Zoey
"Z? Are you still there? Are you okay? Say somethin'."
The worry in Stevie Rae's voice made me wipe the snot and tears from my face with the sleeve of my shirt and kinda sorta pull myself together. "I'm here. N-not okay, though," I said with a little hiccup.
"I know, I know. It's terrible."
"And there's no chance of a mistake? Jack's really dead?" I knew in my heart it was ridiculous to cross my fingers and close my eyes when I asked, but I had to give it one silly little-girl try. Please, please don't let it be true ...
"He's really dead," Stevie Rae said through her own tears. "There's no mistake, Z."
"It's so hard to believe, and it's just not fair!" It felt good to get mad, better than breaking down in completely useless snot and tears. "Jack was the sweetest guy in the world. He didn't deserve what happened to him."
"No," Stevie Rae said in a shaky voice. "He didn't deserve it. I-I wanna believe Nyx has him and is takin' care of him real good. You've been there--to the Otherworld, I mean. Is it true that it's wonderful there?"
Her question tugged at my heart. "I know we've never talked about it, but didn't you go there, before, you know, when you--"
"No!" she said as if she wanted to cut off my words. "I don't remember much from that time, but I do know I wasn't anywhere nice. And I didn't see Nyx."
The words came to me as I began to speak and I knew in my soul that Nyx was talking through me. "Stevie Rae, when you died Nyx was with you. You're her daughter. You have to remember that always. I don't know why you and the other kids died and undied, but I can tell you that I am one hundred percent sure Nyx never abandoned you. You just took a different path than Jack. He is in the Otherworld with the Goddess, and he's happier than he's ever been in his life. It's hard for those of us back here to understand, but I saw it with Heath. For whatever reason, it was Heath's time to die this go-round, and he belonged there, with Nyx. Just like Jack belongs there, too, now. I know in my heart that they are both completely at peace."
"Promise?"
"Absolutely. We have to be strong for each other back here, though, and believe we'll see them again someday."
"If you say it, then I'll believe it, Z," she said, her voice sounding better. "You really need to come home. It's not just me who needs to hear your High Priestess everything's-gonna-be-okay speech."
"Damien's pretty bad, huh?"
"Yeah, I'm worried 'bout him, and the Twins, and the rest of the kids. Heck, Z, I'm even worried 'bout Dragon. It's like the whole world is drownin' in sadness."
I didn't know what to say. No, that's not true. I did know what I wanted to say: I wanted to shriek, If the whole world's drowning in sadness why do I want to come back to it? But I knew that was weak and wrong on many different levels. So instead I said, kinda lamely, "We'll make it through this. We really will."
"Yeah, we will!" she said firmly. "Okay, look, together you and me, we gotta be able to figure out a way to expose Neferet's evil to the High Council once and for all."
"I still can't believe they bought that load of bullpoopie she shoveled at them," I said.
"Me neither. I guess it basically came down to a High Priestess's word against a dead human kid. Heath lost."
"Neferet isn't a High Priestess anymore! Jeesh, it pisses me off! And now it's not just Heath, but Jack. She's going to pay for what she did, Stevie Rae. I'm gonna make sure she does."
"She's gotta be stopped." "Yeah, she does." I knew we were right--that we had to fight to get Neferet out of power, but just the thought overwhelmed me. Even I heard the exhaustion in my voice. I was tired all the way down to my soul, truly sick and tired of fighting against Neferet's evil. It seemed like for every one step forward I won I was somehow, eventually, no matter what, knocked two steps back.
"Hey, you're not in this alone."
"Thanks, Stevie Rae. I know I'm not. And anyway, this really isn't about me. It's really about doing what's right for Heath and Jack and Anastasia and whoever else Neferet and her evil horde decide to mow down next."
"Yeah, you can say that, but evil has taken a pretty dang big toll on you lately."
"That's true, but I'm still standing. A bunch of other folks aren't." I wiped my face with my sleeve again, wishing I had a Kleenex. "Speaking of evil and death and whatnot: have you seen Kalona? No way did Neferet really have him whipped and banished. He's gotta be all into everything with her. That means if she's in Tulsa, he's in Tulsa."
"Well, rumor has it she really did have him whipped," Stevie Rae said.
