“No! Please God, no,” Claire says as she puts her hand up to stop Drew from going any further. “Hurry up and make a f**king toast before I puke on this table.”
We all raise our arms in the air and Drew clears his throat.
“To naked chicks on poles and putting our poles into naked chicks!”
Claire and Liz let out disgusted sounds before we all do our shots.
We immediately follow them up with the Irish Car bombs and then order two more rounds of car bombs right after since everyone loves them.
Fifteen minutes later we are all beyond buzzed and Claire and Liz are finally enjoying their environment.
“Oooooh, she’s pretty. I wonder if her boobs are real,” Claire says, pointing to a blonde that just got off of the stage. “Excuse me, can I touch your boobs?”
Carter clutches on to the front of Drew’s t-shirt and stares as Claire calls the blonde stripper over, and she immediately agrees to let Claire touch her boobs.
“If this is a dream, never, ever wake me up,” Carter mumbles as he watches wide eyed while Claire cups the girl’s boobs.
“Welcome to the dark side, my friend,” Drew says, clapping him on the back.
Liz suddenly gets up from her chair, walks around the table, and straddles my lap, resting her elbows on my shoulders and pushing her boobs into my face.
“I’m really drunk,” Liz tells me.
“I know, honey,” I reply with a laugh as I wrap my arms around her and pat her back.
“I think I should give you a lap dance,” she says as if she’s discussing painting her nails.
“Yes, yes you should. What a super idea!” Jim says, pulling his chair around the table and sitting right next to us.
“Okay. I’m gonna do it. Don’t ask me to have sex with you though, Jenny. Even though this is gonna be awesome, I like penis,” Liz informs me.
“I will try to remain myself,” I tell her as she gets up from my lap, pushes my knees apart, and turns around.
“It’s refry. You will try to refry yourself from sexing me,” Liz says over her shoulder.
I smack her ass as hard as I can. “Shut your mouth and dance for me, bitch!”
Liz immediately starts moving her hips and lowers her ass to my lap, moving with the music. Even though I’m drunk, she’s REALLY drunk and unsteady on her feet. When she starts moving faster, she begins to tip over to one side. I quickly reach up and grab onto her hips to steady her and bring her back down to my lap so she doesn’t fall on her face.
“This is the best day ever,” Jim says dreamily from his chair as he watches us with his chin in his hands and his elbows on the table.
Liz puts her legs on either side of mine and bends completely forward until her head is almost touching the floor and continues to move her hips.
It’s a bit strange since her legs are slightly bent and she kind of looks like a female dog backing into a male dog to mate. Her ass keeps bumping into my stomach, and it’s really hard not to laugh.
“This is starting to get awkward and not hot,” Jim says as Liz sits back up and starts Voguing to the music, her arms flying in every direction, forcing Drew to jerk backwards in his chair so he doesn’t get smacked in the face.
The Vogue turns into the Y.M.C.A. and at this point, Liz has forgotten about the lower half of her body and is just sitting on my lap leaning against my chest, continuing to form the letters with her arms.
“Lap dancing is exhausting,” Liz says with a sigh.
“It’s also no longer a turn on,” Jim mutters.
“Wow, that girl was so nice!” Claire says as she turns back around to face our table. “Her name is Aubrey and she just graduated from college with a major in journalism. She bought her first house all by herself last week and her boobs are totally real and she gave me a recipe for her grandmother’s famous sugar cookies.”
Carter shakes his head and sighs. “You have just ruined the magic of strip clubs.”
“What are you talking about? I totally touched her boobs!” Claire argues.
“Let me explain how this works here, Claire,” Drew explains. “That girl right there who you just fondled, we already imagined that her name was Star and she was just working here part time to save enough money to go to another country to learn how to be a bendy contortionist. At night, she goes home to her one bedroom apartment that she shares with two other equally hot girls, and before they go to bed each night, they have naked pillow fights. Now, that illusion is ruined. She’s not hot anymore. She’s a smart chick who knows how to read and write. Where’s the fun in that?”
Liz is still on my lap, and I tap her shoulder to get her to move because my legs are starting to fall asleep.
“Hey, Liz. Get up, I need to pee,” I tell her.
“Um, I think she’s asleep,” Carter says.
Right then, her head falls back onto my shoulder, and I can hear her lightly snoring.
“Well, I guess that’s it for us,” Jim says, scooping Liz up in his arms. “You guys coming? I’m going to go outside and call a cab.”
Carter grabs Claire’s hand and helps her up from the table and they all turn and look at me and Drew.
“Yeah, we’re right behind you,” Drew tells them as he starts to get up.
I know for a fact he doesn’t want to leave right now. We’ve never left the strip club this early. He’s only doing it for me because he assumes I’m going to want to leave and go home to bed, which I would have absolutely done a week ago. But now? He has reminded me this week about all of the reasons I fell in love with him. I don’t know how he finally figured out what I needed from him, but he did. And he doesn’t hesitate to do all of those things. There is no way I can just NOT do something for him that I know he needs.