I moved to stand behind Colt so nobody would see my nakedness and asked in a shy voice, “Is Reid okay?”
“Sure.” Max nodded. “We left him with Grandma.”
“What?” Jason roared. “You said you took care of him!”
“I did!” Max lifted his hands into the air. “It’s not like I left him defenseless. He has Milo’s pink Taser.”
“Oh.” Jason nodded. “Good idea.”
“Guys!” Colt cursed. “Just give us a minute, okay? We’re naked, turn around or something and we’ll get out of the pool and sneak back into the house.”
Max turned around. “Not my fault you’re still naked, had you paid attention to my diagrams you would have already been in—”
“Max!” I yelled.
“Just saying. He would have been a lot further. Feel me?” He put his hand over Jason’s one eye. “All right, guys, do your thing, get some clothes on, you can screw all you want later.”
“I’m not deaf,” Jason grumbled. “A person can’t un-hear things.”
“Screw, screw, screw, screw, screw,” Max said in a singsong voice. “If you say it over and over again it’s not as traumatizing. You try it.”
“Hell, hell, hell, hell, hell . . .” Jason shook his head. “Nope, I still don’t feel better.”
With a grunt Max fell over.
“What just happened?” Colt asked while he grabbed his shirt and put it over my naked body.
“Jason punched me,” Max groaned.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
COLTON
I was seriously contemplating homicide.
I could practically feel my hands around Max’s neck. Rat cock-blocking bastard! Jason was legally blind by this point so he couldn’t have found his way down the street, let alone through the neighbors’ backyards in search of us.
Poor kid.
But Max?
Yeah. We’d have words later.
“Colt, I look terrible! My mom’s going to freak out!” Milo fastened the last button of the white shirt and put her hands on her hips, making the shirt ride up. Yeah, that was a vision I could live with for a while.
Until Max ruined it by coming up behind her and whistling.
The dude wanted to die.
“Stop staring,” I snapped.
“Whoa.” Max lifted his hands into the air. “Grouch much? You need to get laid.”
I lunged for him, but Milo blocked my way.
Max grinned and blew me a kiss.
“Son of a bitch!” I fought against my wife. “Let me at him!”
“For shame!” Max scolded. “You need to save your energy for later. Don’t you think?”
“I wouldn’t have to save my energy if you wouldn’t have peeping-Tommed us!”
“That’s not actually the right way to use that phrase,” Max said in a haughty tone. “Geez, it’s not like I brought binoculars and put a tracking device on Milo.”
“Can we have this discussion elsewhere?” Jason piped up. “You guys need to get back to the house, we need to save Reid, and it’s totally possible I forgot about Jenna.”
“Technically, Jenna’s Colton’s responsibility.” Max gave me another smug grin. “So many women, so little time, am I right, my man? High five.” He held up his hand. I briefly contemplated snapping it in half, then rolled my eyes.
“Oh. My. Hell.” Jason shook his head. “Is that—” He swallowed and started backing away.
“What?” I looked where he was pointing as a giant-ass raccoon started lumbering its way across the concrete.
“How did you even see that, Cyclops?” Max whispered.
“I think I’ve finally finished my mutation.” Jason backed away. “Pretty soon Professor X is going to come searching for me and I’m going to go to a better place, away from evil people like my sister who like to inflict pain on mankind.”
“Take a hit like a man.” Milo gripped my hand. “Be the man, Jason.”
“Shh.” Max put his hands up for silence. “No sudden movements. Raccoons can smell fear.”
“No they can’t,” I argued.
“They can!” Max’s voice sounded desperate. “I saw it on the Discovery Channel.”
“You watched a show on raccoons?” I asked. “By choice?”
“I like animals, okay!” Max said. “Sue me.”
“Guys!” Milo gripped my hand tighter. “We can go out right here, come on.”
We moved slowly toward the other side of the yard and opened the gate. The hinges creaked.
“No fear!” Max shouted just as the raccoon started charging us. “Every man for himself!” Max ran past me and Milo.
Jason followed, but because his depth perception was off he hit the actual fence instead of the gate. I grabbed him right before he fell into the raccoon’s clutches.
“Git!” I yelled at the furry creature. It backed away and sauntered off.
“Holy shit, you’re the One!” Max started clapping. “We’ve been searching for you for decades! Finally, the One! The raccoon whisperer.” He bowed. “I’m not worthy.”
“Shut up.” I pushed Jason into Max and grabbed Milo.
“Are you wearing a Star Wars shirt?” she asked once we were safely out of earshot of Jason and Max, who were arguing over The Matrix movie facts.