I snorted. "That figures. He's supposed to be her Consort, so she has him beaten. Wow. I kinda knew he liked pain, but even I'm surprised that he agreed to that."
"Well, uh, rumor has it he didn't exactly agree to it."
"Oh, please. Neferet is scary, but she can't order around an immortal."
"Looks like she can order around this one. She has some kinda hold over him because he failed in his, uh, dastardly mission to annihilate you."
I could hear the humor that Stevie Rae was trying to add to her voice and I attempted a little laugh for her benefit, but I think both of us knew the funny didn't begin to overcome the horrible. "Well, ya know, being bossed around by Neferet is something Kalona isn't gonna like, and it's about time he got a big old dose of not liking something," I said.
"I hear you. I think Kalona's probably here somewhere lurkin' around all in her nasty shadow, and by that I mean her crotch," said Stevie Rae.
"Eeeew!" That did make me laugh, and Stevie Rae's giggle joined mine. For a moment we were BFFs again, being cracked up by the proliferation of skank in our world. Sadly, too soon the less amusing parts of our world intruded and our laughter dried up way faster than it used to. I sighed and said, "So, during all this rumor listening and stuff you didn't actually happen to see Kalona, did you?"
"Nope, but I'm keepin' my eyes open."
"Good, 'cause catching that jerk with Neferet after she's told the High Council she's banished him for a hundred years would definitely be a step toward proving she's not what everyone thinks," I said. "Oh, while you're keeping your eyes open, remember to have them pointed up. Wherever Kalona is, those gross birdboys of his will eventually show, too. No way do I think they've all suddenly disappeared."
"Okay. Yeah. Got it."
"And didn't Stark tell me that there actually was a Raven Mocker spotted in Tulsa?" I paused, trying to remember what he had said.
"Yeah, there was one seen once, but not since then."
Stevie Rae's voice sounded weird, all tight like she was having trouble talking. Hell, who could blame her? I'd basically left her holding the ball there at my House of Night. Just thinking about what she'd gone through with Jack and Damien made me feel sick.
"Hey, be careful, 'kay? I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you," I said.
"Don't worry. I'll be careful." "Good. So, sunset is in just a little over two hours.
As soon as Stark's up we'll get our stuff together and be on the first plane home," I heard myself say, even though it made my stomach feel sick.
"Oh, Z! I'm so glad! Besides needin' you back here, I've missed you so much."
I smiled into the phone. "I've missed you, too. And it'll be good to be home," I lied.
"So text me when you know what time y'all will get in. If I'm not in my coffin I'll be there to meet ya."
"Stevie Rae, you do not sleep in a coffin," I said.
"I might as well 'cause I'm seriously dead to the world when the sun's up."
"Yeah, Stark, too."
"Hey, how is your boy? Feelin' better?"
"He's good." I paused and added, "Real good, actually."
True to form, Stevie Rae's BFF radar heard between the lines. "Oh, nuh uh. Y'all did not?"
"What if I said we did?" I could feel my cheeks getting warm.
"Then I'd say a big ol' Oklahoma yee haw!"
"Well yee haw away then."
"Details. I want some serious details," she said, and then gave a giant yawn.
"You'll get details," I said. "Almost dawn there?"
"A little past, actually. I'm fadin' fast, Z."
"No problem. Get some sleep. I'll see ya soon, Stevie Rae." "Later, 'gator," she said around another yawn.
I ended the call and went over to stare at Stark where he slept like a dead guy in our canopied bed. That I was totally in love with Stark wasn't in question, but just then I would really, really have liked it if I could shake his shoulder and have him wake up like a normal guy. But I knew it would be useless to even try to get him up early. Today the sun was unusually shiny on Skye--I mean, super bright with not one speck of clouds. No way Stark would be able to communicate decently with me for--I glanced at the clock--two and a half more hours.
Well, at least that gave me time to pack and also to find the queen and break the news to her--that I was gonna leave this place that felt so right, so much like a home to me, this place that Sgiach had decided to bring back into the real world again, at least kinda sorta, because of what I'd brought back into her life.
And now I was going to take off and leave it all behind because ... My brain caught up with the babbling chaos of my thoughts and everything clicked into place.
