But on the heels of that guilt came a seductive voice that spoke to me of circumstances. I’d been so defined by the circumstances of my life—by my mother’s disappearance, by my father’s illness, by Jason’s death.
Do you really know what you want? the voice whispered, ingratiating itself over the guilt.
I was deeply disturbed by that voice. I knew that the things that had happened to me were pretty extreme. I certainly resented how those things had impinged on my day-to-day existence. I hated how everybody disparaged my mother, how everybody thought I was crazy, and how we stayed in Rockabill despite everything. But I never doubted myself. I’d always felt I knew who I was and what I wanted, even if I knew that having those things meant I had to take shit from the likes of Linda and Stuart. Even discovering I was part seal hadn’t really rocked my boat much.
But clasped in Ryu’s arms, I began to question whether or not I had any clue about the things I’d taken for granted regarding myself, my life, and my motivations.
Maybe you just never knew what was really out there, available to you, the cunning voice whispered.
Be quiet! I thought, pushing the voice out of my head with an almost physical effort.
Helping me to silence the voice was Ryu, who seemed entirely unaware of my internal turmoil. He was busy exploring the exact parameters of my gown, running his hand up my bare leg where he had access through the nightgown’s generous slit, then running his hand back down my other leg, over the soft fabric. Even if you don’t know what you want, I observed, he certainly does.
And I want what he’s having, my libido demanded, petulantly.
Stilling my chorus of inner voices, I raised my face to his lips. His kisses were deceptively gentle despite his flagrant desire.
I deepened my own kisses, letting him know I was as ready as he was. He adjusted his arm so that he could lift me up, single-handedly, using his preternatural strength to keep his other hand free. Not that it hadn’t found something to keep itself occupied, to which my almost incessant moaning attested.
Ryu set me down on my knees on the ottoman, facing the bed. Standing behind me, he very slowly pulled my red nightgown over my head. He ran his hands down my arms, his lips suckling my ear lobe, to place my palms on the edge of the mattress. The air shivered about me as I waited, hearing him from behind me as he shed his own clothing. He took his time.
I heard rustling, and then a condom was floating in front of my face. I smiled, and nodded. Right on cue came Ryu’s martyred sigh, but I heard him rip open the package.
When he was finished, he ran his hands down my body, from neck to knee, stopping gently to knead, then kiss, each round cheek of my bottom in its turn. Then I felt his body press against mine as he knelt behind me on the ottoman, wrapping his arms around me, his hands again finding my breasts.
I sighed, pressing back against him, his lips locked on the nape of my neck. He was breathing heavily and I could feel him, hard and insistent, pushing between my legs. He let go of my breasts to press one hand against my stomach, drawing my hips nearer to his, while the fingers of his other hand slipped inside of me. I hissed with pleasure as he stroked me relentlessly; he wasn’t playing around anymore. Just before I came, he paused, withdrawing his hand to pull my upper body around so that my neck was exposed. Then his fingers were back where they belonged and, as my orgasm thundered through me, I felt the sharp prick of his fangs. The pleasure was so intense that everything went black for a split second. When I swam back to full consciousness, Ryu had pushed into me from behind, stoking the fires of my passion for a second time.
Hours later, when we finally called it quits, we were both too tired for one last bath. More’s the pity, that.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Is that it?” I asked, incredulously, staring up at the gigantic, but otherwise utterly banal, McMansion.
We’d left the hotel midafternoon that day and driven the few hours north to where the Alfar Compound was located. It was out in the middle of nowhere—we’d driven for about forty-five minutes without seeing a single sign of inhuman habitation before I caught my first glimpse of a very high privacy fence topped with both barbed wire and spikes. After what felt like an insanely long drive around the intimidating barrier, we’d finally pulled up to a heavy-duty security gate. Ryu had talked briefly into a camera, and the gates had creaked open. There was a long winding drive through heavily forested grounds before we pulled up in front of this: a house that, except for its gargantuan scale, could have been located in any recent suburban development.
Ryu looked at me like I was crazy, and then barked out his funny laugh.
“Oops,” he said. “I forgot,” as he passed a hand in front of my eyes, muttering something under his breath.
My vision wobbled and I blinked. For a terrifying few seconds my eyes simply wouldn’t focus, but when my sight finally cleared, everything had changed.
