Dad’s eyes narrowed. “Very funny.”
I sighed. “I sure thought so.”
“Great to see you’ve got your sense of humor back,” he grumbled then placed his hand over his chest. “I thought I was going to have a heart attack.”
“I keep you young.” I pointed my finger in his face and laughed again.
And that’s when my dad burst into tears.
“Dad!” I reached for him, but he stepped away from me and wiped his eyes. “I’ve been so damn worried about you, Alyssa.”
I sighed and reached for my dad’s hand. He took my hand then and pulled me into a hug. “I love you. I’ve just worried that…”
“Dad, I’m not going to kill myself.” My face was pressed against his chest so hard that my voice was muffled.
He exhaled a long, slow breath. I stepped back. “I know.”
He held my hands in his. “But you aren’t the same person you were a few years back. You used to smile.”
“I smile,” I said defensively.
“You rarely smile,” Dad pointed out. “You work longer hours than mom and I, and you don’t have any friends.”
Why did people keep reminding me I didn’t have friends? I nodded solemnly and shrugged. “I have Demetri now.”
“Do you think it’s smart to have only one friend who’s a boy? What about girls? Don’t girls need that sort of thing?”
“I have Mom.”
Dad rolled his eyes. “Family doesn’t count.”
“I met Nat Murray yesterday. She’s pretty cool. And I met Holly at group therapy. Maybe we can all hang out sometime.” I gave him a firm nod and then punched him in the shoulder. “Cheer up, Dad. I’m going to be fine.”
I walked slowly up the stairs to my dad saying “I can’t lose you again” under his breath.
The thing was, I didn’t want to get lost again either. I wanted to remember today, remember how it felt to be in Demetri’s arms. To tell him all my secrets and have him give it to me straight.
I should have been mad at him, but he was so brutally honest with me. More honest than anyone, Mrs. Murray included, had been about my situation. He called me selfish. ME! The girl who watched her boyfriend die as she tried to save his life.
I never thought of my grief as being selfish. In my own little world it was like this little trophy I kept in honor of Brady, in honor of his accomplishments and everything he was to me. It never once occurred to me that by holding on to him, I was selfishly holding onto my past and refusing to move on.
When I walked into my room, it hit me — a wave of reality.
My eyes scanned the area. The Justin Bieber poster was still on my door, Brady’s sweatshirt was on the floor. My pom-poms sat untouched in the corner, pictures of Brady and me littered one side of the room, and yearbooks sat at the foot of my bed.
My room was like a tomb, a memorial.
No wonder I hadn’t been able to let go.
I looked at my cell. I only had about an hour before work. It wasn’t much, but it was enough time to at least start what I should have done years ago.
Heal.
Chapter Twenty-two
Demetri
I sang as I walked back to my house. I’m not even ashamed to admit it. Sure, I got a few weird looks, but I didn’t care. Hell, they were getting a free concert as far as I was concerned. I mean, I know I hadn’t sung in front of people in a while, the taffy corner didn’t count, but I was still a rock star, right?
I did a little dance move as I jogged up to my door and belted out the last part of the song before spinning around in a circle.
The door opened wide, revealing a very stoic looking Bob.
“You high?”
“On life.” I nodded and lifted my hand for a high five.
Bob shook his head and shoved past me. “I’m going to run to the store. Think you can stay out of trouble for a few hours?”
I nodded. “My virtue will stay intact, this I swear. If any women scream and throw their bras at me, I promise to keep my pants on. If they touch me, I’ll scream rape.”
“Can’t rape the willing…” Bob smirked. “But I wasn’t talking about the women. Clearly you’ve been seeing Miss Alyssa again, if that giant smile is any indicator. I was talking about, you know… the stuff that came today.”
“Stuff? As in, presents? Clothes? Food? What stuff?”
The vein in Bob’s head twitched. “You don’t know? Haven’t you checked any of your messages on your cell?”
“No.” To be honest I forgot all about my cell. I reached into my back pocket and pulled it out. “Shit. How do I have thirty missed calls?”
“Yes, well, if you don’t mind stepping out of the clouds for a minute, I’ll explain.” Bob was the best security you could ask for, almost like a real human, if you ignored the fact that he looked like a really pissed off Navy Seal.
“Shoot.” I crossed my arms.
“Short version.” Bob cleared his throat. “You’re everywhere.”
“Dude, I’m famous, kind of goes with the territory.”
“No, you misunderstand me, you’re everywhere.”
“Care to explain?” My phone buzzed in my hand again. It was Alec. “Hold on. What’s up, bro?”
“Finally!” he yelled, and then whispered. “I got ahold of him.”
“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?”