"Because this isn't my home," I whispered. "Home is Tulsa. It's where I belong." I smiled sadly at my sleeping Guardian. "It's where we belong." I felt the rightness of it even as I understood all that was waiting for me there--and all that I was losing leaving here. "It's time I went home," I said firmly.
"Say something. Anything. Please." I'd just blurted my guts out to Sgiach and Seoras. Naturally, telling the story of Jack's horrible death had made me bawl and snot. Again. And then I'd babbled about having to go home and be a proper High Priestess even though I wasn't one hundred percent sure what that really meant, while both of them watched me silently with expressions that looked wise and unreadable at the same time.
"The death of a friend is always difficult to bear. It is doubly difficult if it comes too soon--too young," Sgiach said. "I am sorry for your loss." "Thank you," I said. "It doesn't seem real yet."
"Aye, well, it will, lass," Seoras said gently. "You should be rememberin', though, that a queen puts aside grieving fur duty. You cannae have a clear head if 'tis filled with grief."
"I don't think I'm old enough for all of this," I said.
"No one is, child," Sgiach said. "I would have you consider something before you take your leave of us. When you asked if you could remain here on Skye I said that you should stay here until your conscience bade you leave. Is it your conscience talking to you now, telling you the time is right for you to leave, or is it the machination of others that is--"
"Okay, stop," I said. "Neferet probably believes she's manipulating me into coming back, but the truth is that I have to go back to Tulsa because it's my home." I met Sgiach's eyes as I continued speaking, hoping that she would understand. "I love it here. On lots of levels it feels right to be here-- so right that it'd be easy for me to stay. But, like you've said, the path of the Goddess isn't easy--doing right isn't easy. If I stayed here and ignored my home I wouldn't just be ignoring my conscience, I'd be turning my back on it."
Sgiach nodded, looking pleased. "So your return comes from a place of power, not one of manipulation, though Neferet will not know that. She will believe that it only took one simple death to make you do her bidding."
"Jack's death isn't a simple thing," I said angrily.
"No, 'tisnae simple for you, but a creature of Darkness kills quickly, easily, and with nae thought beside her own gain," Seoras said.
"And because of that Neferet will not understand that you return to Tulsa because it was your choice to follow the path of Light and Nyx. She will underestimate you because of that," Sgiach said.
"Thank you. I'll remember that." I met Sgiach's clear, strong gaze. "You and Seoras and any of the rest of the Guardians who want to could come with me, you know. With you guys beside me there's no way Neferet could win." Sgiach's response was instantaneous. "If I left my isle the consequences of that would ripple through the High Council. We have coexisted with them peacefully for centuries because I chose to absent myself from the politics and restrictions of vampyre society. Were I to join the modern world they would not be able to continue to pretend I do not exist."
"What if that's a good thing? I mean, it seems to me it's time the High Council was shaken up, and vamp society with it. They believe Neferet and let her get away with killing people--innocent people." My voice was strong and sharp and for a moment I thought I sounded almost like a real queen.
" 'Tis not our battle, lassie," Seoras said.
"Why not? Why isn't fighting against evil your battle, too?" I rounded on Sgiach's Guardian.
"What makes you think we're not fighting evil here?" It was Sgiach who answered me. "You've been touched by the old magick since you've been here. Tell me honestly, before then had you ever felt anything like it out there in your world?"
"No, I hadn't." I shook my head slowly.
"It's fighting to keep the old ways alive we've been doing," Seoras said. "And that cannae been done in Tulsa."
"How can you be so sure?" I asked.
"Because there is no old magick left there!"
Sgiach said, almost shouting in frustration. She turned her back and paced over to the huge picture window that looked out on the sun setting into the gray-blue water that surrounded Skye. Her back was stiff with tension, her voice thick with sadness. "Out there in that world of yours, the mystical, wonderful magick of old, where the black bull was revered along with the Goddess, where the balance of male and female was respected, and where even the rocks and trees had souls, had names, has been destroyed by civilization and intolerance and forgetfulness. People today, vampyres and humans alike, believe the earth is just a dead thing that they live on--that it is somehow wrong or evil or barbaric to listen to the voices of the souls of the world, and so the heart and the nobility of an entire way of life dried up and withered away..."