In place of the McMansion stood a construction that looked like the product of a creative collaboration between Walt Disney, Tolkien, and M.C. Escher. The overwhelming effect of the building in front of me was one of size: It was both sprawling and very tall. But there was also something unreal about it—something about the angles, or the proportions, or how everything fit together that defied logic.
I shook my head, trying to focus on the details of the building. It consisted of dozens of variously sized towers that were connected by either large halls or open-air walkways. Overall, it was built of soft gray stone, although quite a few of the towers appeared pink in the midafternoon sun. The various roofs were, for the most part, the greenish bronze of aged copper or made up of clear panes of glass. But there were individual towers or halls that appeared to be slated or thatched. And there was one squat but very tall tower that looked like it was woven together of trees. Steep stone stairs led up to the main entrance, which was fronted by a formidable looking pair of oak and iron doors.
I took a deep breath, feeling my brain quite literally adjusting to the vision in front of me. I think it’s giving me a headache, I thought, but it is beautiful.
“There’s a perpetual glamour on the Compound,” Ryu explained. “Because you are so untrained, and it’s so powerful, you were affected. But from now on you’ll see everything truly.”
I had a feeling he was being optimistic, but I managed to smile at him nonetheless. I was extremely nervous, and my feet were already killing me. I was wearing the black trousers outfit Iris had picked for me—high heels, boobie belt, and all. I’d been practicing walking in the heels around the hotel, while Ryu slept, and I didn’t think I was in danger of spontaneously tipping over anymore. But neither was I traipsing about like Sarah Jessica Parker.
Perhaps I will never learn to traipse, I’d decided.
“How can this exist out here?” I asked, trying to take in the sheer scale of the sight before me. “How did they build it without anybody noticing?”
Ryu laughed again, putting an arm around my waist. “This Compound has been here since before humans came to exist on earth, let alone in Canada,” he explained. “Through human migrations, invasions, wars, and even urban sprawl it has endured, safe behind its walls. Not even Starbucks has been able to find it.”
Ryu smiled at me encouragingly and took my elbow to lead me up the stairs but I resisted. Before I went in, I needed to know something that had been lurking in the back of my mind since I’d first been chased by Anyan into my cove and found out the truth about my heritage.
“My mother?” I asked, my voice raw even to my own ears as I finally articulated the question that had been burning me up since Ryu had decided on this trip. “Will I see her?”
Ryu paused, turning to face me. He brushed my bangs away from my eyes with gentle fingers.
“The chances are slim,” he admitted, unsure of how I would react. “Selkies are not normally a part of Court life. Their world is the sea. We land lubbers only confuse them.”
My eyes closed as he said those words. If I was honest with myself, I didn’t know if I felt relief or sadness. Part of me would give anything to see my mother again, and meeting Nell, Anyan, and Ryu—and learning the truth about myself—had made it seem like that might just be a possibility. But another part of me was still so angry with her—an anger I tried to deny, but was present nonetheless.
Ryu, bless him, merely waited quietly while I recovered myself. Opening my eyes, I tried to force a smile that wouldn’t come.
“Well, I guess she couldn’t have known I was going to be here,” I said, a bitter edge to my voice. “After all, she’s apparently been in bad reception areas for the past twenty years.”
Ryu pulled me toward him in a long hug, a gesture that found me suddenly fighting back tears. We stood like that for a good few minutes before his voice rumbled through his chest into my ear.
“Jane, I know your mother’s leaving was incredibly difficult for you. And I know that nothing I say will change that. But the thing about selkies is that they need the sea as humans need sunlight.” He pulled back slightly, lifting my chin so I’d meet his eyes. “A mere six years of having your mother with you was nowhere near enough time,” he continued, choosing his words with care. “But for her to have lived six years outside of the ocean must have been a tremendous strain. I know that can’t make your pain go away, or make her loss easier.” I’d never seen Ryu struggle for words, but he was struggling now. He shook his head, as if giving up. “But she must have loved you and your father very much to have survived on land for that long, even with the sea right there. I want you to know that,” he finished awkwardly, waiting for my reply. I leaned my forehead against his chest, letting his strength support me for a minute while I digested what he’d said. Then I reached up to kiss the tender little indentation where his clavicles met, and I put my arm through his. Galvanized by his words, I was as ready as I’d ever be.