward across Max’s lap. The wig slid off his head onto her face.
May she rest in peace.
I made a crossing motion with my hand.
Reid had tears in his eyes.
Without saying anything I grabbed the champagne from Max’s grip and handed it over.
“JUST STOP IT!” Jayne wailed. “I hate you! I hate all of you!”
With a huff she ran off and burst into tears.
There really wasn’t anything left to do except lift my glass into the air and say, “Cheers.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
MILO
“So.” Max leaned across the sticky champagne table, his eyes locked on Jenna. “That’s a pretty dress.”
He was kidding, right?
Grandma moaned in his lap.
Jayne had just run out of the room sobbing.
My mom was crying softly into my dad’s shoulder while Dad sipped champagne straight from the bottle.
The bridesmaids had gone after Jayne.
And Jason had a piece of meat pressed against his swollen eye. On the brighter side of things, at least he wouldn’t have to make eye contact with Jayne when he said his vows.
“Um, thank you.” Jenna blushed. Interesting, I didn’t know whores were still able to blush after the things they’d seen.
Grandma moaned again in Max’s lap. He patted her head and continued his conversation with Jenna. “I just love yoga.”
“Great.” Jenna’s eyes locked on Max’s lap. “Um, I think she’s stirring.”
Reid flinched in his seat, his eyes locking on Grandma’s body. Maybe he thought if he stared hard enough she’d just stay that way?
“Up you go!” Max helped Grandma to her feet. “There you are, right as rain.”
“Oh, dear.” Grandma shook her bald head as Max handed her the wig. “What a rush!” She turned to face a pale Reid. “And you, my dear, the things you do with that tongue of yours—divine. I’m in the last guest bedroom at the end of the hall if you get bored.”
With that she grabbed a glass of champagne and sauntered off.
Reid went from pale to purple.
“Shit, he’s going into shock,” Colton murmured. “Quick, someone do something! He’s not breathing.”
“Committing suicide.” Max exhaled and closed his eyes like he was in pain. “By holding his breath. Brave little tyke, well, we had a good run, Brother.” Max slapped him on the back. “A good run.”
Reid shrugged, still holding his breath.
“Dude!” Colton yelled, then ran around the table and slapped Reid across the face.
Max whistled loudly and burst out laughing. “I think this is my favorite weekend ever.”
Reid cursed and started breathing again, though I was pretty sure he was still going to be scarred for life.
“Get it together, man!” Max followed up Colton’s slap with one of his own. “Forget Grandma—you have a bride to seduce.”
“I don’t know,” Reid croaked, licking his lips. “Holy shit.”
“What?” I leaned forward and placed my hand on his muscular thigh.
“I’ll never wear ChapStick again, my lips taste like ChapStick.”
“Huh?” I asked.
Reid held my gaze, his lower lip trembling. “I wasn’t wearing ChapStick.”
“Oh,” we all said in unison.
The scraping of a chair being pushed out gathered all our attention as Jason slowly moved from his end of the table to ours, the meat still held against his eye.
Without words, because really what could the guy say—“Sorry my grandma took advantage of your man parts?”—he reached into his jacket and pulled out a flask.
Reid took it.
And drained the thing.
“Better?” Jason asked.
“Sure.” Reid’s voice was hoarse. “I may never be able to perform sexually again without Viagra and a prayer, but sure, I’m ready.”
“Go get ’em.” Jason nodded.
“You can do it.” Max seemed totally confident. “Just walk up to Jayne and let her believe you want in her pants, do that sexy look you do, and all will be well.”
Reid tilted his head to the side, still not talking.
“Bro, show me the look, show me you’re ready.”
With a grimace Reid stood. “Can’t, man. I may only have one look left in me and I’m not wasting it on my brother.”