"And found sanctuary here," Seoras continued when Sgiach's voice faded. He'd moved to her side. Her back was turned to me, but he faced me. Lightly, Seoras touched her shoulder and then let his fingers trail down her arm to take his queen's hand. I could see her body react to his touch. It was like through him she'd found her center. Before she turned to me, I saw her squeeze and then release his hand, and when our eyes met again she was, once more, noble and strong and calm.
"We are the last bastion of the old ways. It has been my charge for centuries to protect the ancient magicks. The land here is still sacred. By revering the black bull, and respecting his counterpart, the white bull, the old balance is maintained and there is one small place left in this world that remembers."
"Remembers?"
"Aye, remembers a time when honor meant more than self, and loyalty wasnae an option or an afterthought," Seoras said solemnly.
"But I see some of that in Tulsa. There's honor and loyalty there, too, and many of my grandma's people, the Cherokee, still respect the land."
"To some extent that might be true, but think of the grove--how you felt within it. Think of how this land speaks to you," Sgiach said. "I know you hear it. I see it in you. Have you felt anything truly like that outside my isle?"
"Yes," I said before actually thinking. "The grove in the Otherworld feels a lot like the grove across the street from the castle." Then I realized what I was saying, and Sgiach all of a sudden made sense.
"That's it, isn't it? You literally have a piece of Nyx's magick here."
"In a way. What I really have is even older than the Goddess. You see, Zoey, Nyx hasn't been lost to the world. Yet. Her masculine balance has, and I'm afraid because of that the balance between good and evil, Light and Darkness, has been lost, too." "Aye, we know it has been," Seoras corrected her gently.
"Kalona. He's part of this out-of-balance thing," I said. "It's true that he used to be Nyx's Warrior. Somehow that got out of whack, along with a bunch of other stuff when he turned up in our world, 'cause that's not where he belongs." Knowing it didn't make me feel sorry for him, or bad for him, but it did make me begin to understand the air of desperation I'd sensed so many times around him. And it was knowledge. With knowledge came power.
"So you see why it's important that I not leave my isle," Sgiach said.
"I do," I said reluctantly. "But I still think you could be wrong about there being no old magick left in the outside world. The black bull did materialize in Tulsa, remember?"
"Aye, but not until after the white bull appeared first," Seoras said.
"Zoey, I would very much like to believe that the outside world hasn't entirely destroyed the magick of old, and because of that there's something I want you to have."
Sgiach reached up and untwined a long length of silver from the mass of twinkling necklaces that dangled from around her neck. She lifted the delicate chain over her head and held it up at my eye level. Hanging from the silver was a perfectly round milk-colored stone that was smooth and soft and reminded me of a coconut-flavor Life Saver. The torches that the Warriors had begun to light flickered against the stone's surface, making it glisten, and I recognized the rock.
"It's a piece of Skye marble," I said.
"It is--a special piece of Skye marble called a seer stone. It was found more than five centuries ago by a Warrior on his Shamanic quest as he ran the Cuillin Ridge on this very island," Sgiach said.
"A Warrior on a Shamanic quest? That doesn't happen very often," I said. Sgiach smiled and her gaze went from the piece of dangling marble to Seoras. "About once every five hundred years it does."
"Aye, that's about right," Seoras said, returning her smile with an intimacy that made me feel like I should look away.
"In my opinion, once every five hundred years is more than enough for some poor Warrior dude to do the Shaman thing."
My stomach give a silly little flip-flop of pleasure at the sound of his voice and I looked from the queen and her Guardian to see Stark standing in the shadows behind the arched doorway, rumpled and squinting at what was left of the fading light in the picture window. He was wearing jeans and a T- shirt, and he looked so much like his old self that a pang of homesickness-- the first real one I'd felt since I'd returned to myself--speared through me. I'm going home. The thought had me smiling as I hurried toward Stark. Sgiach made a gesture with her hand.
The heavy drapes were drawn over the last of the sunlight, allowing Stark to step from the shadows and take me into his arms.
"Hey, I didn't think you'd be up for an hour or so," I said, hugging him tightly.
"You were upset, and that woke me up," he whispered into my ear. "Plus, I was having some majorly weird dreams."
I pulled back so I could look into his eyes. "Jack's dead."
