Her eyes raked me over like she was imagining me without clothes. I loved it so much that I almost stripped for her right there. Her eyes were dilated, hair mussed, she was so aroused she couldn’t think straight — which meant I had to be the voice of reason. Oh joy.
“I know what you’re thinking,” I said. Maybe if I talked I wouldn’t be thinking about letting her unbutton my jeans.
“No, you don’t.”
“But I do.” I kissed her lips, softly tugging on the bottom one, then biting down causing pain I knew she’d find pleasurable. “You think it would be worth it, but I promise you, that’s not the case.”
“Why?”
“Because you don’t know what kind of guy I am.” And things just got serious.
“But I do!” she whined.
I couldn’t look at her, if I looked at her she’d see the guilt, the pain, she’d see it all. “Nat, you don’t.”
“Then tell me, and let me make my choice.”
“What if by telling you, I lose you?”
“Do you really think I’m that kind of person?”
“Yes and no.” I wrapped my hands around her head. I was done talking. I pressed my mouth against hers, deepening the kiss, my tongue swirled around hers mimicking what I would do if I could… what I would do if I was free.
She pressed a palm flat against my chest and then the fight, the fun cat and mouse game we’d had going? Totally left her. It was as if she was me letting in despite my warnings. It was something my soul needed, something my body craved. With a growl I lifted her into the air so that I could press myself against her, so I could do what I’d been wanting to do for weeks. It was one of those moments that if she reached for me again. I’d let her. I wouldn’t stop her. Because I’d told her I was bad news — and she still wanted to kiss me. My hands moved beneath her shirt.
I would have pressed her further.
But I didn’t have the chance. Because Demetri chose that exact moment to come home.
He tapped my shoulder.
I turned around and swore. Out of anger and disappointment in myself I said, “Second again, brother. Don’t you have a little starlet to go screw?”
Nat’s hand hit my cheek so hard my teeth hurt.
Tears streamed down Nat’s face as I held her against the couch. She couldn’t leave, I didn’t mean it; she had to know. What the hell was wrong with me!
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Demetri
“I CAME HOME early to see Nat.” My first lie.
Tears streamed down that gorgeous girl’s face. I was the cause of them, me and my ass hole of a brother.
Alec and I stared at one another. Neither of us willing to say anything. I liked watching Alec struggle, but only as much as I liked stabbing myself in the foot, after all we were brothers, no matter what, when he hurt I hurt.
“I lost my phone,” I said glancing at Nat. “Some Hollywood starlet was irritated that a nobody was texting me.” The second lie fell easier from my lips. I hadn’t lost my phone. Nor was it broken. It was in my damn back pocket where it had been for the past week, receiving her texts but not sending any out.
I was stuck.
In limbo.
I felt like Nat was a lifeline — but the type of lifeline that if I took her, if I allowed her to help me, I would never really escape the drowning — just prolong the inevitable. That didn’t make letting my brother have her any easier.
I shouldn’t have lied, but I hated seeing her sad.
I didn’t want her to think I was ignoring her… I didn’t want her to know how weak I was, that I was so freaking weak that I did nothing but scroll through those text messages until I fell asleep with my phone in my hands.
They kept me from taking more drugs when I wanted them. They kept me from jumping from that hotel building. They kept me from sleeping with random chicks. But it couldn’t always be Nat. It couldn’t always be Alec.
Damn. I was just — lost and making everything worse.
With a cry Nat beat her hands against Alec’s chest, shoving him against the wall and then ran out of the house. He cursed and chased after her.
The screen door slammed behind him.
I went over to the window and looked out. His hands were flying all over the place, Nat pushed him again, and then she cried harder.
Every part of my body screamed for me to go after both of them, to apologize until my voice was hoarse.
But… I was Demetri Daniels. Action was never my thing… no I hid. I took drugs and I hid. So when Alec reached over and cupped her face —
I slipped a pill in my mouth, crushing it between my teeth and letting the bitterness of it cleanse me.
They’d figure it out.
He’d tell her the truth.
And she’d tell us to go to hell.
I sat on the couch and turned on the TV. Alec’s footsteps neared behind me, and then something smacked me in the head.
“What the hell?” I jumped to my feet. “Did you just hit me?”
“Yes!” Alec roared. “You cheated then you lied about it, you deserve to be strangled!”
“I didn’t cheat,” I grumbled, “It was for the cameras, you know as much as I do what the media does.”
Alec relaxed a bit. “And your phone?”
I pulled it out. “Surprise.”
He was quiet for a few minutes then said, “I just don’t get you. Why make it so hard on yourself? You do realize you’re your own worst enemy right? You could be with the girl you love, kissing her, holding her hand, but instead you let her believe the worst? Why, Demetri? Why?”