Stark started to shake his head in denial, and then stopped, touched my cheek, and blew out a long breath. "That's what I felt. Your sadness. Z, I'm so sorry. What the hell happened?"
"Officially an accident. Really it was Neferet, but no one can prove it," I said.
"When do we leave for Tulsa?"
I smiled my thanks at him as Sgiach said, "Tonight. We can arrange for you to leave as soon as you have your bags packed and ready." "So, what's with this stone?" Stark asked, taking my hand.
Sgiach lifted it again. I was thinking how pretty it looked when it twisted gently on the chain and my gaze was pulled to the perfect circle in the center. The world narrowed and faded away around me as my entire being became focused on the hole in the stone because for an instant I caught a glimpse of the room through the hole.
The room was gone!
Fighting a wave of nauseating vertigo, I stared through the seer stone at what had looked like an undersea world. Figures floated and flitted around, all in hues of turquoise and topaz, crystal and sapphire. I thought I saw wings and fins and long, swirling cascades of drifting hair. Mermaids? Or are they sea monkeys? I have utterly lost my mind, was my last thought before I lost my battle with dizziness and ended up flat on my back on the floor.
"Zoey! Look at me! Say something!" Stark, looking completely freaked, was bent over me. He'd grabbed me by the shoulders and was currently shaking the bejeezus outta me. "Hey, stop," I said weakly, trying unsuccessfully to shove him away.
"Just let her breathe. She'll be fine in a moment," came Sgiach's uber-calm voice.
"She fainted. That's not normal," Stark said. He was still gripping my shoulders, but he had stopped rattling my brains around.
"I'm conscious and I'm right here," I said. "Help me sit up." Stark's frown said he'd rather not, but he did as I asked.
"Drink this," Sgiach held a goblet of wine under my nose that I could smell was laced heavily with blood. I grabbed it and drank deeply while she said, "And it is normal for a High Priestess to faint the first time she uses the power of a seer stone, especially if she is unprepared for it."
Feeling much better after the bloody wine (eesh, but yum), I raised my brows at her and stood up. "Couldn't you have prepared me for it?" "Aye, but then a seer stone only works for some High Priestesses, and if it hadnae worked for yu, yu'd have had yer feelins hurt, now wouldn't ya?" Seoras said.
I rubbed my backside. "I think I'd rather have risked the hurt feelings instead of the hurt butt. Okay, what the heck did I see?"
"What did it look like?" Sgiach asked.
"A weird undersea fishbowl through that little hole." I pointed in the direction of the stone, but was careful not to look at it.
Sgiach smiled. "Yes, and where have you seen beings like that before?"
I blinked in understanding, "The grove! They're water sprites."
"Indeed," Sgiach nodded.
"So it's like a magick finder?" Stark asked, giving the stone a sideways glance.
"It is, when used by a High Priestess with the right kind of power." Sgiach lifted the chain and placed it around my neck. The seer stone settled between my breasts, feeling warm like it was alive.
"This really finds magick?" I put my hand reverently over the stone.
"Only one kind," Sgiach said.
"Water magick?" I asked, confused.
"It isnea the element that matters. 'Tis the magick itself," Seoras said.
Before I could say the huh that was obviously all over my face, Sgiach explained, "A seer stone is in tune with only the most ancient of magicks: the kind I protect on my isle. I am gifting you with it so that you might, indeed, recognize the Old Ones if any still exist in the outside world." "If she finds any of that kind of magick, what should she do?" Stark asked, still giving the stone leery looks.
"Rejoice or run, depending on what you discover," Sgiach said with a wry smile.
"Mind, lass, it was the old magick that sent yur Warrior to the Otherworld, and the old magick that made him yur Guardian," Seoras said. "It hasnea been watered down by civilization."
I closed my hand around the seer stone, the memory of Seoras standing over Stark, trance-like, cutting him over and over again so that his blood ran down the ancient knotwork in the stone they called the Seol ne Gigh, the Seat of the Spirit. Suddenly I realized I was trembling. Then Stark's warm, strong hand covered mine and I looked up into his steady gaze.
"Don't worry. I'll be with you, and whether it's time to run or rejoice, we'll be together. I'll always have your back, Z."
Then, for at least that moment, I felt safe.